"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"
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Thanks for sharing
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Thank you for sharing!!! What a great read!0
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thanks for posting this article! great read!0
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Great. So true. Thought about all she said in my lifetime. So stupid that a layer of fat should affect how others treat you ever. It's sickening. I can understand not being attracted even, but to ridicule and do so many of the things this lady talked about. Crazy. Good article.0
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Thank you for sharing that, people can be so cruel.0
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That was an amazing read thanks for sharing x0
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Thank you for sharing that article, it was great!0
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Is this really a surprise to people who lose a lot of weight? Even when I gained weight after my knee surgery, I just told myself how disgusting I was until I got into shape. There can't be people out there who don't think this way. You may say let's not judge by the outside, but it shows more than just the outside. It shows a lack of foresight, a lack of determination, and a lack of self respect. When people lose weight they aren't treated better just for being thinner but for the desirable personality traits it shows.0
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“And I was hilarious, *****y and sexually brash, defense mechanisms mastered by fat women and gay men everywhere.†and “when men who enjoy sleeping with you over and over again fail to want to date you†really hit home for me. I mean REALLY hit home. It’s hard to see that written down like it was sucked out of the secret hiding place in your brain and put on display for all to see. I thank the moon and the stars that my husband met and married me when I was heavy, still thought I was sexy at my heaviest, and is now feeling like a kid in a candy story now that I’m 73 lbs down and only 27 from goal.
I agree with the writer’s outrage at having to conform to an often impossible standard in order to achieve a modicum of success and respect in this gods forsaken society. Above all, I agree with her desire to want to stay fat on the inside, to never forget, to never look down on another, to never be the reason someone else cries.0 -
This reminds me of the short story I read in an English class, I'm not sure which one. It was entitled "The Fat Girl." If you haven't read it, I definitely recommend it! Great article, thank you for sharing.0
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Bump for later0
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Is this really a surprise to people who lose a lot of weight? Even when I gained weight after my knee surgery, I just told myself how disgusting I was until I got into shape. There can't be people out there who don't think this way. You may say let's not judge by the outside, but it shows more than just the outside. It shows a lack of foresight, a lack of determination, and a lack of self respect. When people lose weight they aren't treated better just for being thinner but for the desirable personality traits it shows.
yeah.
plus people are nicer to people they want to have sex with.0 -
Sad but true statements. I am wanting to loose 100+ and have tried to make that loud print tent look fashionable and only feel like nothing. I feel like I am on the right track now and have been avidly working at this for 3 weeks and feeling better inside even if its not showing yet on the outside.0
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bump0
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This is a great article. I concur completely. Granted, I was a normal weight for most of my life, then became obese for the past two years. But I've also felt both sides of this anti-fat prejudice.0
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This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.
For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...
I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.
A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.
The world changed completely.
Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.
My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.
...
Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.
As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.
Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.
Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive
The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.
The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.
It's a messy world out there.
Thanks to the OP of this thread and to you for both posting the article and posting a very real POV, both were very insightful reads and I appreciate it very much. Probably the best thing I'll read today.0 -
Beautifully written. Thank s for sharing.0
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I was thinking about this just the other day too. I don't think it's that "fat" people have to mistrust everyone who is now nice to them but after having someone slam the door in my face yesterday I did have to wonder if he is purposely rude to everyone or if I were thinner would he have held the door for me? Will the guys who promise to call now and never do actually call when I'm thinner? More importantly, will I even want them to? I hope to say no, that I only want someone who will love me no matter how I look, or what size I am, but it's a world for the thin and everyone (at some point) wants to fit in and be wanted and loved. I think that's just human nature. Hopefully, I'll be able to weed the good from the bad and keep quality friends and relationships. Thank you so much for posting. I'm not explaining myself well, I'll probably have to rethink this...0
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great read.. second time i came across an article on this site that summed up my overweight life in a couple paragraphs. thanks for posting.0
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That article hits home with me also. I once was 30 pounds heavier than I am now and I see the difference, even though I am not skinny yet. When I would go running, people would jeer at me throught their car windows and make fun of me. now, 30 pounds lighter, i have people tell me to keep going that I am doing good. Other runners acknowledge me when we run past each other. I even had an incident the other day while running where a man tried to get me to come over to his car by telling me he liked my running pants and wanted me to come over so he could look at them. All I could think is that he could see them from the car. I ignored him and he finally drove off but if I had gone over to the car, I probably would have been raped. This is a far cry from how it used to be. I even catch myself looking at other fat people and thinking that if they only lost weight, they wouldbe happier, or thinking that Uugh, that person is sooooo fat, why can't they just do something about it. I even see people who are big that are using those hover chairs or using walkiers and think that if they lost weight, they wouldn't need to be using the chair or using the wallker. I know this is wrong to think that way. Our society is so tuned into the thin and pretty from all the magazine pictures that when we see someone who is not the ideal size we get this mentality that this is bad. We on't stop to think that they may have some illness that makes it difficult if not impossible to lose weight. They may have something woring with their legs, back, or something else that keeps them from being a healthy weight. this article opened my eyes to what I think about other people who are fatter than I am. I hope that this will do the same for others.0
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all of this is so true, I really like how you tied everything together. Also, how terrible is it that your "feminist" friends started judging you and treating you poorly based on your looks... seems to me like that goes completely against the core ideals of feminism!This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.
For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...
I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.
A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.
The world changed completely.
Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.
My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.
...
Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.
As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.
Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.
Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive
The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.
The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.
It's a messy world out there.0 -
Great post and great conversations around it! Thanks! I work in the tech. industry. Oddly enough, one of my inital challenges to losing weight was knowing that I was taken MORE seriously as a heavy (and pretty frumpy) girl. When I lost weight, grew out my hair, and started to wear contacts, there was a significant number of situations where I was treated like a silly little girl. "Odd?! Last year you took my advice very seriously." It's weird. Apparently, there's a bias that a thin pretty girl can't also be smart. People are weird. 0
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Aren't we all the same inside? I just have a little more insulation than some.
In my house we call this "Good for Hugging"
No one wants to hug a stick! 0 -
I can't say anything but thank you.0
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all of this is so true, I really like how you tied everything together. Also, how terrible is it that your "feminist" friends started judging you and treating you poorly based on your looks... seems to me like that goes completely against the core ideals of feminism!
the core idea of feminism is to act all b!tchy... usually about whatever someone else is getting that you want.
it often is confused with the concept of equal-rights.. something im for...
but feminists are b!tchy.
(and if anyone wants to go off topic and debate on this, be prepared for me to make nothing but condescending joke comments, mostly involving the kitchen and household chores)0 -
Thank you for sharing. What a great read, it brought tears to my eyes.
In the past few years I have become a much more open-minded person. Before that, not so much. I was very judgmental of people, fat people included. I would never openly make fun of them or say anything, but in my head, yeah, I thought I was better than them somehow. Like, I'm in shape, how hard can it be? I know now that that style of thinking was so wrong. Everyone is different and some people just struggle with weight, be it from genetics, the lifestyle in which they were raised, etc.
Reading things like this really makes me reflect on how I used to be and it makes me feel ashamed. I'm so glad I've opened my eyes these past few years and learned to accept people for who they are, not how they look. I have friends here on MFP who are some of the most amazing people ever, and yeah sure some of them are overweight. So what? They're sweet, funny, and all around awesome - basically examples of the kind of person I want to be.
Sorry for the randomly long response here but this article just made me do a lot of thinking. Thank you.0 -
It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!
Sadly, it is NOT the only forms of abuse left. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness which caused a great deal of my weight gain and not only experienced shaming, social isolation, medical abuse/malpractice, because of both my diagnosis and weight. People are incredible cruel and it almost cost. Me my life. I have only lost 9.5 lbs so far, and already, I am seeing a difference in how ppl. Treat me....it is a sad commentary on our society when we forget that all human life is valuable no matter what package it comes in.
Thanks for posting this article.0 -
Wow, I had a similar experience and feel the same way. Whenever I get a smaller portion or order healthy food around people who didn't know me "before" they always make comments about the contents of my plate. Once an addict, always an addict and I am very aware of what and how I eat. I just shake my head and say "I use to be 306 lbs, and I don't intend to return to that place so yeah, I've decided to eat this". I still see a FAT girl in the mirror but I think that image keeps me focused!0
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Thank you for sharing. What a great read, it brought tears to my eyes.
In the past few years I have become a much more open-minded person. Before that, not so much. I was very judgmental of people, fat people included. I would never openly make fun of them or say anything, but in my head, yeah, I thought I was better than them somehow. Like, I'm in shape, how hard can it be? I know now that that style of thinking was so wrong. Everyone is different and some people just struggle with weight, be it from genetics, the lifestyle in which they were raised, etc.
Reading things like this really makes me reflect on how I used to be and it makes me feel ashamed. I'm so glad I've opened my eyes these past few years and learned to accept people for who they are, not how they look. I have friends here on MFP who are some of the most amazing people ever, and yeah sure some of them are overweight. So what? They're sweet, funny, and all around awesome - basically examples of the kind of person I want to be.
Sorry for the randomly long response here but this article just made me do a lot of thinking. Thank you.
Good for you. Many people never get it or accept responsibility for their actions. Thank you.0 -
I hope I always stay fat on the inside, too.0
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