Does this constitute cheating to you?
Replies
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Or yourself, making random judgements on people you know nothing about? There's very little difference between your sarcastic comment aimed at me, and my sarcastic comment aimed at members of this forum passing judgement on someone they don't know either. The cheating aspect that you're claiming now is my 'personal tie'....it isn't even relevant...that was well over a year ago, I won custody of my kids...and she's busy wallowing in the misery her lies created for her. The LAST thing I harbor is bitterness over THAT mess. The only negative aspect I do still hold onto is some frustration for my childrens sake, in that if people had forced her to look at her actions, instead of making judgements without ANY information...she might have ended up getting the mental help she needed, and my kids lives wouldn't have been ripped to shreds.
Anyhow, it's the lack of personal responsibility inherent in handing out advice on someone elses relationship that I find pathetic.
And again, to everyone else...I don't condone what she said he's done...regardless of whether the act itself is cheating, IF he did what it is she says he did behind her back it's wrong. I simply refuse to judge it other than to tell her only she can choose, and all the 'help' she gets from all these people online...isn't going to help her a bit.
1. I don't get butt-hurt by things I read on forums. On the contrary, your silly rant makes me believe that YOU DO.
2. My judgement was not "random"...it was based on the facts presented by the OP. Although "facts" can be construed in many ways, I based my response on the information given.
3. I'm pretty damn sure the OP doesn't expect that the comments she receives here will be completely unbiased. After all, she requested the opinions of MFPs not psychologists.
4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.
5. Since you are so upset about people's "lack of personal responsibility inherent in handing out advice on someone elses relationship"...why did you even read this post in the first place? The title is an obvious indication that the OP is soliciting relationship advice.
6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...0 -
Hia behavior is NOT okay and it IS cheating. Paying for porn sites isn't right at all cause it's basically like paying for a prostitute virtually. I hope you reconsider marrying him cause he's not gonna change. I am sorry you have to deal with this
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I went through something similar, unfortunately, things didn't work out for my relationship. I wish you better for yours. If he really loves you, he will make an effort to change his ways and not hide things from you anymore. My guy made no attempt to change and only became more distant from me and created more lies instead of trying to work things out. You'll know as time goes on whether or not your guy is really ready to make things work. I know your situation is not at all easy, but the people who are meant to be with each other do pull through, it just takes some time, a lot of work, and healing. *hugs*0
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Any guy who watches porn that has a girl with a high sex drive has red flags all over it.
Perhaps, but i watch all of these people who aren't honest with themselves end up divorced/broken up/etc. If you are sneaking around that is where the problem comes in. 6 years later, it works for us. ^_^0 -
Maybe he's looking for something more in the bedroom. Start with open communication about how you feel. Tell him you're hurt but if you want to move on from here:
You can try watching porn that he likes together. Pick up some tips and try them out
Why don't you host your own webcam show just for him. Separate laptops in different rooms. He might like the anonymity of the whole process. Get dressed up in something entirely out of the ordinary for you and have fun with it.
Men are naturally curious creatures and sometimes you have to cut them a little break. And even I get pop ups from porn sites advertising "local women" in my area (barking up the wrong tree!). It's usually fake.0 -
4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.
6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...
The rest isn't really very relevant anymore...but as to these two points...first, if my 'personal tie' was cheating, I'd be ranting against him like everyone else, not recommending a more neutral course...and while your final point might have been reasonable...you could very easily have followed your own advice lol.
:flowerforyou:0 -
It's called sarcasmMaybe presently hes discussing the most personal aspects of his relationship with the web girls/strippers now to get their point of view and opinion of what he should do about your relationship? just saying?
I'd hate to think that you would REALLY believe ur own line of crap.... I'm just sayin....0 -
Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.0
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Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.
If you give me a lap dance MK I totally would not consider it cheating.0 -
Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.
If you give me a lap dance MK I totally would not consider it cheating.
It's only cheating if you skip out on the payment.0 -
4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.
6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...
The rest isn't really very relevant anymore...but as to these two points...first, if my 'personal tie' was cheating, I'd be ranting against him like everyone else, not recommending a more neutral course...and while your final point might have been reasonable...you could very easily have followed your own advice lol.
:flowerforyou:
Message on its way...
Edit: I decline his flower peace-offering.0 -
4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.
6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...
The rest isn't really very relevant anymore...but as to these two points...first, if my 'personal tie' was cheating, I'd be ranting against him like everyone else, not recommending a more neutral course...and while your final point might have been reasonable...you could very easily have followed your own advice lol.
:flowerforyou:
Message on its way...
Edit: I decline his flower peace-offering.
I've received no message...but really, don't bother. The flower wasn't a peace offering...I just hate arguing with pretty women. Even self righteous hypocritical ones.
It goes against my upbringing.0 -
4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.
6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...
The rest isn't really very relevant anymore...but as to these two points...first, if my 'personal tie' was cheating, I'd be ranting against him like everyone else, not recommending a more neutral course...and while your final point might have been reasonable...you could very easily have followed your own advice lol.
:flowerforyou:
Message on its way...
Edit: I decline his flower peace-offering.
I've received no message...but really, don't bother. The flower wasn't a peace offering...I just hate arguing with pretty women. Even self righteous hypocritical ones.
It goes against my upbringing.
Seriously, check your inbox and look for the email entitled "Grouchbag..."
EDIT: (my proof)
To: crisanderson27
Sent: Tue 05/01/12 06:15 PM
Subject: Grouchbag...
The next time you get sand in your vagina, try working out...it's a much better way to vent your frustration. Oh, and you can have your flower back; I don't want it.0 -
Any guy who watches porn that has a girl with a high sex drive has red flags all over it.
why would you say that?0 -
He needs to run; fast and in a hurry. No, both of you need to run in separate directions!
You checked his messages? His FaceBook?
HUGE trust issues going on there. Granted, they are founded, but that is his personal space.
He obviously likes porn - live or otherwise. That is something you can accept or not.
Not the best way to start a marriage, for either of you.
I totally agree with you! My wife reads my e-mails and checks my FB...I don't like it!
My husband has access to everything of mine, I have nothing to hid, so it's not a problem. There should be no secrets in a relationship.0 -
ditch him without delay!0
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If it was me, it would be over....get rid, and quickly !!0
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I just wonder how he would react if it was you doing a similar thing?I think he is direspectful to you and what he is doing is wrong!Lads like porn I dont have a problem with that as such but its this live interaction thing I dont like its like he is reaching out for something from a safe distance that he cant actualy have but is fantasising that he can,thats dangerous,maybe he wouldnt go for it in reality maybe its just a sneaky bit on the side to him,then again how would you know?Did you ask him how he would feel if he caught you doing the same thing? my bet is he would go beserk! If it was me I definately wouldnt be getting married just yet Im not saying call it off but its needs breathing space time to calm down and think,either way whatever decision you come too try to be as clear in your mind as you can and dont put up with anything you cant tolerate!
I have heard it said without a good sex life a relationship wont work,without trust and respect you wont have a good sex life,works both ways!!! Best of luck!0 -
unless anythings actually done with another person in real life then i dont class it as cheating , but then thats only my opinion x0
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Talk to him. Ask him why he is looking at porn? Try & stay calm when he gives you an answer, that way you can get more honest answers from him. Ask him why as a couple you two are not really doing it that much anymore. Talk. Communicate. Openly. Good luck to you.0
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its disrespectfull....i agree with what someone else sats - talk really calmly to him, you will get answers. you can tell him you dont want him doing it...if its something you wont ever forget then it may be a big downfall. im sorry for you. x0
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DUMP HIM - SCREW THAT GUY - BLAH BLAH BLAH
Yea, just cos you're engaged, throw that away cos he watches porn...
How about you act like a grown up and talk to him about it. Don't accuse - don't berate, don't shout. He has a side too. So often guys can't tell their side cos women (and I'm sorry that this is a crass generalisation, but the stereotype exists for a reason...) tend to get uptight and upset if a guy explains his problems. Instead of wanting to help with them a lot of women will take it as a personal insult and have a go at the guy about it. This means we never bother speaking to you about our thoughts and feelings because we know how you're going to react.
You're meant to be friends as well as lovers - so be his friend and speak to him. In fact you should hardly be speaking to be honest - I actually mean - initiate the conversation and let him speak...and please I can't say it enough - try not to take it personally - even if it seems personal...guys have feelings too.
This thread (and many others on MFP) serve to highlight how little women understand men. There are exceptions where I have seen many women on here posting lucid, considered, logical answers and I'm pretty sure they will know who they are, but unfortunately those women are in the minority...maybe you guys should start classes...?0 -
this for sure counts as cheating your the only one he needs to see like this not strangers online thats just wrong u need to comfront him for sure so srry this is happening to you tc0
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Hearing how others besides the ones in your family, can give insight on how to solve the issue.This is not something to be discussed in this type of forum. This is something that should be kept between the 2 of you and your family.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
For me its NOT cheating but closer to a betrayal of trust due to them being local. One step from parking his mini in someones garage...0
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That's the other thing I probably should have mentioned... he really isn't that interested in having much sex with me and my sex drive is much higher than his!
Not ideal........
If he's asking girls to do those things, hiding out to do it and searching for women in your area I doubt your sex drive is higher.0 -
DUMP HIM - SCREW THAT GUY - BLAH BLAH BLAH
Yea, just cos you're engaged, throw that away cos he watches porn...
How about you act like a grown up and talk to him about it. Don't accuse - don't berate, don't shout. He has a side too. So often guys can't tell their side cos women (and I'm sorry that this is a crass generalisation, but the stereotype exists for a reason...) tend to get uptight and upset if a guy explains his problems. Instead of wanting to help with them a lot of women will take it as a personal insult and have a go at the guy about it. This means we never bother speaking to you about our thoughts and feelings because we know how you're going to react.
You're meant to be friends as well as lovers - so be his friend and speak to him. In fact you should hardly be speaking to be honest - I actually mean - initiate the conversation and let him speak...and please I can't say it enough - try not to take it personally - even if it seems personal...guys have feelings too.
This thread (and many others on MFP) serve to highlight how little women understand men. There are exceptions where I have seen many women on here posting lucid, considered, logical answers and I'm pretty sure they will know who they are, but unfortunately those women are in the minority...maybe you guys should start classes...?
totally agree......0 -
Call it what you like. . .if you expect him to "foresake all others" as your husband, he's clearly showing you that he's not interested in that.
I, personally, would think long and hard about marrying someone who would do something that was as disrespectful as that. Not that people are perfect, but if he knows this would hurt your feelings and did it anyway. . .THAT speaks volumes. You are #2 in his world. His wants, feelings and desires outweigh your concerns. Is that acceptable to you??
I hope there is a happy ending for you.0 -
interesting story..would like to hear how this plays out..
my own opinion..if you stay with him,you'll know what to expect in the future..0 -
For me its NOT cheating but closer to a betrayal of trust due to them being local. One step from parking his mini in someones garage...
I just spotted your profile pic and thought awesome pecs -- have I just betrayed my gf's trust?
I think the issue here is where individuals draw the line - your's seems to be a perfectly valid one based on likelihood and applying a bit of logic.
Unfortunately there seems to be a lot of people in the world who only see black and white -- or at least there black and white.0
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