ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???
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Altered to be gender neutral:
Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and they say to you " I really need you looking your best my ex always attends this event and I know they are going to be there and I know they will be dressed up"
Would you feel like they are being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
Taking the gender issue out helps to better clarify the problem although I think this has been fairly well hashed out at this point. Still, worth looking at.
"I need you looking your best" is the part that I would object to. Probably mis-spoken but a sad thing if true. Need is a strong word. And if what matters most is that your outward appearance be competitive, well, that's a great sadness because the focus is on the wrong part. It emphasizes a lack of confidence in you and emphasizes the superficiality of the affection and points out a big "HERE THERE BE DRAGONS" in the relationship.
You deserve to be loved for being amazing on your worst hair day ever when standing next to any ex, no matter if you're male or female. If that's an issue, you're quite possibly in the wrong relationship.0 -
Finally, a guy who gets it. Take my hubs fishing with you!Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.0 -
I wouldn't be mad... I would want the heads up for my own benefit! I wouldn't want to show up half-assed and her to out-hot me.0
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I don't think he meant it wrong but I think I would still be upset... WHO CARES IF YOU'RE EX IS GOING TO BE THERE??!!0
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14 pages...wow
It's mostly just people insulting others with very little real discussion. lol
Also known as, a typical 14-page MFP message board post.0 -
LMAO at this post!!! Go DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!0
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wow0
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Ex's are persona non grata, who cares what they think, I got nothing now to say about this.
My ex will be there would have been an appropriate heads up, but I need you to look yor best cause my ex will be there? Boy you need to pull your head out of your butt and have a good look around.0 -
Are you being serious? Why are you still concerned about your ex-girlfriend?Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????0 -
I know that guys arent really good with words but he was just being up front that he is giving you a heads up that his ex will be there. Of course you want to look your best against the other girl. Or say if the shoe was on the other foot (i know some women dont care, which i am one of them) but if you had a boyfriend that looked pretty casual all the time and you are going to an event and you want him to look super hot you will tell him just in better choices of words lol, you want to dangle his hot piece of a** in front of your ex just to show you can do better.
I get what he is saying but he worded it all wrong.0 -
I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.
Please explain to me how these "hoes" are giving bad advice when he asked for a "ladies" point of view? No one asked for your outdated, male chauvinist viewpoint.Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.
Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.
She is in competition for his attention? PLEASE! While men have to roll out all kinds of game, buy fancy dinners, etc just to get a woman, most women barely have to lift a finger to get a man. If you really think a woman is so lucky to have you because she is so effin desperate and has to continuously impress you, you need to open your eyes. Men are a dime a dozen and it's really not that difficult to get one, so maybe he should be impressing HER!
Dude, relationships should be 50/50 - and as a matter of fact I am awesome so yes, a girl would be lucky to have me, and just like I want her to try and impress me all the time, I want to impress her all the time.
See how that works?0 -
I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
I agree. If I saw an ex I would want to be looking my best! Call me old fashioned (cause yes I am) but I want my husband to want to show me off. I want to be the trophy wife, for him! I've never had to deal with the Ex thing, we got married young and he never really had an serious girlfriends. But I had a serious boyfriend and I know the one time we ran into him, I was pregnant, so naturally I felt fat and horrible lol but I did look cute, but my man was looking good and I was soo glad that the ex got to see what I now had. I guess like how much better my husband is then he was lol. Hope this makes sense lol.
I agree too with others that have said guys aren't the best at knowing exactly what to say to us that wont make us upset. As long as he wasn't saying it to be mean or for you to be something your not then I would appreciate the heads up. I would want that girl to say WOW I can't compete with that!
Amen!
Thank you!
As a woman complete SECURE in her relationship, I'd want to know if I needed to bring my A game!0 -
"I really need you looking your best"... That's the rude part. He shouldn't need you to look any way!! What does he have to prove to his ex?!
In saying that, I would mention that the ex would be there and if it was me, I would make sure I looked my best!0 -
Yea that's definitely something a jerk might say.0
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yeah not cool man.0
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Not a jerk or gentleman... Just a man...
I would certainly not want to look like poo, show up to an event and see my significant others ex dressed to the nines...
Remember, he traded up!
^^^^scratch that.. I read it wrong haha
Yah, he's being a butthead0 -
There's nothing gentlemanly about that.0
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It would be rude for him to tell her to look nice, because not only does that imply that she doesn't normally look presentable enough, but might might also indicate that he is trying to impress the ex by using the current girlfriend.
Much better solution would be to say "just a heads up, ______ might be there," just so she isn't caught off guard seeing her.
This.0 -
He's being a douche canoe!0
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I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
I agree. If I saw an ex I would want to be looking my best! Call me old fashioned (cause yes I am) but I want my husband to want to show me off. I want to be the trophy wife, for him! I've never had to deal with the Ex thing, we got married young and he never really had an serious girlfriends. But I had a serious boyfriend and I know the one time we ran into him, I was pregnant, so naturally I felt fat and horrible lol but I did look cute, but my man was looking good and I was soo glad that the ex got to see what I now had. I guess like how much better my husband is then he was lol. Hope this makes sense lol.
I agree too with others that have said guys aren't the best at knowing exactly what to say to us that wont make us upset. As long as he wasn't saying it to be mean or for you to be something your not then I would appreciate the heads up. I would want that girl to say WOW I can't compete with that!
Well is someone is striving to be trophy wife material and knows what they're doing they don't need to be told that they need to look good at a specific event because it would go without saying. The way it was said by the man in this example implies that the woman generally doesn't look her best, ie doesn't put a lot of effort into dressing up etc on a regular basis. But the man chose her to be with (and presumably is generally OK with her not being trophy wife material) so yes it's rude of him to point out that she needs to make an effort on this specific night just because his ex is gonna be there. If you make your bed then lie in it.0 -
I would want to look better than my SO's ex. Why? Because I'm shallow and like looking better than other people. And I would want other people to think that he traded up. So, knowing this info would be helpful to me.0
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I would want to look better than my SO's ex. Why? Because I'm shallow and like looking better than other people. And I would want other people to think that he traded up. So, knowing this info would be helpful to me.
Yes but do you want him to tell you that he's specifically requesting you to do so just because she's there? Implying that you normally look like a bag lady compared to how he remembers her?0 -
Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
Don't know his motivation, but I would never say something like that to my wife. She looks fabulous everywhere we go, but if she decided to accompany me in a gnatty purple terry cloth robe and her hair in curlers, I'd be proud to have her on my arm. And, trust me, everyone within my circle would treat her as if she were royalty.
OP,
^THIS is a gentleman
Just in case you're still confused...0 -
If Homer Simpson said it, gentleman otherwise.....0
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I would want to look better than my SO's ex. Why? Because I'm shallow and like looking better than other people. And I would want other people to think that he traded up. So, knowing this info would be helpful to me.
Yes but do you want him to tell you that he's specifically requesting you to do so just because she's there? Implying that you normally look like a bag lady compared to how he remembers her?
That isn't what it implies at all, and it doesn't imply that she normally looks like crap.
He is just clarifying the situation to make sure that she knows how dressy she needs to be.
It's like if I was going to an old school reunion I would ask the girl I was taking to look awesome. It's not because I want to use her as bait to get an old high school girl or because I think she is normally so ugly that she needs to be told to dress up.0 -
I would want to look better than my SO's ex. Why? Because I'm shallow and like looking better than other people. And I would want other people to think that he traded up. So, knowing this info would be helpful to me.
Yes but do you want him to tell you that he's specifically requesting you to do so just because she's there? Implying that you normally look like a bag lady compared to how he remembers her?
This is a prime example of a woman reading far too much into a man's statement.0 -
I would want to know and I would take it as a challenge to look as hot as possible!!! Come on ladies, we are all competitive.0
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He would be a total jerk for saying something so horrible! I would still go and make a big effort with my appearance and then spend the evening making sure all the single guys in the room noticed me!!!0
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I love all the answers saying "I would do this to him" etc etc.
Like this guy has ACCIDENTALLY insulted you and you would PURPOSEFULLY hurt him.
Who's the jerk there?0 -
I love all the answers saying "I would do this to him" etc etc.
Like this guy has ACCIDENTALLY insulted you and you would PURPOSEFULLY hurt him.
Who's the jerk there?
Still him
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