Fiance tries to stop me going to Zumba?

sandown12
sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi I'm getting married in December we've been together 9 years I'd like to have an extra 50lbs off by then including the 25lb I lost. (I've 70lbs to goal )
My fiancé always tries to get me to stay home and not go to Zumba I do it 4 times a week at home and 2 classes but he's like stay home don't go di it here etc , I know he thinks it's a waste of money but I need to go its something for me as I never go 'out'
He's the same when I went for coffee in a cafe with
my mum I was gone 1.5 hours went looking round shops when I got back he was like why you take so long?

We never go out as a couple we've a daughter together and I've 2 from my ex marriage it's his birthday Tuesday he choose to go for a family meal Sunday which is nice but I'd like date nights.

Felling abit sad ...... It always gets like this when I lose weight, well we rarely go out but used to a few years back

Any ideas? I have talked to him he's like No babysitter ... My mum offered !
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Replies

  • Tuffjourney
    Tuffjourney Posts: 971
    I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
    Why doesn't he want you to go? Does he just not like for you to leave the house? Is he afraid you're seeing someone else? Is he insecure since you're losing weight and he's not?

    You probably need to talk to him about it, becuase like a previous poster said... if you don't address it, it will just get worse once you're married.
  • cgrilo
    cgrilo Posts: 4
    I agree with Mtaylor, you really need to be open with him and tell him how you are feeling. Communioncation and honesty is the key to any realationship. Tell him how you feel and sit back and listen to what he has to say. Here is an idea, pick one night a week that you both go for a walk together or family walk. This way he is part of your excise and you have time together. Hope all goes well.
  • jasper186
    jasper186 Posts: 134 Member
    Ask him if he would do a "date night" if you could arrange a babysitter. If he say yes, great....get a sitter and have a good time. If he comes up with an excuse, lame or otherwise, cancel the sitter, leave the kids with him and have a girls night out with friends.
    Don't let him drag you into the "house moth" trap! You should be able to have fun together and apart and it not be a big deal. I agree that if you don't resolve this situation now, it will only get worse once you are married. You deserve to be happy and need to do what it takes to make it so. Good luck to you.
  • briebebe
    briebebe Posts: 21
    After reading your post I felt sad. Your taking control of your eating and exercise, now take control of your life. Tell your fiancé that it's important to you to get out and do things you love. Be honest with yourself and him. You HAVE to take time for yourself and NOT feel guilty about it. We have your back.
  • morgansmom02
    morgansmom02 Posts: 1,131 Member
    I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:

    Yep
  • manic4titans
    manic4titans Posts: 1,214 Member
    I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:

    Yep

    yes
  • dalmiechick45
    dalmiechick45 Posts: 164 Member
    I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    this....
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    Get out now. This is NOT a healthy relationship and by giving into him, you are reinforcing his insecurities. It will ONLY get worse.
    GET OUT NOW!
  • mixmastermolly
    mixmastermolly Posts: 272
    Don't marry him, run for your life!
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    My wife started showering and putting perfume on before going to the gym. I put a stop to that **** quick. Hell no. I bought her a Tae Bo tape to do at home instead.
  • PiperMommy11
    PiperMommy11 Posts: 56
    WAY TOO CONTROLLING!
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    If he's not somebody that encourages you to have a healthy life in whatever way you want to go about having it, I would seriously reconsider the relationship.
  • ShaunnaM
    ShaunnaM Posts: 23 Member
    yep!!:explode:
  • caterpillardreams
    caterpillardreams Posts: 476 Member
    It seems he is trying to have complete control over you. I hope you can open your eyes to see who he is. He is probably insecure. If you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to go to counseling and address this issue or you will be sad for a very long time.
    You can not hide from the truth. Some people are controlling and you can not let them walk all over you.
    I see you have a daughter so he will always be in ur life but a partner should encourage and if he has concerns he should talk about them not put you down or make you feel bad.
    You need to talk to him seriously and he needs to find out why he is so insecure. No relationship works without trust.
    God Bless u
    I pray the best for you and your family
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
    exactly, control. im somebody that started to change my life the same way and hubby was trying to not get me too. not sure what his issue was, but i told him, this is about me, not you, so either support me or shut up. communication is definitely the key. tell him and tell him again and keep telling him until it gets through to him. thankfully hubby got it after the second time of trying to stop me from eating less portions and lower calorie things. good luck.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I'm sorry, but... He sounds like a future ex-husband. I agree that this only gets worse with time, and marriage. Insecure people take a marriage certificate as an agreement that you will put up with their insecurity no matter how bad it gets.
  • melgillis
    melgillis Posts: 76 Member
    I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:
    'nuff said.
  • jcgrant43
    jcgrant43 Posts: 64
    Run.....now!
  • IamJacksColdSweat
    IamJacksColdSweat Posts: 106 Member
    WAY TOO CONTROLLING!

    Exactly what I thought :/
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 999 Member
    Even if you are not ready to leave, at the very least I would postpone things. Sorry, the future doesn't sound too promising. Way easier not to do it than to undo it once its done!!!
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
    waves his arms around danger danger will roberson ............
  • ProTFitness
    ProTFitness Posts: 1,379 Member
    You may not want to hear this and you may hear it a lot. But maybe marrage is not the way to go. Live for yourself 1st. You want to be happy. I know all to well about being in a relationship out of convience. Your happiness is what matters! if your not happy dont be scared to leave. So many people stay in those types of relationships because it seem easier. Hell I have learned Id rather be alone and happy then with someone and unhappy

    Have a Great Day
  • PixEm
    PixEm Posts: 190 Member
    He honestly sounds very controlling and like he is trying to hold you back. I could write all day about this, but I would just suggest really talking to him and tell him you need him to support you no matter what and understand that you enjoy the classes and going out with him on date nights.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I'm sure he has a nice basement and beautiful chains prepared for you once you're married. If you're a good girl, I bet he'll even feed you now and then!
  • ShaunnaM
    ShaunnaM Posts: 23 Member
    i would tell him how its gonna be if he don't like it he can leave o deal with it, noone in a relationship should control the other or prevent the other from getting healthy
  • kmcgaw
    kmcgaw Posts: 93 Member
    Zumba and getting healthy are your priorities and you have to take control of your own life even when married. If he doesn't support that, than you are off to a bad start. From my experience, the best men are attracted to women who are confident. The ones that try to bring you down are harbouring alot of insecurities and unless they recognize that fault in themselves will never change. I have been married for 10 years next week and my husband would never be caught dead taking an exercise class, but he loves the way it makes me feel. You deserve better.
  • ShaunnaM
    ShaunnaM Posts: 23 Member
    I'm sure he has a nice basement and beautiful chains prepared for you once you're married. If you're a good girl, I bet he'll even feed you now and then!

    lmao i was thinking that !:laugh:
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    What else have you done to make him feel this way? I would imagine that he has his reasons.
  • amurdaugh2010
    amurdaugh2010 Posts: 38 Member
    hey, people, come on. This sounds like a regular insecure guy who just wants his woman around all the time. You have no idea what their relationship is like.

    Do you work nine to five?
    You have three children, are you a budget friendly family?

    Sometimes other factors come into behavior when people act this way. It doesn't neccesarily mean she's in an unhealthy relationship. I would talk to him. See if he just misses time with you, and going out to zumba takes what little time you have together away. Maybe he's jealous that you're going out and he's stuck at home. I would do what others suggested and take walks together and talk. Talking is the best way to work through things. Some times all it takes is a little communication and people feel more secure and happier to let you do your own thing without worrying about things. You know? but they are right, if you don't get into the habit of communicating your feelings together, then things will get worse when you do get married.
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