Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

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  • davidlbass
    davidlbass Posts: 159 Member
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    Old school here. The guy should always pay on a date and should hold the door for his date and any other female entering at the same time.
  • rahrahrita
    rahrahrita Posts: 225 Member
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    Whoever asked the other person out should pay... but I wouldn't ask a guy out, so yeah I think the guy should pay :)
  • mcleodconnor
    mcleodconnor Posts: 70
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    If this was an accurate representation of society it doesn't make it right. (not sure if I consider an MFP forum to be an accurate representation of society)
    A hundred years ago, most societies didn't allow women to vote; does that mean we shoud have continued that policy/law?


    I was wondering when (not if) it was going to get to this. Somehow men being men and doing men things to appreciate women, always gets turned into some equal rights ridiculousness that is completely unrelated.

    I think it was you who brought up the suggestion that societal norms are the right way to do things? I was just responding to that notion.

    I did, however...there's a bit of a difference...as anyone with a brain well knows...between paying for a date, which is doing something small FOR someone, and suppressing the rights of a whole section of our society.

    I mean...if you see those two things as anywhere near comparable...I'll just stop responding to you now, because any further rational conversation will be made absolutely pointless, considering only one of us is rational.

    They are comparable just on different scales, which doesn't make it irrelevant or irrational

    Why can't a woman do something small for a man, like pay for dinner? Oops, forgot you're not respnding to me anymore :(

    Damn. That last line was the kicker. She got you good this time.
  • dbaerg
    dbaerg Posts: 1
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    Whoever invites the other person to dinner should expect to pay. Given that, if a man asks a women to dinner, he should pay. If the women had an enjoyable time, she should offer to return the favor, but it doesn't have to be of equal value (ex: she can offer to buy the movie tickets or cook dinner).:flowerforyou:
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    I think that what all these post show is that a woman wants a man to treat her with love and respect and that a good man wants to do the same. The *way* a man does that is totally unique to the relationship at hand. I love my husband for a great many reasons, but one of them is that he is 100% comfortable with me being me. I am loud, opinionated, intelligent, successful and a terrible housewife. None of those things threaten his manhood because he is also opinionated, intelligent and successful... he is also big and strong and drinks scotch on the rocks and loves boxing and all those "manly" things... He shows me respect by treating me as an intellectual equal, by asking my opinion on everything because he values it. He shows me respect by honoring my wishes about things I really care about when he is indifferent and I do the same for him. At the end of the day all these things door holding and bill paying are irrelevant details, its the motivation that matters... If the actions are motivated by love and respect then they are wonderful things... if they're motivated by ego or control or manipulation then they're just not.

    Wow, I really like how you stated this and I agree 100 percent.
  • joelthecannon
    joelthecannon Posts: 23
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    I feel a man should pay overall. However, that also depends on the wants and needs of both parties.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
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    Oh gosh, I think I am doing this wrong.

    I offered to pay the first time and I have been paying for every restaurant outing since then. Except on Valentines and my birthday.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    If this was an accurate representation of society it doesn't make it right. (not sure if I consider an MFP forum to be an accurate representation of society)
    A hundred years ago, most societies didn't allow women to vote; does that mean we shoud have continued that policy/law?


    I was wondering when (not if) it was going to get to this. Somehow men being men and doing men things to appreciate women, always gets turned into some equal rights ridiculousness that is completely unrelated.

    I think it was you who brought up the suggestion that societal norms are the right way to do things? I was just responding to that notion.

    I did, however...there's a bit of a difference...as anyone with a brain well knows...between paying for a date, which is doing something small FOR someone, and suppressing the rights of a whole section of our society.

    I mean...if you see those two things as anywhere near comparable...I'll just stop responding to you now, because any further rational conversation will be made absolutely pointless, considering only one of us is rational.

    They are comparable just on different scales, which doesn't make it irrelevant or irrational

    Why can't a woman do something small for a man, like pay for dinner? Oops, forgot you're not respnding to me anymore :(

    Damn. That last line was the kicker. She got you good this time.

    Did she? That's funny, because I answered very bluntly in my next post.

    Guess you missed that.
    I think that what all these post show is that a woman wants a man to treat her with love and respect and that a good man wants to do the same. The *way* a man does that is totally unique to the relationship at hand. I love my husband for a great many reasons, but one of them is that he is 100% comfortable with me being me. I am loud, opinionated, intelligent, successful and a terrible housewife. None of those things threaten his manhood because he is also opinionated, intelligent and successful... he is also big and strong and drinks scotch on the rocks and loves boxing and all those "manly" things... He shows me respect by treating me as an intellectual equal, by asking my opinion on everything because he values it. He shows me respect by honoring my wishes about things I really care about when he is indifferent and I do the same for him. At the end of the day all these things door holding and bill paying are irrelevant details, its the motivation that matters... If the actions are motivated by love and respect then they are wonderful things... if they're motivated by ego or control or manipulation then they're just not.

    Wow, I really like how you stated this and I agree 100 percent.

    So do I...it's how I've felt the whole time, she just said it very, very well...without the necessity of having to defend her stance on specific points as I had to. In my actual relationships (as I described however many pages ago)...this is invariably how things work.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I'd still very much like to know what cultures it is that you believe had such a profound impact on our inter-gender relations though.

    That we of course then forgot completely about.
  • chatnel
    chatnel Posts: 688 Member
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    argghhh!!!! what is with me?

    Another first date. Drinks and movies. He got the drinks $17 (total) and then said I can get the movie, um the movie was like $30. Where are all the gentlemen?
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Are you asking them out?
  • chatnel
    chatnel Posts: 688 Member
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    no, he asked me, Well he suggested dvd and i said how about movie. Is this an internet dating thing perhaps?
  • Susabelle64
    Susabelle64 Posts: 207 Member
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    no, he asked me, Well he suggested dvd and i said how about movie. Is this an internet dating thing perhaps?

    I'd actually give this one a pass.......since his suggestion would have been a lot less expensive than a movie.....maybe he really wanted to go out but is "between" pay checks?
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    no, he asked me, Well he suggested dvd and i said how about movie. Is this an internet dating thing perhaps?

    I'd actually give this one a pass.......since his suggestion would have been a lot less expensive than a movie.....maybe he really wanted to go out but is "between" pay checks?

    I would normally agree (and do agree on the pass for the money thing sort of)...however, a DvD implies someone's home. That's never a good idea for a first date...unless you've been talking with them for a good while, so I believe she did the right thing. If he didn't have the money, he should have come up with something other than movies as a counter proposal.
  • Susabelle64
    Susabelle64 Posts: 207 Member
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    no, he asked me, Well he suggested dvd and i said how about movie. Is this an internet dating thing perhaps?

    I'd actually give this one a pass.......since his suggestion would have been a lot less expensive than a movie.....maybe he really wanted to go out but is "between" pay checks?

    I would normally agree (and do agree on the pass for the money thing sort of)...however, a DvD implies someone's home. That's never a good idea for a first date...unless you've been talking with them for a good while, so I believe she did the right thing. If he didn't have the money, he should have come up with something other than movies as a counter proposal.

    Excellent point.........it's been a long time since I was in the dating game.......
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I dunno it must be an internet thing. I guess you don't know the person that well so its kind of like a first time hang out deal, not sure. I could see why a guy dating online wouldn't want to pay though. There are a lot more people to ask out and if he was paying for every girl he wanted to get to know on the internet, he'd probably go broke.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I dunno it must be an internet thing. I guess you don't know the person that well so its kind of like a first time hang out deal, not sure. I could see why a guy dating online wouldn't want to pay though. There are a lot more people to ask out and if he was paying for every girl he wanted to get to know on the internet, he'd probably go broke.

    I would pay for every girl I asked out on the internet...or I would take a break, until I had the money to do so lol.

    Wanna go see a movie?

    :)
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I dunno it must be an internet thing. I guess you don't know the person that well so its kind of like a first time hang out deal, not sure. I could see why a guy dating online wouldn't want to pay though. There are a lot more people to ask out and if he was paying for every girl he wanted to get to know on the internet, he'd probably go broke.

    I would pay for every girl I asked out on the internet...or I would take a break, until I had the money to do so lol.

    Wanna go see a movie?

    :)

    Only if I get to pick the movie :heart:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I dunno it must be an internet thing. I guess you don't know the person that well so its kind of like a first time hang out deal, not sure. I could see why a guy dating online wouldn't want to pay though. There are a lot more people to ask out and if he was paying for every girl he wanted to get to know on the internet, he'd probably go broke.

    I would pay for every girl I asked out on the internet...or I would take a break, until I had the money to do so lol.

    Wanna go see a movie?

    :)

    Only if I get to pick the movie :heart:

    Score!

    You betcha :).

    So what's it gonna be??
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Score!

    You betcha :).

    So what's it gonna be??

    Next chick flick/summer blockbuster?

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