ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

DavetheHYNIC
DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
edited December 17 in Chit-Chat
Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
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Replies

  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
    -wtk
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
    -wtk

    This.
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    I think I would suddenly have a hair appointment during that particular event.
  • LovingLisa2012
    LovingLisa2012 Posts: 775 Member
    I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
    -wtk

    deff this

    why the bleep would a "man" care about his freakin ex
    that would make me not go ..period
  • Princessbrene
    Princessbrene Posts: 112 Member
    Not cool. Why? Because I don't have the need to be compared to ANY other woman. Especially not an ex.
  • hartsell72
    hartsell72 Posts: 10
    Maybe the intention wasnt mean..but the way it was said was Horrible!
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
    Jerk. What you should say is something like "we're going to this event and I just want to forewarn you that my ex girlfriend may be there. I want you to know in case she comes up to us and starts talking."

    Your relationship with your ex is over, or should be. Does it really matter what she thinks or who looks hotter?
  • AngieJoy81
    AngieJoy81 Posts: 99 Member
    He could have given you the heads up without telling you to " look your best"! It just sounds really bad. Yes, this would put my husband in the doghouse.
  • rc630
    rc630 Posts: 310 Member
    It would be rude for him to tell her to look nice, because not only does that imply that she doesn't normally look presentable enough, but might might also indicate that he is trying to impress the ex by using the current girlfriend.

    Much better solution would be to say "just a heads up, ______ might be there," just so she isn't caught off guard seeing her.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
    -wtk
    exactly. that's absolutely rude. I'd get the impression that you were using me to try to impress or get back at the ex... not that you were trying to "give me a heads up."
  • LifeOnMars_
    LifeOnMars_ Posts: 720 Member
    Sounds like he is trying to make his ex jealous to me or something else no so nice. He is def not being a gentleman.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
    How can you pretend this is just a "heads up" for her when you admit right there that it's for your own benefit? Please. You want to use your current girlfriend to make your ex-girlfriend jealous. That insults the current girlfriend and makes it clear that you're still pretty invested in what the ex thinks.

    There's no way I would dress up to outshine anyone's ex. It's childish and petty, and really insecure. I am confident enough in myself to be comfortable meeting anyone, no matter if she happened to be more dressed up than I am or not.

    Also, how do you know your ex is going to be there, and how do you know what she's wearing? Sounds like you are way too interested in her if you ask me.
  • danifo0811
    danifo0811 Posts: 545 Member
    To me it would be more insulting if he said he didn't want you to go because she'd be there ;)

    To me it depends what he ie normally like. I've had friends who aren't told the ex will be somewhere and are mad their boyfriend / husband didn't say anything. If he is always concerned about how perfect you look I'd be concerned. Otherwise I'd say he is giving you a heads up just maybe lacking tact :)
  • Shaneekwa
    Shaneekwa Posts: 130 Member
    JERK!! For him to say I need you to look your best is insulting as if she doesn't know how to dress when at certain events. I think my man would have been walking around looking like a raccoon because he would have been popped for saying some ish like that
  • LifeOnMars_
    LifeOnMars_ Posts: 720 Member
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
    How can you pretend this is just a "heads up" for her when you admit right there that it's for your own benefit? Please. You want to use your current girlfriend to make your ex-girlfriend jealous. That insults the current girlfriend and makes it clear that you're still pretty invested in what the ex thinks.

    There's no way I would dress up to outshine anyone's ex. It's childish and petty, and really insecure. I am confident enough in myself to be comfortable meeting anyone, no matter if she happened to be more dressed up than I am or not.

    Also, how do you know your ex is going to be there, and how do you know what she's wearing? Sounds like you are way too interested in her if you ask me.

    This
  • RachelsReboot
    RachelsReboot Posts: 569 Member
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
  • AmandaJ1957
    AmandaJ1957 Posts: 34
    "I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.

    "I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.
  • JeepBrah
    JeepBrah Posts: 150
    lol thats the most beta thing ive ever heard strong insecurity
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
    Why do you feel the need to impress his ex at all? Who cares what her first impression is? And thinking of yourself as an "upgrade", that's just vulgar.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    It's badly-phrased ("I need you to look your best because" - makes it about him and needing to one-up the ex), but personally, I'd appreciate the heads-up. Much more subtle (and likely to achieve the desired effect!) to say when discussing the event: " Just so you know, my ex is likely to be there. By the way, X is a pretty formal, dressy affair." or something of that sort. Most women loathe being left in the dark about dress-codes, official or otherwise, and knowing that the ex is likely to be there will, in most women, provoke a bit of extra effort on the appearance front.
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.

    I agree....lol
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.

    I agree....lol

    But tell us about the dress-code first! :laugh:
  • MaritaD
    MaritaD Posts: 178 Member
    Jerk!

    Maybe not intentional but yeah, not the right way to go about this. Maybe a heads up, let her decide if she wants to try to outshine her or not.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    Jerky to even mention the ex, and he sounds like he's a little bitter.



    He could however treat his lady to a nice day of pampering Hair, makeup, nails, massage, & buy her a new outfit.

    And NOT say a word about the ex being at the event.
  • lg3703
    lg3703 Posts: 190
    Well, I think I would want to know if the hoochie was gonna be there so "I" could decide if I wanted to look my best or not. So.... in his defence- tell me but DO NOT make it about you! A light comment "just giving me a heads up" is ok. I've been married 21 years and still don't like his ex girlfriend and STILL wanna look my best around her for ME! =]
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    "I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.

    "I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.

    ^^ This.
  • foxy2311
    foxy2311 Posts: 179
    I think maybe mention it in passing, like "Ug...my ex is going to be there." Might have said enough. That would give a cue to the current on if she wanted to go all out or not give a hoot.

    I would definitely say that the way it was said was extrememly jerky!
  • RachelsReboot
    RachelsReboot Posts: 569 Member
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
    Why do you feel the need to impress his ex at all? Who cares what her first impression is? And thinking of yourself as an "upgrade", that's just vulgar.

    Wouldn't just be the ex, it could be mother, brother, sister, cousin, co-worker, Pastor, whoever, if he knows them and there is a chance he will be introducing me as his "girl" then yeah, I want to put my best forward. Otherwise I might walk around not giving a care what I look like.

    How is considering myself an upgrade vulgar?

    Maybe his choice of wording wasn't wise but what man doesn't stick his foot in his mouth when it comes to talking about past relationships?
  • aims_bc
    aims_bc Posts: 25
    I am going with jerk here. I think the intention here is selfish - he is trying to ensure that the woman on his arm makes his ex jealous. If the concern was really how his current girfriend would feel, he would only give a heads up that they might run into his ex and add something to the effect of "but I hope not"...
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