Ladies - Would you date someone who is divorced?

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  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    What I find amazing is how many women wouldn't date someone who has kids....

    But, would these women if they were single moms expect men to date them?
    I don't see what's wrong with that. Some people don't want kids, and some don't want to deal with the drama of someone else's kids.

    Or the other parent of the kids.

    EXACTLY. I began dating my boyfriend when my son was almost 2. On our first date I basically told him my son would always be more important than he is and he can either embrace that or not, no hard feelings. I would never be upset with a guy if he said he didn't want to date me because I had a child, it's totally not for everyone.

    Fortunately, my bf is one incredible guy and has become more of a father to my son than his actual dad is (that's a whooooole different post for a different day). That said, if the roles were reversed, and he had a child but I was 24 and just living my life on my own, I don't think I'd be ready to change my lifestyle for a child that isn't mine. It's not for everybody.
  • ojell
    ojell Posts: 749 Member
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    I strongly prefer divorced men over never married. They are house broken already, they know what's it like, the expectations are more realistic.
    It depends on what kind of marriage they had and how it went, everyone has a past.
    [/quote

    Agreed
  • DayumStraightIAmEllie
    DayumStraightIAmEllie Posts: 160 Member
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    Why not?

    My dad was divorced. He is still amazing. He didn't even want the divorce. Being divorced shouldn't always be a bad sign.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    In my 20's I would have said no. I wasn`t interested in being with someone who had a "past".... and definitely no if he had kids..... I wanted to start off my life with someone like me....who was never married or had kids....we would do it together....

    But being in my 30's I would have to say yes... the older we get the more baggage we all have, so if you meet the right person, whether they were married or not....well I then say go for it ! Be happy !

    Exactly how I feel. Ask me 6 or 7 years ago, and I've had said no. But being that I'm 27 and have a 5 year old now, things change. It all depends on where you are in your life.
  • theclumsygirl
    theclumsygirl Posts: 1
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    Only if he was as "over it" as possible and moved on. I dated a divorced man once who was clearly not over it (she had cheated on him and it sounded like completely wrecked his world view) and he was kind of a hot mess. But if it seemed like he had accepted it and wasn't outrageously angry/sad/otherwise dwelling on it, sure.
  • nunep
    nunep Posts: 21
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    Yes. I am divorced myself and would hate for someone to mark my divorce status as a disability of some sort.
  • tbrewst
    tbrewst Posts: 93 Member
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    Considering the number of people in the world who are divorced it seems like it would be impossible not to at some point in your life!
  • Gwen7121
    Gwen7121 Posts: 126 Member
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    Divorce is only one factor out of so very many. It wouldn't knock anyone out of consideration for me. I'm more concerned with things like personal responsibility, work ethic, common goals and interests, the way he treats others, has or wants children, etc... Divorce is just a failed relationship, with paperwork attached. If the reason for the divorce falls into one of those areas, or he's not over it, that is much more of a factor.
  • mightymom2
    mightymom2 Posts: 312 Member
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    yes i would
  • alharbour
    alharbour Posts: 116 Member
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    I am a second wife. I have been married for 11 years and have 2 stepkids, ages 17 and 19. My husband and I also have 2 daughters, ages 10 and almost 4. I love my husband dearly and would never ever leave him. That being said....I recommend that single girls who have never been married shouldn't date or marry men who have children with another woman. The blended families are not like they show on TV! Trust me, it is no Brady Bunch life!!!! I dealt with open hate and hostility in my home every other weekend for years....kids doing their best to break their dad and I up. Hate calls from the ex wife (keep in mind, ex cheated on him and left him for another man 4 years before I even met him!) For the first 5 years I dreaded holidays and visitation weekends because they always ended up in fights and me in tears. Some weekends, I just simply left the house and stayed with my sister because it was so bad. And I am not even gonna get into the subject of the astronomical number that the courts deemed was appropriate to raise 2 kids!!!!!!!! Which, BTW was never enough according to the ex. I understand that not all situations would be like mine, and I have a great marriage now (once my husband sat them down with their mom and told them there was NO chance him and her would ever be together again.) And I am in no way writing this to bash my husband, he is a great man and my best friend.
  • sylvuz323
    sylvuz323 Posts: 468 Member
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    Yes I would and have.
  • Brazilll
    Brazilll Posts: 503
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    Of course I would. I feel like a divorced man would have more realistic views/expectations, having already been through the obstacle course once before. Practice makes perfect right?
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Wow. You need to get over yourself. People change. Sometimes the person you think you married turns out not to be that person. Is staying in an abusive marriage "till death" really worth it?
  • dixiech1ck
    dixiech1ck Posts: 769 Member
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    Yes. Just because the first marriage didn't work, doesn't mean a relationship with me or them couldn't. People grow and change, what fails the first time, may last forever the second (or third) time..
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 615 Member
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    Absolutely! I'm divorced so if I expect people to date me I would feel like a terrible hypocrite for not dating somebody who has also been divorced. Just because their marriage didn't work out doesn't mean they are a bad person, just not or no longer compatible with their former partner.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    I'm not looking to get married these days, but I wouldn't hesitate to date a divorced man.

    As far as younger women dating divorced men? It all depends. If they have children and so does the man, they come together on equal ground. But, if a single woman (or woman with no children) is going to date a divorced man with children, they need to know what they are getting into. Think about how they will feel or what they will do when money gets tight and the male still has to pay child support/alimony to his ex. And, the woman needs to realize she will probably always come second to the guy's children from a prior marriage. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to handle that type of relationship without resentment.
  • IndigoVA
    IndigoVA Posts: 164 Member
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    If you had asked me in my early 20s, I would have said no. Probably not date a man who'd been married, and definitely not a date a man who had kids. However, when I was 28 I met a man who was divorced and had a 5 year old. We've been together for 12 years now (married for 9 of them). I will admit it's more difficult to be involved with someone who has kids from a previous relationship. You're basically required to deal with his ex. However, if you meet the right person, those things won't matter as much.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Wow. You need to get over yourself. People change. Sometimes the person you think you married turns out not to be that person. Is staying in an abusive marriage "till death" really worth it?

    Yeah, and "death" may come sooner than you think!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    I'd probably want a few more details about his situation (kids? amicable split/bitter/crazy ex?) before I committed to more than a date or two, but if the rest of the 'picture' was appealing, I think I would. That said, multiple divorces are always going to be a red flag for me, especially if someone's relatively young.
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I agree, but... I would at least find out the reasons. My husband's first wife left him for another man. He had no choice in the matter. They went to marriage counseling (he thought to save their marriage), and there she revealed that she was already pregnant with the other guy's baby. It was over, and she had no intention of coming back. It was devastating to him precisely because, to him, marriage *does* mean "til death do us part."

    Not to say he was perfect or that none of their problems were his fault. But he wanted to fix them, and she didn't give him a choice.

    I don't agree with everyone who jumped to the "abusive marriage" card. The vast majority of marriages do NOT end because of abuse. The vast majority of divorces are just because someone decided they didn't want to be married anymore. When I married my husband, I made a conscious decision to stay with him for the rest of my life, no matter what. I wouldn't risk making a commitment like that with someone who didn't feel the same way.

    And just so you know, my own parents divorced because of physical abuse. It's precisely because I know how devastating the fallout of divorce can be (especially when kids are involved) even when there is a *very good* reason, that I would never do something so drastic just because "feelings changed."

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