Dating Websites....Your thoughts please.

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  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    I was just creeping on my STBXs profile on Match. Bwahahaha. Endless mocking potential in there. But decided for sure that online dating is not for me. First of all, he lies about his age. He's 16 years older than me...he says on his profile he's 7 years younger than his age. He is also looking for women younger than me...and he doesn't even go up to his own age (so 23 years younger). ??? Really?

    He also says he's a "social drinker" because I assume "mean drunk" was not a choice.

    Be careful of liars. That's all.

    QFT about the liars. When my ex and I were separated, a friend alerted me to his dating profile and boy did I have a good laugh over the gems I found there. I'd wish that I had seen it before I married him (so I could have run the other way), but I don't regret my kids. ;)
  • hcoburn37
    hcoburn37 Posts: 442 Member
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    I've been very happy with all of them. It's not what site you use, it's who you meet. I've met nothing but good people.


    thats great ..... I hope to meet someone nice ... time will tell
  • Toxictwist
    Toxictwist Posts: 274
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    I have been on/off the dating websites for awhile now. I personally would go with a paid website, Only saying that because with you & the other person paying for it, there is a better chance they are looking for something more serious (you hope anyways lol)
  • LisaF1163
    LisaF1163 Posts: 141
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    I think it's a matter of expectations and perception.

    Some people go into things with an open mind, no expectations...and thus aren't disappointed when they meet various people of differing backgrounds that may or may not be interested (or worth being interested in), much beyond friendship. They can appreciate the experience for what it is...an experience.

    Other people go into it not only fully expecting to find prince charming, but also actively comparing people to that checklist of traits they've got in their head (or on their desk lol) that defines what they're looking for. If the person they meet falls short, it'a a disappointment, and the farther short they fall...the larger the disappointment, and the more horrible the experience.
    I agree with this for the most part. You have to have an open mind, and the most important thing to realize is that - this is really no different than meeting people in person - you meet nice people, and you meet jerks. As I said in my earlier post, it's a little better because you get a more streamlined selection of people who meet your checklist, but that being said, you still need to have an open mind. You may meet people who misrepresented themselves in their profile. Or even if they didn't, you may meet someone who you just don't click with.

    The one thing I like to remind people about is - "this isn't instant" - meaning, you likely won't fall madly in love and be happily ever after with the first person you're in touch with. Even online dating takes time and patience. Do you know why eHarmony and Match advertise that if you don't meet someone special in six months, they'll give you another six months free? Because six months is about the amount of time you have to spend on a site before you possibly meet someone you click with. And really, for friends of mine who've dated online, there's an amount of trepadition (which I felt too when I did it). One of the reasons people complain that online sites "don't work" is because after the first phone conversation or date with someone they didn't click with, they often decide, "This sucks, it's a scam, these sites don't work". When really, if you're just patient, and hang in there, this is a lot easier than being "out there" doing something like the bar scene past a certain age.

    Plus, despite what I'm telling you, you can't put complete, unshakeable faith in how things worked out (or didn't work out) for another person. Most sites and dating pros will tell you "give it six months". I met George on Match within two months. So what happened next? I wound up with three or four friends of mine who were angry and pissed off because when THEY tried online dating, they didn't meet a wonderful guy as fast as I did. I'll just be blunt here - George and I are extremely uncommon for how fast we met online. It almost never happens that way, and we were very fortunate that we didn't have to jerk around online for six months or more till we found each other.

    All of which is my way of agreeing with the poster I quoted - don't expect it to happen fast. Don't think it won't happen if it doesn't happen right away on your first couple of tries. Don't think it's just a sham. Don't think that being back out there, pounding the pavement to meet single people your age with the same interests and such is going to be somehow easier. But also have an open mind!

    Good luck, and please let us know how it goes!
  • tiffanic83
    tiffanic83 Posts: 64
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    I keep coming back and reading these postings, its comical. I am still on a dating website even though I have had the worst luck, I guess part of me is keeping hope. But just to give ya'll an example. I got a message 2 days ago and decided to just talk to this guy to give him a chance. Mind you my profile is very clear that I am not looking for hookups, etc so don't waste my time. Within 24 hrs hes saying he wants to kiss me and asking if I like to cuddle. A*hole alert!!! So even if you're honest about who you are and what you're looking for, it doesn't weed out the losers. My advice, go out and meet someone in a social setting, join groups, volunteer, etc. Am I jaded? Probably. But I have learned lol. What the one girl said about the same guys trolling all the sites, and the other dude about sheep's clothing, could not be more correct! Sure every once and awhile it works for someone. I have a friend who met someone a few months ago and its working great and I am thrilled for her. But 95% of the time its awful.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I keep coming back and reading these postings, its comical. I am still on a dating website even though I have had the worst luck, I guess part of me is keeping hope. But just to give ya'll an example. I got a message 2 days ago and decided to just talk to this guy to give him a chance. Mind you my profile is very clear that I am not looking for hookups, etc so don't waste my time. Within 24 hrs hes saying he wants to kiss me and asking if I like to cuddle. A*hole alert!!! So even if you're honest about who you are and what you're looking for, it doesn't weed out the losers. My advice, go out and meet someone in a social setting, join groups, volunteer, etc. Am I jaded? Probably. But I have learned lol. What the one girl said about the same guys trolling all the sites, and the other dude about sheep's clothing, could not be more correct! Sure every once and awhile it works for someone. I have a friend who met someone a few months ago and its working great and I am thrilled for her. But 95% of the time its awful.

    Nope, you're not judgemental at all lol!

    95% of the time? Really?? That's actually somewhat comical as you put it.

    Case in point. You don't know me...you know nothing about me. The majority of the people I know appreciate my humor, kindness, and helpfulness, yes...and even my sarcasm. I try to go out of my way on a regular basis, just to help people who've asked. Whether it be to make them smile, help them forget a bad day, something with their life, job, or fitness program...whatever.

    Yet...I posted ONE picture that you didn't like...and you immediately made a judgement on my ENTIRE dating history lol. And you wonder why your experiences are 'awful'?

    And for the record, my experiences on dating sites haven't been '95% awful'...as you've said. I'm looking for something very particular...and it's not something that's very common in todays society. I've met some real idiots in that search, but I've met some pretty incredible people too.
  • tiffanic83
    tiffanic83 Posts: 64
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    My last post had nothing to do with you so its funny that you just made it about you LOL
  • SexyFatMomma
    SexyFatMomma Posts: 25 Member
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    I havent tried any dating sites per say, but I am very active on many social sites, which have lead to potentials.
  • LisaF1163
    LisaF1163 Posts: 141
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    I keep coming back and reading these postings, its comical. I am still on a dating website even though I have had the worst luck, I guess part of me is keeping hope. But just to give ya'll an example. I got a message 2 days ago and decided to just talk to this guy to give him a chance. Mind you my profile is very clear that I am not looking for hookups, etc so don't waste my time. Within 24 hrs hes saying he wants to kiss me and asking if I like to cuddle. A*hole alert!!! So even if you're honest about who you are and what you're looking for, it doesn't weed out the losers. My advice, go out and meet someone in a social setting, join groups, volunteer, etc. Am I jaded? Probably. But I have learned lol. What the one girl said about the same guys trolling all the sites, and the other dude about sheep's clothing, could not be more correct! Sure every once and awhile it works for someone. I have a friend who met someone a few months ago and its working great and I am thrilled for her. But 95% of the time its awful.
    I know, I know, it's tough, I do understand that. I wouldn't think that 95% of the time it doesn't work - think it may be more evenly split than that. Maybe not dead on 50/50, but I don' think the odds are as bad. I know maybe you think it's easy for your friend and people like me to say "Hang in there", but it is true. Now, that's not to say don't go out to try and meet people - of course, do that too! But also, keep trying here, because I really do know a lot of couples who are happy and long-term who have met online.

    As for the guy who was clearly interested in a hookup, delete his *kitten* and move on! The night before George emailed me? I had a phone conversation with a *kitten* who was so awful, it shouldn't have surpised me that at age 52, he was still single. Just as an example - he started asking me my dress size, and when I told him, he replied that I was too fat to date! So yeah, you meet *kitten*, but.... I'm just saying, I had to deal with that jerk the night before I was emailed by the guy who changed my life for the better. Just don't let a couple of boorish jackholes chase you off of something that could work in time.
  • tiffanic83
    tiffanic83 Posts: 64
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    Thanks for the encouragement Lisa! I know it can happen, and I know 95% may not be for all people, just its been mine. I think like in regular dating, if your overweight it makes it harder. Which I am sure contributed to my unhappy experiences even though I am very upfront and honest about being a chunky monkey! And yes, I don't plan on talking to the guy who wants to jump into bed right away lol.
  • allysonb80
    allysonb80 Posts: 109 Member
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    I met my ex online. Just cuz he is my ex I don't blame the site. I liked online dating but it is true that you have to go on a bunch of bad dates before you hit on a good one. But I have had some great dates from online dating. I am starting to get back out there again now. My biggest problem (and maybe some of the guys can give me some advice???) is my body. I have been blately honest about being fat. But I have also said how hard I am working on it. Well, I get hit on by all sorts of guys looking for a BBW. And that is great. But I am not going to be a BBW for much longer hopefully. And the goal is to never be one again. So why would I want to date someone who wants a BBW? I don't feel like he would support me in my goals of getting healthy. However, other guys want nothing to do with me because I am not "fit" and "skinny". *sigh* It is frustrating. Should I just wait until I lose the weight? I just don't know what to do but I am not having much fun with it right now.
  • tiffanic83
    tiffanic83 Posts: 64
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    I know what you mean! Maybe you will meet a chubby man who wants to get healthier too and do it together!!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    BTW, not all those online are freaks, and being a booty call can be a blast... for both parties involved!

    Okay maybe out of 1,000 guys online 1 is normal but who wants to go through the effort to find him?! Not me. It's just depressing. It could be an age thing. Seems like online dating probably works better for those who are younger, but a single mom pushing 40 who doesn't look like Barbie - not a chance - there is not one man on there who is looking for that - okay maybe that 1 in a 1,000 but it's just such an awful experience in my opinion. Not that off-line dating is any different. I think I'm just too old for dating in general.

    Is this based on extensive research and personal experience, or are you just talking from prejudice?

    I met a lot of nice people. Many are still friends. I'm 41, I used dating sites 4 or 5 years ago. Your view appears to me to be very narrow, and very ill informed.

    You do understand that the kind of prejudice you exhibit here might just as easily be turned onto users of MFP, etc? You're rehashing dated stereotypes, without really engaging any critical thought.

    As a non-Barbie type, pushing forty, I don't recognise remotely the scenario you've painted.

    Personal experience - am I not allowed to have a personal opinion based on my experiences? I tried online dating and this is what I encountered. If others have had other experiences then more power to them. As for me it was a horrible depressing miserable experience that was killer to the self esteem.
  • LisaF1163
    LisaF1163 Posts: 141
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    Yes, I understand - the weight thing makes it harder. And we all understand that, because most of us are posting here because we have weight issues. It makes it tougher, I know that for sure - and I live in NYC, a place where you're valued more the skinnier you are. But there *are* sweet, kind guys out there who can see beyond that. It's just a matter of finding them, so don't rule out avenues that could help you find them. And no, definitely don't "wait till you lose the weight" to meet guys. LIke I said, there are guys out there who are more evolved and aren't just interested in a skinny bod. I'm a size 12, so I know - the truth is that they're fewer, and harder to find. But they ARE out there - and you ladies will find them! :smile:
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    really? personal experience? you dated 1000 men and found 1 that was 'normal'?
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    really? personal experience? you dated 1000 men and found 1 that was 'normal'?

    No I didn't find any that were normal. I'm glad it worked for you - it didn't for me. I don't have to defend MY experiences to you. I also am not going to do something just to make YOU happy.
  • kobashi
    kobashi Posts: 164
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    Meeting people online hasn't ever worked for me. Woman are usually desperate or looking strictly for physically attractive people.I have trouble making small talk over online chat, so I probably come off as boring.
  • Dragonfly7701
    Dragonfly7701 Posts: 45
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    First, wow, there are some angry women responding on this post. Don't listen to them unless you want to share their fate. You know what I mean.

    Second, I met my wife on Match.com. We've been together six years now. Our beautiful son just turn five.

    Don't listen to them! DON'T!
    Hah you think they were 'angry' before? This type of sexist bull**** isn't going to win you any fans. Going to grab my popcorn.

    He is right, women should stick with each other. I am his wife and he is not being sexist, just truthful.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    First, wow, there are some angry women responding on this post. Don't listen to them unless you want to share their fate. You know what I mean.

    Second, I met my wife on Match.com. We've been together six years now. Our beautiful son just turn five.

    Don't listen to them! DON'T!
    Hah you think they were 'angry' before? This type of sexist bull**** isn't going to win you any fans. Going to grab my popcorn.

    He is right, women should stick with each other. I am his wife and he is not being sexist, just truthful.

    Bahaha, I'm curious as to how that response was AT ALL sexist.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

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