Teenaged Girls Fashion
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My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.0 -
Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
She IS a woman.
She is NOT a woman, she is a 16 year old girl. There are also cultures where girls marry at 12 and have babies.....does not make them women,.....0 -
I don't know where you are from but surely a 16 year old can wear whatever she likes! At 16 I'd moved out and gone to university and wore the shoes of my liking. Your kid has grown up. And what difference 3 inches is from 5 inches I don't know - both are intended to make yourself more attractive (presumably to men). Sure give you opinion to your daughter - "those 5 inch heels make you look like a slut" - but maybe you'd have more success if you just shared your opinion rather than tried to rule her life?
Leila, 25, UK
Wow 16, grown up? Really? An adult? Yeah, no, I don't think so. With this kind of mentality, in 20 years, some people will have the audacity of saying idiotic things like "oh, come on now she's 12 and in middle school, she has boobs, she can make her own decisions!".
EXACTLY!!0 -
If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.0 -
My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.
Word.0 -
Okay. I'm now 25 years old and grew up with a mom who enforced probably much strict-er rules than you. I wouldn't have been allowed to go to the mall without her there lol
Either way, I have no children and honestly don't know what rules I'll enforce when I do, but I will say I'm a very well adjusted 25 year old, in the 4th year of my career. Yes, my mom and I argued, but she always got her way and I can't say that I look back and regret or hold resentment towards that.
My first 3 years out of college I was a High School teacher, and I will say that what some kids wore was atrocious. I WISH the parents of the children I taught enforced some dress code. Parents need to realize that you are NOT your child's friend..and that's okay. You are the parent and the rule-maker..your house..your rules..and if parents could realize that again this world would improve. Your children have plenty of friends at school..believe me..and dressing them in revealing clothes will most likely attract friends you won't want around your children. Modest dressing will imply modest behavior which will attract modest friends (and as someone who's been a DDD since the end of 8th grade..I agree with modesty).
I say. It's your daughter, she's a minor, so what you say goes. Sure she may attempt to rebel but I'm a firm believer that if you're open with your daughter and respectful in your explanations, you're gonna be fine. One benefit of being the parent is it's your decision..people will raise their kids in the way and with the rules they want and the results will be seen in the future. More power to you!0 -
No I wouldn't let her wear heels, and I am so glad I had boys!0
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What is wrong with teaching our kids how to dress right in life?
Nothing at all. It's just that some parents prefer to follow the path of least resistance because they have deluded themselves into thinking they are "friends" with their kids. What's even worse is that they call it "letting them grow up." Please. Kids don't know they are making mistakes when their parents freely allow them to do whatever they want, especially when all of their peers are doing the same things. They just see it as normal. They are not experienced enough or wise enough to learn the same lesson from a mistake that you would. And they are not going to be thinking "well, I'm glad you let me figure that out for myself." They're going to be thinking "Why didn't you tell me this was a bad idea?" That is, after all, your job.
I probably would not have any permanent teeth left if I had pulled some of the crap with my parents that teenagers do today. And I'm kind of proud of the fact that my parents never lowered their standards for me based on what all the other parents were allowing their kids to get away with.
^^ THIS THIS THIS!!!! ^^
When I was in high school, my parents allowed me to dress "skater/goth" I died my hair every color imaginable, and went to concerts and night clubs (for concerts) starting at age 13. At the time, I thought I had awesome parents. Looking back, I think "Why didn't they beat the crap out of me and send me inside to change and then shave my head?"
Kids these days dress far too inappropriately. I work less than a mile from our local high school, so the kids walk by every day. What they get away with is a shame....0 -
I got my first pair of wedges when I was 8 years old.
I owned 5-inch heels at 14.
Did I look like a stripper? No. Did I act like a stripper? Absolutely not.
At 16, should she be allowed to choose her own clothes without 32908490324 rules from her mother? Probably.
At that age it's all about fitting in. My mother still doesn't agree with everything I wear but she won't forbid me from owning things she personally doesn't like. If in 5 years I look back and say "what was I thinking!?" then so be it, I learned a lesson, awesome.
I mean, provided that the shoes aren't those lucite platforms that strippers actually do wear, it sounds like your daughter has a modest dress, with some fun heels, for a fun event. It's not something to really get all in a knot over....they're just shoes.0 -
I fully agree with you. 5 inch heels are too high for a 16 year old. My step-daughter will be 16 in a few months and there is no way she would be allowed to wear those. 3 inch heels are fine - 4 is pushing it depending on the style. I LOVE shoes, especially heels but there is no reason a 16 year old needs to wear shoes that high. She should be happy you are letting her wear heels at all.0
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My son is 12 and the girls in his class are wearing all kinds of stuff. Personally I think by forbidding it you just make it worse, so I am quite permissive, also with regard to bedtimes etc. As regards the heels - they are only shoes, she will learn that they are uncomfortable.
I think your rules for shorts and midriff are a bit unfair. She is only young once and if she has a nice body she should be able to wear clothes that show that. I also don't believe that clothes make you slutty - that happens because of a whole different set of stuff including lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
IMO its more important to deal with the things that really matter rather than stuff like clothing which by and large is not really important - you want kids to remember you for how easy you are to talk to as a parent not for how strict you were with their clothing. It's a fine line.
Just read and answered your initial question and not the rest of the thread so may be repeating what others have said.
She is 16 not 21 you know? What ever happened to young ladies dressing like young ladies? I see young girls(13-16) with shorts almost riding up their butts. Every time I see this, the image of trailer park comes to mind.
Show off her body? Really? At 16? Who are you showing your body off to?0 -
I can see where you're coming from with it but being only 20 myself it's easy to realise that younger people are dressing more grown up these days.
Think yourself lucky that it is only the shoes. Several of my friends for their 16th birthdays went out clubbing dressed as "moulin rouge" in other words corset and knickers!
Plus nowadays where I'm from plenty of 14-15 year olds go out clubbing in clothes that barely cover their boobs and bums with a face full of makeup!
It's good that she's wanting you to buy her a sweater cover up as she's conscious of showing too much skin but I think a dress and high heels is fine, and I know if my mum had stopped me wearing things I wanted to wear when I was that age I'd have done it anyway and been more extreme with it.0 -
I'm almost 40, so I don't have the teenage rebellion, parents just don't understand mentality anymore.
But I don't think the heel height is that big of a deal. Have you been shoe-shopping lately? There's not many options between flats and sky-high these days, especially if you want a trendy style. It's really kind of annoying because, ideally, I'd love a three inch heel, but they're not easy to find, except in really frumpy, business casual types. No 16 year old is going to want "old lady shoes." If she can comfortably walk in them, I don't see it as a problem.0 -
In the society where I live, 16 is the age one can legally (without their parent's consent):
- get their own place/move out
- have sex
- get married
- have a full time job
Sounds quite adult to me. Your 16 year old would be treated as a woman in most societies. I guess you live in the US though?0 -
"When she goes out, I would like her to look like a 16 year old young lady, that is my point. "
But what does SHE want to look like? Have you asked her? I highly doubt her response is going to be "I want to look like a *kitten*." She probably also wants to look like a 16 year old young woman, and in her mind, this is how you do that. Maybe discuss that a little more so you guys can truly understand each other.
With a 16 year old baby sister (I'm 28), I understand your concern as I do a little policing of her as well and it makes me uneasy when I see her growing up so fast. That said, as long as her dress isn't too short, I think it'll be fine, and someday, you guys will both look back and laugh about this.
One more thing, and none of my business, but here it is: Pot to manage OCD managed by a doc? Really? I don't know your story, but it doesn't sound like a great example, especially if you and your daughter were raised by addicts. I'd start looking into alternatives ASAP and stop using the OCD as an excuse to get high. :flowerforyou:
We talked about it for a long time, the night it happened, and again yesterday, I did not leave it harsh, we had a long talk about why I do not like it, and she gave her side, and then we made a plan to go shopping and exchange them.
I have had OCD for 20+ years, we tried MANY medications, and most of them made me non functional......the last one we tried, back in 2005, actually made me suicidal, which I had NEVER experienced before in my life. I ended up in hospital for weeks trying to recover from the advise affects of the drugs usually used to treat things like OCD. Mine is pretty severe, and without taking something at night to unwind, I spend the entire night worrying about stuff, and running around the house doing the same thing 20 times.....and then not eating dinner or going to bed, until well into the next morning (think, 3-4am)......then I can`t work the next day.....this is no way to live. When the DR suggested trying pot, I was a little miffed to say the least. I know in the USA, you guys are a little more anal about things like pot, but man, it was like a whole new life for me. I can work my nine hours or whatever, then come home, do the things I feel need to be done, and then have my smoke, and ACTUALLY relax, have dinner with my kids, and unwind in time to go to bed, which because of the OCD, can take me about 6 hours. Pot has literally saved my life. For several years before I tried the pot, I could not even hold down a job, because the OCD would keep me up all hours of the night, it has changed me, for the better, its like I control it now, when I want it to shut off, I smoke. My friends and family say they have never seen me better. I am a STRONG advocate of medical pot use now, by experience. The pharmaceutical drugs they gave me, almost killed me.0 -
I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.
NO WAY in my household growing up would my father allow me to buy stripper shoes. It didn't matter if it was a trend or not. His money, his say. I bought my first pair of sexy shoes when I was 17 because I had a job and bought them myself. Everyone says oh she's 16, let her do what she wants. That's the problem these days. She is still a child. Her brain is not mature enough to make rational decisions on her own. She is using YOUR money (unless she has a job) to buy these things.
People say that clothing is just made that way now. No, it's not. Parents are just too lazy to look for appropriate clothes or too afraid to say no to their little special snowflake. I've seen shorts that don't look like jean underwear. I've seen tops that aren't skin tight. I've seen skirts that don't threaten to show vag.
Yes, teens are going to be *****y, cranky, snarky, and rebel....but until they move out, they have to follow your rules.0 -
Maybe you should be as liberal to shoe height as you are to alternative medicines?
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I do not have a daughter, but I grew up with a mom similar to yourself. I was the oldest, my younger sister just turned 16. I grew up constantly fighting with my mom over clothes, and shoes, and makeup and it put a huge strain on our relationship. I have encouraged my mom to relax a little bit with my sister, and I really think it's been healthy for both of them. I have to say, I don't see how shoes can be inappropriate, unless she possibly were wearing like thigh high leather boots or something, and it truly depends on the outfit it goes with. I mean I would like at it this way, there are a lot bigger battles you could be having with a teenage daughter, so I would choose my battles wisely,; I just don't see high heels as being a huge deal. I am all for teenage modesty, but shorts to the knee and no high heels, that sort of stuff may cause her to resent you and dress a little wild when she gets older. I know that is the effact it had on me...0
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If you're not seeking approval from anyone on here, why do you make dumb smileys to everyone that agrees with you, then get all defensive with people who disagree with you?
I don't get that.
I feel like with a lot of those responses, I am correcting assumptions, to be honest....
And I do not make nods at everyone that agrees with me (read most posts), only ones that say something that I feel could have been taken right out of my mouth......0 -
In the society where I live, 16 is the age one can legally (without their parent's consent):
- get their own place/move out
- have sex
- get married
- have a full time job
Sounds quite adult to me. Your 16 year old would be treated as a woman in most societies. I guess you live in the US though?
I am in Canada......0
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