Folks who are happily married...
Replies
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It sounds like you feel like you SHOULD love him because he worships the ground you walk on. In my opinion you should gently remove yourself from this relationship and wait until you meet someone that you feel deep love for as well as him having deep love for you. You list a few annoying traits he has. Do you really want to be with him day in and day out for the next 50 years? That is what he is asking of you. Sometimes people forget that and don't think further than the wedding day. Life isnt a movie and the credits don't roll to a sappy love song and you don't live happily ever after. You are young. Go have FUN!!!!
Oh my goodness. It's like you're reading my mind. Everything you write is spot-on!0 -
How long were you together when you married?
--Engaged after 7 months, married 2 years after our first date.
Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings?
--I had no misgivings about him. Lots about his family. They're controlling and conservative and we never really hit it off. We've been married going on 14 years now and still don't exactly get along.
Did your relationship change after marriage?
--Yes, for the better. We weren't living together prior to our wedding so that was the biggest change. Many of our friends have grown apart, somehow we've grown closer. I can't say why or how. Maybe we're just lucky.
I don't buy into the "you just know" mindset. I am a risk-taker and find the biggest risks yield the biggest rewards. I will say that things did feel good with him. I felt safe and comfortable in a way I hadn't been in previous relationships. Things were never complicated or dramatic with us.0 -
Wait. It sounds like he's pushing for a committment that you are not ready to make. What's the rush? I met my husband when I was 20. We dated for 2 years and then moved in together. We got married 10 years after that. Yeah, I knew he was the one for me. But - he wasn't ready until he was ready. And I wasn't going to tell him that he had to be ready on MY TERMS, and not his, when this is a decision that affected both our lives. I think you already know the answer to this...
P.S. - love your profile pic. Do you use NROLFW? I just ordered it a few days ago.
Thanks! I actually don't adhere to any specific plan. I am thinking of signing on with a personal trainer to shed the last '10'.
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And some background:
He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.
Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?
Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.0 -
And some background:
He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.
Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Yes!!!!! That's what I need to avoid. It was stupid to let him move in at 6 months when I didn't really WANT it.
Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?
Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.
Haha...well I know he is a great boyfriend. Perfect 'on paper', you know? Weird though that he doesn't say what a catch I am! :P
I don't think he would stalk me...I'm pretty sure we'd try to avoid crossing paths.0 -
My husband & I were together for 10 years before getting married (we've been married 4 years this coming Halloween) - we lived together for 4 years prior to getting married. I think we were both totally sure we wanted to commit for the long haul about 6 months in, haha, but neither of us cared much about making it legally binding. We did buy each other fancy shmancy rings about 3 years in, but otherwise didn't care much. At the end of September '08 I was like "dude, let's get MARRIED!" and he was like "Why not?!", and we did it up a month later.
Edited to add: people don't tend to make sudden personality changes after getting married. If he's clingy and whatever else right now, that's not likely to change because of a piece of paper.0 -
My husband & I were together for 10 years before getting married (we've been married 4 years this coming Halloween) - we lived together for 4 years prior to getting married. I think we were both totally sure we wanted to commit for the long haul about 6 months in, haha, but neither of us cared much about making it legally binding. We did buy each other fancy shmancy rings about 3 years in, but otherwise didn't care much. At the end of September '08 I was like "dude, let's get MARRIED!" and he was like "Why not?!", and we did it up a month later.
Halloween wedding, cool!!0 -
My husband and I were together for four years before we got married and we were engaged for two years before marriage. I knew that he was the one the first time I met him (yeah I know that sounds cheesey, but its the truth). Absolutely nothing changed after we got married. But we were in an odd relationship situation from the begining. His mother had kicked him out when she was having an episode (she's bi-polar) and we had only been dating for 6 months. My parents loved him the first time they met him and couldn't stand to know that he was going to have to live in his car because of his psycho mother so they let him sleep on our couch for 6 months. Eventually he moved into the spare room and we've been living together ever since. (we've moved out of my parents house since then lol).
I was always the one that wanted to rush into marriage and all that stuff, but he wanted to take things slow... all in all I'm glad we did take it slow. I love the life we have and I can't see myself with anyone else.0 -
"clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive." All things that you have to ask yourself if you really want that in a husband...People do not change, and you cannot change people. It's hard enough to change ourselves
With that being said....My husband and I knew each other since I was 13 and dated off and on for many years. We got married when I was 21 yrs. old. We'll be celebrating our 16th Anniversary this summer. We've been through a lot over the years, and he's still the same person I married in the beginning. That's what I loved about him, his "original" qualities. He's very strong minded, very sure of himself, generous, honest, a hard worker, etc. He's not the sensitive type, but that's what I love about him. And I just have to add in that in all the 16 yrs. we've been married...if he has to pass gas, he goes to the bathroom. He won't do that in front of me. His Dad taught him manners that I am very thankful for Best of luck to you....follow your heart, but don't ignore that gut feeling you have about it. Only you know what you want and need 0 -
And some background:
He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.
Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Yes!!!!! That's what I need to avoid. It was stupid to let him move in at 6 months when I didn't really WANT it.
Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?
Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.
Haha...well I know he is a great boyfriend. Perfect 'on paper', you know? Weird though that he doesn't say what a catch I am! :P
I don't think he would stalk me...I'm pretty sure we'd try to avoid crossing paths.
These are really red flags. He may not say what a catch you are because he wants you to feel lower then him so you feel you must be with him. Those are the type of controlling issues I was referring too and looks like he might had already started I hate to say.
. He may not even be aware is he doing that if he is very insecure. 0 -
And I just have to add in that in all the 16 yrs. we've been married...if he has to pass gas, he goes to the bathroom. He won't do that in front of me. His Dad taught him manners that I am very thankful for
SERIOUSLY! It's not that hard! His mom has really grossed me out on a couple of occasions too.0 -
I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often!
Sounds like he is too high maintenance.
When you dump him, make sure you hand him a box of Kleenex. :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:0 -
I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often!
Sounds like he is too high maintenance.
When you dump him, make sure you hand him a box of Kleenex. :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
This made me chuckle. I AM A BAD PERSON.0 -
Clearly you are full of doubt but you're trying to get everyone to confirm what you already know. Which is you shouldn't marry him. So I think you should go ahead and just marry him tomorrow so you can hurry up and get the divorce out of the way.0
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Clearly you are full of doubt but you're trying to get everyone to confirm what you already know. Which is you shouldn't marry him. So I think you should go ahead and just marry him tomorrow so you can hurry up and get the divorce out of the way.
:laugh:
Thanks for the smile!0 -
Me and my husband were together 9 months when we got married,been married for 5 years now. I have never ever had one doubt. Every year I feel like I love him more than the last (sounds corny i know)0
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7.5 months and he cries. Sweetheart, *holds out tequila* drop that hot mess right now.
Come on, let's go do body shots now that you're single.0 -
7.5 months and he cries. Sweetheart, *holds out tequila* drop that hot mess right now.
Come on, let's go do body shots now that you're single.
:laugh: That will be happening very soon! My roommate (he's a guy, 32, happily single) says I'll be great at being single because I now know how to do it right, plus I'm an attractive female. :drinker:0 -
Trust you instincts. RUN!! FAST!I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.0
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I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^
I kind of tend to agree. :frown:0 -
Yeah he sounds kinda crazy...
Sounds like he's a great guy but maybe not for you. From what you are saying I don't feel there is a "spark" that you need to stay together.
Tomorrow is my 2 yr anniversary and we were together 6 years before we got married.
We had our ups and downs of course but ultimately we wanted to be with me as much as I did him and we did what it took to make it happen.
Things did change after marriage but for the better he has really stepped up and takes the husband title seriously which in turn makes me step my game up even more.0 -
He definitely is a great person. He's very caring, loving, kind and supportive. But I don't do well with emotional manipulation. I remember that one time he got jealous of my dog because I was being nicer to her than to him. My dad asked what will happen if we have a newborn and I put all of my attention on it... 0
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I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^
I agree,0 -
Me and my husband were together 9 months when we got married,been married for 5 years now. I have never ever had one doubt. Every year I feel like I love him more than the last (sounds corny i know)
That's so sweet
I moved in with my now-husband after just under 4 months and we married after 8 months - we'll have been married 2 years this summer. I was almost 30 when I met him and I think being that little bit older and wiser meant I could be absolutely certain about how I felt and that I was doing the right thing.
He's still the best person I've ever met.0 -
My husband and I were together just short of 4 years when we got married. Would've gotten married sooner, but we were in 10th grade when we started dating, so we were only 19 and 20 when we got married, lol. We started talking about marriage a month after we started dating, but part of me knew before our first date (we were really close friends for about 6 months). I don't think our relationship changed because we got married, but all relationships change with time, as the people in them grow and change. We didn't live together before marriage, so that was a bit of an adjustment, but not too bad at all. My husband's my best friend and I love him with all my heart. We've been together 15 years total (married 11), and I wouldn't change a thing.
However, based on what you've said about your guy, I don't think getting married at this point would be a good idea.
Sorry. 0 -
I agree...reading your comments you gave a lot of reasons why you shouldn't marry him...
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^0 -
We were together 6 years by the time we were married. Been together since highschool. I feel like our relationship has changed for the better. We have been married almost a year and I feel so much closer to him. It's reassuring to know he is in it for the long haul and isn't going anywhere soon:)0
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And some background:
He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right.
Right, comments like that are a red flag to me, give it some more time. Someone who loves you enough to marry you, should realize how great of a catch YOU are, and snatch you up before someone else can love you. Give it some more time, and maybe work on your self-esteem in the relationship. Just again, comments like that are a big red flag to me.
My husband and I were together 2 years before we got married- things didn't change at first (we used to joke that the only difference was that we get to wear nice rings now); but I'd say now (after a whole 7 months of being married) we are even closer than we were before, and are growing more together as a unit. I love being married to him.0 -
dont do it if u arent ready..if ur not ready and you get married ur relationship will change..slow down you shouldnt feel rushed about it...0
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Second marriage for both of us. First date April 29th, moved in with me in July, married in Dec. and pregnant by May. We'll be married 3 years in Dec. We knew from the second date and said "I love you's" that week. Never thought I would be getting married again, let alone so soon but when it's the perfect fit and feels so right you just know. Sure it's changed a little. Throwing a fifth child into the mix has made life a little more crazy but it has also helped to meld the family together a little more as well. He's my best friend and I am his. Our relationship is so easy, sure we have disagreements every so often, but who doesn't?? And...he does a ton of gross stuff but I don't care because I love that man sooooooo much!! I now believe in soulmates and he is mine. Eh...that sounds so corny!!
If there is any doubts in your mind I say don't do it. Been there, done that, it's a lot harder to get out the longer you are in. ESPECIALLY when you have kids together. Speaking from experience here.0
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