Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

first date? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! after that, fair game.

Guys should pay on EVERY date.

A real lady will offer to pay once in a while. I like that you open doors and such. I am a bit old-fashioned and feel that these are sad times, where the line between men and women is so blurred. Not all women want to be macho. I want to be fit, but not to the point of looking like a guy. I wear skirts all the time, because I like the feminine feeling. But I also offer to pay when I go on dates because I often make more than the men I date.

I will always offer to pay my half on the first date but if you actually let me pay, there will NEVER be a second date. Please, be a gentleman and pick up the tab. Hold my door open and stand back as I walk through. All these little things make me feel like the lady that I am. I don't mind paying every once in a while once we are dating but the man should definitely pay for the first date.

Why even offer to pay, if you're just gonna get pissed at him for allowing you to. That's immature BS. Don't offer to pay if you're just testing him. If you're gonna put the offer on the table....be prepared to follow through. If he's smart..he won't even want a second date.

I am curious, for those who believe a man just should pay for dates... does that still stand if the woman earns significantly more than the man? Or would you not date someone way more successful than yourself anyway?

I ask because I am genuinely curious, this concept is honestly so strange to me.

I still think the guy pays and plans the first date. After you're in a relationship then things adjust.

It doesn't have to be anything expensive either. So even if he has no job and no money he can come up with something creative. The whole point is giving the guy a chance to do it and feel manly.

I am curious, for those who believe a man just should pay for dates... does that still stand if the woman earns significantly more than the man? Or would you not date someone way more successful than yourself anyway?

I ask because I am genuinely curious, this concept is honestly so strange to me.

I still think the guy pays and plans the first date. After you're in a relationship then things adjust.

It doesn't have to be anything expensive either. So even if he has no job and no money he can come up with something creative. The whole point is giving the guy a chance to do it and feel manly.

Why, oh why is it that a pikachu looking kitten seems to be the only creature on the planet that knows me to my core?

I am curious, for those who believe a man just should pay for dates... does that still stand if the woman earns significantly more than the man? Or would you not date someone way more successful than yourself anyway?

I ask because I am genuinely curious, this concept is honestly so strange to me.

I've been in that position before.

Let me put it this way.

Unless I was broke (in school, dealing with financial issues, etc)...I would still pay. If she wanted to show financial appreciation in any of a million other ways, that would be ok (if she surprises me with travel and lodging tickets to Europe...fine, but I'm paying for our food and activities damnit!)...but when it comes to our time out together, I feel that's my responsibility.

Once the relationship becomes more permanent, those things sort of fall by the wayside anyhow.

Also, her level of success isn't relevant to whether I would date her or not. She could live at home with her parents at 31, or be a successful executive in a fortune 500 company at 25. It doesn't matter to me, as long as she makes the effort to put our relationship first.

That is interesting... I am seeing that maybe the whole 'man paying' thing isn't really about money at all...

It never was. And it's not about 'control' either as some people seem to have assumed.

I guess it's not something simple or logical...and surely stems from a different time, when women didn't support themselves and men were the sole providers.

That doesn't make it wrong, or even irrelevant in todays culture...which is sadly lacking in respect, communication, and genuine caring between our genders. To me, these things...and the actions that promote them, should be perpetuated, not belittled.

It never was. And it's not about 'control' either as some people seem to have assumed.

I guess it's not something simple or logical...and surely stems from a different time, when women didn't support themselves and men were the sole providers.

That doesn't make it wrong, or even irrelevant in todays culture...which is sadly lacking in respect, communication, and genuine caring between our genders. To me, these things...and the actions that promote them, should be perpetuated, not belittled.

I think the a lot of girls don't realize how simple guys make most things. After growing up with so many brothers I learned that guys just like to do certain things because it makes them feel manly. So that could be paying for a date, carrying 10 grocery bags in one arm just to say they did it, smelling your farts, etc etc. The list goes on :laugh:

I think only women complicate dating things. For example, I've never seen a guy waiting by his phone after a date going "omg omg I hope she calls me soon!!"

Amen lol.

You hit the nail on the head on all points (other than I don't think I've intentionally ever tried to smell a fart lol).

But I think you'd be surprised at the internal (or sometimes not so internal...depending on our surroundings) 'YES!!!' we give when we get an unexpected call or text from the girl we're interested in after an awesome date.

I think it depends on who initiated the invitation. If I asked a man out, then I would expect to pay. If he asks me....then he can pay.

After reading many of these responses, I have been sitting here thinking about how I honestly would react on a first date if a guy insisted on paying. I thought it would be a weird dealbreaker, however I am now thinking its not that simple. I think in reality, by the end of the date I would have worked out whether I like this guy. His attitude towards women would be a big part of whether I like him or not and this will likely shine through during the date. So if, like you sound, he is a nice guy who respects women, but feels like he should pay for dinner as a nice gentlemanly gesture... then I'd probably go along with it. If he was generally a chauvainst pig, then... maybe I'd order something super super expensive and still make him pay.

I'm glad I could help you understand my position a bit more. And by the way, if the guys an *kitten*...he DESERVES you to stick him with a huge bill .

It never was. And it's not about 'control' either as some people seem to have assumed.

I guess it's not something simple or logical...and surely stems from a different time, when women didn't support themselves and men were the sole providers.

That doesn't make it wrong, or even irrelevant in todays culture...which is sadly lacking in respect, communication, and genuine caring between our genders. To me, these things...and the actions that promote them, should be perpetuated, not belittled.

I think the a lot of girls don't realize how simple guys make most things. After growing up with so many brothers I learned that guys just like to do certain things because it makes them feel manly. So that could be paying for a date, carrying 10 grocery bags in one arm just to say they did it, smelling your farts, etc etc. The list goes on :laugh:

I think only women complicate dating things. For example, I've never seen a guy waiting by his phone after a date going "omg omg I hope she calls me soon!!"

Amen lol.

You hit the nail on the head on all points (other than I don't think I've intentionally ever tried to smell a fart lol).

But I think you'd be surprised at the internal (or sometimes not so internal...depending on our surroundings) 'YES!!!' we give when we get an unexpected call or text from the girl we're interested in after an awesome date.

LOL I've definitely seen my brothers have "farting contests" like it was the greatest thing ever. Right when i was ready to blame it on their youth, my dad joined in. Sadly, I've been "dutch oven-ed" by pretty much every bf too lol so I always thought farting was just one of those things for guys. :sick:

Hey now...I said I have never intentionally smelled a fart!

Making you do it...can be all sorts of fun lol.

Besides, wrestling (and I know if I did that, we'd end up wrestling lol), always leads to more entertaining things for both of us. On top of that, you get to complain and tell stories to all your friends what a typical male *kitten* I am, while I'm busy blowing things up in the garage.

Win/win!

Anyhow ladies, off to the gym. Hopefully we'll continue this surprisingly productive discussion later

I don't know about "should"; whatever works for other people is their business, but personally I won't and never have let a guy pay. The way I see it, I expect a man to treat me as an equal, so I need to behave like one by paying my own share - otherwise I'd feel like I was taking advantage by trying to have my cake and eat it, too. That's just my personal take, though, like I said, I don't think it's "wrong" or anything if other people prefer to do it differently.

Ahh, this is where it's going to get interesting, and please don't take this as an attack against you, because it isn't. Your post is simply what brought it to mind.

I was called out directly more than once, citing my behavior in wanting to pay for dates as 'controlling' and based on my 'insecurity' as a man.

Here's the thing...isn't the behavior where you absolutely HAVE to DEMAND equal treatment in EVERY situation...just so it's clear you're an equal...a mask of insecurity as well? Doesn't giving actually prove that you are an equal with far more effect than stomping your foot and demanding to be treated as one? I mean, if I know I'm equal...it hurts me not at all to give...even to give often and deeply. That giving takes NOTHING from who I am, nor our respective equality.

If you know you're an equal...and you ARE an equal...what's the big deal about giving, and in the process, receiving?