Folks who are divorced/divorcing...

My husband and I were together 1 1/2 before getting married. We married mainly due to a pregnancy. We are in a rough patch now after 27 years together. If you are compatible, happy, and its what you want, take a leap of faith!

Only together 5 months before getting married, but I was 21 and goofy Seriously, we were together for 13 years after that, have a fantastic little girl. We both changed as we grew up, and unfortunately drifted apart. Rather than admit that, we both were mean and hurtful and did stupid stuff. For awhile we were mad and it was awful, but now that we have been divorced over 2 years, we are best friends and raising our 11 year old together. I don't regret a thing. Do what's right for you, but I'm curious why you are scared? My parents are divorced, everyone I know and their parents too are also divorced. Ugly fact of life, but to me, not a reason to never get married.

Also, no harm in talking about it with him! I admire him for being upfront with the fact that he will want to get married at some point and knowing that it is healthy and mature to find out early if the potential partner feels the same? Why waste time falling in love and committing to someone who can't give you the life you want?

Good luck to you!

Married for 3 1/2 years.

He was my best friend for 3 1/2 years before that.

I had no misgivings because I naively assumed that the things that bothered me would clear themselves up when we were married (ladies - you cannot CHANGE a man. He is the way he is, take it or leave it, or encourage growth, but don't expect him to change for you).

Divorce should be finalized a little over a month from now. He didn't contest anything, but it's not been a pretty situation to say the least.

The thing is, marriage IS supposed to be forever, so if you aren't sure, don't do it. You have to be willing to give it 110%.

we were together six years before marriage. Married eight...divorce will be done next month. Looking back I think I always knew it wasn't going to work. we led seperate lives...once we had a child it was like we were roommates. Now we never really fought, and still get along now (except when his head it up his booty).

Most of our family and friends were caught off gaurd by the split as well. We kept a lot of thing quiet and just between us. even the friends I confided in didnt know the full extent of the unhappiness.

But, at least for me...the good years we had, even if not ideal, I wouldnt change for anything.

Engaged a year, seven months married...had many misgivings...I'm an idiot.

I met my ex-husband when I was 17; he was 19. We were together for 6 years before we got married in 1997. We had two kids together. I left him in 2008...we basically lived in the same house and had no conversation unless it was about the kids or the finances for the last two years ('06-'08). I even slept on the couch in the family room. We grew up together and then grew apart in complete opposite directions. He is a wonderful father but a terrible spouse.

For the first seven or eight years that I knew him, I thought he hung the moon. On my wedding day, I joked with my maid of honor that we would probably be divorced by the time I was 35.

Our divorce was final in September 2009. I was 36.

Friends for 12 years pre-marriage
Dated 2 years
Married 4 years
Divorced 3-4 years now

I knew I was making a mistake when I married him. Details aside, we were friends, but there wasn’t enough true love, respect, chemistry, etc to support a marriage. We remain good friends now. But I certainly don’t recommend debating divorce instead of marriage… it’s a bit backwards

You know I am not one for settling but I also think love is overrated. My mom told me something that always stuck with me. She said I wasn't head over heels in love with your father, I new I liked him a lot, I trusted him and he made me laugh after that love grew from compatability as opposed to those loving feelings which can sometimes cloud judgement and often change with time when the newness wears off.

Divorcing- Together for 2 1/2 yrs when we said I do. Yes the relationship changed after marriage, but not for the better. I was 100% sure before we married. But soon after the honeymoon, things started to change and here we are. I just filed final paperwork and our divorce should be finalized in a couple weeks. (been going through the divorce now for coming up on a year)

Every relationship is different. Marriage is hard, it takes alot of work and if both people aren't 110% in it, then I'd say wait. Unfortunatly, some people use marriage as an excuse to stop working for and trying to keep the other person happy. When that happens, its over before it even starts. If your un-sure, defenitly wait.

I also happen to still believe in marriage. But a real marriage, one where a man loves his wife un-conditionally and a wife loves her husband un-conditionally. A marriage where sacrifices are made from both, for both. Not where it's one sided and your the only one making sacrifices. I believe that you have to completely love and adore the person your married to, from all angles, you cannot be selfish and stubbourn and not willing to work anything out in the marriage. You sometimes have to be able to set your pride aside and learn how to talk things out, if you have these things, you have a recipe for success. This to me is an example of a perfect marriage!

Love is patient, love is kind.
love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful
it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

My marriage was those things, but only from me unfortunatly. If your relationship is all of those. You should be proud and consider yourself blessed. I'm in no way a religious person, but after reading this, before I divorced my husband, I realized we had NONE of these things and that added some fuel to my fire. Good luck in whatever you chose to do.

I have been married twice and divorced twice. It seemed that both men absolutely changed about mid-way through the marriages (about 5 years in).

My first marriage, I married too young (19) and found out later he was abusive but have two wonderful girls from that marriage.

Second marriage, just really stupid of me, never should have happened. I remember at the wedding thinking..."what am I doing?" If you are not absolutely sure you want to be married then don't do it.

After saying all this, I do believe in marriage and think marraiges can last and be a wonderful thing.

We were together for 6 months before we got married...both 21.Were together for 4 years and I asked for a divorce.He has a porn addiction and he is a compulsive liar. But I had doubt the day he proposed and the day we got married...I know if I could go back I would have never married him..I thought I was just scared..Silly me.
Now I have been separated from him for 4 months so far and I haven't been this happy in 4 years.
BUT I do believe in marriage and love and all that jazz,just if you have any doubts don't do it

Would everyone agree that having read their text messages beforehand would have prevented a lot of heartbreak later? Am I right?

We were together 1 year before we married. We were together for 17 years before divorcing. We simply grew apart. Mainly because of the chicks that he was bedding between us. He was also not the person he claimed to be but I stuck it out for a really, really, really long time. I was completely certain I wanted to marry him and the relationship was doomed from the day we met. But, I do not regret any of it, not even the divorce, for a minute. I did not want to be "divorced person", but everything has its time.

All that said, after getting divorced, I found the man who is everything I wanted. I did get married again and I am very happy.

There has got to be a reason you are scared. Divorced parents, friends, family members. Afraid you will get divorced because everyone else is. You don't have to be a statistic and if your boyfriend is an awesome person, then you have nothing to be afraid of. You can't base your relationship on anyone else's because you are different than everyone else. Just always remember that there is no perfect marriage. Just know that if you are both committed to the marriage, that will be your own kind of perfect.

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But, at least for me...the good years we had, even if not ideal, I wouldnt change for anything.

This is so true for me too. I'll never forget the New Years we sat on the front porch drinking a bottle of SKOL vodka, playing chess... because we were THAT broke.