"I'm never getting married again."

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  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
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    Does she want him more than she wants to be married?

    ^^^THIS THIS THIS!!!
  • Meliklotz
    Meliklotz Posts: 66 Member
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    Leave his sorry *kitten* now. She is young and he is bitter and will never change. You can't change narrowmindedness. She can find happiness elsewhere.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    if they don't have the same goals-its a waste of time!
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
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    when someone shows you their true self, believe them.

    if he says NEVER getting married again, take that as fact.

    if she is ok with that, fine. if not, she needs to move on, and NOW.
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
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    Are they comfortable with farting in front of each other? If so, they should talk like two grown adults and find out where they stand.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I can certainly understand his point of view. I have been divorced ten years and am still paying for it while my ex wife got happily remarried and I'm still paying some of her bills.

    Marriage is a giant gamble for men. You hate it? So do I. Next time one of your girlfriends is laughing about how she took her ex to the bank, taint-slap her because she's contributing to why many men don't want round 2 after going through it once.

    Just saying... "Marriage is a giant gamble for men" is a horrible blanket statement. I'm divorced, with a 5 year old, and paid off HIS debt, and have never, ever, received a dime from him for child or spousal support.

    The "man" doesn't always end up with the raw end of the deal...

    And I'm willing to do it all over again should I meet someone that wants to get married. Personally, I think I could take it or leave it at this point, though.

    But that's beside the point... that's not what Jane wants.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Why is he paying off her debt?

    When you get married, your debt is also now his debt.

    When you get divorced, you get half of the overall debt. If in the instance one person arrived with most of the debt, the other person leaves the marriage with half of it.

    I did not realize this and it doesn't even make sense. If I married, then divorced, why would my ex-husband have to take on half the student loan debt I accrued before we even met?

    But a prenup should take care of that, right? His debt is his upon divorce, hers belongs to her? Otherwise, yeah, I can see the guy's point.
  • ladykaisa
    ladykaisa Posts: 236 Member
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    My guy was the same way.


    I'd say have a heart to heart. It could have been just a "stupid man" moment. Or maybe he doesn't understand why this means so much to Jane. I mean, my guy didn't see the point of getting married, said he didn't want to, and always said "someday" when I asked when he was going to ask me to marry him.

    I ended up proposing to him. He said yes. Why? Because he loves me, and we know we're not going anywhere from eachother. The day really means not a whole bunch more then a big party for us. We're not basing the day on "the start of the rest of our lives" or anything. We've had 7 years. This is just another day, a fun day, in our journey together.

    Even as an engaged woman, I've never understood why THIS is a dealbreaker. You're in a loving, committed relationship, and you realize you're meant for eachother.... the piece of paper isn't gonna change that. Most places give equal rights to common law couples now.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
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    This is a hard one... people say things they don't really mean ALL the time.

    If I were Jane, I would talk to Johnny. Explain to him how his public declaration made me feel. I would LISTEN carefully to his response. If he truly does not want to get married ever, then that will come out in his response.

    If Jane wants to get married and can not continue the relationship without the promise of a future marriage, then it is time to move on.

    Too many women in Jane's situation hang on hoping that Johnny will come around, and they waste years of their life (child-bearing years).

    Sad situation for Jane, but better to move on now than continue down a road that ends like this after possibly wasting lots of time.:sad:
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
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    He's a coward. Instead of discussing it with her, he let it be known in a crowd, thus hopefully avoiding an argument. It's easy to call him a loser, but that might not be necessarily true. He may have led her on...she may have misinterpreted him.

    She'll have to decide at this point how important the relationship is.

    I am cracking up at the immediate dump him responses. We have become a giant Jerry Springer show.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    I'm of the opinion that I would never marry again either. However,...if my husband (2 years separated) was of the same mind-set when I met him? I would have dropped him like a hot potato because our goals would not have been the same from the very beginning.
  • MoreThanMommie
    MoreThanMommie Posts: 597 Member
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    Are they comfortable with farting in front of each other? If so, they should talk like two grown adults and find out where they stand.

    ^This!!
  • sarabooth11
    sarabooth11 Posts: 3 Member
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    i went thru this with my boyfriend. he did ask me to marry him eventually, so I did get my happy ending.
    However, it wasn't always that way. He always said that we won't get married ever. I had to really stand back and evaluate my relationship with him. Did I love him enough to stay with him? Did I feel he loved me enough? Could I picture leaving him and being with someone else? I loved him more then I loved anyone and could not picture myself without him. He is the one I want to spend my life with.
    Yes, i wanted him to love me enough to make that commitment to me, but I loved him enough to stay with him, even if he didnt want to marry me. I knew how much he loved me in return.
    Eventually, after 5 years, he did propose and we're currently planning our wedding.
  • ladykaisa
    ladykaisa Posts: 236 Member
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    Does she want him more than she wants to be married?

    ^^^THIS THIS THIS!!!

    ^^^^^
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

    I completely disagree, there are many couples who live a happy, fulfilled life together without getting married. A piece of paper is not that important to some people

    I also disagree. to say its every girls dream is a way to lump every women together. And even though I am very happily married, it was never a dream of mine, not to mention i never even thought i would want to or find the right guy. Might i also mention that it was the hubs want to get married, not mine, that put us into the system as a couple. Also, its not easy to be married and now we are finding a few more perks in a legal aspect as "singles" then we do being "married".
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Found this on a legal site:

    Removing a spouse's liability. Couples in community property states can sign an agreement with each other to have their debts and income treated separately. Signing a pre- or postnuptial agreement like this can make sense for a couple before one spouse goes into business. (But if you're already in business, signing an agreement now won't protect your spouse from liability for business debts that you already owe, only from liability for future business debts.)

    You can also sign an agreement with a particular store, lender, or supplier, stating that the creditor will look solely to your separate property for repayment of any debt, essentially removing your spouse's liability for any obligation or debt from the contract -- if you can get the other party to agree.
  • ThaRealNicki
    ThaRealNicki Posts: 328 Member
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    Me and my guy have been togetherfor amost 5 years engaged almost the entire time. We are in no rush to actually get married, And im ok with that, We dont have to get married at all in fact! We share everything and live as a married couple already, we have engagement rings but I think its more important for me and him to know that the best part about our realtionship is its only him keeping me here and its only me keeping him here, not because we're married
  • jaxCarrie
    jaxCarrie Posts: 214 Member
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    I think a serious discussion with boyfriend needs to happen. If he has no intention of marrying her, and this is what she is looking for, then it's time to say so long and move on.

    ^^this....if marriage is important to her and she wants to be Mrs. Johnny then they need to discuss it. If he's still opposed (as he made clear in front of her and their friends) then move on and find someone who can fulfill that desire.
  • Meisterberger
    Meisterberger Posts: 24
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    Just wanted to say "Hi, I'm Jane"...




    ...please continue chatting on about my life:)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Hard choice, but if marriage is what she wants, then it is time to move on.

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