Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

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Replies

  • katharineshalia
    katharineshalia Posts: 243 Member
    for real?
  • kateflourishes
    kateflourishes Posts: 246 Member
    My advice would be to talk to a social worker and have them point you in the right direction. That's what I would do in your situation.

    As for being 23 and pregnant, I was 23 when I got pregnant and just turned 24 when I had my daughter 2 years ago. I was unmarried too, though we are married now. We always say what a joy and blessing our daughter is, and how we couldn't imagine life without her. No matter what, you will be thankful for the gift of your baby, and you will figure out the job/school thing as best you can. We never faced any back lash from being unmarried and pregnant, except my best friend at the time said "He'd better be planning to marry you", and my father-in-law suggested that my coworkers may think less of me for not having a ring on my finger while I was pregnant (not to my face, but to my husband). That's it.

    You can be strong for you and your baby! Good luck.
  • istalkzombies
    istalkzombies Posts: 344 Member
    23 is ancient compared to when I became a dad, I was 17 years old when i got my ex pregnant, my senior year of high school I was working 2 jobs, doign a full day of school (no work/home release) and doing after school school to make up credits for being lazy my junior year, forget what anyone says or thinks all that matters is you do your absolute best to be the absolute best parent you can be for your should.
  • vivianahm
    vivianahm Posts: 54 Member
    I became a mom at 29 years old for the first time and 31 for the second. i was not too young (right?) bur I was still criticized for having the second one too soon after the first... that just goes to show that people will say any sort of stupid thing when talking about your life.
    I love being a mom, I think having my children after 29 was good in the sense that I was done with my studies and had a good job, but I think that being a younger mom can have many advantages, you have more energy, you are closer in age to your baby, you have time to have lots more children if you want them.
    I don't even think it matters if you're married or not. All my life experience has taught me is this: the only thing that matters is that you love your baby.
    The best of lucks and feel free to befriend me.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
    I had my first at 21 and my second at 25. My husband decided to ditch and I was left with a 4 year old and 4 day old to raise alone. I was able to get assistance, go back to school and successfully raise my kids (they are 20 and 24 now). You CAN do this. Don't take any crap off anyone. Do what is best for you and your baby. Reach out for the support you need. And good for you standing by your convictions. Your child will be an absolute blessing (and possibly heartache) but being a mom is amazing!!!
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,438 Member
    I was 24 when I had my daughter. She is now 19 and just finished her freshmen year of college. I was still in college, paying my own way, when I had her and graduated with a B.S. degree when she was a year and a half old. I have been a single mom from day one and still am, I am not going to lie, it wasn't always easy and still isn't, but as long as you have a good support group (family and friends) you can do it.

    I currently manage an environmental laboratory, not only am I the first female to hold this position for this company, but I am the first one to hold this position without a doctorates in chemistry. I do not receive nor have I ever received child support from the other half of the gene pool and I still managed to buy a house, buy my daughter a car, buy her a bassoon ($12,000 insutrument),she is a music major and paid for her freshman year of college. My daughter and I may not have had everything we wanted, but we have never been without anything we needed.

    my daughter graduated with honors from H.S. and was one of the top 3 high school bassoonists in the State, she was active in several extra curriculur activities including sports and music.
  • Lwillis1234
    Lwillis1234 Posts: 990 Member
    I got pregnant while in school also with no job, I was 21 years old and a senior in college, but i was so determined to graduate with my BA!! I worked too hard those last 3 years; So I graduated, it told a little longer, but I did it. Now i have my degree and a part time job. My precious baby girl is 5 months now and just such a happy growing baby! I love her soooooo much, everytime i'm gone i miss her! It is hard!! But sooooo worth it. I wouldn't trade her for nothing in this world :) You can do it, I believe you can! You just have to work extra hard! AND don't worry about the people that is telling you that you're too young! Basically my whole family wanted me to get an abortion, but noway was i doing that, when i told them i wasnt they evenually accepted it! thats all they could do.

    CONGRATS!!! By the way :)
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    I was 22 years old when I found out I was pregnant. 12 weeks later, I found out I was having twins. I had my twins 1 day before my 23rd birthday. 2 days later, they were both diagnosed with a fatal disease called Cystic Fibrosis.

    I found myself at 23 not only being a new mother, but a physiotherapist, caregiver, nurse, etc. I had not only full-time motherly duties, but also had to do disease control.

    My kids were 2 years old when I separated from my husband. I'm now 26 years old and the twins are 3 and a half. I'm a single mother, and their father gives support merely one day a week. Essentially, I am on my own with the boys.

    When I first got pregnant, I was working on a contract job. I had to "quit" and go on E.I (which was peanuts), my husband was a bar manager & we were 10k in debt. It wasn't ideal, but we pulled through.

    Now, I'm 26, I own my own home, I have an amazing career, and 2 beautiful loving children.
  • Denise6914
    Denise6914 Posts: 176
    I had two children by the time I was 22. I'm 28 now with 3 children, and I'm doing it on my own. It's extremely tough for me financially, but my kids are my world, and it is so rewarding. Congrats on your pregnancy!
  • Dare2BThin
    Dare2BThin Posts: 211 Member
    I got pregnant with my daughter at 21 had her 2 month before my 22nd birthday....I was sick and couldnt work my husband (BF) at the time was the only one able to work....did we struggle yep but I wouldnt change it for the world...things turn around you will be ok
  • I am not 23 but I did not think that there was some "magic" age where it was not okay to be pregnant regardless of situation. There are a lot of people out there that are worse off than you that have babies. I'd stick to your guns and love that baby and do not let the judgement of others get under your skin.

    I am currently pregnant and am in Grad School -- just becasue I am pregnant, I am not going to stop my life. I am lucky to have a supportive family system that will watch the peanut when I am going to school. Once I am finished and have a full time job I will be able to afford child care. It only makes sense for you to continue your education, even if it is just part time -- You have to work towards something to better yourself and your child.

    Chin up, tut tut, and smile!
  • LAP61
    LAP61 Posts: 3
    I was 23 and my son is now 27. We didn't have much money at the time. We lived on lots of hand me down furniture, except his was all new. It was a struggle but we made it and he is wonderful.

    I understand about trying to find a job, as employers will keep in the back of the mind that you will be out on maternity leave shortly after you start. You just have to find the right one or you may need to work part-time then find something after your child is born.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    I was 23 when I had my son. That being said I was also married, had a 10 year old step-son, a full time job, etc. so probably not the best comparrison... NOT THAT IT MATTERS!!! It takes a great woman to be a great mom... it doesn't take a job, marriage, or other kids to make you a great mom. And neither does age...

    My mom was a sophmore in highschool when she met the love of her life... Prom night and a car and well I'm sure you get the picture. My grandparents wanted her to have an abortion but since she would not both sets banded together and 'had my mom and dad get married'. My mother struggled with putting her junior and senior high school years into one and earned her high school diploma. She did the best that she could every day... she saw the looks, she heard the comments, and she felt the heartache. But you know what? She is my hero! At 32 years old I can honestly say that she is one of my best friends, my inspiration to be a better me, and the BEST mother a girl could ever have.

    Don't worry about the haters and what not. You will do just fine *hugs to you* :heart:
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

    You'll be fine. Even the hardest situations have a way of working themselves out. I'm 31 with 2 children and though I've never been through a similar scenario, kids have a way of teaching us lessons we never knew we needed. Congratulations and enjoy baby :)
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
    My friend has a 3 year old and a 1 year old. She is 27 years old (so 24 with the first) She works full time AND just finished her PhD. in psychology. Yup two kids, under 30 and a doctor....there are success stories out there and you could be one of them! Congrats!
  • meljones
    meljones Posts: 36 Member
    I was 25 when I decided to go back to school. One month after I started classes I ended up getting pregnant! I was scared to death since I wasn't married and it was not part of my plan at all. But with lots of family/friends support I stayed in school and graduated with my B.A. in three years. It was actually easier with a child because priorities switched from partying to taking care of another person who was completely dependant on my choices. I then went on to get my Masters, and now 6 years later I recently stopped working again and just finished my first semester towards a PhD in Counseling!

    It will not be easy, but something that always motivated me was knowing that my education would have a HUGE impact on what kind of life I could give my child. Plus, with the flexibility of classes you may actually get to spend more time at home with your little one in the first few years. You might see if your university has any online classes, which allowed me to continue for the semester I was due and the summer following having my daughter.

    Keep your head up and always think about the fact that school is far from forever. You could have a degree before your child even goes to kindergarten! Just imagine the difference education could make in what jobs are available to you.

    You will do great!
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    I was 17 and in high school when I got pregnant. I graduated HS, got my AA and BS in 4 years (when I was 21) while working and raising my daughter. My parents helped, my ex didnt. Since then I have gotten married and purchased a house. It was hard but worth it.

    Edit: I finished HS in December, started community college in January and got pregnant in January. I went full time every semester. You are lucky to have a supportive BF.
  • Breezy415
    Breezy415 Posts: 54 Member
    We had our daughter when I was 19, got married when I was 20, had our 1st son when I was 23 and just had our second son 8 weeks ago when I was 26 (turned 27 since then) Good luck!
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    I understand that your beliefs push you to keep the baby, but with no job and education plans on the horizon, I think it's important to sit down with your boyfriend, family, etc. and decide if this is really something you can afford/are emotionally ready to do. Keep in mind that there is always adoption should you decide that this is not something you could handle right now. Personally, I would not be willing to put my own life on hold to raise a child, but really, that's just my opinion. Just know that there are more choices than just keeping the child or aborting.
    I was 19 when i had my first daughter. i had another one at the age of 27. you will do well. NO ABORTION PLEASE, you will regret for the rest of your life when you do that.

    What if someone regrets having kids for the rest of their life?
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I think that there is no optimal age for children. It is wonderful you are going to school and owning up to your responsibility of having a child. You can never plan that and it will never be a convenient time in life when you find out you are pregnant. The most important thing is that you are making a plan so that you can succeed and accomplish your dreams.

    As far as unemployment goes. A child adds on a huge amount of bills. Do you have health insurance? If not... either way I recommend getting employment asap because you should be saving. It doesn't matter whether you are in school or not... money talks and you want a good home for your child to come into. You don't have to be rich but you need to be afloat. You can easily go to school and work at the same time. Especially now wow you've got the big count down.
  • looby2k
    looby2k Posts: 2
    HI, I had my first child at 19, my second at 21 and my 3rd (and last) at 24. When I first found out I was pregnant I figured that being younger that I would have more energy to deal with the sleepless nights and running around and Ive done ok I think. The way I see it is when my eldest is 21 I will only be 40 and whilst most of my friends will be dragging from the school runs and after school club runs and the general chaos that comes with kids I'll still be young enough to enjoy life. I worked throughout each pregnancy and I went back after maternity leave, even when their father left us I still managed it. I don't think age really has to much to do with it. You will love your child like no other love you've ever felt and that is the thing that will make you the best mum in the world. I know my kids inspire me and they are a huge part of why I joined this site :) I wish you the best of luck with everything and just listen to yourself, whatever anybody else thinks doesn't really matter :D
  • AliciaNorris81
    AliciaNorris81 Posts: 185 Member
    I had my daughter at 16. I was in no position to raise a child, but I bucked up and did it anyway. Now she is a wonderful teenager and I am very proud of her.

    My situation may not have been a story book fairy tale, but it is mine. I have a quote that I wrote that I tell people all of the time.

    "Everybody has a story. It is not our job to put a label on that story book cover. It is our job to open it, read the words, and understand them. Then, and only then, you can choose to continue to be a part of their story or simply be a passing character in a chapter."

    If people are going to choose to be haters, don't let them be a part of your story.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 567 Member
    the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

    No need for abortion dear (unless that is a choice you make for yourself). Don't be scared, just know whatever you put your mind to you can do!
  • andreacord
    andreacord Posts: 928
    23 is not too young at all. I have friends that are just barely eighteen and mothers, and one that was a mother at sixteen (now seventeen) and another that is sixteen and going to be a mama in the next two weeks. Don't let people bash you!
  • sheri02r
    sheri02r Posts: 486 Member
    My mom was a young mom and she's a wonderful mother and woman. 23 isn't young at all to have a baby!! I always wanted to be a 'young' mom, but life kind of got in the way. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be a great mom! Congrats! :)
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    I got pregnant at 18, had my daughter at 19.
    At the time I worked part time at chickfila, so money was tight.
    In the end everything has worked out and still continues too.

    Don't worry, and congratulations!
  • rprussell2004
    rprussell2004 Posts: 870 Member
    Age isn't any great measure of maturity.

    MATURITY is the measure of maturity.

    Everyone's different.
  • NicoleG_86
    NicoleG_86 Posts: 61 Member
    I was in college and 2 weeks away from moving to Gainesville to finish out college on a free ride when I found out I was pregnant. I was 19 years old. I had my son at 20 years old. I am now 25 years old and I am still in school and I work. My life is busy but it is complete and full of love. My then boyfriend (now my husband) and I are doing really well. Our son is the most amazing part of our lives.

    23 is NOT too young. There is no perfect age or scenario. It happens in a Higher Power's time, not ours. You will do great. Don't worry because everything works out just as it should every time. Worry will only make your pregnancy hell (I know this one from experience). Instead enjoy this time. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing (after the morning sickness LOL).

    Feel free to friend me if you need support!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I don't really understand how 23 is young for a pregnancy . . . seems pretty normal to average to me.
  • elibeltran
    elibeltran Posts: 2 Member
    I was 16 years old when I had my first child(ren). I had twins, I am now 38 years old and my daughters are 21. I have successfully raised then without the help of their biological father! It was a struggle, but it can be done. They are fully functioning, responsible adults now. Both attending their 3rd year in a University and live independently as well. I am super proud of the women I have raised. I was also able to finish high school, went through vocational college and am currently woking on my BA. I have a great career and a wonderful husband! Having a child at 23 is not too young. Good luck on the best adventure you will ever embark on (motherhood)!!!!