Need mens honest thoughts

A woman that cares about her health is attractive. One that seems to have 'let herself go' isn't. Men react the way they do to your physiology, because it's an in-built instinct to seek a healthy mate to have your children.

Well, I am a girl but I find this interesting because I was having lunch with my old roommate the other day and HE (no we never dated strictly friends) asked me how he should go about getting his wife to lose weight. At first I was going to give him absolute $H!% because his wife is lovely, maybe honestly only about 10 lbs overweight if any ( I have no idea how much she weighs, but she looks to be a size 8-10 and about 5'6.) But he interrupted my potential tirade, by prefacing it with a story about his ex who was thin when they married and gained 6 dress sizes in a few years, so he wasn't unhappy with her then, but was freaked out she would get much larger. He has also seen her mother who is VERY large, so he has some merit.

I do think men equate ladies trying to look their best with love, like gaining weight is a symbol of lack of caring when in reality as ladies know we just feel 'comfortable' or we call it 'happy weight'. LOL! OH! Or we are busy trying to cook nice meals for him, so instead of our single days of eating a just sandwich or cereal for dinner we eat a nice pasta dinner or steak with our man!

BTW, I told him if he was worried about it (he is a nice guy he wouldn't like divorce her over fat, actually his last marriage ended because chubby wife CHEATED on him) he should recommend they get healthy together. Under the guise of eating out less, going on evening walks and being in optimal shape for the baby they are trying for.

I dont think this guy is necessarily a jerk, maybe he just didnt know how to go about it the right way...

Listen, I fantasize about models, actresses, etc. I have a thing for tall curvaceous redheads, skinny black women, short Asian girls and, for some reason, slightly butch lesbians. Bottom line here is that no woman on earth is going to satisfy all my sexual fantasies - there are just too many types I like. So I stick with the woman I love. She's not perfect, physically, or even perfect mentally, but she's pretty great and I love her madly.

First of all, I am a man. I find it funny that in the topics that say " Women, I need an opinion" that mostly men answer, and in "Men, I need an honest opinion" mostly women answer.

You asked for HONEST thoughts. Here is the deal. If you love a woman, you love her. HOWEVER, it doesn't mean you always find her attractive. And that may not have to do with weight. If the men are honest, they will tell you, if the woman you love has a favorite dress that he thinks is hideous, he most likely won't tell you. If you are being *****y and mean or are being unreasonable, he won't tell you, but you are not attractive at that moment. He still loves you.
Something you may not realize, is that when you stress about your weight, even if you are doing something about it, you become less attractive because you are not seeing yourself as attractive. That self projection can be huge, and not something he can put his finger on.
Now, the cold hard truth is, you are not as attractive at 250 lbs as you are at 150 lbs. (for most women). I am not as attractive at 425 lbs (where I started) as I will be at 300 lbs or less. Does that mean he loves you less? NO. But loving someone and being turned on by them is not always the same. And the turn offs don't have to be anything as direct as weight, although it can be. Anyone that believes he should love me however I am, is right. However, anyone that believes another person should be turned on by them (women or men) regardless of weight or appearance or attitude may be kidding themselves.

Now, before you flame on with unreasonable rants.... appearance, in the eye of the beholder, changes as the depth of a relationship grows. I have seen beautiful looking women that I lost all interest in as soon as they started talking. I dated a woman in New Orleans that, the first time I met her was when she was woken up at 2 am to come give us a ride. In her pajamas, hair askew, and she was at least 40 lbs, and honestly more like 60 lbs overweight. I was in shape back in those day....ahhhh. But I got to know her and we dated for 2 years. Her weight was never an issue, after I got to know her. Two years after she left me for an old boyfriend I saw her at about 150 lbs overweight, and I don't know, if I had still been with her, if I could have let her get that heavy without saying anything. (I obviously allowed myself to get there and probably should have had something said to me.) But the motivation would have been more about health than looks. More interested when a woman is at optimum weight AND health, of course. But NOT uninterested because of some weight.

You don't look all that big or heavy.

Those are my honest thoughts.

hi, i have gained 50lb since having my 2 children and my husband loves me for who i am inside, i think you need to talk to him about how you feel..

Listen, I fantasize about models, actresses, etc. I have a thing for tall curvaceous redheads, skinny black women, short Asian girls and, for some reason, slightly butch lesbians. Bottom line here is that no woman on earth is going to satisfy all my sexual fantasies - there are just too many types I like. So I stick with the woman I love. She's not perfect, physically, or even perfect mentally, but she's pretty great and I love her madly.

My wife's Great-Grandma Used to say "I don't care where he get his appetite as longs as he comes home for dinner".

Your situation hit a nerve with me. I am in a similar fix. My wife told me about 10 years ago that I had let myself go and she was not physically attracted to me. I was deeply offended. She used the phrase, "I am repulsed by your appearance."

On the surface this is an indication to me of really superficial feelings. But she's stuck with me for these last 10 years while I never really made any progress or got traction with attempts at lifestyle changes. I've given her plenty of reasons to leave, but she's stayed, so I know she loves me. But she doesn't want to jump my bones....

SO now I am on MFP and joined a gym and trying to be accountable to demonstrate my commitment to change. I figure I better get back in shape and have some kind of abs while there is still a bone to jump. Time is running out....

In all of these years we have used family and marriage counseling and it is a good investment.

I've been in a very similar situation myself.. My boyfriend kept hinting about me losing weight which is one of the reasons why I started this journey (wrong reasons I know).

You need to ask yourself a few questions..

1. What size were you when you first started dating?

I was at my biggest when my boyfriend had the courage to tell me he'd had a thing for me for the last 2 years, that kinda tells me a lot.. If he fell in love with me at my biggest then all I've done is make it better for him

2. Who are you losing weight for?

I started doing it for him but now its for me.

3. Have you asked him why he wants you to lose weight?

I finally asked my boyfriend why he was pushing my weightloss and he said he wanted me to be healthy so we can have a family and a great future together.

4. You said he seemed more interested sexually when you'd lost a little weight.. Ever thought it was because you felt more confident?

Confidence = sexy. Sexy = bedroom time.

I understand exactly where you're coming from, you automatically point the blame at yourself if something doesn't seem right.. But its not necessarily that way.

Take a step back and I'm sure you'll see his true intentions are to make you a happier/healthier person. If you think he wants a tiny stick for a partner then you have the wrong bloke.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope he's wanting it for the right reasons :flowerforyou:

In my opinion your husband is concerned with your health and wants to be with you forever. Us men don't communicate well but I got the message. If he wanted to leave he would have already. I lost 50 pounds so I can be there for my daughter. It was the best decision I made.

When I need guidance on women's issues I don't seek advice from a man. I go to a women who advice I respect.

Ladies stop hating on us men!!

Just focus on your health and the pounds will come off!!

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This is not a male-only attribute. One of the reasons I was motivated to get back in shape is because being a fat man makes it very difficult to date.

agreed. i find women are pickier than men are actually. you will rarely see a skinny woman with a big man but it is more common to see a skinny man with a large woman. this isnt gender specific, its human conditioning and while we may not like that looks matter....they do. otherwise peacocks would strut their feathers and apes would pound their chest to show their strength. should looks matter? nope. but this is the natural order of selection. The healthiest strongest (which is asthetically pleasing to look at) is the way to ensure survival of humans. Its ingrained in us. but having said that....your husband is a jerk. he should love you and motivate you because he wants you healthy. your beautiful and he needs to buck up or he may just lose you to a man who sees all of your beauty