Folks who are divorced/divorcing...
Replies
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I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Yeah, um that's not a good sign.
I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.
I don't get tingly pants anymore.0 -
Might I suggest posting a similar thread directed at people who are happily married now and have been for years?0
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What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:
Yes, it is sad. But a topic about divorce is likely to be full of divorcees
I know but it still makes me sad. I hate to see divorce. I guess i shouldhave not com intothis thread LOL0 -
Might I suggest posting a similar thread directed at people who are happily married now and have been for years?
Good idea!0 -
What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:
the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!0 -
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Yeah, um that's not a good sign.
I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.
I don't get tingly pants anymore.
i guess i dont see the question if you already have your anwser. Whether ppl are divorced or married it soundslike you are already done with this guy, which is ok and i m ure you will find someone who treats you just as great ifnot better than this guy. Mabe a great guy maybe just not for you0 -
Kind of sounds like you already know what you need to do. Don't let guilt be a reason to stay in a relationship.0
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What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:
the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!
True point0 -
What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:
the OP's story depresses me even more than the divorce stories... it's not even started yet (marriage) and she's already talking about divorce!
HAHA I'm not planning on divorce! I just wanted POVs from people who aren't all happy and in love, or people who were in love with a great guy but then realized it wasn't 'that' kind of love and had to divorce... :ohwell:0 -
Wow, OP, reading through this thread you answered your own question. Ditch him and when and if you feel like it, upgrade to a dude who doesn't wear diapers. Good lord.0
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I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.0 -
A passionless relationship is kinda pointless to me
It's not the ONLY quality I'm looking for, naturally, but it's very important. Nethers MUST be tingling! 0 -
I am divorced, but happily remarried. My first husband and I were together for 2 years before we got married and let's just say that I ignored every warning, every family member, every red flag. I saw what I wanted to see. 3 years and 2 kids later, he was hitting me and cheating, doing drugs, you name it....
I met my current husband the year I got divorced. Our relationship is healthy, we have 2 more kids, and we will NEVER get divorced. I am 100% sure of it. If you have misgivings or feel pressured beforehand....DON'T DO IT!0 -
I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.
I have gently recommended it before. He's improved a bit in that he no longer tells me 100 times a day that he misses me and doesn't get upset when I don't make plans with him. But he is still afraid to be alone and doesn't think he'll ever meet the right woman. He believes the 'one special person' thing.0 -
I would say to you that if you have any doubts at all, slow it down! it is easier to get out of a "relationship" than a marriage. Saying that, I married my husband (2nd time round for both of us) within a year and we have been together now for coming up to 10 years, best thing I ever did...... of course my first marriage was the biggest mistake of my life and I knew him for a while before we got married, so you really can never tell!!! Go with your gut feeling on what you feel is right for you, if you are at all unsure, do nothing!!!!0
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A passionless relationship is kinda pointless to me It's not the ONLY quality I'm looking for, naturally, but it's very important. Nethers MUST be tingling!
I guess I thought it was normal for tingling to stop after a few months. But in retrospect, I have dated people longer than that and maintained tingling.0 -
there are always signs of whats to come in your partner, I was with my ex for 10 years and I had issues all the way through our relationship, but if your not sure don't do it, yes I would marry again and am talking about it with my man now and he is totally different them the guy I was with. If you really love him you will know its right, if it were me I would pray about ask for guidence, and talk with him about anything that makes you unceartian. Communication is the number one problem in most relationships, thats a big reason why they fall apart. Only you can make this decision Good luck0
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Trust your instincts. If you're not ready, it's ok.
This. I know I wouldn't have been ready any time before 30.0 -
Trust your instincts. If you're not ready, it's ok.
This. I know I wouldn't have been ready any time before 30.
I feel bad for having told him in the beginning that I was ready. I really thought I was! But now I know I'm not. It's like I turned 25 and had an epiphany.0 -
I got married when I was 26...we had been dating for just a year (and had only known each other for that year) and the marriage only lasted 16 months. We have been divorced for 4 years now and I never see/talk to him/don't care where he is. Nasty divorce and no kids. Looking back on it now we shouldn't have gotten married...I had misgivings but though they would work themselves out....they didn't.
My current boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. We have been best friends for almost 10 years (he remembers when I got married) and he finally got up the courage to ask me out last October. So we have been together for almost 7 months and we live together and I have finally discovered what true love is.
My advice to you is if you have ANY doubts...don't get married. If he really loves you he will wait for you and if it's not meant to be than so be it.
Good luck to you!
*HUGS*0 -
I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.
I have gently recommended it before. He's improved a bit in that he no longer tells me 100 times a day that he misses me and doesn't get upset when I don't make plans with him. But he is still afraid to be alone and doesn't think he'll ever meet the right woman. He believes the 'one special person' thing.
Like I said, I was in a very codependent relationship (we both were) and it's tough to get out of that mindset. Codependency feeds off of each other so maybe his being needy is feeding you in some way???
Obviously, you're seeing red flags which is good. An unhealthy person (like I was) would be flattered the guy was all about her. There's a way for a guy to show he's into you w/o it being unhealthy, I now realize this.
Regardless, he needs help and the fact that you're feeling what you're feeling says that he's not for you. You deserve to be happy as he does too. Sometimes these things don't work out, it's part of life.0 -
Well, I'm not divorced or divorcing, but I came from a family with divorced parents. And, let me tell you that in the beginning of the relationship with my fiance, I was scared to death to even consider the idea of marriage. My parents went through such a bad divorce, and it left me messed up in a lot of ways that the idea that i would ever chance doing that to a child, was something I never wanted to consider.
However, as you'll notice above, I am now engaged and getting married in September. What I realized one day, after we'd been together through thick and thin for a few years was that you can't live your life, wondering "what if?" Yeah, there's a chance it won't work out... but there's also a chance that it will. Do you really want to let the potentially best thing in your life pass you by because of a "what if".
Now, obviously, I don't know your exact situation, and you'll have to examine the reason for your doubts (whether its just the idea of marriage, or something about your SO), but I say go for it. Just make a promise to yourself and your SO, that if you ever do end up in that situation, especially if there are children involved, you will make it your first priority to be civil and cordial to one another.0 -
I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
Uh, no he needs therapy regarding his co-dependency issue.
I have gently recommended it before. He's improved a bit in that he no longer tells me 100 times a day that he misses me and doesn't get upset when I don't make plans with him. But he is still afraid to be alone and doesn't think he'll ever meet the right woman. He believes the 'one special person' thing.
Like I said, I was in a very codependent relationship (we both were) and it's tough to get out of that mindset. Codependency feeds off of each other so maybe his being needy is feeding you in some way???
Obviously, you're seeing red flags which is good. An unhealthy person (like I was) would be flattered the guy was all about her. There's a way for a guy to show he's into you w/o it being unhealthy, I now realize this.
Regardless, he needs help and the fact that you're feeling what you're feeling says that he's not for you. You deserve to be happy as he does too. Sometimes these things don't work out, it's part of life.
His neediness really feeds off of me...it's draining at times. The old me would have loved this too. The old me WAS this! Now I see why I got dumped previously.0 -
I've been married for 18 years...it takes work, understanding and letting stupid things go...It's a different kind of Love than when we first met. unconditional0
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I was 20 and he was 29 when we got married...we said "I do" 1 year to the day after we met. We were married for 7 years. Been divorced for 10 months. He had a drinking and drug problem when we got together that I guess I thought would go away when we got married and had a kid. But like someone else said on here, you will never changed a man. I couldnt buy diapers and formula for my baby but he had beer and pot. Our lights and water got turned off several times, but he had beer and pot. We separated 3 times and he always swore he would change, and he did...for a few months. Just long enough to get me to come back home. Then it was right back to the same old crap. During our third separation he cheated on me with a hooker and caught an STD...which he lovingly passed on to me because his lying cheating *kitten* didn't tell me. That was the last straw for me. I got myself tested, got my medicine and left his *kitten*. He cried, and said he was sorry and pleaded with me to give him another chance. I just couldnt put up with the lies anymore. I could maybe have put up with him stealing money out of my purse to buy beer and drugs. I could maybe have put up with him letting the lights and water get turned off so he had money for drugs. But him cheating was just the last straw. When he realized I wasn't going to change my mind and come back to him he got very mean and vindictive. His true colors really started show. He would harrass me and threatin me. It was awful. Looking back, I guess the fact that I almost threw up 5 min before walking down the isle turned out to be a warning I should have listened too! I thought I was just nervous...stupid me! It was my body telling me DONT DO IT! lol0
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Yea, we don't even argue that much. We're pretty agreeable people. I pretty much always get my way.0
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...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
I divorced after almost ten years of marriage. We knew eachother for less than a year when we got married. I was 18. It seemed like a good idea (18 year olds think they are sooooo smart). There was really no excuse, I was very stupid, I did not think anything through. He was fun to be around and that was it. We had a lot of fun but that is no basis for a marriage. The relationship changed CONSTANTLY after marriage-- I think all marraiges change because the people change-- but because we didn't know eachother long and didn't live together first we really had no idea what we were doing.
My advice? Stay scared of married. Even if you are confident making some sort of commitment to your bf, marriage is a legal contract and you ought to be really careful letting the government get involved in your relationship.
Also, if it was me, I would be a little distressed if my 7.5-month boyfriend started asking me about marriage. If he wants to propose, then he should do it. If you're not ready, be comfortable saying you're not ready. That doesn't mean you ought to break up or anything, just means you're not ready. TAKE YOUR TIME. Being single might be lame but please take my word that it is 1000 times better than divorce and regret.0 -
I was 20 and he was 29 when we got married...we said "I do" 1 year to the day after we met. We were married for 7 years. Been divorced for 10 months. He had a drinking and drug problem when we got together that I guess I thought would go away when we got married and had a kid. But like someone else said on here, you will never changed a man. I couldnt buy diapers and formula for my baby but he had beer and pot. Our lights and water got turned off several times, but he had beer and pot. We separated 3 times and he always swore he would change, and he did...for a few months. Just long enough to get me to come back home. Then it was right back to the same old crap. During our third separation he cheated on me with a hooker and caught an STD...which he lovingly passed on to me because his lying cheating *kitten* didn't tell me. That was the last straw for me. I got myself tested, got my medicine and left his *kitten*. He cried, and said he was sorry and pleaded with me to give him another chance. I just couldnt put up with the lies anymore. I could maybe have put up with him stealing money out of my purse to buy beer and drugs. I could maybe have put up with him letting the lights and water get turned off so he had money for drugs. But him cheating was just the last straw. When he realized I wasn't going to change my mind and come back to him he got very mean and vindictive. His true colors really started show. He would harrass me and threatin me. It was awful. Looking back, I guess the fact that I almost threw up 5 min before walking down the isle turned out to be a warning I should have listened too! I thought I was just nervous...stupid me! It was my body telling me DONT DO IT! lol
WOW. Terrible, I'm so sorry! 0 -
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
I divorced after almost ten years of marriage. We knew eachother for less than a year when we got married. I was 18. It seemed like a good idea (18 year olds think they are sooooo smart). There was really no excuse, I was very stupid, I did not think anything through. He was fun to be around and that was it. We had a lot of fun but that is no basis for a marriage. The relationship changed CONSTANTLY after marriage-- I think all marraiges change because the people change-- but because we didn't know eachother long and didn't live together first we really had no idea what we were doing.
My advice? Stay scared of married. Even if you are confident making some sort of commitment to your bf, marriage is a legal contract and you ought to be really careful letting the government get involved in your relationship.
Also, if it was me, I would be a little distressed if my 7.5-month boyfriend started asking me about marriage. If he wants to propose, then he should do it. If you're not ready, be comfortable saying you're not ready. That doesn't mean you ought to break up or anything, just means you're not ready. TAKE YOUR TIME. Being single might be lame but please take my word that it is 1000 times better than divorce and regret.
Actually I like being single. I kind of miss it at times. I like doing things on my own.0 -
Well I don't think marriage is anything to be scared of, I do think it's HARD work, but if you go in with the right mindset, divorce shouldn't even be an option. If you aren't even married, I don't know why you are even thinking of divorce. Too many people today just take that as an "easy" way out, when really, what's easy about it? It can be messy, expensive and if you have children, then a whole life of troubles. Now don't get me wrong, adultery and abuse happens, and I don't think it's wrong to divorce in those cases, but just "falling out of love." come on, how hard did you work to stay in love? Anyway, I knew shortly after I met my husband that he was the person I wanted to marry. It's not always been easy, but I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage and I know he wouldn't either. God bless!0
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