"I'm never getting married again."

Psh....marriage is just a government-issued piece of paper. If they love each other, why do they need a tax statement to prove it?

Exactly what I was thinking. You don't need a piece of paper to make the relationship work.

I write this on behalf of my girlfriend... I have a biased opinion, so why not throw it out to random strangers:)

27 year old man (Johnny) married for 5 or 6 years. Divorced Oct 2010.

Johnny has now been dating Jane nearly 1.5 years. He told Jane he doesn't want to get married ever again, initially. Then after getting more serious with her, said he would marry her, just not anytime soon.

Last night, Johnny makes the public declaration amongst friends he will never ever get married again, and he will never pay off another woman's debt.... This, in front of Jane (who is going with the understanding he intends to marry her at some point).

What would you do if you were Jane? She is truly in love with him and would be heartbroken to end it. They are a very strong couple with this being the only glaring issue. She believes she is worthy of a man making a commitment to her - in the terms of marriage.

Let the opinions fly

If you're together and happy why do you need to be married? I'd stay, it's not everyday you find someone that you love.

If they want different things in life (her: to be married, him: not to be) then she has to decide if it's that big of an issue. If she can live with him knowing that marriage isn't in their future then fine. If she's of the belief that she deserves a man that will do everything in his power to give her what she wants then she needs to break up with him and cut her losses.
I believe that everyone deserves someone who loves them enough to try to give them what they want. Good luck to your friend.

What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

I completely disagree, there are many couples who live a happy, fulfilled life together without getting married. A piece of paper is not that important to some people

She needs to decide if marriage is important to her or not. Many people can be in long-lasting committed relationships without ever having that piece of paper that says they are married.

If it is important to her, then she needs to end the relationship and find a person who values the same things. If she feels like she could spend her life with him without actually being married, then there's no reason to end a good thing. However, making a statement like that in front of her and his friends is really just kind of rude.

She basically needs to decide if not getting married is a deal breaker. If it is, then she needs to end it and move on.

Agree with this 100%

I feel bad more for her for the fact that he pretty much made an *kitten* out of her infront of all his friends. She should talk to him and say if thats how he feels then they disagree and she thought he changed his mind. If thats the case she should ask so you would never marry me? And if the answer is then NO, she should tell him she needs someone who is willing to make a committment and see what his response is. If it changes or if he doesn't want her to leave she should stay.

I met a guy who was divorced and didn't want to get married two years in he changed his mind. It happens. I think the level of disrespect he made from calling their relationship out is the worst part of everything.

that was my husbands mentality before he met me :blushing:

I was also a divorced mother of two toddlers and I swore i would never marry again. however, i made an exception, just as my hubby did-and we were married a year after we met. We are coming to our 9th yr anniversary next month.

It has taken me 20 years post divorce to decide to try again. If she really wants to be married and he doesn't she will eventually resent him and the time she has wasted waiting for him to change his mind. She needs to face that he doesn't want to get married and then decide what she really wants.

First of all, she needs to decide if she can live her life on his terms. If she can, she needs to tell him so, BUT also tell him that finding out he changed his mind about eventually marrying her in the manner she did was disappointing, and that any issues in their relationship have to be discussed with each other directly in private, and not in three party conversations. (I suspect that he purposely did this publicly so he wouldn't have to "have that conversation...".

If she can not live life on his terms (and I for one could not...), then she needs to tell him so and break up. As tempting as it is to "mention" this in a three way conversation the way he did the never getting married comment , it would be more mature to handle this in private. Perhaps they can "remain friends", and if she is in the same place when he has truly healed, no bridges will be burned. If she is not in the same place, at least she won't have the emotional baggage of a relationship which ended badly while in a different relationship.

What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

it is not EVERY girls dream to get married... I have never dreamed of being married. I could be quite content in bieng with someone forever without a piece of paper telling me I am commited to them.


To the OP, I would sit the guy down and talk to him first and find out WHY he said he would eventually marry me and then turn around and say that to a group of people we are friends with while I was sitting there. IF he says he doesn't want to marry her and she is set on being married to someone eventually she should end the relationship no matter how much she loves him and how great they are together - no point in being unhappy for the rest of your life.

Does she want him more than she wants to be married?

^^^THIS THIS THIS!!!

if they don't have the same goals-its a waste of time!

Are they comfortable with farting in front of each other? If so, they should talk like two grown adults and find out where they stand.

Why is he paying off her debt?

When you get married, your debt is also now his debt.

When you get divorced, you get half of the overall debt. If in the instance one person arrived with most of the debt, the other person leaves the marriage with half of it.

I did not realize this and it doesn't even make sense. If I married, then divorced, why would my ex-husband have to take on half the student loan debt I accrued before we even met?

But a prenup should take care of that, right? His debt is his upon divorce, hers belongs to her? Otherwise, yeah, I can see the guy's point.

This is a hard one... people say things they don't really mean ALL the time.

If I were Jane, I would talk to Johnny. Explain to him how his public declaration made me feel. I would LISTEN carefully to his response. If he truly does not want to get married ever, then that will come out in his response.

If Jane wants to get married and can not continue the relationship without the promise of a future marriage, then it is time to move on.

Too many women in Jane's situation hang on hoping that Johnny will come around, and they waste years of their life (child-bearing years).

Sad situation for Jane, but better to move on now than continue down a road that ends like this after possibly wasting lots of time.:sad: