ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???
Replies
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I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk
Ditto.0 -
it's not just the word, it's the entire idea behind it.I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.
Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.
What? The idea that he likes you better than anyone he's been with before? OMG what an arsehole!0 -
Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.
LMAO!! For some people this is true.0 -
I vote jerk! Obviously there are still some sort of unresolved feelings for this ex, or you...I mean, he....wouldn't care about what his ex thinks about his new girlfriend. Maybe you...I mean, uh, he....should quit focusing on getting vengance on his ex by showing off the new girl and start focusing on the relationship he's currently in. JERK!0
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I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk
:flowerforyou:0 -
No, it's not. It's because I feel nicer when I put some effort into my appearance. It's not to impress anyone else. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would care so much about looks to the point where I had to dress up to impress them.
I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
When you dress up it is for you.....no it's not.
When people dress it is to make a statement to other people.0 -
Nope, I would take it as a heads-up and make sure that I dressed so that he could be proud to have me on his arm and show her that he's not a loser. Afterall, if he's a loser why would I want to be with him, right? I would make my man proud! ;-)0
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I would probably be pretty pissed that he cares enough that he wants to impress her.. but at the same time, damn straight I going to look my best now knowing.
I think if he changed the way he said it and maybe said " hey, just want to warn you that my ex gf will be there"... I don't think there was a need to ask your current gf to "look her best"0 -
It would be rude for him to tell her to look nice, because not only does that imply that she doesn't normally look presentable enough, but might might also indicate that he is trying to impress the ex by using the current girlfriend.
Much better solution would be to say "just a heads up, ______ might be there," just so she isn't caught off guard seeing her.
I agree completely with this. A heads up is all that's needed, anything else is just rude0 -
That's ballzy. And insulting. If you've been dating this lady for a year and you have to ask her to look her best to one up your ex-girlfriend, you have serious mental issues and you shouldn't be putting all this stress on the person you should love. Sounds like your still in love with your ex and you should re-evaluate your situation with your present girlfriend. Or she should kick you in the balls, one of the two!0
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I would say it could be reworded...the way it's written here is a lil rude like "i don't think you hold a candle to her under normal circumstances so get dolled up." I'm sure there's a way to put it that wouldn't be so "my ex is hotter than you so get dressed up." Even better- buy her a new dress to get all dressed up in!0
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I don't think he is being a jerk. It is just natural to want to shove your good looking significant other in your ex's face. I would appreciate the heads up if my bf said this to me and dress to the nines.0
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No, it's not. It's because I feel nicer when I put some effort into my appearance. It's not to impress anyone else. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who would care so much about looks to the point where I had to dress up to impress them.
I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
When you dress up it is for you.....no it's not.
When people dress it is to make a statement to other people.
Wait...think about this. Why do you feel nicer when you get dressed up? Why do you feel nicer wearing things that only other people see?0 -
Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.
heh.0 -
I think he deserves a thank you for the warning. Sure, he could have worded it better, but his intention was good.0
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I would feel he was being a jerk and said male would get told to *kitten* off....if that were me.0
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He would not be my boyfriend anymore if he was so concerned about what his ex thought about ANYTHING.0
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Jerk.0
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"I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.
"I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.
^^^THIS0 -
Jerk! Definitely jerk!0
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I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk
Gotta agree with this0 -
wow...that is def a jerk thing to say. I hope this is not something you've said to someone....0
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To add on...personally if I knew she was going to be there all dressed up I would pull out all the stops! :bigsmile:
my bf and I ran into his ex at a bar one night...she had just broken up with her bf and was all dressed up in a cute dress and heels while I was wearing jeans....it was awkward. petty or not, if I knew she had been there all done up (and truthfully she did look very nice) I would have damn sure put more effort in!0 -
Y'all are all off the mark.
His ex is down for the freakiness, and if you show up looking hot enough he's gonna get to do two chicks at one time.
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Shooooot! I would be dressed to kill! I would not be offended....but I do not offend easily. If my DH said, I need you to look HOT because my ex is going to be there (now umm...we have been together for 24 years...but let's just say a HS reunion) You better believe that I would look so good that all the heads would turn! And if he had a favorite dress, I would wear it.
I want my DH to show me off and I want to look good on his arm. When my DH went to my HS reunion....I was showing him off. He is sexy hot and I was proud that he was mine!!0 -
Think it would depend....Does the guy have a problem with being COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS about how his words sound. Did he really mean just to give a heads up or did he intentionally mean it as in just using her as arm candy...I mean I would like a heads up but if it was just a heads up I still would have dressed up... that's just me.0
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I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk
Girl...you must not go roaming very far on internet......0 -
It's badly-phrased ("I need you to look your best because" - makes it about him and needing to one-up the ex), but personally, I'd appreciate the heads-up. Much more subtle (and likely to achieve the desired effect!) to say when discussing the event: " Just so you know, my ex is likely to be there. By the way, X is a pretty formal, dressy affair." or something of that sort. Most women loathe being left in the dark about dress-codes, official or otherwise, and knowing that the ex is likely to be there will, in most women, provoke a bit of extra effort on the appearance front.
I agree with this. Men don't think like women, that's one of the things that make them fun. I would appreciate the heads-up, and if the situation was reversed I would really WANT to be able to say the same thing to him. In the end, he chooses to be with you, and it sounds like he knows that you "at your best" can outshine her at her best. He just wants her to see that he upgraded and he has a smokin' hot babe.0 -
i think a heads up that the ex is going to be there is appropriate... & then leave it up to the woman to decide how she will proceed... she should want to look her best at all times anyway
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I haven't said anything remotely close to that, so I'm not going to waste my time responding.
it's not just the word, it's the entire idea behind it.I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.
Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.
What? The idea that he likes you better than anyone he's been with before? OMG what an arsehole!
The title did say "ladies" didn't it? So he's asking for our opinion, and what a surprise, most of us thought it was rude.0
This discussion has been closed.
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