"Old Fashioned" or "Traditional" gender roles

If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.

Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".

I don't agree with the idea that men should pay on the first date primarily because I believe it raises an expectation of what will follow after that date. In my opinion there is a transaction there waiting to happen and if you pay for yourself it erases that expectation. Better to say 'let's go halves' or if you want to see the guy again say 'hey if you get this one I'll get the next one' and actually do it than raise the expectation of 'I paid so now you must put out'.

Not of course that any of you fine gentlemen think that way ...

If a guy is expecting you to put out because he paid for a date, or pays for EVERY date...you need to find a new guy.

Also, if a woman absolutely insists on paying, I immediately get the 'she only likes me as a friend' vibe. If she can't appreciate the fact that I feel it's my place to show her appreciation for her company by paying for our outing, we probably shouldn't be dating anyhow.

If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.

Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".

You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).

If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.

Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".

You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).

Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..

But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...

If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.

Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".

You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).

Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..

But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...

I don't think there's any problem at all with a couple mutually deciding those are the roles they want to play in their relationship!! That's great, as long as both parties came to that conclusion together, and not just because it's what society says they should do. The part that got to me was the idea that the roles were pre-set and that any woman embarking on a relationship with that person would have to subcribe to those roles - regardless of her personal interests, strengths or views on the matter -- and personally that lack of choice/flexibility wouldn't be something I'd be interested in, so I wouldn't have responded to the ad.

As someone who has intentionally sought out more "traditional" males (because it's what I prefer), I can say that most of them aren't as rigid as you might think. Some are, yea, but most are pretty flexible in what they consider to be "traditional gender roles". There might be a few things on which they refuse to bend, but it's not like they're dictators

In our house, "old fashioned" and "traditional" are defined as:

Hubby goes to work and earns the paycheck. Hubby protects the family and disciplines the kids.

Wifey has the kids, feeds the kids, cleans the house, cleans the cars, waits on hubby hand and foot, changes diapers, does the laundry, helps the kids with the homework, does the dishes, drives everyone everywhere, and makes sure no one is choking on/spitting on/strangling/pulling someones hair someone else.

And I get no sex for it.

In our house, "old fashioned" and "traditional" are defined as:

Hubby goes to work and earns the paycheck. Hubby protects the family and disciplines the kids.

Wifey has the kids, feeds the kids, cleans the house, cleans the cars, waits on hubby hand and foot, changes diapers, does the laundry, helps the kids with the homework, does the dishes, drives everyone everywhere, and makes sure no one is choking on/spitting on/strangling/pulling someones hair someone else.

And I get no sex for it.

That....sounds awful. But I'll admit, I have NEVER been one for the whole "traditional" gender role thing, and that's pretty much exactly what I think of when somebody says "old fashioned" or "traditional" when it comes to gender roles. If a man I was interested in outright said he believes in "traditional family values" or "traditional gender roles" we probably wouldn't get past the first date. Just not my cup of tea.

In our relationship, we do what we're good at. I'm terrible at doing laundry, but my bf doesn't mind it. He's terrible at organizing and remembering what days everything is due, so I handle getting the bills paid (we share the cost, but I'm the one who makes sure it happens). He would probably burn our apartment down trying to cook, so I handle that (and the grocery shopping, since I'm the one doing the cooking). We both pitch in the keep the house clean. We both pitch in taking care of (and disciplining) my son (who is not his biologically, but he assumes the father role anyway). We're a team. We both work full time outside the home, so we divide responsibilities pretty evenly.

We go half on big purchases, we split the bill at dinner (unless it's a special occasion, ex. me taking him out for his birthday, him taking me out for Mother's Day, etc). We show each other appreciation in so many ways, and we make major decisions together. I really wouldn't say there's one "boss" of the relationship, because we pretty much meet each other halfway on anything we don't immediately agree on.

As for the little things, sure, he opens doors for me, pulls my chair out at restaurants, those sorts of things. He's respectful and kind, like any man should be. Just like I am respectful and kind to him.
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It's awful and it's not - if that makes any sense. We actually weren't into the whole 'traditional role' thing. But it just kinda fell into our lap when I lost my job and we had more kids. So now we just make it work. I do miss sex. A LOT.

"at the gas station I see an older lady staring at the gas pump like it's completely foreign to her. Went over to ask if she needed some help. She tells me her late husband pumped their gas since they started dating (when she was 18). 56 years later he passed away and she doesn't know how to pump gas. I simply explain everything and do it for her. Look over and she begins to cry and says how blessed she is to have a complete stranger help her out. "

Saw this on Facebook. All the women thought it was sweet. I do feel for her, she lost her husband. But at the same time I thought it was somewhat pathetic. I just can't understand how an individual can be so helpless.