is it "disrespectful" to not have kids?

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Replies

  • KSC811
    KSC811 Posts: 56
    no way is it disrespectful. it's your choice, and i don't think it's fair people would say that to you
    i don't want marriage or children, i don't hate children, i am studying to become an early childhood teacher! just my choice and that is the way it is! i support anyone who wants marriage and children, just not what i want!
  • nursevee
    nursevee Posts: 344 Member
    Holy moly... What a bunch of self-serving morons those people must be!

    I love my kids, would be happy with more but that's MY decision just like it's YOUR decision not to have any. I have a bunch of childless friends who adore their lives and I respect them for that. They are marvellous "aunts" to my kids and I couldn't fault them for anything.

    I would suggest you hold your head up high and not be deflated by a bunch uneducated idiots.
  • heylatimer
    heylatimer Posts: 60 Member
    No!!!

    They are a joy but they aren't for everyone. The wrong choice can ruin your life and the life of your child.
  • NICOLED73
    NICOLED73 Posts: 183
    Not disrespectful at all. It's smart! If you know you don't want or shouldn't have kids. If you think you can't do it, or whatever....
    Good for you. It's personal choice.
    I say get more cats. :) They don't talk back! Ha ha!

    (I have 3 kids)
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
    It is totally your own feelings and should mean absolutely nothing to others about whether or not you want kids. My daughter does not want children, her reason is her reason and I support her 100%. Would I like a Grandchild some day? Maybe, but right now, NO WAY!!! People here judge me by that as well. They think it's just awful. It's just the way I personally feel. Kids are a full time job for 18 plus years. Once a mother always a mother and if you don't want to put your time, energy, money, and life into raising them, then I totally agree that you shouldn't have them. No person should be judged as to why or why not they want children. It's a personal preference.
  • theartichoke
    theartichoke Posts: 816 Member
    You're not sensitive, those people are idiots. I respect anyone who makes that decision BEFORE they have children.
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
    I don't think that "disrespectful" is the right term.


    I believe you should only have kids if you want them.

    Although...there's a lot of people in this world who shouldn't have kids and should be ashamed to call themselves parents...the ones who pay no attention or give no love to their own child, so upsetting. So I'd much rather have someone remain childless versus having a child and treating them horribly or not TRULY loving them.

    :flowerforyou:
  • marywanoKC
    marywanoKC Posts: 176
    My husband and I have put off for years having children because while we love kids, we don't think we want them (we've been married ten years this June). I had someone tell me that I was a waste of space if I didn't procreate. *laugh* When I give them the standard "I have a medical issue that would make it very difficult to conceive" (which is true, and more then not their business), I get told that I should adopt, like that's for everyone, and it's my duty to raise a child that I didn't even birth (and if I'm not sure if I want to have a child biologically, how in the world am I going to connect with one any other way?).

    I finally got a bumper sticker that says, "I'm not childless, I'm child free!". My body and life is my business, not anyone else's, and screw anyone who tried to convince me that I should have kids. If I need convincing, I don't need a child. The end.
  • lniffa
    lniffa Posts: 675 Member
    I don't want kids of my own either. I have heard lots of reasons why I should and how they will fulfill my life. Uhm no! Just because they did for you, doesn't mean its for me. I have nieces and nephews that I love and spoil to death, I even babysit when the parents need me time. This is a choice I made when I was 19 years old, when all my friends were having babies. I am happy with my decision and no one and I mean no one will change my mind.

    If this is want you want, don't let anyone try to guilt you or make you feel bad about your decision.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    you guys are great.

    it happend when i was having a private message with the guy about a similar subject and i said i made the decision not to have kids because i dont want to stop my medication. well he just went off then i get two more pm's from two women i hardly knew telling me that i was selfish and a b**** and how dare i look down on them.

    i was like what! look down on you. i have nothing to say about anyones reproductive life.. anyway.. i'm glad you guys are on my side.

    and again, i like kids. i loved being a nanny. and i babysit for my freinds all the time. :)
  • Beatlegirl66
    Beatlegirl66 Posts: 68 Member
    I am 35 years old and chose not to have children. I teach 1st and 2nd grade and I love my job. I love spending my day with 6-8 year olds. However, I do not want to have kids of my own. I was told a couple of weeks ago that I "must really hate kids" because I do not want any. That really hurt me. I can't imagine how I would feel if I was told that I was being "disrespectful."
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
    It should be a choice to have children. I chose to have children and current my husband chose to have children. It's really the people like my ex husband who wanted OUT of the family we created together (after years of fertility treatments too) saying that he never wanted to have children...then had two more to his 2nd and to his 3rd wives.

    I love my blended family with all my heart. I wanted more than anything to have children and to raise them to be respectable members of society.

    I applaud your decision, because you made the decision for yourself...because it's the best for you! Congrats!
  • theskinnyonme
    theskinnyonme Posts: 443 Member
    Its not disrespectful and those same "people" tend to be just as judgemental to me. for having chose to have my kids at a young age.
    They seem to want us all to fit in a nice little neat box of wants.
  • vkbartlett
    vkbartlett Posts: 9
    Wow i'm sorry you expeirence that. I dont want kids either. dont get me wrong i absoultly love my niece and nephews but the best part is when i'm tired of them i can send them back to their parents house. Children are wonderful but expecialy for me and my husband who work the same shift there is no way we could have kids we both like our freedom way to much to be able to do what we want when we want to and not have to worry about whos taking care of the kids. So right on girl. Dont worry about what those other people say, cuz all in all its your life and yours alone no one else is living it. :)
  • Charliemaetoombs
    Charliemaetoombs Posts: 7 Member
    I have a few friends who don't want kids. It's not that uncommon so don't feel singled out. I eventually want kids, just not now while I'm trying to get my life in order. I get crap from people because I've been married for over five years and I don't have children yet... Don't listen to them. This is YOUR life and you need to do what makes YOU happy. People just need to learn mind their own business when they can't be positive or supportive.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    We have the ability to produce... We have the personal choice to produce... Everyone has their reasons for wanting to have children and not wanting to have children. Having children is not for everyone and the reason I say this is because so many children end up in foster homes, being homeless, etc.
  • Barbellsandthimbles
    Barbellsandthimbles Posts: 205 Member
    I love my nephews but that's as close as I get to wanting kids. There is nothing wrong with not wanting children. They are just projecting their issues on to you. Good for you for knowing what you want, and don't want!
  • tjsusong
    tjsusong Posts: 195 Member
    I am 38 years old, have never wanted children and had my tubes tied 3 years ago to be sure it doesnt happen. I think kids are great for other people, but I'm not equipped with the patience for children!! I commend your choice!!
  • LolasEpicJourney
    LolasEpicJourney Posts: 1,010 Member
    That's terrible! If you don't want children that's your own decision, no one should think less of you for it.
  • Jessica1274
    Jessica1274 Posts: 363 Member
    I wonder how old these other women are. I can totally imagine my mother in law saying something like that. She was very upset, as was my own mother,when I had my tubal when my first was 4mos old. (we later adopted) I can imagine women wanting grand babies thinking it was selfish. From their pov it is, however, they aren't the one having and raising the baby. So, they really don't get to decide, do they? You aren't disrespectful for not wanting to have children.
  • kriskaryl
    kriskaryl Posts: 120 Member
    Wow, It is a personal decision to have or not have kids. Sometimes they are a big surprise. When I was a young teenager, I never wanted kids. As I got older, I changed my mind and have 4 wonderful grown children, 4 wonderful kid-in-laws, and 7 beautiful grandchildren. But that was my choice. No one should degrade or judge someone who chooses not to have children. My hunny was married 2x before we met. He made a decision many years ago not to become a father. He was in the Navy and at sea most of his career. There may very well be some adults out there in the world that look like him, but no one has come forward in over 30 yrs. On the other hand, he has been a wonderful father figure for my kids and the best Poppa in the world.

    You have made a very responsible decision and I applaud you.
  • spectralmoon
    spectralmoon Posts: 1,179 Member
    I can't imagine any way that it would be disrespectful... someone had their tampon fuse lit and chose a wrong word in the midst of it, I'm guessing.

    For what it's worth, I don't want kids either. Never really did, and contrary to popular saying, never "changed my mind when I got older".
  • salgalruns
    salgalruns Posts: 83 Member
    I work at a school as a principal and have seen first hand (for about 25 years now) the number of people that should have NEVER had kids. They got into it either by accident or because they wanted "mini me's" to be friends with. It's actually pretty sad. I find myself doing more parenting every year to explain how to hold kids accountable and not give in to their every demand just because they tantrum.

    The parents who are amazing (and I know MANY) are ones that made a conscious decision to be parents, who understand the true commitment it takes to become a parent for life, and are willing to make that their priority. They also know and BOTH agree that this is what they desire. If only one of you wants kids, don't do it. Kids know. I've had too many tell me that they know they were an "accident" or that Mom (or Dad) really didn't want them or wishes they weren't there. They also hear EVERYTHING. Only if both can you really be headed toward success...and I don't guarantee it. Kids are TOUGH. They argue, they fight, they have their own opinions, and it takes someone that loves them and still holds them accountable no matter what.

    If it's not for you, I applaud you wholeheartedly for not having them and bringing kids into the world in a situation where it's just not the right thing.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    It's disrespectful to tell someone else what they should do with their lives and bodies.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    it's a personal choice.
    my mom says that we are supposed to have children and that it's god's will.
    it's disrespectful to have a child and not care for it. goodness knows there are already too many unfit parents and not enough loving foster homes.

    my child has 4 legs, a tail, and loves me unconditionally forever.
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
    There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids at all. And you don't have to justify to other people what your reasons are.
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
    WHY have we evolved as a people who seem to think that it's ANY OF OUR **%$ing business what goes on in someone else's uterus? That makes me MENTAL.
  • spectralmoon
    spectralmoon Posts: 1,179 Member
    it's a personal choice.
    my mom says that we are supposed to have children and that it's god's will.
    it's disrespectful to have a child and not care for it. goodness knows there are already too many unfit parents and not enough loving foster homes.

    my child has 4 legs, a tail, and loves me unconditionally forever.

    :D Yay for furbabies!
  • PixelTreason
    PixelTreason Posts: 226 Member
    What the...?! Disrespectful? To whom?!


    Anyway, I'm 35 (and everyone is on my back about OMG IT'S ALMOST TOO LATE!!) and don't want kids.

    I wanted them when I was younger but the older I get the less I want them - and my boyfriend of 11 years agrees.

    I have too many friends who come to our nice, quiet, clean, stress-free house and tell me how much they miss that in their lives. I'm sure they wouldn't give up their kids for it (most of them wouldn't, anyway!) but if they could have made a different choice at the beginning? I've had a few tell me they would have chosen differently.

    Have kids, don't have kids - that's up to each couple/person. Nobody else's business but yours!


    Edit: Also, my dog is so much better than any pukey, drooling child. :P
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    It's disrespectful for people to tell you that you have to do something with your body that you don't choose to do. I don't want kids. I don't want to be pregnant. I plan to get sterilization surgery as soon as I can afford it. It's no one's business what we choose to do with our own bodies.

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