"I'm never getting married again."
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If he feels that way, projects it onto all women, hes not even ready to be in a relationship again.
It will take him a long time to trust again, and if he doesn't trust, then whats the point. He has major issues, its very obvious by the 3 lines you wrote abt him.0 -
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Just wanted to say "Hi, I'm Jane"...
...please continue chatting on about my life:)
Hi lover
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FYI since I'm Jane:
- I've told him I'll sign a prenup. I'm not in it for his money or anything that he stands to gain when his parents die.
- I'm worth it to be someone's wife. I'm not going to be someone's girlfriend when I'm 50 years old.
- My bf is an *kitten*. Plain and simple.0 -
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Just wanted to say "Hi, I'm Jane"...
...please continue chatting on about my life:)
Hi lover
I've never wanted to punch and make out with someone so intensely in my life as I do right now.0 -
okay. im so johnny. i have done this to my boyfriend several times. i tell him that i will never get married again (bad first marriage) and then i tell him how much i want to be with him forever and that i want to get married. he is on a roller coaster of emotions. does he love her? yes. does he want to marry her? yes. is he afaird that he is going to get his heart broken in ten thousand little pieces and he will never be able to put it back together? yes. i think he needs time. a lot of time. he hasn't even been divorced for 2 years.0
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perhaps he is doing his part in protecting the sanctity of marriage...
yes... that was sarcasm.0 -
I can certainly understand his point of view. I have been divorced ten years and am still paying for it while my ex wife got happily remarried and I'm still paying some of her bills.
Marriage is a giant gamble for men. You hate it? So do I. Next time one of your girlfriends is laughing about how she took her ex to the bank, taint-slap her because she's contributing to why many men don't want round 2 after going through it once.
Just saying... "Marriage is a giant gamble for men" is a horrible blanket statement. I'm divorced, with a 5 year old, and paid off HIS debt, and have never, ever, received a dime from him for child or spousal support.
The "man" doesn't always end up with the raw end of the deal...
And I'm willing to do it all over again should I meet someone that wants to get married. Personally, I think I could take it or leave it at this point, though.
But that's beside the point... that's not what Jane wants.
Stereotypes exist for a reason. It may be a horrible blanket statement but typically it is the "man" that gets the raw end of the deal. Yes women can in rare cases get stuck with the debt and the alimony and the child support but for every one woman I know that has to pay this (and yes I know a couple) I know a dozen guys facing the same thing.0 -
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You'd be surprised how quickly a "well you have a lot of student loan debt, so I think it'd be best if we sign a prenuptial agreement" turns into "YOU DON'T THINK OUR MARRIAGE WILL LAST! WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!!!" fight lol
Maybe I would be surprised, but then again, I'm a person with student loan debt, and I know it wouldn't bother me to make sure my debt stayed my own problem and not someone elses, so given that, I have a hard time seeing this from another side.
Okay, maybe if someone was very young and didn't want to open her eyes and see how many marriages that start out good end in divorce.
To those young idealists, I have this to say: Being practical does not ruin the romance, but being impractical sure as heck can ruin your life.
Anyway, assuming the OP is a real situation, I'd bet any amount of money that a prenup won't resolve it, the guy sounds like he's hanging on to this girl but has an eye to a future with someone he hasn't met yet. Guys like that aren't worth a minute of a woman's time, and women like that aren't worth a minute of a man's time, unless you're both happily in it for the moment together.0 -
What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?
Absolutely not true. Not ever little girl dreams of a big fancy wedding and dress, I actually never dreamed about that stuff. Getting married to my bf would be nice, but I'm happy the way things are so it's not that big of a deal to me if we never get legally married. There is no difference in my lifestyle and what it would be like if we were married except the fact that we'd have the same last name. That's about it. Oh, and we'd inherit each other's debt lol
this. i have also haven't been planning my wedding since i was 5! to me there is no point really. i was married, well still technically i suppose, for 4 years. we mutually agreed it wasn't working out, there was no real big fights. i have been dating during the seperation, and i think he'd like to marry me, but i don't have my hopes up. i'd probably just do it to make him happy because if i said no that'd probably be the end of it.
ah, and the guy was probably just saying it to look cool in front of his bros.0 -
Well I think Jane is awesome and hot and he better be smart because if he's not careful...0
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People say dumb *kitten* - she should probably have a private talk with him about their feelings and the progression of the relationship. IMO marriage isn't necessary for a long, happy life together, but it's really important to some people. If he's not open to the idea that he may some day grow to love her so much that he would throw out his "never" and marry her, then maybe she needs to decide what is more important, the marriage or the relationship. And whether or not this guy's willingness to set hard and fast rules is going to bleed over in to other things that might complicate the relationship too.
After my divorce I swore I'd never marry again - swore I'd never live with a man again. And well, Even though I said "never" ... I ended up meeting someone and growing to love them so incredibly much, that you all know I'm getting married again in a couple months.0 -
THIS!!!!She started dating him knowing he didn't want to remarry.
He changed his mind, he can change it again.
If she loves him, and he loves her, does it really matter if they marry?
If they're a "strong" couple, they can come to aan agreement/understanding.
She is free to change her mind on whether she wants to continue in the relationship.
He is talking legalities, she is talking commitment. Those aren't necessarily the same thing.0 -
I do not feel that marriage is required in modern life. If they are going to stay together they will, if they are not meant to be together then they wont be.
I dont see me ever getting married in a huge fancy service, id get married in a register office with no guests and a store bought dress thats my idea of a wedding, I want a marriage personally not bothered about the service but I am 20 and have been with my OH for 5 years but at this rate well never tie the knot as its not even on teh cards0 -
Well I think Jane is awesome and hot and he better be smart because if he's not careful...
You are wise.0 -
dump his *kitten*0
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For some it's a deal breaker because they want the traditional view of a relationship. It could also be a deal breaker because he said he wouldn't, then decided he would...eventually, now he's back to never. She'll never know where he's going.
However, if she loves the idea of a wedding but is happy overall with the relationship and having a commitment then maybe a having a ceremony without all the legal ties could be an option.
There's also the possibility of other issues: Kids? Buying a home together? Do they want the same things in life outside of their views on marriage?
In some states if you're together long enough you're considered married and that includes tax returns. If he agrees to the whole package -house, kids, community property, whatever else they discuss- and she's fine with all of it except the piece of paper then stay and just hope he stops acting like an *kitten* when he's around his friends.0 -
What are her reasons for wanting marriage so badly? Having kids? Pressure from parents/family? Religious beliefs? The grass is always greener on the other side. Being married has it's certain advantages, being single has others. She needs to consider her true reasoning behind pushing for marriage, and if that title is worth losing someone forever that she apparently doesn't ever wish to part from at the present...0
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I've never wanted to punch and make out with someone so intensely in my life as I do right now.Just wanted to say "Hi, I'm Jane"...
...please continue chatting on about my life:)
Hi lover
I know... you love me. But why not get some other opinions? Take it with a grain of salt and make up your own mind You love the *kitten* that he is, but you also want marriage. So, which is the trump card? 0 -
Well I think Jane is awesome and hot and he better be smart because if he's not careful...
Jane, and I... love you ;-P0 -
If she says she is worthy of lifelong commitment of being married then she needs to let her actions speak louder than words and dump him.
Divorce is hard I understand his statement. I said it myself 20 years ago. However, it didn't last. I remarried 7 years later but after a lot of recovery and healing. Married going on 13 years in June.
If I was her I would move on and find a guy that is going to commit.0 -
What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?
it is definitely not every girl's dream. people change. half of marriages fail. other than tax benefits, there's really no point! unless there are children involved... then, because of the society we live in, it may be easier for them socially to have 2 parents who are committed to one another, whether or not that involves a legal marriage.
That being said, I like to think that i will get married someday. I just realize that it's not for everyone!0 -
That was very hurtful to Jane.... she doesn't deserve that. It's obvious he doesn't want a commitment, you CANNOT change people.... people can change, only if they want to change!!! It's time to move on, Jane deserves the best. Good luck girl (;0
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I work in a male dominated career, I hear ALLOT of the really not nice things the guys say about their wives and girlfriends. BUT, I have found a whole slew of men who really really want to be married! I have met men who cry on a weekly bases because they cant find their wife! Men who are tuned inside out that their wives are going astray! Men who are preparing their homes and hate going back to it because they don't have a wife in it! I recently married one of these men. He gave me one of his diaries. Where he was writing letters to his future wife back in 2002!!!!!! (I am sorry to say that at that time I was going with a man for 6 years who confessed to me he had slept with 17 other women while being 'with' me. And the list goes on) POINT of the story: If you want one man to be your husband- FIND THAT MAN! And don't break your future husband's heart by giving 10 men along the way a piece of your body. I have names and numbers,,,,,,,,,,0
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Dump him, he's a waste of time.0
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i dont see the point of marriage really, its a piece of paper. maybe a while ago it meant something so much more but people just get married and divorced so often it seems worthless.
if they are exclusive to each other, and good together, whats wrong with keeping it how it is? what makes it a waste of time if hes not looking for anyone else but knows that shes the one for him?
u could find some guy willing to marry you, but he might treat you like ur a doormat.0 -
She needs to decide if marriage is important to her or not. Many people can be in long-lasting committed relationships without ever having that piece of paper that says they are married.
If it is important to her, then she needs to end the relationship and find a person who values the same things. If she feels like she could spend her life with him without actually being married, then there's no reason to end a good thing. However, making a statement like that in front of her and his friends is really just kind of rude.
She basically needs to decide if not getting married is a deal breaker. If it is, then she needs to end it and move on.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^NIcely said.0 -
- My bf is an *kitten*. Plain and simple.
Hence why so many say move on.
BTW... sorry he 'announced' that in front of your friends without discussing it with you. I think I would have dumped him for that reason alone... just me though.0
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