Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
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Score!
You betcha
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So what's it gonna be??
Next chick flick/summer blockbuster?
Haha...you bet I'd not only go to, but enjoy a chick flick with you. Meeting the girl behind the pokemon would be a singular treat. 0 -
Haha, so it sounds like a date :flowerforyou:0
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Haha, so it sounds like a date :flowerforyou:
Definitely!
Uhh...where am I saving for a ticket to fly to??0 -
I think that what all these post show is that a woman wants a man to treat her with love and respect and that a good man wants to do the same. The *way* a man does that is totally unique to the relationship at hand. I love my husband for a great many reasons, but one of them is that he is 100% comfortable with me being me. I am loud, opinionated, intelligent, successful and a terrible housewife. None of those things threaten his manhood because he is also opinionated, intelligent and successful... he is also big and strong and drinks scotch on the rocks and loves boxing and all those "manly" things... He shows me respect by treating me as an intellectual equal, by asking my opinion on everything because he values it. He shows me respect by honoring my wishes about things I really care about when he is indifferent and I do the same for him. At the end of the day all these things door holding and bill paying are irrelevant details, its the motivation that matters... If the actions are motivated by love and respect then they are wonderful things... if they're motivated by ego or control or manipulation then they're just not.
Wow, I really like how you stated this and I agree 100 percent.
So do I...it's how I've felt the whole time, she just said it very, very well...without the necessity of having to defend her stance on specific points as I had to. In my actual relationships (as I described however many pages ago)...this is invariably how things work.
That's why I cut you some slack for your anti-feminist ranting... because even though we would have some heated disagreement, I have a feeling you would sit down over a beer with me and vehemently debate the topic with mutual intellectual respect. A true chauvanist wouldn't bother because they wouldn't care for my opinion anyway... :flowerforyou:
and arguing is one of my 3 favourite things to do 0 -
I think that what all these post show is that a woman wants a man to treat her with love and respect and that a good man wants to do the same. The *way* a man does that is totally unique to the relationship at hand. I love my husband for a great many reasons, but one of them is that he is 100% comfortable with me being me. I am loud, opinionated, intelligent, successful and a terrible housewife. None of those things threaten his manhood because he is also opinionated, intelligent and successful... he is also big and strong and drinks scotch on the rocks and loves boxing and all those "manly" things... He shows me respect by treating me as an intellectual equal, by asking my opinion on everything because he values it. He shows me respect by honoring my wishes about things I really care about when he is indifferent and I do the same for him. At the end of the day all these things door holding and bill paying are irrelevant details, its the motivation that matters... If the actions are motivated by love and respect then they are wonderful things... if they're motivated by ego or control or manipulation then they're just not.
Wow, I really like how you stated this and I agree 100 percent.
So do I...it's how I've felt the whole time, she just said it very, very well...without the necessity of having to defend her stance on specific points as I had to. In my actual relationships (as I described however many pages ago)...this is invariably how things work.
That's why I cut you some slack for your anti-feminist ranting... because even though we would have some heated disagreement, I have a feeling you would sit down over a beer with me and vehemently debate the topic with mutual intellectual respect. A true chauvanist wouldn't bother because they wouldn't care for my opinion anyway... :flowerforyou:
and arguing is one of my 3 favourite things to do
As a gentleman, I won't ask about the other two lol...as I'm sure only the one you mentioned would apply to me anyhow =p.
Seriously though...it's not anti-feminism perse...it's the whole 'extremism' thing involved...the lack of any flexibility or willingness to look outside your own closed in viewponit. I don't do well with narrow minded ignorance, and while people have applied that term to me in a few of these discussions, people like you show me that it's not just me that believes they are wrong in that assessment. As you've said, I'm more than willing to discuss to any end whatsoever...with mutual respect and the conceding of points on both sides. When you look me in the face however, and tell me I'm wrong, then turn your nose up at any discussion and any points made, or worse, pretend like they prove your argument when they are the complete opposite.
Well, that's when you get anti-feminist ranting =p. Because...that's the part of it that I believe is wrong, and that's very much a trait activists/extremists from any minority share with each other.0 -
If he asked me out then I expect him to pay.0
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Concur...0
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So who is the one who decides what activities/responsibilities are "manly" or in any way having to do with gender? I don't get it.0
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So who is the one who decides what activities/responsibilities are "manly" or in any way having to do with gender? I don't get it.
Its an individual prerogative, but the reality of it is that society judges.
Which leads me back to it being an individual prerogative. Unless society gets back to you of course.
If they do...could you let me know?0 -
I dunno. A lot of women like to be treated equal. So I think we should pay half. I did on my first date with the old man.0
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I always offer to pay or at least pay half. If he says no, I try not to push even though I really do get uncomfortable when people pay for me. Usually I get my guy back somehow, like if he paid for dinner and movie tickets, I will say that I'm getting popcorn and drinks. Maybe this is a serious turnoff to guys and I didn't know it, but I really don't want my guy to think that I am using him for money or have him feel like I expect him to take care of me. I just like being able to contribute.0
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YES! Men should always pay on the first date. It's just gentlemanly. We can split things later. The exception being if you asked him out. Since you asked him to go, you need to put up the dough.0
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agreed0
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Question:
How many of you guys have actually read all 34 pages of this thread?? 0 -
So who is the one who decides what activities/responsibilities are "manly" or in any way having to do with gender? I don't get it.
Its an individual prerogative, but the reality of it is that society judges.
Which leads me back to it being an individual prerogative. Unless society gets back to you of course.
If they do...could you let me know?
Unfortunately they never have for me =/ lol.
I dunno, I've never felt like a man or not like a man. I've never felt masculine or not masculine. I simply have always felt like me. I do not understand the concept of masculine and feminine traits aside from the visual aspects. Nor do I understand this concept of what's "gentlemanly." I don't know what a "gentleman" is because it entails that a person's identity is to some degree determined by their gender which is a concept I disagree with, at least in myself. It does sound like a cop-out to me though when a woman tries to say that the fact that I was born with a Y chromosome somehow dictates how I am supposed to act in relation to her in a relationship. That's another concept that throws my mind for a loop. Simply beyond my comprehension.0 -
To me it has NOTHING to do with being treated as an equal ... or a MAN has to be a MAN ... <PUKE> .... I personally think there is already so much pressure on a first date due to the circumstances of it being a FIRST DATE. I'd prefer to go dutch .. that way both of us know going in that there are NO expectations or alterior motives. <== yes I'm a guy and I know that guys can be pigs ... and YES .. I have an 18 year old daughter that I'd want treated this way too !!! Both can just relax, enjoy being out with each other and try to just get to know one another.0
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Question:
How many of you guys have actually read all 34 pages of this thread??
and of those that say yes .. how many of you are lying ??0 -
I`ve only read a few pages and its been well over 10years since I`ve gone on a first date lol (married now) IMO the person that asks should pay. If its a mutual date set up both kinda ask at the same time then she should offer but a Man IMO would respectfuly tell her that he has it taken care of.
When I started dateing my now hubby ( we where set up by our parents lol meddling mothers as we call them ) so neither of us actualy asked the other on the first date I did offer to chip in but he was a perfect gentelman and covered the bill , opened all the doors and helped me in my seat at the restaunt table ( AND HE STILL DOSE THESE THINGS EVEN AFTER 10 Years and two kids ). I am a firm believer that you know how the relationship is going to go within the first 10 min. and he knocked it out of the park with shivilary IMO0
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