women doing the "work" while men stand around?

My husband has had two surgeries on his neck having two different discs replaced and he is not able to lift heavy items. So I am the one hauling the bags of cat food etc while he stands there feeling like a jerk knowing that people are thinking exactly what you described. I feel bad for him but it is what it is so yes we have experienced the looks etc. I think he should wear his old neck brace while out and that would solve it.

The other day my husband and I were at home depot getting some supplies for the house/garden. I insisted on pushing the flatbed cart carrying all our lumber and soil around the store and then loading/unloading it into our truck....just to get a little bit of extra exercise in. Similarly at work, I tend to carry the large buckets of seawater from room to room instead of putting them on a cart. I realize this isn't much, but I figure every little bit helps. Additionally I'm stubborn and also well aware that I am able to do these things, so I don't see a need to have someone else do them for me.

The problem is that we definitely live in an area where women are treated as such: I've been called ma'am for at least 5 years now and I've never opened my own car door when my husband is around, let alone a door to a store when any male is present. So when I'm pushing around this heavy cart and obviously struggling and my husband is leisurely strolling ahead of me, we tend to get some dirty looks. My boss even scolded a male coworker for having me do all the heavy lifting one day, even though I insisted on it. These people giving us these looks or shaking their heads at us obviously don't know whats going on and just think my husband is being a jerk.

Curious if anyone else does this type of thing or experienced it? Or alternatively, if you saw one of the situations described above would you think the guy was being inconsiderate, or would you think something else (the woman didn't want someone doing things for her or she was trying to exercise)

Um, ma'am is just a sign of respect. I can't see how that's bad.

It has a lot to do with where you're from, I think. I live in the South, so people here tend to take saying "ma'am" and holding doors pretty seriously. I've even had a professor at school tell us that we're all about food and holding doors. :bigsmile:

When I grew up, that's how it worked ie men opening doors for ladies and carrying the heavy stuff for us. The other day I was walking up to the door of the school and not only did the man not hold the door for me but he let is slam in my face. Nice, eh?

So you were struggling and your husband decided it best not to help? Last time I checked it was respectful to offer assistance to a woman, especially if she is physically struggling. And yes, it is common courtesy to hold the door open for NOT ONLY WOMEN, but men. I am sorry you don't like to be respected.

You can't get stronger unless you do something challenging, and if it's challenging, it might mean you struggle doing it. If she wanted help, she wouldn't have insisted on doing it herself.

That said, there are still areas where it's expected that the men do all of the heavy work and hold the doors open and women are "supposed" to sit back and basically not return the courtesy. It's one thing to be equally courteous, it's another to act as if women can do anything for themselves solely because they don't have dangly bits.

When I grew up, that's how it worked ie men opening doors for ladies and carrying the heavy stuff for us. The other day I was walking up to the door of the school and not only did the man not hold the door for me but he let is slam in my face. Nice, eh?