Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

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  • rcates2424
    rcates2424 Posts: 208
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    True attraction isn't based on physical attributes.
  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
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    Positive side effect of weight loss....better sex! LOL

    Not necessarily. My husband told me after the last "encounter" that he didn't like how my breasts had become small and wrinkly (extra skin when lying) and that we can't afford a boob job so he'd rather I just do it the old fashioned way and put weight back on so they fluff up on their own. :noway:

    ps. My husband has gained at least 50 pounds since he was the slim man I first married...but with men, they lose stuff as they get bigger instead of gain it... and gain it back as they lose weight...I haven't thrown this in his face. yet.
  • nursenikki829
    nursenikki829 Posts: 432 Member
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    My weight when I was at my highest affected my marriage in the sense that I was not happy with myself, so it negatively reflected on my relationship. My husband has told me time and time again, that he loves me no matter what size I am, and he is actually now telling me that I look fantastic, and should stop losing because he wants me to keep some meat on my bones lol. Now that I have lost weight, I am much happier and 100% more confident, so as a result, our marriage is better. When you get married fat or thin should be in the vows right after for better or worse. Life happens and people change. Marriage is about accepting and embracing change and supporting your partner no matter what. You should talk to your husband about your feelings and talk to him about how he is feeling. Maybe there is more going on than just the weight issue. Talk it out without accusing or arguing. Being able to talk to each other is the most important tool in a marriage. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Love and physical attraction are totally seperate things. If he didn't love her he wouldn't be with her! Has my partner ever said anything? No! Do I realise he would be more attracted to me if I got back to the weight I was when we met (another 20lbs) or less? Ues. Of course he would. I'm not stupid. I'd fancy him more if he lost the 20lbs he's gained since we met. Do I love him less? No! I love him more than I ever did. Not to mention sex will be a lot better if we are both confident, because there's no doubt about it we've lost our confidence and it has a big effect, coz when we've had a drink and inhibitions are lowered its so much better, so I know things will get better and better as we both get fitter. I know it makes no difference at all to how much he loves me. Please don't take it as he doesn't love you. You don't have much to loose so can get back there. X
  • Lane1012
    Lane1012 Posts: 211 Member
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    pump the breaks haters ... we are dealing with limited facts here. Specifically ... did he say it or is it her perception. Either way the OP and hubby need to have a nice chat .. communication is key.
  • shellsrenee01
    shellsrenee01 Posts: 357 Member
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    This is a tough situation. Physical attraction to someone you love can change if their appearance changes. I have a feeling the issue may be more about your perception of his attraction rather than his actual attraction. If you haven't already, I recommend talking to him about it. Explain that you are concerned your appearance is affecting the way he feels about you physically and come to some sort of solution where you feel more confident in his attraction to you. Or, if he does admit to being less attracted to you physically right now, ask him what you can do to increase his attraction. It may not be your weight. It may be that you've changed what you wear because of your weight (just as an example).
  • TainaLeirmoe10
    TainaLeirmoe10 Posts: 41 Member
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    Physical attraction and love go hand in hand.

    I disagree. I love my wife to death and I find her attractive and I would still love her exactly as much if she were 400lbs. I would not be physically attracted to her if she weighed four bills and I have no problem admitting it.


    I love my mother and I am not attracted to her. I also can see women out in public that I think are attractive and I do not love them.
    How do you think she feels knowing that her husband isn't attracted to her anymore? It build insecurities, which isn't healthy.

    I agree with this part.

    To each his own I suppose. If your wife is fine with you being that type of person then very good for the both of you. In this case, however, the wife ISN'T alright with her husband being insensitive and needs his support more than ever. If she was alright with it, she would have never posted this topic in the first place.
  • egweena
    egweena Posts: 19
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    If you are unhappy with your weight I believe it does affect marriage life. I totally understand how you feel.
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
  • regina2063
    regina2063 Posts: 203 Member
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    Honey....just keep encouraging yourself to lose weight for you. If he joins the band wagon then good....if he dsnt then keep encouraging yourself along the way or we will keep you encouraged...
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    ^ This is the question, IMO.

    Do you find one more attractive than the other? Is this equally as shameful?

    I actually like curvy women and am attracted to a very wide range of physiques -- I'm just being blunt that there would reach a point where my physical attraction to someone, love them or not, would diminish.
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Is he really so evil because he's not attracted to her anymore? Unless I missed something, she didn't say he doesn't LOVE her anymore or was planning to cheat with a thinner woman, right?

    IMO - attraction goes both ways (and its VERY important in a relationship), and I think most women aren't going to be turned on by their guy if he gains a bunch of weight either, so I'm definitely not getting on the "he's a jerk" wagon. I gained weight when I was dating my husband and he mentioned that he wasn't as attracted to me because of it. I don't blame him for that...because I probably wouldn't have been attracted to me either.

    So, to answer the OP's question, my weight gain did effect the physical part of my relationship, and my loss has made him VERY happy in that area. I'm smaller now than I ever was since I've known him and he initially joked that he felt like he was cheating on me with a totally different girl.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Physical attraction and love go hand in hand.

    I disagree. I love my wife to death and I find her attractive and I would still love her exactly as much if she were 400lbs. I would not be physically attracted to her if she weighed four bills and I have no problem admitting it.


    I love my mother and I am not attracted to her. I also can see women out in public that I think are attractive and I do not love them.
    How do you think she feels knowing that her husband isn't attracted to her anymore? It build insecurities, which isn't healthy.

    I agree with this part.

    To each his own I suppose. If your wife is fine with you being that type of person then very good for the both of you. In this case, however, the wife ISN'T alright with her husband being insensitive and needs his support more than ever. If she was alright with it, she would have never posted this topic in the first place.

    He said if his wife was 400lbs, not 14lbs overweight. I've been to 301lbs and it was in no way attractive, never mind another 100lbs on top. I've been there and I'm not all defensive about it, I can see it wasn't attractive, with or without it being pointed out to me x
  • nursenikki829
    nursenikki829 Posts: 432 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
  • TheNewo
    TheNewo Posts: 239 Member
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    um...I think this is something you really need to discuss with your husband and or possibly a counselor/pastor/etc and not with some nameless, faceless, online crowd. If you're looking for encouragement, you've got it it. But marital advice, or pity? Go elsewhere.
  • bluberrygoo
    bluberrygoo Posts: 222 Member
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    I told my husband to tell me if he ever physically lost interest in me and I will tell him if I lost physical attraction in him. Also, it's not always about looks, a change in personality can change how attractive someone is.
  • krystle9184
    krystle9184 Posts: 3 Member
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    Have you talked to him about it or do you just get that feeling from him?

    Great Question!!
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
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    Just wantedt to know if anyone else's weight has affected their marriage?

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm actually having the opposite problem, that my weight loss seems to have created problems in my marriage. As I lost weight, I gained confidence I'd never had and and realized I wasn't happy with the way things were, so I started changing other things. Recently, during a discussion about the possibility of divorce, my husband told me that I started to change when I started losing weight.

    Could it be that you've changed as you've gained weight? Maybe you don't want to go out as often, or you don't feel like doing things you used to. Or maybe the weight gain has made you depressed. It may not be that he's less attracted to you physically, as much as it may be that you're not the "same woman" he married. Either way, it's a tough place to be and I'm sorry that it's something you're having to deal with.
  • jenbunboo
    jenbunboo Posts: 90 Member
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    My fiance (we've been together over 9 years, might as well be married) has loved me every bit of our relationship, from a size 9 to size 18 and back down to size 14, and will the rest of the way down too. He has been attracted to me through all of it. I have loved him and wanted him through probably about a 50 pound swing as well.

    However.

    I know I wanted him MORE when he was fitter. I liked running my hands over his biceps, I liked when he wore more fitted shirts. He is working to get back to that for me. He likes it when I run around in short skirts and likes being able to get a good hold on my hips when grabs me from behind and kisses the back of my neck in the kitchen.

    The fitter we are, the better we feel about ourselves. The better we feel about ourselves, the more confidence we have. The more confident we are, the sexier we act. The sexier we act, the more we desire each other, both because of our perceptions of ourselves and each other.

    So, not every lack of attraction is the end of the world. It can be a motivator. If he is being callous about it, or unsupportive, or demanding, then you do need to have a serious talk with him. If he was just trying to be open and supportive and motivating and his words were kind, just take it as incentive.

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