"I'm never getting married again."
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What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?
It is not every girl's dream to have that special day. Nothing is absolute.
I agree with this - it definitely is not every girls dream to have that special day. Screw the big wedding....What a waste of money...0 -
just saying... she doesn't love him enough to accept he doesn't want to get married... two sides to everything :drinker:
This is true. Maybe he should be the one to leave, to find someone who views marriage as simply a piece of paper and not worth the fuss. Why is he staying with someone he is incompatible with?
Of course, this whole thread reminds me of the fishing husband, so not entirely sure it's even a real situation, but those situations do exist, and maybe if the marriage inclined spouse is too foolish to break it off, the disinclined one should 'man up' or 'woman up' as the case may be, and break it off.0 -
What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?
Absolutely not true. Not ever little girl dreams of a big fancy wedding and dress, I actually never dreamed about that stuff. Getting married to my bf would be nice, but I'm happy the way things are so it's not that big of a deal to me if we never get legally married. There is no difference in my lifestyle and what it would be like if we were married except the fact that we'd have the same last name. That's about it. Oh, and we'd inherit each other's debt lol
^^^ this exactly my boyfriend has always said no to marriage and I am good with that it's harder to fit in sometimes with other couples . we have been dating and living with each other for 9 years now so it's working for us0 -
@ "Jane" - Honestly, it is a personal preference here. You have to decide which is more important to you... marriage or this dude. Personally, from the sounds of how he handled himself, I would say that either he has no respect for you or he is trying to get you to break up with him.
People can talk all day long about how if you love him then you don't need a piece of paper. But for me, we would have to have a really good relationship where I am treated with respect for me to consider 'sacrificing' (and I do not use this term loosely) my dream of marriage to continue in a relationship that is NOT heading in that direction. You should not have to make any sacrifices that you don't want to. In my opinion, his announcing to his friends that he will NEVER get married after leading you on for a period of time that he eventually will only shows the type of future that you can expect with him.
Ultimately, the choice is yours, however, but as a woman who has made MANY poor choices with love, and is still alone, don't sacrifice your dreams for a man who doesn't treat you with respect. It is just not worth the time wasted.0 -
Move on.0
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When a guy says that, assume he is telling the truth, and there's nothing wrong with that. But DO NOT expect him to change.0
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If she loves him and wants to find a way to work things out, she can, but it may not involve being married. If John can be committed but not married it could work out, but if he wants to live as a single person and not make a commitment to her of ANY kind, then it doesn't sound like it'll work for her.
I've been married 2x and divorced 2x and I always joke that I have to date someone for 10 years before I'll get married again. My boyfriend is fine with this but he's not looking to get married either.
I think what's most hurtful in the given scenario (at least with the limited info we have) is that he made a public declaration that was contrary to what he'd told her.
If I were your friend, I'd discuss that with him first and see where it leads.0 -
The dude sounds bitter as hell. Who says that kind of thing in front of their girlfriend?
Sounds like he's trying to compare apples to oranges. They need to talk it out, but I feel like Jane will be better off without him. Johnny will probably have it in his head that it'll never work out because his previous relationship didn't and will self-sabotage.
Or she could start treating him the same way.0 -
Sounds like he's not quite over the ex. Poor Jane, she should move on to someone else. There will be another guy not hung up on a previous relationship that will be happy to commit to her. She deserves to get married if that's one of her hopes and dreams. (:0
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If being married is important to Jane, then leave him, his idea of forever and hers aren't the same. If a long term committed relationship is enough for her then no big deal.
For ME being married was important. It was/is for my husband too. We've been married 10 years now. But when we got serious, even before we were engaged I told him I wasn't sure I ever wanted kids and I understood if it was a deal breaker for him. He told me that while he hoped for kids he loved me more than any potential people and was okay if we never had kids.
We did decide later to have a child, but we're one and done now (permanently).
So each person has dealbreakers and if this is one of hers stop wasting her and his time and move on, they just don't want the same things in a relationship.
FYI not everywhere has common law marriages (Wisconsin where I live does not).0 -
If Johnny is never going to eat a taco, Johnny should be with Jimmy then, not Jane.
OMG, I laughed out loud.0 -
She needs to know that she is VERY worthy of a marriage commitment. She shouldn't settle for almost having it all.0
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Marriage as defined in the Dictionary of Men...1. The end of a good relationship 2. NO MORE SEX...lol.
JK ladies.0 -
If he doesn't want to get married he should've told her up front when they met. Most every girl wants to have that wedding and prince charming waiting for her at the alter. The way he went about it was rude when he said it in public. He sounds like a bitter person cause of his ex but jane isn't like her.
I have been married for almost 5 years. I strongly believe in marriage and everything that comes with it. We both want the house with a white picket fence and have 2 kids kind of a life.0 -
Dump him, he's a waste of time.0
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Sounds like she is being led on...poor girl..guys are *kitten*
LOL 0 -
Give your friend the book "He's Just Not That Into You." Hopefully, she'll read it and learn from it. That book CHANGED MY LIFE...seriously! I am now married to a wonderful, loving man who is a great husband and the best daddy to our two little boys.
If she wants marriage and he doesn't, that's called a deal-breaker. Time to move on.0 -
FYI since I'm Jane:
- I've told him I'll sign a prenup. I'm not in it for his money or anything that he stands to gain when his parents die.
- I'm worth it to be someone's wife. I'm not going to be someone's girlfriend when I'm 50 years old.
- My bf is an *kitten*. Plain and simple.
You do deserve to be someone's wife and if he doesn't see that then maybe he isn't the one for you!!0 -
Totally depends if marriage is important to her, although making that statement in front of his friends definitely earns him some douche bag points!0
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It's every girls dream to have that special day.
This statement alone is why the divorce rate is over 50%.
God help us.0 -
It really depends on the value she places on marriage. I'm divorced, and my goal in life is to be the happiest I can be. Whether that includes marriage, I'm not picky either way. Perhaps she hasn't yet dealt with the fact that he's not "the one", and she thought he was? It's hard when that bit of reality slaps you in the face.0
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It's every girls dream to have that special day.
This statement alone is why the divorce rate is over 50%.
God help us.
My thoughts *exactly*.
Marriage is not about the wedding. Or the honeymoon. It is about the person with whom you are joining your life. Having been divorced (no big day, no honeymoon, so no I didn't marry for the big day), I too hesitate tying my life so legally to someone again.
I don't blame the Johnny dude for not wanting to get married. His public announcement was a bit painful for the lady involved, but as many have stated, he had been vocal against marriage from the beginning.0 -
FYI since I'm Jane:
- I've told him I'll sign a prenup. I'm not in it for his money or anything that he stands to gain when his parents die.
- I'm worth it to be someone's wife. I'm not going to be someone's girlfriend when I'm 50 years old.
- My bf is an *kitten*. Plain and simple.
You do deserve to be someone's wife and if he doesn't see that then maybe he isn't the one for you!!
everyone deserves to be happy, and seriously... he might be in the way of you finding someone that will make you happy.0 -
FYI since I'm Jane:
- I've told him I'll sign a prenup. I'm not in it for his money or anything that he stands to gain when his parents die.
- I'm worth it to be someone's wife. I'm not going to be someone's girlfriend when I'm 50 years old.
- My bf is an *kitten*. Plain and simple.
so why are you still allowing him to call himself your boyfriend? you know what you want, and he isn't it. you deserve to get what makes you happy out of life, and he has made it clear with words and actions that he isnt the one.0 -
I write this on behalf of my girlfriend... I have a biased opinion, so why not throw it out to random strangers:)
27 year old man (Johnny) married for 5 or 6 years. Divorced Oct 2010.
Johnny has now been dating Jane nearly 1.5 years. He told Jane he doesn't want to get married ever again, initially. Then after getting more serious with her, said he would marry her, just not anytime soon.
Last night, Johnny makes the public declaration amongst friends he will never ever get married again, and he will never pay off another woman's debt.... This, in front of Jane (who is going with the understanding he intends to marry her at some point).
What would you do if you were Jane? She is truly in love with him and would be heartbroken to end it. They are a very strong couple with this being the only glaring issue. She believes she is worthy of a man making a commitment to her - in the terms of marriage.
Let the opinions fly
Divorced Oct 2010? That's what, 16 months ago? After 5-6 yr marriage?
Um, no duh Johnny doesn't wanna get married again! He just got out of a marriage!
Jane's a B***** if she expects him to want to jump back into marriage, he's going to hate marriage for at least as long as his past marriage was. He's probably still paying the ex's bills!!0 -
Divorced Oct 2010? That's what, 16 months ago? After 5-6 yr marriage?
Um, no duh Johnny doesn't wanna get married again! He just got out of a marriage!
Jane's a B***** if she expects him to want to jump back into marriage, he's going to hate marriage for at least as long as his past marriage was. He's probably still paying the ex's bills!!
Everyone is a b*****. I read that somewhere once, so it must be true ;-)0 -
I write this on behalf of my girlfriend... I have a biased opinion, so why not throw it out to random strangers:)
27 year old man (Johnny) married for 5 or 6 years. Divorced Oct 2010.
Johnny has now been dating Jane nearly 1.5 years. He told Jane he doesn't want to get married ever again, initially. Then after getting more serious with her, said he would marry her, just not anytime soon.
Last night, Johnny makes the public declaration amongst friends he will never ever get married again, and he will never pay off another woman's debt.... This, in front of Jane (who is going with the understanding he intends to marry her at some point).
What would you do if you were Jane? She is truly in love with him and would be heartbroken to end it. They are a very strong couple with this being the only glaring issue. She believes she is worthy of a man making a commitment to her - in the terms of marriage.
Let the opinions fly
Marry the girl, what is wrong with you man!0 -
Divorced Oct 2010? That's what, 16 months ago? After 5-6 yr marriage?
Um, no duh Johnny doesn't wanna get married again! He just got out of a marriage!
Jane's a B***** if she expects him to want to jump back into marriage, he's going to hate marriage for at least as long as his past marriage was. He's probably still paying the ex's bills!!
Everyone is a b*****. I read that somewhere once, so it must be true ;-)
it's true. Guys haven't figured this out yet, that's why some idiots still get married
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Divorced Oct 2010? That's what, 16 months ago? After 5-6 yr marriage?
Um, no duh Johnny doesn't wanna get married again! He just got out of a marriage!
Jane's a B***** if she expects him to want to jump back into marriage, he's going to hate marriage for at least as long as his past marriage was. He's probably still paying the ex's bills!!
Everyone is a b*****. I read that somewhere once, so it must be true ;-)
it's true. Guys haven't figured this out yet, that's why some idiots still get married
So.... you're leaning toward divorce at this point??0 -
What would I do given the scenario described? Probably nothing. Though I could well demand he make up his damned mind the next time we were alone.
That said, I don't think getting married is that big a deal anyway. Never wanted to myself. (don't ask how I managed to get married and stay that way for 14 years and counting because I really couldn't say.)
But I also don't think his behaviour is the deciding factor here. What is important is her reaction to it. I mean, if getting married is the be all and end of a her having a relationship with this guy, and she wants it sooner rather than later, then she needs to walk because they obviously have different value systems and staying together is in no one's best interests.
But, honestly, 16 months out of a divorce? I'd be asking more questions if he was gung ho about getting married at this point. And a year and a half relationship is short. What on earth is the rush?0
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