Teenaged Girls Fashion

I don't have kids, so most will say I have no business answering, but I will anyway.

I think it's becoming WAY to strict if you're measuring shoe height...I used to love wearing heels, I had a few pairs around that height, if not taller, and this was before I was a teenager. I've ALWAYS showed cleavage (of course, that's almost impossible not to do when they're big, unless you just wear tshirts), and I even had a few shirts that were meant to be tied up on the stomach as an early teen. Did I turn into a raging *kitten* that screwed any man in sight, popping out babies left and right and turn to a life on the pole? Nope. I've only been with one guy,

I think everyone is familiar with that "girl lives in extremely strict household, goes wild and crazy when she leaves"
stereotype...but there's a reason for that. It happens, and I wouldn't be surprised if she turns out exactly like that. She actually, probably already dresses like that at friends and when you're not around (you know, borrowing clothes and changing after leaving the house).

As long as you've raised her right, her clothing isn't going to turn her into a sex-crazed hooker. She's 16, not 6, and whether you like it or not, she will start dressing however she wants, the more you fight it, the worse it's going to get, especially since she's adopted and was first raised by someone who is clearly the opposite of you.

It's hard for me to see how shoes can be inaproprate, unless they are lucite stripper heels.

Lol, this.

To those wondering what the big deal is about heels.... Once you get to 5 in and above, those shoes aren't made for walking. Shoes of that height tend to be most commonly seen on fashion runways (with all the body image issues that come with that) and porn. Many people associate very high heels with porn and sex. Because of that, I think it's totally understandable for a mother to not want her 16 year old daughter wearing them.

You don't get out much if you think 5 inch heels are reserved for the runways and porn...and hang around some strange people if they can only associate those shoes with sex.

The thing that is sticking out to me is that she is 16 and it sounds like you are still in control.

Give her some room so she can learn how to make her own decisions, sure she'll make some mistakes, but give her the space to make them on small things that don't matter so much. So that by the time she comes to big decisions she has a little sense and can figure things out for herself. You can't be with her 24/7, but you can teach her the process of how to make decisions, how to think about cause and effect and then give her room to practice and to EARN your trust. She CAN'T earn your trust unless she has the opportunity to. You have to let go sometime. Make sure she is ready. Make sure she has some life skills.

(You may not agree with every decision, she makes, but once you allow her to make that decision you can't countermand it. Right, wrong or indifferent it's her decision let her own it. No "I told you so"s if she is wrong... Be there with a sympathetic ear and she will come to you. Judge her and she won't Remember, you have to EARN her trust too.)

20 years from now will it matter if she wore 4" heels or 5" heels?

Thing my Mom got through to me before I was 14...
1) Never go out with out "Mad Money" If you get mad at your ride you can still get home.
2) If you are hanging around with friends who are doing stupid/dangerous/illegal things... even if you are not you will still be the one to get in trouble.
3) If you get drunk you make yourself vulnerable... Who ever you are with you better trust the with your life
4) A "moments temptation" can change your whole life (this was 1970s code for don't have sex, because you might get pregnant)

Seems so many people these days want to manage every aspect of their kids life and then are completely stunned when they have grown children who don't know how to tie their shoes.

Once I was 15 and working and buying clothes with my own money. I was a lot more careful about what I bought.
If you are footing the bill for a large purchase I DO think it is fair to set parameters as long as you are clear on them up front.

First of all: I'm a teenager. I'd just like to put that out there.

I agree that five inches are REALLY high but something you have to understand about us teen is that we rebel whenever possible. It seems like you are a protective mother (kudos to you for that!!) but sometimes you have to let kids make their own mistakes. Otherwise... how will she learn? You'll just be "that b**ch who won't let me wear ANYTHING!! she want to be like.. a nun or something!!" (seriously.. this is the way my classmates talk...) Say they are five inch fire-engine-red stripper heels, try to get her to change them for some other less stripper-y ones. Like.. nude or black heels. Let her figure out that five inchers are way too high by herself.
WHen she comes home from the dance crying about her feet, give her no sympathy. Give her an "I told you so" and next time she'll listen.

Also: another thing I've noticed about dances (at least, hereabouts): People rarely wear their shoes. They take some pictures, go to the dance location, then immediately take them off. Shoes (in my opinion) are less of a big deal that a skin-tight, low-cut, short stripper dress.

Also: My parents are a lot like you in that they have to approve every purchase I make.. so I know what angle your daughter is coming from. I usuallly go for baggy tshirts and stuff, so I'm fine but still...
Be forewarned that as soon as she leaves the house she most likely WILL change into anything she wants. Those heels she "returned"? Yeah.. after pictures she'll probably wear them. Or she'll borrow another "scandalous" set from a friend.

I'm 26, being a teenager was not that far off.I remember thinking shoes I wanted to wear were age- appropriate (and they totally weren't and i got shut down the same way) but bottom line is this, if she looks like a stripper and is wearing f-me heels. Then no, she needs to put on some real heels and dress her age. My parents raised me in a sometimes overprotective household but in the long run it taught me important values, dressing modestly (and still fashionable) is one of them. Just because society wants to see higher heels and more skin than ever doesn't make it okay- especially for a 16 year old, and if you as a parent don't feel comfortable with letting YOUR child wear that, then be the parent and dont be afraid to tell her no. You're the parent, its YOUR decision and if she doesn't like it she can wear the heels when shes old enough, plain and simple.

I have no idea why I am reading this...

Hi, speaking as someone reaching the end of their teenage years (18 but here me out ) teenagers, especially girls, will wear what they want and they should. Teenage years are about finding out your style and then laughing at how stupid you were when your older! I'm a few years older than your daughter and I still laugh at the fashion I wore when I was 16!

My mother did not really mind what I wore as long as the hemline wasn't too short and I'm talking about those girls that wear t-shirts like dresses. Your daughter sounds like she just wants to fit in and that's all teenage girls want to do at the end of the day, to not be the odd one out!

If you relax your rules she will be more willing to go along with them. My mum was never so strict on shoes or clothes with me and as a result I never made choices for those types of clothes.

The stricter the rulings the more likely she will disobey and you don't want her to have two seperate wardrabes for two lives do you? If you continue with these over-protective strictness she will show a fake side to you and carry on as before. Which would you prefer? That you know the things she wears or that she hides and goes behind your back?

Think back to when you were young! Did your parents hover over you? Just trying to give her side of the story

My husband is a youth pastor and I struggle all the time with how the teenage girls dress. Skirts get shorter and shoes get taller. I can't believe what I see some times. And these are pretty good kids! I applaud you for having standards that may not be popular. I agree with those who have said you need to pick your battles, but modesty is an important issue. Keep up the good work. If you and your family are church attenders, the wife of your daughter's youth pastor appreciates you!

For a little comparison...

A week after my fifteenth birthday, I attended a very posh family party in a hotel. It was a black tie event, so I needed a nice dress. I went shopping alone in the January sales, and bought a cute red dress, and some very high red heels that I had previously begged for, but my mother said no. There was only one pair, they were in my size; I convinced myself it was fate. Anyway.

the dress was a tight style, but a little big on me, so it didn't show off too much. I wore black tights and a black cardigan the whole night, and the shoes, well. My mother let me wear them, knowing full well that I would take them off pretty quickly. I had a great time, felt very grown up, but I was still covered.

For you, good compromise on the little jacket.


As far as the shoes go... As long as she can walk in them, why not? If they're stiletto heels, admittedly I wouldn't want to wearing 5 inch stilettos for hours.. Especially if she's dancing, she will take them off. And if she hurts herself, she will learn from.it.


I guess we generally have more freedom at 16 than our friends in the US. But a long dress with heels? I wouldn't have a problem.

Also, after reading all the posts here.. I went to my mother and gave her a hug. I told her thank you, she did a great job. I've had.freedom in some places, and the right limits and curfews in others. I think she did a good job.

Oh please. This woman is her mother. She isn't being too controlling or anything. She sounds pretty open minded about it all. My mother is very liberal and even she would question me if I were wearing tall stilettos and a semi-revealing dress at 16 years old.

Trust me, when I was 16 I thought I was wayyy older than I was. Didn't change the fact that I was 16 and still vulnerable.

If the dress really is revealing, maybe you could let her pick one or the other. More modest dress if she gets the shoes, or less modest dress if she wears shorter heels.

If you're really worried about the height of the shoes, let her wear them! Then her feel will hurt and she'll probably learn her lesson! That's what happened to me and I've learned that mother probably does know best after all. It's got to be difficult seeing your daughter wear something you don't approve of but letter her make her own mistakes if the only way she'll truly believe you and understand you.

I never really thought shoes could be inappropriate but I could be wrong.

However I do know that the average heel height has jumped over the years. I am NOT a fan of high heels. Its a personal choice. Stick me in a pair of AVERAGE heels [which nowadays are approx 5 inches] and I'm over 6'. So yeah, I don't usually rock heels lol. But I do know from my own shopping woes, MOST of the really cute and popular shoes that a 16 year old [Hell even shoes I'd want to wear and I haven't been 16 in a long while] would want to wear are around 5 inches now.

Its almost impossible to find really nice looking shoes of that type with lower heels. I'm not saying that they're not out there, what I am saying is that they're not that common anymore.

At this point, I'm less concerned about the shoes and more about the mother-daughter relationship. My mom was (and is) very critical and judgmental - and our relationship is still strained today (and I'm 49!)

I think a dinner out for the two of you might help. Explain to her the reasons behind your decisions - it's not just an "I told you so", but the reasons behind your guidelines come from love and trying to prevent harm to her. Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate the compromise on the dress, and how lovely she looks in it (which is probably what her heart was hoping to hear, anyway). Let her know that the shoes aren't your first, second or maybe third choice, but you trust her judgement - and she might want a backup pair for comfort later in the evening.

She's growing, she's branching out, trying new things while in the safety of your home. It's so so so hard to watch, but it's going to happen and a lot more frequently over the next couple of years. What will keep her grounded is a strong solid base that her family is behind her, not fighting her every decision.

Best wishes!

do you think maybe you are anal about her shoes because of your ocd? i only say this because claiming to be the a gigantic pothead is a little different than someone who smokes reefer for serious pain management

anxiety is highly related to paranoia and your doctor is a dope to prescribe you medicinal marijuana for something so correlated

and p.s., saying you are not a 16 y.o. doesn't give you the right to smoke dope and be a control freak. i'm 26 but i also believe in empowering people (and fyi, being 16 makes you a person). the fact that your daughter sends you pics on her phone of her outfits should be a win for you. so chillout about her clothes and smoke another joint

clothing does NOT make someone a slut. good for her.

wow.

What you have to understand is at 16 in the UK, you are legally an adult, can move out, can have sex, get married, join the army, etc, etc.. So for me you telling me you tell your daughter its unacceptable to wear shoes higher than 4" is hilarious.

And at 16 i didnt own a pair of heels under about 6", and i still dont now.
You will never have control over her, she is at the point in her life where she has realised that, as a human being, she can wear whatever she wants, unless its going to get her arrested for indecent exposure.
It wouldnt surprise me if she leaves your house, and then gets changed into other clothes when shes out of your sight..

Infact every girl i knew did that at 13.
I would say from the day she hit pubity, you have lost that war..

F.Y.I. I have a friend who lived in Germany until a few years ago, and she has told me that she would never leave the house without heels when she lived there. I think it is a bit more common to wear flats or smaller heels in the US (I have no idea why).

That being said, let her wear the shoes. High heels are awesome and I wish I had worn them before I was in my twenties.

At this point, I'm less concerned about the shoes and more about the mother-daughter relationship. My mom was (and is) very critical and judgmental - and our relationship is still strained today (and I'm 49!)

I think a dinner out for the two of you might help. Explain to her the reasons behind your decisions - it's not just an "I told you so", but the reasons behind your guidelines come from love and trying to prevent harm to her. Make sure to tell her how much you appreciate the compromise on the dress, and how lovely she looks in it (which is probably what her heart was hoping to hear, anyway). Let her know that the shoes aren't your first, second or maybe third choice, but you trust her judgement - and she might want a backup pair for comfort later in the evening.

She's growing, she's branching out, trying new things while in the safety of your home. It's so so so hard to watch, but it's going to happen and a lot more frequently over the next couple of years. What will keep her grounded is a strong solid base that her family is behind her, not fighting her every decision.

Best wishes!

What an excellent observation. My mom was very critical and judgmental as well, and as a result we had virtually no relationship once I was an adult and moved from her home. She has been gone since 2007, and to be honest, I'm closer to her now than when she was alive. (My dad was very accepting--he's been gone since 1988 and I still miss him terribly.) If it is more important to the OP what shoes her daughter wears than whether she is a part of her life, this is exactly the path she should go down.

If OTOH, she'd like a relationship with her daughter that lasts a lifetime, she might get a grip. They're shoes, after all; nothing more.