My rant: Unsolicited Parenting Advice...

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Replies

  • Mrsfullwood
    Mrsfullwood Posts: 172 Member
    what mother woudnt do that to their 5 year old child? Some people really make me sick. :angry:
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
    I don't blame you for being pissed. I have 3 boys and when they're hurt or upset, I comfort them. Its my job as their mom.

    I just love when childless people give out parenting advice. *eyeroll* I had a childless family member who was big on giving unsolicited advice. And now that she has a kid of her own (with some downright odd behavioral issues), I just sit back and laugh and wonder where all her self-proclaimed "expertise" is now.
  • llahairdna
    llahairdna Posts: 502 Member
    Have you ever noticed how none of the unsolicited advice is ever good? EVER?

    I actually had a lady tell me I need to have another child, so that if my toddler dies I won't feel so bad. >,<

    PARDON??? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!!!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Have you ever noticed how none of the unsolicited advice is ever good? EVER?

    I actually had a lady tell me I need to have another child, so that if my toddler dies I won't feel so bad. >,<

    oh my! I just... there are no words.... has she been there personally? because if not and even so, that comment never should have been made...
  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 743 Member
    He's 5, not 10...Geez, boys need Mommy hugs too. You did better than I would have. I would have probably told them to F Off.

    Lol...I have a 10 y/o and Even a 10 y/o deserve a hug from mom every now and again...although they are pretty smelly!! Hahha!! (I know what u meant by that comment btw...it wasn't taken out of context! I just thought it was funny)

    I'm a fairly frank mother and don't have a whole lot of tollerance for whining or crying unless someone is genuinely hurt. But that being said. Of course I would hug my child if he got smacked in the face with a ball...and would seriously be irritated too at someone implying I am making less of a man out of my three sons by hugging them when hurt. Actually u are creating a sense of security in children when you react to their needs....the reaction may not always be a hug but children need the reassurance that the parent is "there"
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    I believe that if I'da been there, there woulda been a fight. I might well have gotten my *kitten* kicked as I'm not all that in the fighting dept., but yeah. *insert long string of unbroken profanity here*
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    I also don't like unsolicited advice. We were riding dirt bikes one day and our 2 little girls were with us, at the track. They have been going to the tracks for quite a few years and they ride bikes so I am comfortable with them being there. This n'er-do-well comes up to me and tells me that I better watch them so they don't get hurt with the bikes going by. The girls were literally right next to me. In my mind, I was thinking "*****, don't tell me what to do!". However, since I would never do that in front of my girls, I continued exactly what I was doing and everytime I saw her that day, I gave her the "oh, no you didn't." look.

    I would have said something sarcastic to those guys.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    What jerks, kids need there mommy's when they are hurt or upset and if mommy isnt there they need comforted by an adult. It makes no difference if they are boys or girls. My sons are 15 and 28 and they still like hugs from mom. The 15 yr old probably wouldnt admit it but he does, he even asks me for hugs and both of them like girls and if they didnt i would still love them and it wouldnt be due to me comforting them
  • kenlad64
    kenlad64 Posts: 377 Member
    You handled that with grace and style, much better that I would have. I couldn't see myself sitting in a room with that kind of mentality, ...you must be kind and generous too, to work with individuals so challenged.
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    My boyfriend had his mother and me at his bedside a couple months back when he was in the ER after hurting his back...we were both totally coddling him and he's a grown-a.ss man. I suppose I should be prepared for some gay news around the corner then...
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I hope this doesn't sound like advice, but...you did exactly the right thing!!! There is a difference between comforting a child after an injury and coddling them. For example, my sister would be ON TOP of her son constantly making sure nothing would happen to him, and if he did ever so slightly fall over she would shriek and grab him up and make a big deal about it. In my opinion, that is coddling...not just comforting!!
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    My boyfriend had his mother and me at his bedside a couple months back when he was in the ER after hurting his back...we were both totally coddling him and he's a grown-a.ss man. I suppose I should be prepared for some gay news around the corner then...

    Haha yep!!

    My bf went down with a really nasty sprain during a rec league softball game a couple years ago, and I brought him ice packs and comforted him. He MUST be doing guys behind my back now.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member

    I will parent as I see fit. I do not need anyone's opinion on how I choose to raise my child. Not only that, but It's insulting to think that how I behave has any bearing on whether or not my child is going to be gay... and I'd love him just as much regardless.

    Rant over. /sigh

    I think your reaction is very deserving of respect and I especially love this last part. :D You ARE fabulous.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Wow.

    I wonder if even he believes that hugging a crying child would *actually* have any bearing on someone's sexuality. smh.

    Them. They're everywhere. And they ususally have something to say. *shrug* what can you do? Except ignore them.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Did he not go back out there to play again?? You could have taken him home. I'm just saying.

    He wanted to play and thusly did.
  • SwimTheButterfly
    SwimTheButterfly Posts: 265 Member
    Yeah, they need to keep their pie holes SHUT. Just as NO ONE needs unsolicited advice about losing weight or to make comments about another persons size while attending a religious service or doing a hard work out. Shut it or Step off! LIVE and LET live. It's NOT your business.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    And puffy hearts for the support, loves :)

    I also agree that I am not comfortable with single dude. I'd never have him alone with my son, to be honest. He's my best friends boyfriend whom she hopes to marry. *UGH* Don't even get me started on that one... Danger Will Robinson!!!!
  • cabaray
    cabaray Posts: 971 Member
    He's 5, not 10...Geez, boys need Mommy hugs too. You did better than I would have. I would have probably told them to F Off.

    Lol...I have a 10 y/o and Even a 10 y/o deserve a hug from mom every now and again...although they are pretty smelly!! Hahha!! (I know what u meant by that comment btw...it wasn't taken out of context! I just thought it was funny)

    I'm a fairly frank mother and don't have a whole lot of tollerance for whining or crying unless someone is genuinely hurt. But that being said. Of course I would hug my child if he got smacked in the face with a ball...and would seriously be irritated too at someone implying I am making less of a man out of my three sons by hugging them when hurt. Actually u are creating a sense of security in children when you react to their needs....the reaction may not always be a hug but children need the reassurance that the parent is "there"
    Yeah, I could have been more clear. Most 10 year old boys I know wouldn't want to be seen hugging mom if they were hurt. Not that it's bad if they do, but a lot of them are getting their macho on by then.
  • jj1983
    jj1983 Posts: 146 Member
    And how exactly do these guys know he hasn't broken an orbital bone or something?? He still has a blue bruise on his cheek? I think I might have cried and wanted a hug too and I'm not a wuss by anymeans. Getting hit in the face HURTS, plain and simple. What a holes.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    He was playing basketball?! What is your problem?! It's baseball season! :angry:

    *LOL* I love you :) He starts T-ball soon if it's any consolation, dear :)
  • xraylady33
    xraylady33 Posts: 222 Member
    When I took over my current posistion, I posted a sign and sent an email, There will be no discussion ON POLITICS! RELIGION OR HOW ANOTHER PERSON RAISES THEIR CHILD in this room.

    Please keep your comments to yourself until you win the race for congress, become GOD, or whomever or whatever you have faith in, or your Child wins the nobel PRIZE, saves the planet and discovers the cure for CANCER!

    I AM SERIOUS....these are three things I stand by, and everyone knows! How dare you comment on my child...or my life!

    SHEWWW....ok, I am done.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    What a bunch of *kitten* monkeys!

    My son is 17 and he gives me hugs regularly. I comforted him regularly when he would get hurt, hell I comfort him now when he needs it.

    Funny story, I went to one of his ROTC events, when I arrived he came up to me and gave me a hug, thanked me for bringing treats, blah, blah, blah. It was so natural that when a few of the cadets teased him about it - he looked at them like THEY were from Mars! The teasing wasn't malicious or near any level that you experienced. He did respond to one of the girls with "What you never hug your mom?" :laugh:

    Btw, you should've punched that idiot right square in his adam's apple. Then you wouldn't have had to listen to any more of his venom.

    They don't call me a problem solver for nothing! LOL
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    He was playing basketball?! What is your problem?! It's baseball season! :angry:

    *LOL* I love you :) He starts T-ball soon if it's any consolation, dear :)
    Was about to dial last digit to Child Protective Services hotline, sees this, and hangs up phone.
  • mama2shi
    mama2shi Posts: 300 Member
    Wouldn't it have been fun to pick up the basketball, and while standing within a foot or so of him - slammed it into his face and then said "oh come on - suck it up and get back out there!!!" There is a distinct difference between coddling a child when they are simply whining, and making sure your child is ok and showing some love!

    With any luck he wont procreate so he doesn't have a chance to screw up some poor little kid.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    44 yo man with no kids giving advice on how to raise kids = failure.

    At 5yo, he will get upset. You conforted him and he want right back to playing b-ball. Exactly correct IMHO.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    First, sorry your son got hit in the face with a basketball. That hurts. I think your response was awesome.

    Something about parenting really brings out the unsolicited advice. That's one of the things I tell my friends who ask what to expect when they have kids - that they will get advice from EVERYONE, including complete strangers.

    For what it's worth, I give unsolicited advice all the time. It's not because I'm trying to correct someone, or because I think I know best. And I know it comes across as arrogant sometimes. And maybe I am being arrogant. I don't think I'm an expert. My intent is usually just trying to connect with someone. It's because I have had an experience that *may* help them. I try to present it as such - that this is my experience and if it helps, great. I expect a lot of my advice not to fit because we're all different. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't take my advice.

    I don't mind people giving me unsolicited advice, either - although timing can have a huge impact on that. If I just had a difficult time with my kid and used up my patience reserve, getting parenting advice right then isn't gonna work. I think it's also an important distinction between the approach of "you're doing it wrong" and "here is what worked for me." But right there, during or immediately after a situation is rarely a good time for advice-giving.

    I don't understand why people get so riled up about unsolicited advice. I understand being touchy about parenting advice right after consoling your kid who was hurt. That makes sense. But some of the responses in this thread indicate some people are walking around just waiting to be offended. That's gotta get uncomfortable after awhile. Advice - unsolicited or not - is just words strung together.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    My five year old is almost 6. He still gets mommy hugs, even when he is not hurt. He also does have <gasp> girl toys. He just recently gave up his PINK Dora rug (replaced it with Buzz Lightyear). I even let him do girl things like crafts and stuff and took him to see butterflys at a local garden. I wonder what sort of advice they would have given me?
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    I would have been SO mad. I don't like anyone's parenting advice ever unless I ask for it and even then, you better watch your words carefully. Seriously, I will get bent out of shape in a heart beat when in comes to my boys. I'm getting heated just thinking about what he said to you!!!
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I just read the first post........none of the other comments.......but I would have just punched one of them in the face........Then told them to man up and stop whining about it afterwards.......but that's just me.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    He was playing basketball?! What is your problem?! It's baseball season! :angry:

    Bad parenting if you ask me! (j/k of course)
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