Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
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It is only based on the circumstances of how that date came to fruition.
If a girl has a crush on a guy and asked him out then why would any reasonable person assume that the guy has to pay ?
I have known attractive woman who wanted to go somewhere or do something and used their attractiveness to get free dates. Yes I knew a girl who would eat out nearly every night for free because she would get idiots to pay for her.
If the guy asks her out then by all means pay for it.
If it is a mutual "friend to friend" date then it goes 50 / 50.
Guys cant do any thing right. If they offer to pay they are misogynistic a holes. If they don't offer to pay they are losers. I am so glad I m married to my best friend since high school!
I have a single friend that just outright asks before the date even happens. Kind of a geniousif you ask me. He simply asks the girl if she is a traditionalist or a feminist. Those that are put off by the question solves the problem by him not going out with them those that answer he understands before the date even happens.0 -
The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
I've never heard of this before. I've heard of the protecting a women from traffic, protecting women from dirt or anything splattering when there were horse carriages. I've even heard the one where men did it when they wore swords on their left hip so it kept their right side free when they needed to draw it.
In the times when there were no cars, no sides walks, just regular dirt walk ways so technically people can walk right in the middle of said "street" why would keeping your women at any side even matter? I'm also curious what cultures currently practice it.
Not saying you made it up btw, its just the first time I'm ever hearing it.0 -
The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
I've never heard of this before. I've heard of the protecting a women from traffic, protecting women from dirt or anything splattering when there were horse carriages. I've even heard the one where men did it when they wore swords on their left hip so it kept their right side free when they needed to draw it.
In the times when there were no cars, no sides walks, just regular dirt walk ways so technically people can walk right in the middle of said "street" why would keeping your women at any side even matter? I'm also curious what cultures currently practice it.
Not saying you made it up btw, its just the first time I'm ever hearing it.
I don't think she personally made it up either. I think it's feminist propaganda. I've heard too much crap like that as arguments in discussions, yet when questioned...there's no factual basis, and it comes out that her 'women's group' were the culprits.0 -
The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
I've never heard of this before. I've heard of the protecting a women from traffic, protecting women from dirt or anything splattering when there were horse carriages. I've even heard the one where men did it when they wore swords on their left hip so it kept their right side free when they needed to draw it.
In the times when there were no cars, no sides walks, just regular dirt walk ways so technically people can walk right in the middle of said "street" why would keeping your women at any side even matter? I'm also curious what cultures currently practice it.
Not saying you made it up btw, its just the first time I'm ever hearing it.
I don't think she personally made it up either. I think it's feminist propaganda. I've heard too much crap like that as arguments in discussions, yet when questioned...there's no factual basis, and it comes out that her 'women's group' were the culprits.
Wait Im confused so when I walk my dog inside and me on the outside its because I want people to know that my dog is not a *kitten* ?
What about my son ? I mean ... Wow... He is a popular kid but geeze0 -
Only if you feel it is appropriate.
If she expects it, she's not my kind of girl. If she pulls out her wallet to pay her half, that's my queue to pick up the tab.0 -
I walk my dog on the outside so he won't piss on the neighbors houses :laugh:0
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Only if you feel it is appropriate.
If she expects it, she's not my kind of girl. If she pulls out her wallet to pay her half, that's my queue to pick up the tab.
What if you invited her somewhere that she can't even afford? Is she supposed to drink water all night?0 -
Whoever asks for the date should pay. But honestly, even if the girl asks the guy should still offer and visa versa. At the very least go halvsies. A true gentleman would always pay 100%.0
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I walk my dog on the outside so he won't piss on the neighbors houses :laugh:
I walk mine on the inside because he is "special" and he will run in fear from oncoming traffic "right into them"
And I you know, love my dog and wouldnt want him to die.0 -
The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
That's funny, I do the same thing with small children.......They have never been for sale, but I surely put them to the inside and do not allow them car side........0 -
The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
That's funny, I do the same thing with small children.......They have never been for sale, but I surely put them to the inside and do not allow them car side........
Exactly.
And for the record...in my home...children are served before adults, and women before men (if I'm not beat to it...its sometimes a fun race to see who gets the others plate for them first lol).
As a matter of fact...in any situation...children (anyone's) are my first priority, then women...then myself.0 -
umm no, what decade do you live in?0
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The way I see it is like this: I was raised with my step dad holding doors, walking on the "car side" of a sidewalk, paying for meals (out of their joint account), and doing all the "manly things" for my mother.
So, I expect that. If the person I'm with isn't that way, then we're not meant for each other. My fiancé lives up to most of those things, except for the manly stuff - but he makes up for that in other ways.
Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I like me an "old fashion gentlemen."
I was taught all of that stuff too. But it just didn't sink in because it was always my nature to look for logic behind the things we do and if I see none I don't do it. I don't understand the concepts of holding doors open or walking on the car side because they don't seem logical to me. I don't see any real method behind them. When I walk I walk slightly behind, not alongside, because it allows me to see them without making eye contact. I have issues with making eye contact.
Holding the door open: Simply being polite (I do this for everyone)
Walking on the car side: My step dad explained it as, "If a car is going to swerve off the road onto the side-walk, the woman will have a better chance because it'll hit him first." It seemed kind of romantic to me, he's standing in her line of fire.
The woman being on the inside on the sidewalk and the guy on the outside actually stems from some cultures where if the woman is on the outside its making a statement that she is for sale so the man puts the woman on the inside so others know she isn't a *kitten* and it had nothing to do with protection (some cultures still practice this) but now its a tradition that has been rationalized as a gesture of protection.
That's funny, I do the same thing with small children.......They have never been for sale, but I surely put them to the inside and do not allow them car side........
Exactly.
And for the record...in my home...children are served before adults, and women before men (if I'm not beat to it...its sometimes a fun race to see who gets the others plate for them first lol).
As a matter of fact...in any situation...children (anyone's) are my first priority, then women...then myself.
You and my husband would get along well0 -
I'm a feminist and I've never paid on a date. I think it's common courtesy for whomever sets up the date to offer to pay, but I've never actually been the one to ask out first.0
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Absolutely no questions asked. These gentlemanly gestures are infrequent and when they happen, us women go gaga. So if you want to make a great impression, be a gent and treat your date!0
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in today's society, i would say it depends0
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UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
there are also a lot of guys out there that pick you up for a date, open the car doors and and hold doors into the restaurant etc and pull out your chair and pay for everything. But into the relationship you find out they are controlling . Wont let you have friends or go anywhere and as soon as you are married quit their job and expect you to pay all the bills. Just because a guy has manners does not mean he is going to be a good guy. And just because a guy doesn't know you want him to pull out your chair for you or hold the door it does not mean he would not make a perfect bf/husband. Those things can be taught later as they learn it is your preference.0 -
my husband and I teach our son, that yes a man pays for the 1st date, ESP if he asks. If she asks, he should offer to do something nice as well, ie, if she invites him to the movies and pays, he'll suggest dinner or frozen yogurt, ice cream whatever after.... and pay.
He's also to open doors for buildings, cars, etc and that he is always to walk on the outside of the street, it protects her from being splashed by puddles if a car gets too close, and sigh as much as I hate it, protects her from getting hit by a car if one should get too close, ( honestly not too fond of that, but what can you say "here son this is why gentlemen do this but screw her save yourself?" )
It's not about being archaic, it's about showing respect.0 -
i dont really agree with the people who say a guy paying for a date is about respecting women.
i think its nice if a guy offered to pay and i appreciate it when guys hold open doors for me and always say thank you.
but everyones situation is different. for example my boyfriend has never paid for dinner out or a movie or even drinks any time we were out. but its not because hes not a gentlemen bc he can be one. he can however be a little unorganized.
so in our relationship, we also live together, I tend to pay for things like going out and special treats. mainly because he gives me his share of money for bills that we have and after that he doesnt have much left for extras other then some of his personal bills.
and to be honest he prefers staying home but i cant stand to do that all the time so i put money aside each month as part of shared expenses for going out to dinner or entertainment and if i want to go out more then I budgeted for then i pay for that as well. because im well organized and make a lil more then him and im a saver where he is a spender.
im not much of a traditionalist and i believe that everyone makes there own rules. im not saying I would refuse if a guy ever offered to pay for the meal when on a date but its not a deal breaker (unless i already am not feeling it and then i would use it for an excuse not to go on a 2nd date)0 -
I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
I love this(:
and amen MEN!0
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