relationship question

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  • calalily77
    calalily77 Posts: 240 Member
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    I am sorry you are having these problems. i don't have advice really but I think you just need to talk to her. Maybe outside of counselling so you know where you stand. Hopefully you can figure it out and it works out but if she is somewhat hiding it as you said, i would be concerned. If there is nothing to hide, then she shouldn't hide it. I don't think its wrong of you to ask her to put that relationship on hold while you deal with yours. If she has a problem with it, then I believe you have your answer. If she truly wants to work it out then she should be willing to at least put that on the back burner until you have got your marriage worked out.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Iid definitely talk it through in counselling so it can be discussed in a civil manner. I'd worry too to be honest! Good luck! X
  • tiff187
    tiff187 Posts: 3
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    I hate to say it, but I agree with the people above that said cut your losses. I've been in your exact position and if there isn't complete transparency in the relationship (both yours and theirs) then there is something else going on. Always follow your instincts--if you look back, you'll realize they are never wrong. If he doesn't want to be your friend and she doesn't want to be honest with you, then believe me there is a reason. Counseling is a way for her to say "Well at least I tried" when in reality she isn't trying at all. She already has another man's attention and she isn't giving you any real effort. You deserve to let go and begin your new normal without deceit and drama.
  • olyrose
    olyrose Posts: 569 Member
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    I've always had a lot of male friends - just friends - so that in itself is not a red flag. I actually just reconnected with a male friend I hadn't talked to in 12 years, so I understand that too.

    However, I think you need to trust your instincts as to whether this is an interference in your relationship. Simply having a new friend involved is not an interference. Someone who comes in and tries to undermine your relationship progress for their own gains (like talking her into a divorce so he has a chance) is an interference.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    You have no control over who she has around her or takes advice from. You can only hope this person is a postive influence on her.
  • jerbear67
    jerbear67 Posts: 247 Member
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    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Um yes they do! This is a key reason why a lot of people are overweight. There is an unhappiness that is causing some of us to over eat. Isn't the key here to help and support each other lose weight to become healthy? Part of losing weight and being healthy is talking about and dealing with what making us gain weight and become unhealthy. Like, unhappy relationships (romantic, friends, family, co-workers), tragic event, depression in general, financial troubles, I think you get the picture. It helps to reach out to people that have been in a similar situation to see what tools they used to overcome the situation. How can you even say this is a dating site I don't recall in the OP anything about who wants enter in a relationship with me.
  • Assassins_Angel
    Assassins_Angel Posts: 329
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    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    I have a relationship issue with food. Are you saying I should just give up?


    lol im sorry but this is the best response to that so far i literally loled!!

    but back to the topic at hand i know you probably dont want to hear it but id let her do her own thing for now she may need a friendly ear to see the issue from an outside view so then she can see where to fix the issues etc :) hang in there im sure all will resolve itsself xx
  • _hi_hat3r_
    _hi_hat3r_ Posts: 423 Member
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    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Bullshyt....this is a support site!
  • _hi_hat3r_
    _hi_hat3r_ Posts: 423 Member
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    I think your wife is having relations with this person....keep an eye out for red flags
  • awisegirl84
    awisegirl84 Posts: 82 Member
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    Having been in your wife's situation, I have only a couple of things to say:

    1. There's a reason why you are suspect. Whether it's founded or not is another question. Figure out what it is that really concerns you about their relationship.

    2. Talk about it in counseling

    3. LISTEN to what she wants/needs from you. While we were separated, I asked my husband (ex now) to give me some space. I told him that I didn't want to talk all the time and I didn't want him to give me gifts. He called me every day, several times, sent me flowers, gave me a present for our anniversary and wanted to go on a date. He wasn't listening to what I wanted. We had agreed to not "see" other people during our separation and that wasn't my intention, but I needed friends to help me figure myself out again. That was something that was really important to me. Everyone is different but I think, in the end, we just want people to hear and respect us. Although he suspected that I had someone else (which I didn't), what he was really feeling, I believe, was me pulling away because i felt like he didn't care since he wasn't listening to what I needed.

    My lesson learned (NOT A REGRET): I wish we could have loved each other the way the other needed to be loved.

    I wish you the best of luck.
  • anima_gemella
    anima_gemella Posts: 243 Member
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    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Go away.

    wow rude! yes go away!
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    My personal opinion is that no married person should have close single friends of the opposite sex unless they're friends with both the marrieds and there is a mutual trust and history there. To protect my marriage, I don't invest in friendships with single men... what would doing so convey to my husband? I value him more than anyone else on this planet. If you don't value your spouse more than anyone else alive, you are doing them a disservice. You can call me square, but as I said before, it's just my opinion.

    SO TOTALLY THIS^^^^^^:drinker:

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