ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???
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If it were me I might give her the warning that she might be seeing my ex, but personally I think my girlfriend always looks amazing no matter what. I think if you truly feel that way then you won't be able to take your eyes off your girlfriend and the ex will most likely notice that.... I'm guessing that is what will make her the most jealous.
Very well said!!!!!0 -
I'm just wondering where to get this book is that tells people the right way to say things as to not insult anyone else? Good, bad, or indifferent...people think and speak differently from one person to the next. Chances are - if you told your boyfriend that the way he said that was insulting to you, he may not have even thought of it like that. I've been guilty of this myself, but once it was pointed out to me, I heard it from that persons perspective and changed my wording to say what I really meant.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
When I return from fishing I think this ^^^ is what he meant. No kudos for how it was said; however.
Let me translate in testosterone-ese. You are hot, I want you to be with me there because I am proud of you, and I want it to be plainly obvious that you are an upgrade.
Me, I would have suggested my favorite dress to my wife, or invited her out to go shopping for the event. I would have also suggested my favorite perfume etc. by saying I love it when you wear this and or that. It's never easy to tell someone your ex is going to be there. The good news for me is that I got such an awesome upgrade that even in a t and sweats she wins hands down.
In the defense of all tactless men, there is no way to answer the question, "do I look fat in the dress?"
Sorry. I'm picturing that "deer in the headlights" look my husband used to get that first year we were married and we'd be going out and I'd ask that... So cute... His consistent answer was... "I.... I..... I.... love you.....". I have since learned to ask which dress he likes me best in... :bigsmile:0 -
I'm just wondering where to get this book is that tells people the right way to say things as to not insult anyone else? Good, bad, or indifferent...people think and speak differently from one person to the next. Chances are - if you told your boyfriend that the way he said that was insulting to you, he may not have even thought of it like that. I've been guilty of this myself, but once it was pointed out to me, I heard it from that persons perspective and changed my wording to say what I really meant.
I think that common sense goes a long way. And respect for others' feelings.0 -
Maybe the intention wasnt mean..but the way it was said was Horrible!
Probably this. I know my hubby can say some dumb stuff but his intentions were good. You didnt tell us if you know his ex or if you are intimidated by her. He may just be giving you he heads up so you are prepared.0 -
I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
When I return from fishing I think this ^^^ is what he meant. No kudos for how it was said; however.
Let me translate in testosterone-ese. You are hot, I want you to be with me there because I am proud of you, and I want it to be plainly obvious that you are an upgrade.
Me, I would have suggested my favorite dress to my wife, or invited her out to go shopping for the event. I would have also suggested my favorite perfume etc. by saying I love it when you wear this and or that. It's never easy to tell someone your ex is going to be there. The good news for me is that I got such an awesome upgrade that even in a t and sweats she wins hands down.
In the defense of all tactless men, there is no way to answer the question, "do I look fat in the dress?"
Sure there is. The answer is always a resounding.......... NO!0 -
I haven't said anything remotely close to that, so I'm not going to waste my time responding.
it's not just the word, it's the entire idea behind it.I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.
Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.
What? The idea that he likes you better than anyone he's been with before? OMG what an arsehole!
The title did say "ladies" didn't it? So he's asking for our opinion, and what a surprise, most of us thought it was rude.
And women are famous for understanding men, right?0 -
Total D*ck. Comparing one woman to another. And assuming your current girlfriend may somehow come up short and embarrass you. I hope 'who ever this was' winds up going to this event solo!0
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I would love to think that who ever I'm seeing thinks that I'm the best she's ever had.
That's exactly how one should feel, we all learn and grow from relationships. They only get better, if they don't then you are doing something wrong.0 -
I haven't said anything remotely close to that, so I'm not going to waste my time responding.
it's not just the word, it's the entire idea behind it.I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.
Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.
What? The idea that he likes you better than anyone he's been with before? OMG what an arsehole!
The title did say "ladies" didn't it? So he's asking for our opinion, and what a surprise, most of us thought it was rude.
And women are famous for understanding men, right?
I actually didn't think it was rude and there's a few people on here who didn't either. Seriously. Dress up, go out and get the heck over it.0 -
Can we take a second and recognize that this third party hypothetical is you and can we just ask what you felt you were doing and perhaps tell us how you would feel if you were told by your gf to dress up pretty so you could meet her ex she knew would be there?0
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Can we take a second and recognize that this third party hypothetical is you and can we just ask what you felt you were doing and perhaps tell us how you would feel if you were told by your gf to dress up pretty so you could meet her ex she knew would be there?
Been there, done that. Dressed up super sexy and had an awesome time. :happy:0 -
Okay my 2cents.
Does it sound bad? Yes the way it was said didnt really come out right but then again men tend to do that LOL!!
Do I want to know the ex is going to be there? Hell YEAH I have been married for over 14years and I still wanna know if she is going ot be there. As for dress code I try to look my best but you can also believe I will put extra effort if In know someone is going ot be there.
Tell me when you go to and interview since you already have all that confidence in the world are you going to in looking like a day in the park? (that is assuming you dont dress up to go to the park cuz I have seen some people.....) No you will dress to impress that is the same *kitten* to me nothing different.
So yes let me know she is going to be there I want to know!0 -
Nothing good ever comes of interacting with exes unless there are children involved. Get rid of them and be happy they are gone.0
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To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.
If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.
It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.
Seriously, get over it.0 -
Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.
lmao!0 -
Depends. If he's a hot alpha, he's a gentleman. Otherwise... he's a jerk. Isn't that how the rules work?0
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Seriously, get over it.
^^^ Indeed.0 -
Can we take a second and recognize that this third party hypothetical is you and can we just ask what you felt you were doing and perhaps tell us how you would feel if you were told by your gf to dress up pretty so you could meet her ex she knew would be there?
You better believe I would be on top form that day! make sure he knows I'm the alpha.0 -
Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
Well, it's not something I would say, and I'm awesome.0 -
Jerk , he is obviously not interested in anything other than still trying to impress his ex.0
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To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.
If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.
It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.
Seriously, get over it.
Hmmm. Why don't you go say to your SO what the OP says and then when she gets angry, tell her what you just said here. Then let us know how it goes.0 -
I'd probably take offense to it, but then I'd make sure I looked like a 10, go to the event, and get over it. Who's the one you're going home with at the end of the night anyway?0
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It is hilarious how many woman on here are calling this guy a jerk when in my experience I have known more woman to be the one that would have appreciated the heads up more than not getting the heads up.
Just going about it the wrong way.
The simple thing to do is to simply tell your current gf that your ex will be at the event. That is just required by boyfriend girlfriend law. If your girlfriend wants to show off then that will be on her, if she doesn't then be happy that you are not with a woman that would do that sort of thing.
I personally enjoy that sort of thing, especially if the ex was a psycho or a nut case or abusive etc.
Revenge is a dish best served with sexy.0 -
That is a JERK - If he loved/cared about you that would show and he would not worry about the EX girlfriend.:mad:0
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I think it depends on the man We all have our moments where we are insecure and an ex could most definitely be one of those. I don't know but I think I would take the high road here and look amazing that night just so he can 'peacock' in front of her. And I would enjoy every minute of it becuase he felt good.0
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Let me just say that when I go out with my husband I get dressed up for a few reasons:
1. For me
2. For him
3. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want people to look at me and think "Dayum! He's one lucky SOB"
4. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want my husband to look at me while we're out and think "Dayum! All these guys are checking her out and I'm one lucky SOB"
For all you women who say that you get dressed up for you and no one else that's bullocks. You get dressed up for you AND for everyone else who is going to be out there because you know that when you look good and feel good you're confidence will be up and you will get more attention from other people.0 -
umm, depends. maybe he doesn't want you to feel bad if you did meet her, and think to yourself, whoa I don't measure up to that, or why is he with me and not her kind of a thing. but overall maybe a hint of rudeness, lol0
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Nothing good ever comes of interacting with exes unless there are children involved. Get rid of them and be happy they are gone.
This is the RULE that should be lived by.0
I'd tell him to kiss mt 
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