Teenaged Girls Fashion

My mom had conservative rules about dressing when I was growing up. Perhaps not as restrictive as your rules. (skirts/shorts had to pass the fingertip test, which matched our school dress code) Makeup was pretty much banned (my mom doesn't wear it so she didn't see a need for us to either.) Nail polish was allowed. I seriously thought makeup was for white people. All of my white friends used powder etc. All the black girls stopped at lipstick. I don't remember my mom having a a policy on heels, but she had serious issues with backless shoes. :P

I know that 16 is the age where teens really start experimenting with adult looks, so it is good to set boundaries for these. I think 5 inch shoes are absurdly high, but they are also insanely popular in the stores. I think as long as the style of shoe is suitably classy, it isn't a problem. She will learn soon enough that they really aren't all that fun to where.

It is very important to pick your battles, and give your kids leeway and space to make their own decisions and mistakes. Letting the little ones happen is a good strategy to prevent the big ones.

I have some friends who had super strict parents. Now (as we are in our 30s) they have cut their parents mostly out of their lives due to the over-protectiveness. This started as soon as they got their first taste of freedom in college.

I have a daughter on the way, so I have no idea what to expect in the teenage years but here is my opinion.

I think that so long as the dress itself covers most of her body then the 5 inch shoes shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Heels are inappropriate on a 16 year old if she is wearing them everyday, or with short shorts, or a looks like she is going to a club. If she is going to prom AND has a full length dress, I really think she will look fine. She is starting to become a woman and should be allowed to start transitioning what she wears to more mature outfits. There is a huge difference between dressing a little older for her age and looking like a hooker. It sounds like she will look beautiful on her prom and you shouldn't stress too much.

You sound like my mom when I was in high school. Although she is a wonderful mom, when she loosened the reigns a bit, we got a long much better and I felt more comfortable being honest with her about things.

It is hard with how quick times are changing that clothing is becoming less modest at younger and younger ages, but as others said, a shoe cannot be judged purely by its height. I hardly ever see anything under 4 in, and a vast majority would not look inappropriate when paired with a dress like the one you described. Plus, I highly doubt she'd even want to wear them beyond a fancy night out because she'll realize they're rarely comfortable anyway.
As for parents who abide by the "she can do what he wants when she's 18/moves out" rule... I can say that you are setting your daughters up for Girls Gone Wild the moment they step out of sight. I can't tell you how many countless girls I've met who have no ability to decipher bad situations because they grew up too sheltered. Many of the skankiest of skanks are the ones who's parents didn't allow them to be out past 7pm, hang out with boys, wear shorts, have privacy, wear any makeup etc. As soon as can they will go out and do all those things they were " banned" from, except now they are clueless about things like how to not wear TOO much makeup or safe sex. I knew one specific girl who came back to her college dorm room asking for morning after pills because she had slept with three guys that weekend - she had been a virgin three days earlier! She was so sheltered by her parents that when she moved out she assumed it was the norm to meet and have sex with strangers. I later found out she had also contracted an STD.
I know this sounds like an extreme horror story, but it is common knowledge that when kids are overprotected, it increases the risk of them rebelling. Better to let her wear heels now, than to have her just secretly wear them anyway, along with the mini skirt and tube top.

Just relax!

Let your daughter explore her own creativity - and she might surprise you by growing into a classy adult. It is normal for teenage girls to go through a "slutty" fashion phase because that is all she sees in magazines. Most girls get it out of their system by college at the latest. But if you never let her have her phase, she might swing the opposite way. Better she wears it at 16 while under your protection than at 22, right?

Just speaking from experience. My mom let me wear whatever I wanted and I eventually "calmed" down to a classy sense of fashion. My friend's mom made so many rules and she let it ALL out in college and it was not pretty.

I would pick my battles, if I were you. I've personally never been able to stand heels that high (I never wore them higher than 2", and I still won't, they're too uncomfortable), but honestly. It's just shoes. I would be more worried about the dress. Shoes don't reveal a damn thing, but a dress can, and it sounds like hers is perfectly acceptable.

When I was 14 my parents let me buy huge 5 inch platform heels, and I wore them to school every single day. They also let me go goth and put pink in my hair. ;P My parents were pretty cool. None of these things ever changed me as a person. I got good grades, hung out with the geeks, never did drugs, etc. :P Self expression is fun.

I'm only 20 and may be slightly bias because I love heals but I don't think the shoes sound inappropriate when combined with the dress you described. You sound like you have a fairly strict dress code for her that she generally follows. Let the shoes be her little bit of freedom.

See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!

When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

I can so relate I have 3 children that I adopted and 2 of them what they wear is a constant battle. I would have to see the shoes, but I wouldnt let my 16 yr old daughter wear anything with a 5 inch heel. I would go with her to take the shoes back and find something that would be a compromise. Example my 12 yr old wanted to put crazy streaks in her hair for crazy hair day. She has really blonde hair and I didnt want her to ruin her hair or have it in for a month so I suggested that we buy some colorful extensions that she could wear. She was happy and thought she was cool I was happy because it was only for 1 day and other days she does makeovers with friends. Raising children is so hard we have to pick our battles

"Just to be clear, it was my daughter that posted the photos, not me, so I could see the dress and shoes the night she bought it....she was excited to show me, and was away from home for the night......"

I feel bad for her that she was so excited to show you and you shut her down

After reading most of the comments and your responses, it kind of seems that you are trying get people on your side, rather that ask for genuine opinions.

Having said all this, I see your point but I still think you're more wrong than right. You probably would have gotten a more positive response if you didn't suggest that your daughter looked like a stripper and that parents should be ashamed of their children. But meh.