The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

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  • 10KEyes
    10KEyes Posts: 250 Member
    Have her lift weights and you both rotate out on the same equipment. Then on cardio days you both go do cardio together. I love to have my wife work out with me. This is what we did when we went to the gym. It worked out for us. Now we are doing our workouts outside instead of on machines and doing body weight exercises.
  • teekee2
    teekee2 Posts: 29 Member
    Wow, I seriously just laughed out loud on this one! Too funny! :laugh:
  • brph26
    brph26 Posts: 207 Member
    Sorry, but this made me laugh. Loving your sarcasm though! haha Maybe it's her TOM. She seems a bit crazy....just a thought! lol I get slightly crazy once a month too, but I wouldn't cry at the gym...

    When my hubby and I had a gym membership together, he showed me how to use some of the equipment during the first few times, and then we basically went our separate ways until the workouts were over. He did his lifting thing with his headphones much like yourself. I did a few lifting machines and then the elliptical for a while. For me/us, the gym wasn't a place to socialize. It's a place to work and get stronger...
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,805 Member
    I'm not reading the 10 pages of arguments that I'm sure has ensued. But why not show her how to pick things up and put them down? Work in with her. Once she has enough weight on the bar/dumbbells she won't be trying to talk during the set (hopefully).
  • Zalovar
    Zalovar Posts: 92 Member
    I don't really know what advice to give you other than, I do think that each person needs to follow their own fitness goals and own path to get there. My wife and I go to the gym occasionally together but we rarely work out together. It's simple, we both have different goals and preferences how to get there. She really enjoys zumba, yoga, etc and I'd rather lift or play soccer to get my workouts in. There's nothing wrong with that. Thing is, I think we both would rather spend time doing other things that we BOTH enjoy doing together instead of one of us being miserable participating in something we don't like. That being said, I can say that I've actually tried some of the classes my wife takes (step, muscle blast, etc), so I feel like I at least gave it a shot (and they weren't so bad). As much as you're opposed to even trying Zumba, it might not be the worst thing in the world to do one session with her...then make up your mind.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Thanks for all the advice. Still not sure how to approach this subject. It's going on day 5 of this and she is still pretty mad. I told her she can come with me to the gym but I can't get a good workout and talk to her or stopping and going. When I go to the gym I have one mode and it's go full forward. That seems to annoy him, I explained to her I'm not a cardio junkie and I'm not a hip skinny guy that could pull of Zumba. Doing Zumba would just be a distraction for the whole class and instead of just me not getting a work out you would have a room full of people not getting a workout, unless you count abs from all the laughing. She didn't think it was a funny example when I told her I'd look like Peter Griffin off Family Guy trying to do Zumba. I have no idea what she has against family guy!
  • rachellewis00
    rachellewis00 Posts: 2 Member
    I would try explaining to her that you have a workout routine that you enjoy, BEFORE you get to the gym! That way if she gets upset, you'll probably get your wish to go to the gym alone, and avoid her making a scene at the gym.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,805 Member
    "If you want to make this something for us to do together, then I need you to follow my lead rather than expecting me to drop my entire workout routine, something I've been dedicated about, and do what you want to do."
  • court617
    court617 Posts: 65
    This was a pretty great story to read! Thanks!
    I don't have a spouse to work out with or anything, but I can't work out with chatty friends. I'd much rather run and go to a gym by myself so I can focus on what I'm doing, or better yet, focus on nothing. I have a friend that talks so much, she is anti-silence, and just the thought of trying to work out with her stresses me out!

    I'd get over it pretty quickly if someone told me they needed to do something alone, but I'm the type of person who would do the asking, so I get it. I'd probably be in the same boat if my friend wanted to go to the gym with me, I'd have to tell her I couldn't do it! Being honest is your best bet, and since it sounds like you've done that, I think it will blow over. You can't change who you are or what your routine is- especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe if she were interested in lifting, that would be different, but trying to get someone to change from lifting to Zumba is pretty dramatic!
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    Your wife is lucky to have you. Not only can't I workout with my husband, but he won't do anything else with me. No movies, no dates, no watching TV together. Nothing.
  • sweetheart03622
    sweetheart03622 Posts: 928 Member
    OMFG running with my boyfriend is awful! Get her to realize that you can go to the gym together and do seperate workouts and then join back up for stretching and a jog after or something. But yea, totally feel your pain!
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    OMG that sucks! I'm sorry :(
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    Ladies, there are some things you just don't do, and signing a grown man up for Zumba without him knowing is one of them. Some people just wanna watch the world burn....
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
    Your story is hilarious! Yes, that sounds about how it goes with me and my husband, but he's the one who doesn't get it. I like to blast my headphones, drown everything out, and focus. Not have him tripping over me, asking me questions about why I do it like that (Jillian Michaels taught me that!). I want him to exercise too, but preferably on his own time... :tongue:
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    Ladies, there are some things you just don't do, and signing a grown man up for Zumba without him knowing is one of them. Some people just wanna watch the world burn....
    haha I agree. She should go to zumba while you lift weights. I think it probably hurt her feelings or she felt like you were leaving her behind. I don't really like working out with anyone. I'm single now but I use to try and get my last bf to workout with me and he did it maybe twice. But only if it was at a park or something. At the gym I don't want to deal with someone talking my ear off.
  • shaycat
    shaycat Posts: 980
    I feel bad for both of you.

    Your wife just wants to spend more time with you. I understand that completely! I would love more time with my husband. However I do understand that when he works out that is his time.

    I think she is worried about your new weight lose. She just needs to feel that not matter how much you change on the outside, your love for her wont change. This is about more than you not wanting to do Zumba with her. Find the real cause and address that.
  • Chagama
    Chagama Posts: 543 Member
    I had a similar situation. She would complain that I wasn't socializing enough with her at the gym, that all I wanted to do was get through my routine and then leave. Well, yeah.

    But recently I started going to Body Pump class with her. It's been a great middle ground. I added it to my routine, so I didn't lose anything. We're in class together, side by side, for an hour, so we're spending time together. But the instructor is doing all the talking, no time for idle chit chat, so that's not an issue.
  • TheNewo
    TheNewo Posts: 239 Member
    I'm so sorry for laughing at your pain, but, BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
  • sixisCHANGEDjk
    sixisCHANGEDjk Posts: 243
    Oh man, I feel for you. I like to go to the gym early as my 'alone' time. If we do anything together it's cardio (generally walking with the family).
  • kevinlynch3
    kevinlynch3 Posts: 287 Member
    The story and the way you related it was funny but I feel your pain man. Yeah, seems like she is a little spoiled by you and she has decided to make this an issue.

    Maybe you're just a nice guy and she really is a little insecure/needy given that she feels she needs to spend time with you during a period which was originally your time.

    Do you get to spend a lot of time with her outside of work and working out? Just wondering if that's the issue more than working out with you. Workout time is consumptive. I feel like all I do is work, workout and then sleep.

    Stand strong man. Yes, there are lots of things we compromise on in relationships but your thing is your thing and if you can't be interrrupted lifting, then that's your thing and she has to compromise.

    I may have to send you a FR after this because it sounds like we are similar when it comes to racing on treadmills even if other gym members dont' know it...hahahahaha
  • mejustsmaller316
    mejustsmaller316 Posts: 134 Member
    No offense to your wife, but crying in the locker room. What is is 12? But yeah, You should totally be able to do your own thing. I go to the gym/zumba to release stress, not to make stress.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
    This story is awesome! :smile: Your wife is such a "girl". I know, because I can be like this myself once in a while (or the total opposite - just depends on the situation). I would say that you might want to set it up in advance - talk to her about it before you even go. Let her know you don't want to hurt her feelings and it is nothing personal, but you two have two totally different approaches to fitness and that it is a good thing. Pour it on - you admire her dedication to her fitness and that she's found something (zumba) that makes her happy and upbeat and fit. If she likes zumba, she's likely into the social and group connection just as much as the fitness element. Tell her that what makes you happy is the opposite - spending time alone at the gym focusing on yourself and getting into that zone - but you really want to connect with her after post workout or whatever. BUT - before you even have this conversation - book a special date night/ pay her attention outside of the gym in advance. Perhaps she's just missing connecting with you - so you may have to just re-direct the situation so you both get what you want.
  • greene89
    greene89 Posts: 49 Member
    Hmmm I cant really realte since I am the complete oppisite as your wife, But I think you need to tell her to back off about this, she cant be mad forevor. I think its a good idea about the offering alternitives, Although i dont think you should need to do that. She should just understand.
  • TheDecision
    TheDecision Posts: 43
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.

    I laughed... She doesn't like those jokes very much... :-(
  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.


    hahahaha.....wait what ? :huh:
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
    Ladies, there are some things you just don't do, and signing a grown man up for Zumba without him knowing is one of them. Some people just wanna watch the world burn....

    I wholeheartedly agree with this.

    OP,i'm so sorry, but your story has me seriously cracking up! I'm so glad that I can workout together with my husband and he doesn't try to talk to me while we work out. I get really frustrated when people gab at me while i'm working out. :laugh:

    I think your wife doing Zumba while you do weights is a great idea! Would she do it?
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.

    Yeah she can do plie squats while stirring a boiling pot lol...works for me! :tongue:
  • BuzzBuzzBee
    BuzzBuzzBee Posts: 11
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.

    Most women need to be reminded where they stand. Women should be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and an acrobat in the bedroom. Being an acrobat requires a fit body, therefore women are allowed a certain amount of time out of the kitchen to go to the gym, if they don't use this time wisely, then get the eff back in the kitchen. Just saying.
  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
    Easy solution to this problem:

    Remind your wife that the gym is not a kitchen, therefore she has no business there.

    Most women need to be reminded where they stand. Women should be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and an acrobat in the bedroom. Being an acrobat requires a fit body, therefore women are allowed a certain amount of time out of the kitchen to go to the gym, if they don't use this time wisely, then get the eff back in the kitchen. Just saying.

    then again, most women spend too much time in the kitchen and that's why they NEED to go to the gym haha
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