Teenaged Girls Fashion

Italian_Buju
Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
edited December 21 in Chit-Chat
If that is what you can call it.....

Ok, here is the story....

My 16 year old daughter went out to buy a dress and shoes for an event. She wanted to go shopping with her friend, instead of with me, so I told her to text me photos of anything she would want to buy, that I might think it not appropriate. She texted me a photo of her in a dress, but of course, it was a full length photo, on a small screen, so I could not fully see. I told her it looked like too much skin on top, she said it did not have cleavage, and I had her buy a small little half sweater thing to cover up her back and arms etc.

Then she went shopping for shoes. I told her, like I have before, nothing too high. She has one pair of wedge style shoes that are about 4 inches in height, but they are full wedges, not high heels. She was sleeping at her friends house that night (this all happened on Saturday).....that evening, she sent me a photo over facebook, of her in her dress and shoes. The first thing that caught my eye were that the shoes were WAY too high. I called her, and she kept insisting they were not that high. After some talking, I told her I would keep an open mind, and wait until I saw the shoes in person. At one point, she said something along the lines of "I do not think I can return them, so I might have to wear them anyway."

Last night, she put her outfit on and came out. Right away, I saw the shoes, they ARE WAY TOO HIGH. I told her there is no way she is wearing those shoes, they are NOT appropriate. A heated discussion followed, which I am sure any of you with teenaged daughters can hold in your head. She said she is not five, and I agreed, or she would not own the wedges either, but she is also not 25 and those shoes are NOT ok for a 16 year old girl. I actually took out the measuring tape, and they are five inch heels. I also told her that the fact that she did not think they were questionable enough to text me about them first, made me even wonder more.

What some girls wear that age, should make their parents ashamed. My daughter has a very clear cut set of rules for dressing. No cleavage, no mid-drift, shorts have to be only a few fingers above the knee or longer, same goes for dresses and skirts. I think it is disgusting when I see a 16 year old dressed like a stripper. My daughter's best friend seems to be able to wear whatever she likes, and is often NOT dressed properly. I also find that her best friend has way too much freedom for a child that age. I will not write a novel here about it, but often I am having to explain to her that is not alright with me, for her to do what her friend is doing.

Anyway, I got off topic a bit, but here is my question......for those of you that have daughters, would you let your 16 year old wear five inch high heeled shoes? She seems to think I am the only one that feels the way I do, and was very upset that I am making her return them, I told her 3 inch MAX.....I posted on facebook and asked my friends, and did get a few opinions, but not many, as I am assuming most people that know you in person do not want to give their opinion on such things.....so, I came here.....I am not changing my mind, I am just wondering what others thing and why, on both sides.....thanks
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Replies

  • astorminside
    astorminside Posts: 58 Member
    first of all, i'm 18. bear with me.

    i personally don't think shoes can be inappropriate. as long as she's covered up shoes barely make a difference. TO ME, anyway.

    my main point is that i wore five inch heels to prom for about 3 hours.
    destroyed my feet. i mean i couldn't walk for like 3 days and i couldn't dance for about 2 weeks.
    so they're probably not a good idea no matter what.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Okay, can I just say something here? I'm not trying to be mean either, I'm just trying to be honest from the perspective of a 21-year-old that just left her teenage years.

    With the things that you said, I can honestly see how your daughter might want to rebel against you by maybe purposely buying shoes that are too high. You sound a little bit overprotective. Did you really have to call her while she was sleeping at her friend's house (after they'd left the shoe store I'm assuming this was) to ask her about the shoes? You said "some talking" which implies that you spent a while on the phone with her. That would drive me nuts if I was her - why couldn't you just talk to her tomorrow?

    And then the fact that you posted about it on Facebook - I'm sure if you are friends with your daughter, she was probably embarrassed. And if you're not, will she be able to hear about it from friend's parents you are friends with or relatives? I would be mortified to find that my mom was posting questions about me on Facebook. MFP is one thing...I've done that. But FB?

    Okay, after all of that.

    Have to agree with the other poster that they will probably hurt and she'll learn her lesson. But sometimes kids need to learn their lesson on their own. I don't think the shoes are necessarily inappropriate. But after one night in them, they'll hurt and she'll figure out that they're bad. But she can learn that lesson on her own.

    But if you really think they're that terrible, I'd say "look, I asked you to get shorter heels so let's go and find some new ones."

    However, if you don't want your daughter to further rebel, I'd let her learn her lessons with the shoes. I also have to agree when the other poster says that shoes can't be inappropriate. If it was a shirt or something, maybe it would be a little different.
  • shaynak112
    shaynak112 Posts: 751 Member
    Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
    If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
    I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    Oh loosen up! I could see if she was wearing a super tight, short dress with 5 inch. heels, THAT would look stripperish. As long as she is covered up, shoes don't really matter. And she's 16, I could see you not letting her wear super high heels if she was younger, but 16 seems old enough to me.

    I say, let her wear the heels. It is a special occasion afterall.
  • natalienicole502
    natalienicole502 Posts: 268 Member
    I am 26 and my daughter is only 6.5, but I can see where you are coming from. I, personally LOVE high heels, and the higher ones are definitely for times when I want to feel/look sexier. Even if I wore them with jeans. But with a dress? At 16? Probably not okay with me.

    It must be so hard having a teenage daughter these days and I can only imagine what I am in for. I feel for ya. I also see the points that the other younger girls before me made.

    I used to be that teenage girl though that changed after school and had a small mini wardrobe my parents didn't even know existed, and the reason was, was because they wouldn't have approved. I was wearing those things for attention and definitely BOY attention. Now, I wasn't a bad girl in that aspect at all, but wasn't an angel and definitely ended up in a few sticky situations that I wish I wouldn't have. Not all because of my clothes, but when I went looking for that trouble I was wearing things that were not appropriate, go figure!

    At 16 you also have to worry about her looking 16, so grown *kitten* men aren't flocking to her too. You're her mom, if you don't feel comfortable with it, then try your best to be sure she doesn't wear it. PERIOD.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    I know exactly what you're saying but I probably would have come at it from a different direction. One that I know would work on my daughter and that would have been the practicality issue. Meaning that she should take a back-up pair of shoes "just in case" her feet got tired and she needed a change.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    I see where you're coming from, not wanting your daughter to dress inappropriately, But after that story about her dress you got upset about her shoes? Sorry, but it just hit me odd that you obviously found her dress acceptable, but not the shoes.

    My daughter is 14 and I let her wear wedge shoes up to 2 inches. She's also a very good student has awesome manners, and is thoughtful of and helpful to others, so I pick my battles.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    Shoes...eh. if she can stand to wear them....whatever. too revealing clothing....that's another story. Not going out dressed like s Hooker. Not happening. There are stylish clothes that aren't meant for floozies.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
    If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
    I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.

    She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
  • stepherzzzzz
    stepherzzzzz Posts: 469 Member
    What's the big deal about wearing high heels? Maybe things have changed since I was a kid and the height of a shoe now represents how easy you are, but I started wearing five inch heels when I was 13 and managed to make it through the following 14 years without getting knocked up or becoming a prostitute or druggie or whatever.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    I see where you're coming from, not wanting your daughter to dress inappropriately, But after that story about her dress you got upset about her shoes? Sorry, but it just hit me odd that you obviously found her dress acceptable, but not the shoes.

    My daughter is 14 and I let her wear wedge shoes up to 2 inches. She's also a very good student has awesome manners, and is thoughtful of and helpful to others, so I pick my battles.

    When I saw the dress in person, it actually was fine.....it comes right up over her bust, and she bought a little sweater thing to cover her arms and back....
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member

    My daughter is 14 and I let her wear wedge shoes up to 2 inches. She's also a very good student has awesome manners, and is thoughtful of and helpful to others, so I pick my battles.

    This exactly....it's all about picking your battles and you need to be really selective at that age. You need to make sure you're leaving them with their confidence, self-esteem and the feeling that you trust them to make good choices when you're not around. Raising children is sooooo hard. Ohhhh the memories haha
  • hanahlai
    hanahlai Posts: 281 Member
    27 yr old mom of two...I would have to see the shoes personally, but 5 inch heels to me sound painful. LOL Let her learn her lesson after wearing them for such and such time. I don't think she will be too fond of them after that :P
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    I see where you're coming from, not wanting your daughter to dress inappropriately, But after that story about her dress you got upset about her shoes? Sorry, but it just hit me odd that you obviously found her dress acceptable, but not the shoes.

    My daughter is 14 and I let her wear wedge shoes up to 2 inches. She's also a very good student has awesome manners, and is thoughtful of and helpful to others, so I pick my battles.

    When I saw the dress in person, it actually was fine.....it comes right up over her bust, and she bought a little sweater thing to cover her arms and back....

    Sounds perfect.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    Okay, can I just say something here? I'm not trying to be mean either, I'm just trying to be honest from the perspective of a 21-year-old that just left her teenage years.

    With the things that you said, I can honestly see how your daughter might want to rebel against you by maybe purposely buying shoes that are too high. You sound a little bit overprotective. Did you really have to call her while she was sleeping at her friend's house (after they'd left the shoe store I'm assuming this was) to ask her about the shoes? You said "some talking" which implies that you spent a while on the phone with her. That would drive me nuts if I was her - why couldn't you just talk to her tomorrow?

    And then the fact that you posted about it on Facebook - I'm sure if you are friends with your daughter, she was probably embarrassed. And if you're not, will she be able to hear about it from friend's parents you are friends with or relatives? I would be mortified to find that my mom was posting questions about me on Facebook. MFP is one thing...I've done that. But FB?

    Okay, after all of that.

    Have to agree with the other poster that they will probably hurt and she'll learn her lesson. But sometimes kids need to learn their lesson on their own. I don't think the shoes are necessarily inappropriate. But after one night in them, they'll hurt and she'll figure out that they're bad. But she can learn that lesson on her own.

    But if you really think they're that terrible, I'd say "look, I asked you to get shorter heels so let's go and find some new ones."

    However, if you don't want your daughter to further rebel, I'd let her learn her lessons with the shoes. I also have to agree when the other poster says that shoes can't be inappropriate. If it was a shirt or something, maybe it would be a little different.

    On facebook, yes we are friends, I do not think I would allow my kids to have a closed facebook account with me on it....however, I posted the status with custom settings, which will not allow anyone under 18 to see the post, so none of her friends would have saw it....

    Also, that is exactly what I told her when we were talking about it today, that she should have bought shorter heels, so we will go find some.....
  • misschubbybutterfly
    misschubbybutterfly Posts: 75
    I need to see the dress and shoes in question before I make a final judgement.

    It's hard for me to see how shoes can be inaproprate, unless they are lucite stripper heels.
  • Julz2586
    Julz2586 Posts: 1,330 Member
    I have a 16yr step daughter and i'm 26... i can see it from both angles.

    If she is wearing a dress that is classy and nice for her age then i would let her wear the shoes... damn i'd be jealous, i can't wear heel because they hurt my feet and i can't walk in them lol

    IF she was wearing skanky clothes that left nothing to the imagination then i would say no to both the clothes and the shoes.


    I have been in situations where my stepdaughter has worn something over and it has not been appropriate for her age (her mother doesn't give a damn what the kids do)... so I have found what works best is instead of saying no you can't wear that!! compromise
    example - she came over wearing a dress that had a very plunging neckline and i said to her "you shouldn't really be wearing that, you dont want old men looking at your boobs" and she thought it was ok because she has small ones and you couldn't see any cleavage in the plunge ... i said it's still not good as it was "too sexy" for her age and suggested wearing a boobtube/crop top under the dress.

    HAHAHA now i have gone off on my own novel lol.

    Instead of attacking her and telling her what she has done wrong, try and say ok well if you want to wear those shoes you have to wear more covered up clothing so that it's not as "sexy" or something like that.
    Otherwise she will just end up not listening to you at all.
    She will find ways going out in clothes you approve but have "naughty" clothes to change into later.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    I'm a shoe slut! inappropriate shoes HA
  • cohophysh
    cohophysh Posts: 288
    Father of teenage girls...heels aren't a big deal and definitely not worth my time fighting about...it is just a shoe...
  • Justacoffeenut
    Justacoffeenut Posts: 3,749 Member
    I totally see where you are coming from. It is hard to find clothes these days that are appropriate for our girls. Especially ones that already look beyond there years. And the world is so full of crazy people out there that would look at our girls and think age appropriate lets chat them up not jailbait and stay away. I know i went to the store the other day to get an outfit for my daughter a tween and I couldn't believe the outfits they had in there for her age. When the sale person came up and ask me if she could help I ask for girls section. She looked at me like I was nuts and said I was standing in it. My husband came up behind me and told her that would be the day his daughter at this age would come home with one of these outfits and we left.

    It is hard raising kids. Its a fine line between keeping them safe and such and giving them freedom to be themselves. I am not looking forward to our daughters teen years.
  • D446
    D446 Posts: 266 Member
    See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!

    When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!

    When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.


    The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
  • EmilyTwist1
    EmilyTwist1 Posts: 206 Member
    To those wondering what the big deal is about heels.... Once you get to 5 in and above, those shoes aren't made for walking. Shoes of that height tend to be most commonly seen on fashion runways (with all the body image issues that come with that) and porn. Many people associate very high heels with porn and sex. Because of that, I think it's totally understandable for a mother to not want her 16 year old daughter wearing them.

    I am not a parent, however, I would be just as concerned about the damage heels of that height could cause to one's legs and feet. I would probably let her wear them for one event, or perhaps for a day around the house, and then ask her how her feet feel. There's a good chance that she would be in so much pain that she wouldn't want to wear heels again.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    I am a 37 yo mother of a 12 yo girl who likes to raid my closet and steal my shoes (I am a shoe wh0re). That being said, she NEVER gets to wear my stillettos out of the house...EVER. Here's the thing though, I have several 5 inch heels that are not slutty or too pointy. If she were 16 and could manage to wear them without killing herself, I'd probably let her just to prove the point that there is no way in heck she will be able to walk for a few days after.

    I am curious what they look like....if they are fire-engine red stillettos you probably are right to be upset. If they are a thicker heel though and a modest color, I'd have to pose the argument that it is difficult to find heels under 5 inches right now. The dress is modest, so let her wear the heels. I almost guarantee that she'll only wear them once....and get her some of those purse slippers that you can get. She'll absolutely need them...especially if she is going to a dance. Those shoes are not going to last for long.
  • xlolitabandita
    xlolitabandita Posts: 242
    I'm 22, so I was a teenager not that long ago....I get what you're saying, I always hated the way other girls at school dressed, I found it digusting. However, my parents let me have total freedom of how I dressed, and yeah i had pink hair and piercings, but I kept myself covered....I didn't ever show cleavage or wear short skirts. I think maybe having the freedom to choose made me more likely to make better choices. maybe make a compromise, like she wears some really nice dress pant, a really dressy shirt and the high heels.....Something like that. I think picking your battles is very important....Give her a little leeway and maybe she won't end up doing drugs or making decesions with sex that she regrets later...Just my opinion, as someone who was given a lot of freedom in high school and waited to be in college to have sex, waited until she was 21 to have her first drink, and has never ever tried drugs.
  • ksavy
    ksavy Posts: 271 Member
    Shoes are shoes. She will learn her lesson after trying to dance in them if she is not used to them. Like another poster said, sometimes it is hard to find nice dress shoes that have less than a 4-5 inch heel on them. If the dress is long, I don't really see why it would be an issue.

    From the way you are reacting, I would say that you are way over protective and I had friends with parents like that when I was her age, and they would just change clothes when they got away from home to wear what they wanted. You sound like you need to have a talk (not over Facebook or when she is at a friends) about what you feel is appropriate and why and maybe come to some compromises.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    This exactly....it's all about picking your battles and you need to be really selective at that age. You need to make sure you're leaving them with their confidence, self-esteem and the feeling that you trust them to make good choices when you're not around. Raising children is sooooo hard. Ohhhh the memories haha

    Definitely!
    On facebook, yes we are friends, I do not think I would allow my kids to have a closed facebook account with me on it....however, I posted the status with custom settings, which will not allow anyone under 18 to see the post, so none of her friends would have saw it....

    Just because you do that, doesn't mean someone like a parent's friend or a relative can't tell your daughter "guess what your mom said about you on facebook" or even inadvertently make a comment not realizing your daughter didn't see the post. Again, I'd be humiliated if I found out my mom was posting stuff like that on FB behind my back. That would be a quick way to tear down your relationship with her and cause her to rebel.

    So just because she can't see it doesn't mean she won't hear about it.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Not a parent and definitely don't want to get in the middle of a topic thats getting hotter and hotter by every post but heres my PoV as a 28 years old MALE who have young nieces

    Some of the things that girls (specially the teenage girls) wear puts the certain type of girls who are involved in the oldest profession know to humanity to shame. Now, I can understand (again, coming from a young male) if you wanna wear something sexy to a night club or something but these underage girls shouldn't be there and these girls are wearing ultra short dresses with these stripper shoes to malls and everything...? I just don't get it. As a man, I would be caught dead before I see my 16 years old daughter wear something like the stuff I see on these girls.

    Feel free to flame on about how conservative/prude my mentality is. I just wanted to say my peace
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Okay, just one more comment I have to say.

    I saw on the other thread about pot that you smoke marijuana. Okay, so it's fine for you to do something illegal but your daughter can't wear a pair of heels that will most likely kill her feet after an hour and regret buying?

    It's a little pot calling the kettle black if you ask me. ;)
  • camila_scl
    camila_scl Posts: 238 Member
    Slutty shoes are slutty shoes no matter how the big the heel is. The heels could be 2 inches and could look like stripper shoes anyway.

    I can't say much without seeing the shoes, but I think you have to see the whole look. High heels with a great dress and something to cover up your shoulders/breasts doesn't seem innapropiate for me, but without seeing her look I couldn't say if they are age-apropiate or not.
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