ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

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  • JudyNader
    JudyNader Posts: 7 Member
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    Rude jerk. Maybe he'd get a pass had he stated more simply, "I just want to give you heads up since you haven't been to this event before that folks tend to dress a little nicer than they might just going to the movies. You always look great, but thought I'd let you know what I've seen in the past so you aren't surprised." Leave out the ex-girlfriend thing all together, jerk!
  • Chelle_Davis
    Chelle_Davis Posts: 241
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    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    So if he just gave you a heads up that his ex was going to be there. What would you think before you got ready? Dress like you usually do or dress extra special on this occasion?
  • FR89
    FR89 Posts: 186 Member
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    I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

    Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.


    haha.. its defo just a WORD!!!! (god knows why girls are getting so defensive) maybe thats how the guy messed it up too.. intentions were right.. but wording maybe wrong.. but sometimes its best to get the jest of it then to drill down the meaning of or or wording..

    id prob tell him hes a fool for saying it like that but deep down id be thankful and would want to look good.. for him and me.. and be the pretty picture we are.. rather thn not giving a toss about how i look or dress.. little bit of effort never hurt any one...

    its good to look good especially when attending an event with your other half.. (or whn you know ex will be there) not that it matters what they think.. but its self confidence that not only did i get over you but i am also happy .. xx
  • peggymenard
    peggymenard Posts: 246 Member
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    Why do I feel like Dear Abby? The guy is insensitive to her feelings. He should have just given her a heads up that his ex would probably be attending and leave it at that. It should be up to her how she wants to dress or for that matter if she wants to attend the affair at all...with no comment.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    What I'm wondering throughout all of these posts is WHY I should care what his ex thinks of me. Ever. At all. They're done, right?

    I always dress appropriately for any occasion, and if we're grown people we should be able to exist simultaneosly with the ex in the same room without issue. Seriously, worrying about showing the ex how he "upgraded" sounds like crap my 12 year old students say.

    I have never thought about how much I want my ex to see me with a new stud and be blown away. Because he's my ex. Which means I could give a piss in the wind what he thinks NOW...

    It's just sad.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    AGAIN I ASK. If he just gave you a heads up that his ex was going to be there. What would you think before you got ready? Dress like you usually do or dress extra special on this occasion? If he didn't tell you she was coming would you get mad at him for not telling you?
  • femmi1120
    femmi1120 Posts: 473 Member
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    OP, I am curious. Assuming this whole thing actually happened to you, how DID your girlfriend react?

    I don't like to make assumptions but my guess is that she got really upset and you came here to confirm your own belief that she was over reacting in order to clear your conscience.

    Please tell me I'm wrong...
  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
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    I think this guy should walk away from his girlfriend.
    No woman needs a jerk like this in her life.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    So the problem is OP saying look your best? Insinuating that she does not always look her best?
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    You have to wonder how he would take it if she said my ex boyfriend is going to be there, so you have to wear other things.

    This is the way it comes across. "I'm so worried about what my ex thinks of you that it's making me nervous to wonder if you are going to know how to dress yourself properly. I'm trying to impress people that are no longer in my life, because I am very insecure. I want them to know that my new girlfriend knows how to dress." Yeah, it wouldn't go over very well.

    Do you think for a minute the guy is going to wear different clothing, get a haircut, etc to impress another man??????? Kind of funny.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    OP, I am curious. Assuming this whole thing actually happened to you, how DID your girlfriend react?

    I don't like to make assumptions but my guess is that she got really upset and you came here to confirm your own belief that she was over reacting in order to clear your conscience.

    Please tell me I'm wrong...


    Good question! Out of 400+ posters your the first to ask ( I told my pals I mean I wouldn't want them to think I was a jerk they are all women!)

    it was a hypothetical question born out of a discussion I was having about protocols with exs. There is no event.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    You have to wonder how he would take it if she said my ex boyfriend is going to be there, so you have to wear other things.

    This is the way it comes across. "I'm so worried about what my ex thinks of you that it's making me nervous to wonder if you are going to know how to dress yourself properly. I'm trying to impress people that are no longer in my life, because I am very insecure. I want them to know that my new girlfriend knows how to dress." Yeah, it wouldn't go over very well.

    Do you think for a minute the guy is going to wear different clothing, get a haircut, etc to impress another man??????? Kind of funny.

    Oh hell yes baby, I will dress to the tee for you to make him see that you did better than him. Honestly though would you be mad if he didn't tell you his ex would be there?
  • erinpumpkin13
    erinpumpkin13 Posts: 16 Member
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    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

    Although this has definitely happened to me, I think the point is that nor yourself or your boyfriend should EVER care what an ex thinks of him or you. Who cares?! She is the past, let her stay there. Therefore, yes I would be insulted, however I would still dress nice, for myself and my man, thats it.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    Maybe not the best delivery, but not totally jerky. Gentleman probably wouldn’t say anything (do like the other posters and treat her to spa day and new outfit w/o letting her know it’s all about him). But since it’s all about him anyway, I’d appreciate him letting me know it’s important to him I look good rather than pretending it’s all about me and then being frustrated later that I didn’t do exactly what he was hoping. If I don’t want to be with a guy who cares that much about appearance, then this is the kind of thing that’s good to get out in the open.

    I’ll admit it, I’m shallow enough to WANT to know his ex is gonna be there so I can add a little extra oomph to my outfit if it's not an event that I already care about being fabulous at. Especially if she cheated on him and ran off with all the money.

    And yes, it works both ways: When I’m introducing a new guy to my old friends I want him to *represent*
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    the fact that you half to ask yourself... means he didn't present the idea in the right manner. that's all im saying.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

    Although this has definitely happened to me, I think the point is that nor yourself or your boyfriend should EVER care what an ex thinks of him or you. Who cares?! She is the past, let her stay there. Therefore, yes I would be insulted, however I would still dress nice, for myself and my man, thats it.


    Insulted yet because he is insinuating that you don't all the time or because he wants to rub it in his ex's face with his new hot lady?
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    Jerk.
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    I always tell my female friends to dress sexy when we go out.

    I don't go outta my way to create problems or worry and stress about crap.

    It's a beautiful life.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Tell him to dress up and look his best tonight because you want to impress your new boyfriend, and that he also better pack his bag and find a new place to live.

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