Fiance tries to stop me going to Zumba?

The phrase that jumped out at me was 'he's always like this when I lose weight'......I think that that is the crux of the issue, but obviously I may be totally wrong as I don't know you/him at all. Maybe he's actually worried about you losing weight, maybe he's worried that you're only with him because you think you can't get anyone else and when you lose weight you may have higher self-esteem and leave him? Maybe bringing this up and reassuring him would help? Possibly sell him the health benefits of you being fitter and healthier? If he really loves you then he can't not agree that those benefits are worthwhile. Maybe he's either jealous of your going out, worried that you will meet someone else and/or wanting to keep you at home so that you can take care of his needs. If I am totally wrong then I sincerely apologise, it's just that the comment at the beginning of my posting that I took from yours really spoke volumes to me. Ultimately it is important for you to be able to things independently and if he can't accept this then I think that you really need to think what you want from life. I wish you every success both in your relationship and in your weight loss journey xxx

Ok, you have posts that are not what you want to hear I am sure. The sad part is, it usually takes someone on the outside to see what is really going on. YOu are very young and trust me you CANNOT change a person. YOu can't do it, They are who they are and it DOES get worse in marriage. Speaking from personal experience here. Same thing. I gained wieght when I first got married and decided to lose wieght. When I wouldn't stop going, he would try to sabotage my departures. Then came the accusations. It's usually the same pattern.
He seems very controlling and trying to use your insecurity to control you. BY taking charge and losing weight you are threatening his control over you. If you are set on making it work, I recommend lots of family counseling and personal counseling for him. The fact that he doesn't even want family to watch your daughter shows that he is trying to be controlling over her too.

I say RUN. Granted you are young enough to get married and then divorced but trust me, divorce and kids is absolutley horrible. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. If you need to talk you can friend me.

It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

You're right. OP, are you wearing perfume and the FDS when you go to Zumba?

My wife started showering and putting perfume on before going to the gym. I put a stop to that **** quick. Hell no. I bought her a Tae Bo tape to do at home instead.

You really shouldn't put on perfume before you go to the gym, because it can be very strong and for people who have allergies, it's not fun having to breathe that in. However, it sounds like you have trust issues with her. Making her work out at home isn't going to solve that issue in the long run.

I agree with everyone else, if he is that insecure maybe it's time to take a hard look at your relationship. You can't be happy married to a guy that wants to keep you at home like a prisoner.

It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

You're right. OP, are you wearing perfume and the FDS when you go to Zumba?

Hah!

I'm sorry, but... He sounds like a future ex-husband. I agree that this only gets worse with time, and marriage. Insecure people take a marriage certificate as an agreement that you will put up with their insecurity no matter how bad it gets.

This^^^^ Please listen!

It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

Yeah that's almost as bad as someone who assumes she has other motives. All we can go by is what she said. If she is doing something bad like that then he is stupid for staying with her, he's a douche either way.

Seriously, you better do something about that now!

Hi
Please don't give into him, if you like your Zumba go, you need to mix with people... He sounds controlling to me sorry I shouldn't judge your situation as I don't know you. Your message concerned me
Jackie

hey, people, come on. This sounds like a regular insecure guy who just wants his woman around all the time. You have no idea what their relationship is like.

Do you work nine to five?
You have three children, are you a budget friendly family?

Sometimes other factors come into behavior when people act this way. It doesn't neccesarily mean she's in an unhealthy relationship. I would talk to him. See if he just misses time with you, and going out to zumba takes what little time you have together away. Maybe he's jealous that you're going out and he's stuck at home. I would do what others suggested and take walks together and talk. Talking is the best way to work through things. Some times all it takes is a little communication and people feel more secure and happier to let you do your own thing without worrying about things. You know? but they are right, if you don't get into the habit of communicating your feelings together, then things will get worse when you do get married.

Best response so far. Communication is vital in any relationship.

I wonder how many of the 'omg dump him' people are happily married/able to carry on a functional relationship? From the other comments in most of those posts, I'm guessing not many. I don't take advice on how to be healthy and fit from unhealthy people. I definitely wouldn't take advice on relationships from people who are unable to have a healthy one.

The fact that you are posting on an internet message board before you talk with him about this doesn't bode well. Why don't you ask him what specifically is bothering him, and discuss what you can do to make this work for both of you? Don't listen to the "it's all about you!" crowd... they are dysfunctional human beings who will never be able to maintain a healthy long-term relationship. Relationships only work when BOTH people spend more time thinking about the OTHER person in the relationship than they do about themselves.

Also, all the 'it gets worse when you get married' people make me sick. Why did you get married to someone who makes you unhappy? I just don't understand these people.

^^^This. My husband was similar to this. I didn't back down but I did talk to him. He wasn't trying to control me; however, he was concerned that if I lost weight I would find someone else. I reassured him that I loved him and was only doing this for me and that he is the one to reap the benefits. It took some time for him to come around but he did. Now we are doing P90x together. I didn't push him, he just started to see the differences in me. I am doing great! He is doing great! We are doing better than we ever were (17 years together). I couldn't imagine if I would have taken advice like this and left him :brokenheart:

PS: He didn't like me to go out to long when the kids (3 of them) were younger because he felt overwhelmed. He is fine now that the youngest is 7. Do you leave the kids with him when you go out?

I dont have any good advice, but trust me it will only get worse once you are married. :huh:

yup. if its bad BEFORE marriage, then think about how bad it'll be AFTER getting married.

pssssst red flag.

I was married to a 'insecure' aka controlling possessive husband....wasted 12 of my life waiting for him to change. Tears, frustration, fights, sacrificing some of the things I love the most. Guess what....he never changed. I got smart and dumped his *kitten*. I'm in a happy healthy relationship now. My X was not half the man my boyfriend is now!!! Just think....i might have stayed with my X because after all he was only 'insecure'. I'm so glad I got the courage to leave!

Good Luck, I'm glad you 'talked' to him. I hope you realize that it's going to take a lot more than talk to make it work. It's going to take change!

I have been with my husband 18 years and we were both jealous and insecure in the beginning. Since our relationship has matured well this is my advice:

Time apart brings more to the relationship, if you only talk to him and the kids after a while you are boring, he is bored and you are resentful. Secondly, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, he has to respect your needs and not make you feel guilty for pursuing them- you respect his, reassure and encourage him to do something that he enjoys without you. Absence makes the heart fonder and can also ignite a passion. Positive reinforcement also has its benefits, when he is supportive of you, let him know how much you appreciate him and let him know how sexy his self confidence is when he is not being insecure.

The economy stinks so come up with creative ways to have cheaper dates: kids at babysitter then dinner and movie at home, picnic & a walk in the park, some woman (myself) enjoy dressing up and having somewhere to go - so eat dinner at home then go somewhere nice and split an appetizer and enjoy a couple of drinks, another option is that lunch dates are typically cheaper than dinner dates.

Good luck and if you can not get him to make some progress you seriously should evaluate the relationship before you grow to resent the control.

But if you are parents, please find a counselor to talk to for the sake of your child. Go even if he won't go with you. Maybe things will improve!