How has having a child affected your life?
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I have had a very good experience as a mom. My body was not ruined, if anything... nursing and setting a good example for my daughter has made me eat healthier and work out harder. I enjoy everything so much more, a babies laugh for instance was 'cute' before but now it is a mood enhancer. The only thing that I have noticed the most is o more sleeping in. AT ALL. My daughter likes to be up before 8 no matter what. Other than that, things take a little more time and patience but having kids has made my life more whole
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Honestly, if I had it to do over again I would not have had kids. I did it because that was what I thought I was supposed to do and I wanted to be "normal".
My 8 year old son is a good little man. My 7 year old daughter, who was 15 weeks premature and has cerebral palsy, is a chore. I absolutely love my children, but I am not a good enough mother. I hate doing "mom stuff" like helping with homework, reading stories, and preparing for holidays.
Of course, my children will never know how I feel. My son is a total momma's boy and seems to worship the ground I walk on.0 -
LMAO! Ya, you never forget that "great" lovin' feelin'...EVER! My oldest is going on 6 and I remember every feeling of the "blow torch" like it was yesterday! That will teach me to not have DRUGS!!..LOLI am much stickier and having experienced natural childbirth I now have a deeper understanding of the song, "Burning Ring of Fire".
Props to y'all. As soon as my doctor asked me what kind of birth plan I'd like to follow I said "give me drugs." My bf's mom went drug free with him and his brother, 10 lbs and 11 lbs respectively. That woman is a SOLDIER.0 -
Honestly, if I had it to do over again I would not have had kids. I did it because that was what I thought I was supposed to do and I wanted to be "normal".
My 8 year old son is a good little man. My 7 year old daughter, who was 15 weeks premature and has cerebral palsy, is a chore. I absolutely love my children, but I am not a good enough mother. I hate doing "mom stuff" like helping with homework, reading stories, and preparing for holidays.
Of course, my children will never know how I feel. My son is a total momma's boy and seems to worship the ground I walk on.
I respect you for admitting how you feel. I don't think it's fair for a person to have to have children just because they think they should. I sometimes think that's why my brother and his wife had a child (they are in their 40s and had never planned on children until the last couple years, but I think it was because they were both being nagged for grandchildren). They are wonderful parents to their newborn, but I often wonder if they had him because they wanted to or because they felt like they had to.
Having children is a lifelong commitment and it's not for everybody. Some people love helping with homework, reading bedtime stories, going to t-ball practice...and some people just don't. And that's totally ok!0 -
I'm at the other end of children. My children range from 36 to 41 years old. This amazes me.
But looking back today, I would change very, very little about my life. I went through some very hard times. I have regrets, but if I changed those things, other good things might not have happened. Life is a mixed bag, and in order to not have ups and downs, we'd have to have neutral lives.
I have four children. All so very different from each other, and each one of them is incredibly valuable to me.
The bad times fade in my memory. The joys I cling to.
My husband was a great father, husband, and a good worker at work. He turned down opportunities for further schooling and to advance into management. He did that because his time with us was so important. He lived for us (still does.) He was devoted to us. He supported us just fine, and was truly there for us. He is retired now and I cherish every moment now.
But like I said, there were some very rough times in my life. Today those look like learning times.
Oh, we aren't where we thought we'd be. We had our lives carefully laid out and had a cushy retirement planned. Then there was the crash of aerospace in Southern California. Then the national economic crash a few years ago. We suffered big financial losses. Our retirement isn't at all what we'd planned. But you know, we're happy.
Priorities change over time for a lot of people. We have much less and don't live where we thought we would. But we have each other and so enjoy life now.
I'm glad my husband loved his job. I'm glad he chose us as his priority throughout. And I chose him and our kids as mine.
I've had adventures and alot of fun. Being a SAHM didn't make my life boring. And for you young moms, take heart, as they grow more and more, you get freer and freer. They do grow up.0 -
I got pregnant when I was 14.
No friends in High School
Teased Everyday (more than often, I use to be teased in Middle School for having short hair and glasses)
Having the boys avoid me cause they thought I wanted to make them my baby daddy
No sleep
No fun
No real college life
No real teenage life
No life what so ever
Tell a guy you have a son they soon forget that they ever liked you
I wanted to put my son up for adoption when he was born cause I knew I wouldn't make a good mother on my own. My mother said I had to keep him. Now I throw him off on her whenever possible. Not on purpose but because well...I'm still trying to make up for the life I lost when I was 14.
14?! Aren't kids suppose to be pretend to be kids at 14?! Yiiikes!
Also, I do hope you are joking about putting your child off to your mom because you are trying to play catch up. She raised you, she needs a break too, you know.0 -
It is so hard. You cannot comprehend how it would change your life. You become a different person, and when they are young, it will feel like you aren't a person at all. But it comes back after a while, and you get to start adding in your wants and needs to the pile, and it gets easier. I'm sure that changes when they hit the teenage years, but for now, my girls and I have got a sweet system going. And at least daily, I have that moment where looking at them I realize that these are MY little people, to raise and love and teach about the world, and I am knocked flat. There is simply no comparison.
Going out is a pain in the rear, and I lost a lot of friends when we moved into family mode so early (21 is early here), but I have new friends that can relate to my life. Give me a couple bottles of wine and my mommy friends, life is good.
I wouldn't change it for the world.0 -
Well, I have 6 kids and I truly love it. We did get married young, but did not have kids right away. He finished school, we traveled, and we got to do "couple things". Then when we were ready, we started having children.
Downside of kids: My tummy is no longer pretty, house gets messy a lot, and money is tight. For me that is it.
If your kids are evil brats, then you have no one to blame but yourself!
My kids are great people. I love being with them. My oldest three sons are teenagers and they are fun to be around. I enjoyed the little kid stage, but now that they are more adult, I love that aspect of our relationship too. My oldest is 17 and when i think about him going away to college, I get teary eyed. Yes, that is what is suppose to happen, they grow up and move out, but I will miss seeing him every day.
This is how I truly feel (no wine needed). I have 6 kids and if we had the money, we would have had more. There are times that I need some time alone or wish the kitchen and laundry would clean itself. But the blessings far outweigh the irritations!0 -
Now, we're getting somewhere. i know you guys love your kids, but I get sick of the rainbows and unicorns that people paint when someone is thinking about it or asking what it's like. It's really really really tough. That fact should NOT be underemphasized, IMO.
Thanks for the honesty. I'll bow out now.
I've never met someone who under-emphasized how difficult it is to be a parent. Contrary to that, I had people telling me my life was over when I was expecting. That I found annoying, because my life is far from over, its been enriched. It helped me realize that going out to the pub every weekend isn't as exciting as watching your children smile at the animals at the zoo.
That's how I feel. I heard a ton of "your life will be over" "kiss the things you enjoy goodbye" "you'll never sleep again!" and I have had such a great experience. I don't miss my old life at all.
Then there are times when you step on a lego or an action figure and you want to punch a kitten because it hurts so bad. But then your 5 year old says "I'm sorry your foot hurts mommy, I'll kiss it." And you kinda forget about the lego (kinda).0 -
Now, we're getting somewhere. i know you guys love your kids, but I get sick of the rainbows and unicorns that people paint when someone is thinking about it or asking what it's like. It's really really really tough. That fact should NOT be underemphasized, IMO.
Thanks for the honesty. I'll bow out now.
I know what you meant, and how you feel, and I agree and understand.
Yes, I love my kids. I think they are awesome people.
But I did not instantly bond with them as babies and felt more like a babysitter at first and I GREW to love them over time. There were times when I was rocking him ALL NIGHT and crying my eyes out because I was SO tired and had nobody to help me.
It is NOT all rainbows and sunshine.
The part I never understood is when people say they would DIE for their kids since the moment they were born. It took a few months for me to feel that protective over them.
They are 16 and 11 now, and they are awesome little people and I love them, but I don't love them MORE than my boyfriend, or my mom, or anyone else that I love. Love is love. I don't have a different or stronger love for my boys like others say they do.0 -
I can't believe how many people seem to have regrets about having children.
My son is my world, I had him when I was 23... he's now 10 months and is a very stubborn, determined beautiful little boy who is an absolute handful as he has just learned to walk. Being a Mum isn't easy and you have to work hard for the rewards and I find I'm constantly worrying if he's alright being a first time mum... but every time I look at my son it melts my heart and I'm proud of every little thing he does. I work full time and don't really get time to do things for myself but I wouldn't have it any other way!! He never fails to make me smile and every time he laughs or says Mama... I know that he was worth every stretch mark, the traumatic 3 day labour and all the sleepless nights since. Once you have a baby nothings about you anymore the little person you have made will always come first, but it doesn't bother me I love spoiling him... It makes you appreciate the rare night out or a new pair of shoes but I'm always desperate to get home to him. I think being a Mummy has always been my purpose in life... It's the most amazing journey you'll ever take!!0 -
I'm a bit biased in my opinion. I have the easiest 4 year old ever. He is well behaved, smart, likes the same movies and music as me, can take a shower alone, get himself dressed, get himself a snack and keeps himself entertained. It's like having a small clone of myself in my house and it never gets old.
I was 19 when I got pregnant, was beaten by his father during and after my pregnancy. We lived in a crappy, $400/month apartment surrounded by HUD housing and lots of crime. I was able to find a job as a receptionist when I was about 3 months along, worked my way up to the job I have now and haven't seen his dad for a long time. I now have a nice 3-bedroom house, fenced in yard and amazing, loving boyfriend. I think this may even be the first time in my life I have felt truely happy.0 -
I've been a mother for 18 years now. And I have given birth to six children.
Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I have to think about other people besides myself. No, I can't do some of the things I want to do.
But I can still see friends, study martial arts, lift weights, go on dates with my hubby, and play guitar on the front porch.
Every time that man and I have another baby together, I fall in love with him all over again. I so love watching him be a father to his children!
I am hugged, kissed, and told "I love you" every day by at least 7 different people. I was never so loved or felt so much love before having children.
My children are a great source of entertainment. I never laughed or smiled so much before having children.
Being a mother has caused me to learn about things like midwifery, nutrition, medicine, organic gardening, herbal remedies, vaccinations, English grammar, politics, helicopters, art history, classical music...children have definitely made me smarter. I never had people asking so much for my advice or opinions before having children.
Children who are taught responsibility are a great help around the house. The 18, 11, 8, and 5 year olds have chores in the house and yard. If I'm too tired to cook dinner, I have 2 other cooks in the house ( I don't count hubby as a cook
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My oldest daughter is now technically an adult, and we share many of the same interests. It's almost like having a live-in BFF.
And my body is NOT ruined. Although I may have a few stretch marks and "the girls" aren't as perky as I was when I was 20, I am d@mn hot! Or so I'm told frequently, by a guy that I think is pretty hot himself. Oh, yeah, I still get hit on, and I still get dates! And i have live-in babysitters now, too (of course I ASK, and I pay them.)0 -
Well I can definitely see and understand the good and the bad of what has been said about having kids. I loved being a mom when the kids were little. I was a stay at home mother for twelve years. Absolutely loved being home with my kids, teaching them, having fun with them, etc... Now I have three teens- a 19 year old, 17 year old and 15 year old. There are so many times I am so frustrated with them or they choose to do something that breaks my heart that I will wonder why I ever had children. But I realize I don't want to be rid of them-what I do want is to be rid of the situation they have put me in at the moment. Today my oldest broke my heart. I had to go to the county jail to visit him. I have never been in trouble with the law in my entire life, never stepped a foot in a jail or even close and there I was in line to visit an inmate. Very humbling and a little humiliating on my part. Then to see my son crying on the other side of the glass-he broke my heart. And it was very hard to tell him no I was not going to bail him out and that he would have to pay for the choices he made. Mothering is hard. I wanted to take the easy way out and pay everything and make things better for him but I know he needed to learn something and hopefully keep him from going down that road ever again. Now I'm looking forward to the days when I will be a grandma. Love on the kids and send them home!0
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I got pregnant when I was 14.
No friends in High School
Teased Everyday (more than often, I use to be teased in Middle School for having short hair and glasses)
Having the boys avoid me cause they thought I wanted to make them my baby daddy
No sleep
No fun
No real college life
No real teenage life
No life what so ever
Tell a guy you have a son they soon forget that they ever liked you
I wanted to put my son up for adoption when he was born cause I knew I wouldn't make a good mother on my own. My mother said I had to keep him. Now I throw him off on her whenever possible. Not on purpose but because well...I'm still trying to make up for the life I lost when I was 14.
14?! Aren't kids suppose to be pretend to be kids at 14?! Yiiikes!
Also, I do hope you are joking about putting your child off to your mom because you are trying to play catch up. She raised you, she needs a break too, you know.
Since that retarded video we had to watch in 4th grade and everyone started to change randomly, I fell into the "unwanted" group while everyone else fell into the popular crowd (and still are to this day). I thought sex was something I had to do to be liked by others. Found out the hard way that I was terribly wrong.
And NO I'm NOT kidding about putting my son off on my mother. I told her I wouldn't be a good mother. I cried to her and begged her to put him up for adoption so he could at least have a normal life. She said no, that if anyone adopts her grandson it would be her. Well now look, 8 years later and 10 more to go.
I hate helping with homework, going to doctor appointments, reading, writing, all that. If I didn't have a child I'd still be in school at the school I want to be living the life I want to live. My mother wouldn't have an extra mouth to feed and we'd probably be able to afford to keep the lights on and food on the table.0 -
How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for.
This X 1,000!!! In a heartbeat 0 -
I guess I should mentioned that I did everything I wanted to do in my 20's. I traveled extensively, went out, finished college with honors, visited museums, etc you get the picture. Personally, I didn't want to get married or have kids until my 30's. I wanted to do the things I wanted to do before I could dedicate my time completely to another person and well babies, they require attention 24/7. I got married at 30 and had my baby at 31. I wouldn't change a thing. How has it affected my life? Well, I don't play video games as much as I used to but I am ok with it. I just play when the kiddo goes to bed. Other than that, it just takes a tad longer to get ready to go anywhere and I have to pick up toys 50 times a day. It's a nice experience when you are ready for it. On the pro side, my kid is wonderful!
I think the problem a lot of women suffer is when they start having sex at a younger age, end up getting pregnant and don't accomplish the dreams/goals they had in mind. While it's completely doable, it's a lot harder to go to college and do the things you want to do when you have a child.0 -
I got pregnant when I was 14.
No friends in High School
Teased Everyday (more than often, I use to be teased in Middle School for having short hair and glasses)
Having the boys avoid me cause they thought I wanted to make them my baby daddy
No sleep
No fun
No real college life
No real teenage life
No life what so ever
Tell a guy you have a son they soon forget that they ever liked you
I wanted to put my son up for adoption when he was born cause I knew I wouldn't make a good mother on my own. My mother said I had to keep him. Now I throw him off on her whenever possible. Not on purpose but because well...I'm still trying to make up for the life I lost when I was 14.
14?! Aren't kids suppose to be pretend to be kids at 14?! Yiiikes!
Also, I do hope you are joking about putting your child off to your mom because you are trying to play catch up. She raised you, she needs a break too, you know.
Since that retarded video we had to watch in 4th grade and everyone started to change randomly, I fell into the "unwanted" group while everyone else fell into the popular crowd (and still are to this day). I thought sex was something I had to do to be liked by others. Found out the hard way that I was terribly wrong.
And NO I'm NOT kidding about putting my son off on my mother. I told her I wouldn't be a good mother. I cried to her and begged her to put him up for adoption so he could at least have a normal life. She said no, that if anyone adopts her grandson it would be her. Well now look, 8 years later and 10 more to go.
I hate helping with homework, going to doctor appointments, reading, writing, all that. If I didn't have a child I'd still be in school at the school I want to be living the life I want to live. My mother wouldn't have an extra mouth to feed and we'd probably be able to afford to keep the lights on and food on the table.
That's terrible! You know, it's not your son's fault you decided to have sex at 14? You brought him into the world. Why make his and your mother's life a living hell just because you decided to have sex? Poor kid.
Reading what you just posted makes me sad. A lot of kids grow up having emotional issues thanks to the irresponsibility of their parents.0 -
: Yes in a good way. xxx Of course if i was younger and had bags of confidence i would of maybe travelled etc. That didnt happen, but i guess things happen for a reason And.. i love my children with all my heart.
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No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.
I am one of those rare folks who will always tell it how it is. Just don't ask if you don't want to know... so here it goes. Are there good and bad? You bet your *kitten* there is. Here are the things to remember:
~If you have things you want to experience first, then do them. Having kids does complicate that and you don't want to regret having them
~ If you are unsure due to how you feel, then hold off. When the time is right, you will know
Now my reasoning: am I happy as heck to have 3 kids? You bet your butt. HOWEVER... sometimes when the kids come it is even more than you expected. I was expecting to not be able to go out much at all, knowing my family was not there to help. I knew there would be many nights I would stay awake to feed, soothe, and rock the child... nights when I would be cleaning up puke, patting down fevers, and cleaning up messes from other places due to illness. What I didn't see coming: 2 out of my 3 kids are disabled. Not with the same disabilities either. TOTALLY new ballgame now. Emotional rollercoasters, you literally give up everything at that point due to the thousands of dollars in medical bills, juggling work schedules with 4 specialist appts/wk, 3 physical therapy appointments/wk... can't go "here" cause they have "this" that might react to my child... no one wants to hang out with you because you spend your time trying to help your kids with activities of daily living. It's rough, and it's hard...and not always "according to plan".
With that being said: I adore my kids and BECAUSE of my life revolving around them and their needs, we have all become very tight and bonded. We are mother/child and best of friends all at once. They are older now, so don't need "mommy" as often, which has taken us to a new level. Each stage has made me thankful, and want to rip out all my hair, at the same time, LOL. I know that sounds odd, but truly the feelings come at the same dang time! My oldest is 18... he has thanked me for all I have done for him and continue to do... he doesn't have to, it's kind of implied in the mommy handbook, but it makes me feel good to hear it. The youngest is now 13... and all 3 contribute to the community: they do charity work, participate in helping out at Special Olympics, do walks for causes, etc. They are amazing individuals and I would change nothing about how I did it... but it's because I was ready and wanting children. The unexpected that popped up... well... didn't change the fact that I had the kids I wanted... that I loved... that I WANTED to base all my decisions on their best interest.. that I would see a bit of myself in each
They are wonderful and heart-wrenching all at the same time. Be ready and it will be a joy either way... not ready and you will live with regrets.0
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