Folks who are divorced/divorcing...

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  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    Yeah, um that's not a good sign.

    I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.

    I don't get tingly pants anymore. :embarassed:
  • WildFlower7
    WildFlower7 Posts: 714 Member
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    Might I suggest posting a similar thread directed at people who are happily married now and have been for years?
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:

    Yes, it is sad. But a topic about divorce is likely to be full of divorcees :wink:

    I know but it still makes me sad. I hate to see divorce. I guess i shouldhave not com intothis thread LOL
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    Might I suggest posting a similar thread directed at people who are happily married now and have been for years?

    Good idea!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:

    the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    Yeah, um that's not a good sign.

    I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.

    I don't get tingly pants anymore. :embarassed:

    i guess i dont see the question if you already have your anwser. Whether ppl are divorced or married it soundslike you are already done with this guy, which is ok and i m ure you will find someone who treats you just as great ifnot better than this guy. Mabe a great guy maybe just not for you
  • ChristiH4000
    ChristiH4000 Posts: 531 Member
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    Kind of sounds like you already know what you need to do. Don't let guilt be a reason to stay in a relationship.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:

    the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!

    True point
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:

    the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!


    HAHA I'm not planning on divorce! I just wanted POVs from people who aren't all happy and in love, or people who were in love with a great guy but then realized it wasn't 'that' kind of love and had to divorce... :ohwell:
  • Vench
    Vench Posts: 56 Member
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    Wow, OP, reading through this thread you answered your own question. Ditch him and when and if you feel like it, upgrade to a dude who doesn't wear diapers. Good lord.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.

    Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    A passionless relationship is kinda pointless to me :( It's not the ONLY quality I'm looking for, naturally, but it's very important. Nethers MUST be tingling!
  • steph124ny
    steph124ny Posts: 238 Member
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    I am divorced, but happily remarried. My first husband and I were together for 2 years before we got married and let's just say that I ignored every warning, every family member, every red flag. I saw what I wanted to see. 3 years and 2 kids later, he was hitting me and cheating, doing drugs, you name it....

    I met my current husband the year I got divorced. Our relationship is healthy, we have 2 more kids, and we will NEVER get divorced. I am 100% sure of it. If you have misgivings or feel pressured beforehand....DON'T DO IT!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.

    Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.

    I have gently recommended it before. He's improved a bit in that he no longer tells me 100 times a day that he misses me and doesn't get upset when I don't make plans with him. But he is still afraid to be alone and doesn't think he'll ever meet the right woman. He believes the 'one special person' thing.
  • bagpuss64
    bagpuss64 Posts: 14
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    I would say to you that if you have any doubts at all, slow it down! it is easier to get out of a "relationship" than a marriage. Saying that, I married my husband (2nd time round for both of us) within a year and we have been together now for coming up to 10 years, best thing I ever did...... of course my first marriage was the biggest mistake of my life and I knew him for a while before we got married, so you really can never tell!!! Go with your gut feeling on what you feel is right for you, if you are at all unsure, do nothing!!!!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    A passionless relationship is kinda pointless to me :( It's not the ONLY quality I'm looking for, naturally, but it's very important. Nethers MUST be tingling!

    I guess I thought it was normal for tingling to stop after a few months. But in retrospect, I have dated people longer than that and maintained tingling.
  • Elona_30
    Elona_30 Posts: 66
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    there are always signs of whats to come in your partner, I was with my ex for 10 years and I had issues all the way through our relationship, but if your not sure don't do it, yes I would marry again and am talking about it with my man now and he is totally different them the guy I was with. If you really love him you will know its right, if it were me I would pray about ask for guidence, and talk with him about anything that makes you unceartian. Communication is the number one problem in most relationships, thats a big reason why they fall apart. Only you can make this decision Good luck
  • MissNations
    MissNations Posts: 513 Member
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    Trust your instincts. If you're not ready, it's ok.

    This. I know I wouldn't have been ready any time before 30.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    Trust your instincts. If you're not ready, it's ok.

    This. I know I wouldn't have been ready any time before 30.

    I feel bad for having told him in the beginning that I was ready. I really thought I was! But now I know I'm not. It's like I turned 25 and had an epiphany.
  • groovyfirechick
    groovyfirechick Posts: 188
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    I got married when I was 26...we had been dating for just a year (and had only known each other for that year) and the marriage only lasted 16 months. We have been divorced for 4 years now and I never see/talk to him/don't care where he is. Nasty divorce and no kids. Looking back on it now we shouldn't have gotten married...I had misgivings but though they would work themselves out....they didn't.

    My current boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. We have been best friends for almost 10 years (he remembers when I got married) and he finally got up the courage to ask me out last October. So we have been together for almost 7 months and we live together and I have finally discovered what true love is.

    My advice to you is if you have ANY doubts...don't get married. If he really loves you he will wait for you and if it's not meant to be than so be it.

    Good luck to you!

    *HUGS*

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