Teenaged Girls Fashion

I guess I would have to see a picture of the entire outfit in question to determine if it is inappropriate for a 16 year old girl. But who paid for it? If it was you than I think you have every right as a parent to dictate what she can buy. If she is mature enough to have a job and buy her own things than she is mature enough to make decisions about the things she buys. For my senior prom I wore stripper shoes but I had a floor length dress that was too long and I needed the height so it wouldn't drag. But I also had a job and paid for them myself and I was 18. I have a lot of very sky-high heels that I think would be inappropriate for a 16 year old to wear. Unfortunatley perceptions can become reality especially if a 16 year old isn't mature enough to handle the consequences of the image she portrays.

"Just to be clear, it was my daughter that posted the photos, not me, so I could see the dress and shoes the night she bought it....she was excited to show me, and was away from home for the night......"

I feel bad for her that she was so excited to show you and you shut her down

After reading most of the comments and your responses, it kind of seems that you are trying get people on your side, rather that ask for genuine opinions.

Having said all this, I see your point but I still think you're more wrong than right. You probably would have gotten a more positive response if you didn't suggest that your daughter looked like a stripper and that parents should be ashamed of their children. But meh.

I am not `trying to get people on my side

I stated right in the OP that I was not changing my mind.....what I was actually looking for was opinions about who lets their kids dress like that, and why, and that there are some that agree with me, as I know I can not be the only one, like my daughter had thought.....

And I never said she looked like a stripper.....I said, some 16 year old dress like strippers, NOT my daughter, never.....

And that's fine. But you should know: I was a good student, never missed school, never drank or did drugs, dressed modestly, and my mom criticized constantly. Your daughter knows kids who skip school, never study, drink, do drugs, dress in very little and get pregnant. EVERY TEEN DOES. I did. And because my mom didn't pick her battles and criticized everything I got a clear (and I know now, unintended) message that she didn't appreciate that I was a good kid. So when I moved out I pretty much ended our relationship. I didn't visit and never saw her except at family gatherings, did not give her my phone number and sometimes address. She's been dead five years and I feel closer to her now than when she was alive. If this is what you want for your self and your daughter, keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise, pick your battles. Shoes, hair length and color, these are not important in the grand scheme and will only send the message that she's not accepted by you as she is.

I rarely wear heels on a night out, but bought my first pair aged 15 without my parent's knowledge and wore them quite a few times. Unfortunately (for parents, not teens), you can't control everything. I was raised to manage my own expenses from a young enough age and have a lot of free reign to do as I please, the first time either of them saw me in heels was this year.

You need to give her some space and some calmer boundaries. She's a teen, better she learns that heels suck now rather than in 4 years when she's let loose on the world.

And that's fine. But you should know: I was a good student, never missed school, never drank or did drugs, dressed modestly, and my mom criticized constantly. Your daughter knows kids who skip school, never study, drink, do drugs, dress in very little and get pregnant. EVERY TEEN DOES. I did. And because my mom didn't pick her battles and criticized everything I got a clear (and I know now, unintended) message that she didn't appreciate that I was a good kid. So when I moved out I pretty much ended our relationship. I didn't visit and never saw her except at family gatherings, did not give her my phone number and sometimes address. She's been dead five years and I feel closer to her now than when she was alive. If this is what you want for your self and your daughter, keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise, pick your battles. Shoes, hair length and color, these are not important in the grand scheme and will only send the message that she's not accepted by you as she is.

You know, I SERIOUSLY appreciate my parents for the way they handled me as a teenager. I was a good student, didn't skip class, etc (ok I drank at parties a few times), and in return my parents kinda just let me use my best judgement when it came to how I dress, do my hair, etc. It was like they appreciated that I could make good choices on my own, so they gave me the privilege and responsibility of making more choices for myself. On the flip-side, my sister made TERRIBLE choices for herself at every opportunity, so my parents were constantly on her about everything. I pretty much learned that if you make the right choices and show that you are responsible, you get more freedom, make crap choices and act irresponsibly, no freedom for you. Worked pretty well for me, I'd say.

I am 24 years old and I LOVE shoes. I have had an obsession with them since I was very young. My mother is also obsessed with heels the more daring the better. I would pine for the day she would lend me a specific pair of shoes. However, she would not let me come near the shoes that looked too inappropriate with my outfit. My mom used to buy me a special outfit when she knew I would be in stiuations where other girls might be dressed inappropriately. For example, at sport car washes I was NEVER the girl bopping up and down in a bathing suit. Rather, she would buy adorable shorts and a bada** shirt so I didn't feel like I wasn't looking cool. I never realized how much I appreciated this until recently. She might feel pressured now but it's kind of nice to have the excuse that mom wouldn't let her wear something.

As for the five inch heels maybe go looking for a cuter more appropriate alternative. Or let her learn her lesson and make sure she carries a pair of flip flops. I can guarantee that she will ditch the shoes at the first opportunity and throw on her flip flops.

(That's another thing my mother instilled in me, I will never go barefoot at an event just because my feet hurt. My mother would first make me walk around the house in the heels to make sure I knew how to walk in them and then I carried a smart pair of flip flops for those rare occasions when I couldn't stand the shoes. I wear ridiculously high heels and often get compliments of how well I walk in them and it's all because of my mother.)

Just curious why you need to know what other parents do if you won't even consider changing your mind or reconsidering. I kind of feel bad for your daughter! If you are so hell bent on not letting her wear high heels, what else are you keeping her from? Kids need to grow up and learn lessons. Let her learn her own.

And that's fine. But you should know: I was a good student, never missed school, never drank or did drugs, dressed modestly, and my mom criticized constantly. Your daughter knows kids who skip school, never study, drink, do drugs, dress in very little and get pregnant. EVERY TEEN DOES. I did. And because my mom didn't pick her battles and criticized everything I got a clear (and I know now, unintended) message that she didn't appreciate that I was a good kid. So when I moved out I pretty much ended our relationship. I didn't visit and never saw her except at family gatherings, did not give her my phone number and sometimes address. She's been dead five years and I feel closer to her now than when she was alive. If this is what you want for your self and your daughter, keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise, pick your battles. Shoes, hair length and color, these are not important in the grand scheme and will only send the message that she's not accepted by you as she is.

You know, I SERIOUSLY appreciate my parents for the way they handled me as a teenager. I was a good student, didn't skip class, etc (ok I drank at parties a few times), and in return my parents kinda just let me use my best judgement when it came to how I dress, do my hair, etc. It was like they appreciated that I could make good choices on my own, so they gave me the privilege and responsibility of making more choices for myself. On the flip-side, my sister made TERRIBLE choices for herself at every opportunity, so my parents were constantly on her about everything. I pretty much learned that if you make the right choices and show that you are responsible, you get more freedom, make crap choices and act irresponsibly, no freedom for you. Worked pretty well for me, I'd say.

I'm glad for you that your mom appreciated you. Mine didn't. I made good choices where it counted. In fact, you claim you drank at parties. This is a WAY bigger deal that what shoes you choose or how you wear your hair. And controlling things like that show disrespect for your kids. Why should kids respect you if you don't respect them?

I have to laugh because most people answering this are still teens, just got out of the teens, older with no children, or older with children they treat as friends instead of children.

NO WAY in my household growing up would my father allow me to buy stripper shoes. It didn't matter if it was a trend or not. His money, his say. I bought my first pair of sexy shoes when I was 17 because I had a job and bought them myself. Everyone says oh she's 16, let her do what she wants. That's the problem these days. She is still a child. Her brain is not mature enough to make rational decisions on her own. She is using YOUR money (unless she has a job) to buy these things.

People say that clothing is just made that way now. No, it's not. Parents are just too lazy to look for appropriate clothes or too afraid to say no to their little special snowflake. I've seen shorts that don't look like jean underwear. I've seen tops that aren't skin tight. I've seen skirts that don't threaten to show vag.

Yes, teens are going to be *****y, cranky, snarky, and rebel....but until they move out, they have to follow your rules.

THIS^^^

I have a 2 year old daughter, so thankfully I have a while before I have to deal with these types of situations. BUT... When I was growing up my parents were very strict with me. Sure, I resented them at the time and thought their sole purpose in life was to make mine miserable (and they did a good job!) but now, as an adult and parent myself, I realize why they were like that and appreciate their rules and boundaries. And am enforcing the same types of rules and boundaries for my own 3 kids. It's MY house, *I* pay the bills, supply the clothes, etc. Therefore, I have final say in what will or will not be worn.

This

My parents made me miserable as a teen, Life sucked....I had rules and I thought they were unfair and cruel, My others friends parents let them do what ever they wanted too, They were cool!!......fasforward years later and I thanked them.
My friends with the cool parents that let them hang out at all hours of the night with whom ever they wanted.....Got brought down to jail for questionning after steeling a car, and being involved in a B&E. They were minors! most didnt have their permits yet. Some chose to keep going down that road.Sad. Needless I went on to choose better friends.....

I have a daughter (9) and would impose similar rules, If I find it is not appropriate, you arent wearing it. period.
Thank Goodness for long winters in Canada, some of these little girls i see walking around in the summer would put strippers to shame! Makes me sad since the attention they get is the wrong kind of attention.

At 16 you are not a woman! you may have all the functioning parts, but you are far off from being and adult. You are in fact a young lady, and should dress like one.

Your house, your rules. i don't think they are unreasonable.

Wearing shoes you don't approve of is in some way like "hanging out at all hours of the night?" Pick your battles, unless you don't value having a lifelong relationship with your children.

The good Lord graced me with boys for a reason! We just went to our younger son's 8th grade "graduation" and there were at least 5 girls wearing strapless micro-mini (like, just below butt-cheek short!) dresses with 6" platform stilletos. They really did look like "working girls." Interestingly enough, they all were Honors students, so clearly the package they were presenting was not all they had to offer - so I'll at least grant that. However, I found it sad that they didn't just dress like the girls they really are. Several of the young ladies wore very cute, age appropriate, dresses with adorable shoes (some with kitten heels, some wedges, one gal rocked some new black Chuck Taylors with her fantastic dress).

Now for the Love and Logic lesson: Tell her you love her too much to argue with her about this. Tell her you hope she doesn't hurt her feet too badly. Do not lecture - she won't hear more than two words of what you say.

BTW: Did you fund the clothing purchases? If not, then you can not really control what she purchases with her money. If so, then you have every right to say, "I am happy to fund clothing I've approved, all else is up to you to pay for."

Good luck!

Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in.... that the good Lord graced you with boys..... until they get someone pregnant at 16 or 17... right?! (lol)

My hubby likes to say: With boys you only have to deal with one pr***, with girls you have to worry about all of them. :-D

Just have to note, as a guy, I don't think I've ever once made a decision about a woman's morality based on her choice in shoes. I usually have to assume that they are wearing shoes at all. To me, heels just make someone taller. One of the most annoying questions my wife has ever asked me was "which shoes should I wear?" I think my response was "the ones that fit."

I can see the dress issue, obviously, but I'd be more concerned with make up, hair, etc.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

The fact that you carry this mentality around with you makes you treat your daughter differently, and that's a bigger issue. Because you tell this to the world, I would worry you may be treating her like an outsider and not realizing it. The fact that you say other people's morals are "plain wrong" is kind of disgusting. Just because someone has different morals does not mean they are "wrong." That being said....

If she is a good student, has good grades, doesn't get into trouble, drop the shoe issue. Like the other posters have said, if her dress is age-appropriate, who cares about the shoes. She'll probably come to the realization on her own that 5 inch heels are not comfortable and stop wearing them. The stricter you are with the clothes (and it sounds like you are very strict) the more she's going to want to rebel. She sounds like a really good kid texting you the pictures and stuff, and you're being kinda harsh. I'd back off this issue a bit all together. Also, you say that her friend is "very inappropriate"- remember this is YOUR opinion and what you consider appropriate for a teenager girl others may not agree. Personally I think it's fine for teenage girls to wear short shorts, hell they are the ones who should be wearing short shorts because they have the legs for it! But I agree with you teenage girls do need to cover up to a point, mostly because men and gross and don't care if a girl is 16 or 25 and will treat her the same, even though at 16 most girls aren't ready for that kind of sexual attention. Just try and keep your "policing" in reason. If she is abiding by all of your rules and wearing some high heels behind your back is the worst she's done, you have nothing to worry about.

The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....

The fact that you carry this mentality around with you makes you treat your daughter differently, and that's a bigger issue. Because you tell this to the world, I would worry you may be treating her like an outsider and not realizing it. The fact that you say other people's morals are "plain wrong" is kind of disgusting. Just because someone has different morals does not mean they are "wrong." That being said....

If she is a good student, has good grades, doesn't get into trouble, drop the shoe issue. Like the other posters have said, if her dress is age-appropriate, who cares about the shoes. She'll probably come to the realization on her own that 5 inch heels are not comfortable and stop wearing them. The stricter you are with the clothes (and it sounds like you are very strict) the more she's going to want to rebel. She sounds like a really good kid texting you the pictures and stuff, and you're being kinda harsh. I'd back off this issue a bit all together. Also, you say that her friend is "very inappropriate"- remember this is YOUR opinion and what you consider appropriate for a teenager girl others may not agree. Personally I think it's fine for teenage girls to wear short shorts, hell they are the ones who should be wearing short shorts because they have the legs for it! But I agree with you teenage girls do need to cover up to a point, mostly because men and gross and don't care if a girl is 16 or 25 and will treat her the same, even though at 16 most girls aren't ready for that kind of sexual attention. Just try and keep your "policing" in reason. If she is abiding by all of your rules and wearing some high heels behind your back is the worst she's done, you have nothing to worry about.

AGREED!

Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.

She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......

She IS a woman.

She is NOT a woman, she is a 16 year old girl. There are also cultures where girls marry at 12 and have babies.....does not make them women,.....

From a biological standpoint, if she's getting her period, she's a woman.

So basically many of you are saying that this is appropriate for a 16 year old? Are you on crack? Seriously? This is not appropriate for a minor. I mean a lot of the posters are saying, shoes are just shoes...

They are kind of ugly (I am not a fan of stilettos, but love a HIGH heel, and seriously, I don't own any outfits that would look good with a white shoe), but what about those says "I am immoral"? If combined with a trashy outfit, it would be worse, but the OP already said she was ok with the dress.

I am the father of 4 boys. I have taught them to stay away from women who dress like sluts and strippers. There is a place and time for it. I am not convinced a prom or high school function is one of them.

My 20 year old, very accomplished, studying to be a state policeman is very popular and with this direction has consistently picked classy, sophisticated, beautiful (and hot) ladies. His brothers are all following his footsteps. None of the girls dress trashy or inappropriately. Why? Because the girls' families were very much involved in their life as well.

You dress the lifestyle you want to lead. Dressing like Snooki "because the shoe fits" is not an option for them in their choices. They see it and have so far picked the right girls.