Need girls and guy answers

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  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
    You seriously want to have a baby, get used to being in it alone right now.

    My husband promised me he would quit drinking and smoking while I was pregnant and he would rub my feet once a week.

    Guess how many of those things he did for me while I was pregnant...

    Maybe the smell of alcohol will make you sick (like it did me) and when he comes home ****faced, you can vomit on him :wink:
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    I can kind of understand why so many people are saying, "You're the one with the baby, so there's no reason he has to stop drinking," but I think it's missing the point. No, he doesn't HAVE to, but if it's important to his wife, there's no reason he SHOULDN'T. If he can't do something simple as not obtaining and consuming alcohol for a while, he's either an alcoholic or he doesn't care about his wife's feelings. You don't have to understand everything your significant other does, but they should still be your priority.

    You are not supposed completely surrender yourself to the whims of our significant other. It is a blending not a consumption.

    And honestly, if it was four hours straight and the drinking was the final point to ending it, I may have rashly said that I would stop before realizing the implications.
  • SiempreBella
    SiempreBella Posts: 125 Member
    I would not have a baby.
  • Fourmenandalady28
    Fourmenandalady28 Posts: 87
    I think hubby should be free to be himself. You would rather him show you the real him than u get the fake one and the friends get the real one. I have been married for seven years and I think that the reason most marriages don't work is because we try to change our spouses. Whenever he is ready to stop drinking or anything else he will and at least when he makes that decision he won't waver it would more likely than not be a permenant one because it came from him and not anyone else.
  • anna_lisa
    anna_lisa Posts: 486 Member
    Ok, it's scientifically proven. ALCOHOL REMAINS IN YOUR BODY FOR 40 days. Even if he stops he still has alcohol in his blood for more than a month. I know it's sad, but it will affect your baby too. He can have problems with health, and serious ones! talk to him, if you guys are serious, you both must be responsible enough to handle that! Good luck <3

    agreed. His drinking could affect baby too during conception.
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    They have a 12 step program for that...sounds like the drinking is more of a problem than you may think !

    Just because a person wants a beer or two doesn't mean they're an alcoholic...

    I agree. but when you have committed that you will stop and then CANNOT maybe there is a problem

    If my wife was nagging me for 4 hours Id "commit" to it too...and then get blindingly drunk
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    I gave it up during my wifes pregnancy just to be supportive. that and she told me not to do it in front of her if I did, so I just gave it up all together and then when she was done breast feeding we partied :drinker:

    he he... I said Breast

    to each his own, drinking in front of you would be a little mean. but everybody's different, there is more than one right way to do anything. well most things :wink:
  • boggsmeister
    boggsmeister Posts: 292 Member
    They have a 12 step program for that...sounds like the drinking is more of a problem than you may think !

    Just because a person wants a beer or two doesn't mean they're an alcoholic...

    I agree. but when you have committed that you will stop and then CANNOT maybe there is a problem

    One of the symptoms of alcoholism is when you have to have a bunch of rules and rituals about how you drink alcohol. Such as "I never drink before noon." If people are arguing about the rules concerning alcohol, there is very likely a problem.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    You are over reacting.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    They have a 12 step program for that...sounds like the drinking is more of a problem than you may think !

    Just because a person wants a beer or two doesn't mean they're an alcoholic...

    I agree. but when you have committed that you will stop and then CANNOT maybe there is a problem

    If my wife was nagging me for 4 hours Id "commit" to it too...and then get blindingly drunk

    Wanna get hitched??
  • redsonja1313
    redsonja1313 Posts: 10
    just for the record--you cant compare smoking to drinking as it is proven second hand smoke does harm mother and fetus----and while I am in here I would also like to advocate for the abolishment of DRY baby showers !!! Seriously if you expect me to sit and watch you open your ump-tenth bag of diapers or a baby wipe warmer for god sake serve me a margarita since my ovaries are currently no open for business I have no understanding what or why Diapers need a Gennie however I will be able to find the humor and tolerance for it with a cocktail---or two-three-six !!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I can kind of understand why so many people are saying, "You're the one with the baby, so there's no reason he has to stop drinking," but I think it's missing the point. No, he doesn't HAVE to, but if it's important to his wife, there's no reason he SHOULDN'T. If he can't do something simple as not obtaining and consuming alcohol for a while, he's either an alcoholic or he doesn't care about his wife's feelings. You don't have to understand everything your significant other does, but they should still be your priority.

    WHY is it important to the wife that her husband not drink while she's pregnant? In this instance, I get that he agreed to do it, then backed out, which is pretty douche-y, but, in general, why is it always the husband who is expected to understand the wife's irrational thinking? Why isn't she expected to understand that maybe, just maybe, she can actually abstain from alcohol entirely on her own without coming up with some stupid "if I have to suffer, so do you" nonsense? On what planet does that make sense?
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    Did you ask him this while he was already drunk? Drunk people agree to things they may otherwise say no to...
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Ok, it's scientifically proven. ALCOHOL REMAINS IN YOUR BODY FOR 40 days. Even if he stops he still has alcohol in his blood for more than a month. I know it's sad, but it will affect your baby too. He can have problems with health, and serious ones! talk to him, if you guys are serious, you both must be responsible enough to handle that! Good luck <3

    agreed. His drinking could affect baby too during conception.

    If this were true, almost all of my large Catholic family would have birth defects. We're Catholic. We drink, and have lots of babies.
  • redsonja1313
    redsonja1313 Posts: 10
    Ok, it's scientifically proven. ALCOHOL REMAINS IN YOUR BODY FOR 40 days. Even if he stops he still has alcohol in his blood for more than a month. I know it's sad, but it will affect your baby too. He can have problems with health, and serious ones! talk to him, if you guys are serious, you both must be responsible enough to handle that! Good luck <3

    agreed. His drinking could affect baby too during conception.

    Really
    while there may be statistics on this the chance of birth defects because the father is moderate to regular drinker are negligible. It is the MOTHER who needs a clear, clean system. Drunk asshatz have been conceiving for DECADES!!! Lets face it section of rural south wouldn't exist if people didn't get drunk and make babies !! Keith Richards has 4 kids !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Honestly, my husband and I never discussed this. I didn't really see a problem with it when I was pregnant because he pretty much only had an occasional drink or two when we were out for dinner. If he was getting hammered every weekend while I was pregnant I probably would have been pissed. So, ultimately, look at what your actual expectation is. Maybe there's a compromise. Maybe he just has a drink when you guys are out and not a fridge full of beer, or whatever you think will work.

    All of that said, my husband and I recently decided to quit drinking because we really want to get healthier and just don't see the need for it anymore!
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Ok, it's scientifically proven. ALCOHOL REMAINS IN YOUR BODY FOR 40 days. Even if he stops he still has alcohol in his blood for more than a month. I know it's sad, but it will affect your baby too. He can have problems with health, and serious ones! talk to him, if you guys are serious, you both must be responsible enough to handle that! Good luck <3

    agreed. His drinking could affect baby too during conception.

    Really
    while there may be statistics on this the chance of birth defects because the father is moderate to regular drinker are negligible. It is the MOTHER who needs a clear, clean system. Drunk asshatz have been conceiving for DECADES!!! Lets face it section of rural south wouldn't exist if people didn't get drunk and make babies !!

    Most of my family wouldn't exist if people didn't get drunk and make babies.
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    Ok, it's scientifically proven. ALCOHOL REMAINS IN YOUR BODY FOR 40 days. Even if he stops he still has alcohol in his blood for more than a month. I know it's sad, but it will affect your baby too. He can have problems with health, and serious ones! talk to him, if you guys are serious, you both must be responsible enough to handle that! Good luck <3

    agreed. His drinking could affect baby too during conception.

    Really
    while there may be statistics on this the chance of birth defects because the father is moderate to regular drinker are negligible. It is the MOTHER who needs a clear, clean system. Drunk asshatz have been conceiving for DECADES!!! Lets face it section of rural south wouldn't exist if people didn't get drunk and make babies !!

    I think you mispoke, I think almost all of Boston with the Irish wouldnt exist....
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Okay, so I graduated high school in 2008. I took a parenting course while there and in parenting we learned about birth defects. One of which was fetal alcohol syndrome. It was never mentioned once that the father had anything to do with any alcohol related birth defects.
  • redsonja1313
    redsonja1313 Posts: 10
    [/quote]

    I think you mispoke, I think almost all of Boston with the Irish wouldnt exist....
    [/quote] lol---lets face it 1/2 the US population wouldn't exist if drunk people didn't ***** !!
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    I didn't and wouldn't stop. That's silly. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to have a designated driver, that my drinking might have increased during that time. LOL.

    I got to drive my hubby's step-grandma home after Thanksgiving dinner last year b/c I was the only one not drinking since I was pregnant. lol

    I was the DD home from my half-brother's wedding when I was prego, my dad took major advantage of the open bar provided by my half-bro's step-dad haha

    That's awesome! Is your family Irish, too? lol
  • tabinmaine
    tabinmaine Posts: 965 Member
    If my husband was going to be on medication for the next 9 months and he could not drink I would not give up alcohol to be supportive..... if you have to support your spouse there is an issue..... the reason I would not give it up is we rarely drink.... so why bother...

    Sheesh, and this concept to make "healthy sperm" no alcohol....give me a break, 50% of babies are conceived when drunk...the mother and the father.....
  • NashvilleShelley
    NashvilleShelley Posts: 238
    This seems odd...you talk to him for four hours about something that is going to happen next month. (After four hours I would agree to anything just to end the conversation!) Then before the next month gets here, he thinks about it and tells you he probably can't do that. What is the issue??? It's not like he was sneaking them out in the garage. He was honest and told you it's not happening. Who did you decide is going to change the diapers and feed the baby in the middle of the night? Guess what, you can plan all you want but when the reality gets here NOTHING will go as planned. Just go with the flow and stop looking to control someone else's actions, it's just life - enjoy it.
  • paulsmisses
    paulsmisses Posts: 178
    My husband didnt stop drinking or smoking in order for me to conceive. although drinking wasnt really a problem, only a 12 pack over weekend because he worked all week. if you or he feels that his drinking is a 'problem' then this has to be dealt with before you conceive as you dont want things to get worse with the stress of a hormonal wife and newborn baby!
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    Don't have a baby.

    At least, not with him.
  • kelseystew
    kelseystew Posts: 49 Member
    He shouldn't have said he would stop if he didn't really mean it...sounds like a lack of communication there. NOW, why would you want him to stop drinking as well? is drinking a problem here? I guess it depends on the level of drinking we are talking about. If he has a beer with dinner or with a friend that shouldn't be a big deal BUT...if he is going out to drink on a bender with buddies for the weekend and leaving you all alone...that would be an issue. I understand the not drinking together because of the baby and if that was the agreement and he is not keeping it...that goes a long way to speaking about maturity and if he is ready for the committment to being a dad. So many questions and also not knowing all the circumstances make it hard to give you a clear or concise answer...I'm not judging him or you...just bringing up points.

    This!!! I feel if it is casual drinking, whatever at least one of you can enjoy yourselves!!! As long as he is there when you need him, willing to rub feet/backs, and go for weird craving food runs, then it is cool! If it doesn't affect your relationship then that is okay. But if it is getting wasted every weekend and blackout drunk maybe this chap isn't quite ready for a baby.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    I didn't and wouldn't stop. That's silly. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to have a designated driver, that my drinking might have increased during that time. LOL.

    I got to drive my hubby's step-grandma home after Thanksgiving dinner last year b/c I was the only one not drinking since I was pregnant. lol


    I was the DD home from my half-brother's wedding when I was prego, my dad took major advantage of the open bar provided by my half-bro's step-dad haha

    That's awesome! Is your family Irish, too? lol


    Haha, no, but we ARE Catholic! Open bar for weddings, funerals, and kids birthday parties!
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
    We were both drunk when I got pregnant with our son. :D
  • wolfehound22
    wolfehound22 Posts: 859 Member
    I think quite a few of you are a little off base her, was it wrong for him to say he would of course, empty promises are never good. My thinking at the time he thought no big deal I can do this, and then once it came around he decided he couldn't do it. Better he be honest with you now, then try and hide it from you later.

    I don't see a reason for him to give it up, unless there is some kind of drinking problem. If hes out getting hammered every night then thats not good, but a few drinks here and there should be fine. I drank during my wifes pregnancy, and she never had an issue. Having a baby can be stressful, and maybe having afew beers will keep his nerves under control, but saying he isn't fit to be a father, or you should wait, is a little misguided, unless there is a serious drinking problem.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    I thought the point of getting a girl pregnet was to get a free sober cab for 9 months?
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