Teenaged Girls Fashion
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If my Mum tried to stop me wearing what shoes I wanted, I would not be happy. Given I am 19, but at the same time, she is16, she wants to wear these shoes to event and it's not going to hurt anyone.
Yes I think 15/16 year olds wearing shoes they can't walk in is funny, and most of the time doesn't suit them - but it's all part of the learning process. She will only learn that for herself and in the meantime wearing the shoes will not hurt anyone. But, you stopping her wearing the shoes will drive a wedge between the 2 of you.
I wore high heels from about 14 if I was "going out" to an event or something that needed them. My Mum was fine with it, we always went shopping together and both love fashion. Now, I don't ever wear them. Granted, I wear very high wedges because I love shoes and I just "feel" better when I wear them, but I don't wear heels anymore because it's not worth the pain. But, if it makes her feel better wearing the shoes, I think you should just let her do it. I don't think it looks promiscuous or wrong, I just laugh it off as girls wanting to seem a bit older than they are.0 -
I'm glad I have a boy. Just sayin'0
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I couldn't find if this pair of shoes was for daily use or for an occasion? I think shoes are an expression, and in my opinion, I would rather my daughter be dressed more conservatively and have a little leeway on the shoes. She will learn on her own that 5 inch heels might look pretty but the pain she'll feel after may or may not be worth it. Maybe let her think she won this battle of the shoes... but know you are still in control. you don't want your daughter to be the one who leaves the house in a turtle neck and pants only to take off a layer once she leaves.0
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See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!
When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You are treating her like a second class citizen. They are shoes. I am a step-daughter, and my step mother treated me like I was garbage because she hated my biological mother. Please don't do this to her just because you didn't give birth to her. Sorry, sore subject with me.0 -
Yes, teenagers wear that. I feel like they probably shouldn't. But it sucks when she's the one getting left out and all her friends are wearing "cool" clothes and she's stuck in something lame.
If she can do 5 inch heels ... I don't see what the big deal is.
I get the whole short dress thing (make her wear shorts underneath) and cleavage (although I doubt she has any at that age LOL) but that's about it.
She has been wearing a DD cup for a couple of years now....she very much looks like a woman, which is one of the reasons I do not want her dressing with cleavage.......
She IS a woman.
She is NOT a woman, she is a 16 year old girl. There are also cultures where girls marry at 12 and have babies.....does not make them women,.....
From a biological standpoint, if she's getting her period, she's a woman.
Well, I guess that's true, biologically. But most 12 year olds are getting their periods too. But generally speaking, most wouldn't call them women, we would consider them children.0 -
okay, i'm 18 so i hope you don't just discard my opinion. Honestly, I've aways been a shoe person so i had heels that high at that age. We had a rule, I was either covered (and you said yourself the ress was okay) i could wear them. Personally, I find anything with a smaller heel extremely uncomfotable and they hurt.
As long as she is able to walk in them and arry herself correctly then let her have them, believe me, she will most likely be very sour if you make her take them back. Firstly she brought them with a friend so that would be humilting for her AND she is sixteen, you need to begin to let her make her own choices about these sorts of things and what a better time to do it than when she is with you. That way when she goes out buys things to wear out to parties with friends or to go to a club you will not have to worry about her choices because you have let her develope a sophisticated look.
I know alot of friends that weren'y given the same freedom and ended up molicoddled and resentful so now when we go out they wear things they KNOW their parents wouldn't agree too.
They are shoes, what harm could they really do? and if they reck her feet, well she won't be in a hurry to wear them and not listen to you again.0 -
Shoes? Shoes should be the least of your worries.
You should see how most 16 year old girls dress. I'm 26 and enjoy going to clubs every now and then. I see a lot of 16 year olds wearing things that I would wear to a club (short shorts, tight short dresses, cleavage baring/see-thru tops, etc) in their day-to-day.
I live the suburbs in Ontario, but with the heat of the summer you'd think these girls are in MIAMI. LOL
Seriously, I don't think 4 inch wedges scream "slut"
Also, keep in mind if you say no to the shoes, she may rebel.
I would sneak clothes to school and change in high school, my dad was so strict!
Let her have the shoes ans maybe she won't feel the need for mid-drift tops and low rise jeans that shows her thong.
Just saying!0 -
Shoes have nothing to do with morality - if she can walk in them whats the problem?
You are happy with the dress and little jacket (which she will take off as soon as she leaves your sight). Pick your battles or you are in danger of losing them all.
This girl is 16 - I'm not sure of the laws where you are but here in the UK she is old enough to work, serve her country in the armed forces, have sex, leave home etc etc.
She is not a little child and needs to find her own individual style, if you have taught her right she will mostly make the right decisons but lets face it, if we all came face to face with our 16 year old selves we would probably cringe a bit. Fashion mistakes are part of growing up.0 -
If you look at it another way... learning how to work some serious heels and how to walk and sit and stand in an awesome skirt are kinda life skills for ladies. I do not have these life skills and now I'm kinda wishing i'd done more dressing up before so I wouldn't be so behind-the-curve now. I know that's not what you're talking about but it's just another way of looking at it. *shrug*
Edited to add: And a cautionary note that I guarentee is 100% true: The more you restrict her, limit her, demand that she not do the things she wants to do - the harder it will be for you to have a loving adult-to-adult relationship as she gets older. She will resent your words and your restrictions with a passion that will takes YEARS for her to get past. ...... Anyways good luck.
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I'm mid-20s without children, and I'm gonna defy bias and AGREE with the OP!
Not about the shoes themselves. In my opinion, if a teen/woman wants to wear heels of a certain height AND is able to walk properly, then more power to her! As others have said, if they're not an outright stripper shoe, then I don't think the height alone makes them inappropriate. (And as mentioned before, the trend is very high heels, so it's hard to find cute, lower heels now! I'm currently wearing heels that are higher than I prefer b/c I couldn't FIND any lower ones that I liked!)
HOWEVER, the teenager knew her mother's rules and broke them. While it may not be as SERIOUS of an offense as staying out past curfew or whatever, the rules were still broken. I bring up the curfew example for 2 reasons: 1. It's been brought up by others. 2. A personal experience story: my parents were very open to negotiations with things such as curfew. I let them know where I was going and with whom, and we would discuss what curfew was appropriate. It varied and was often earlier than I liked, but I left the house knowing what it was, and God help me should I get home later. (It happened ONCE throughout all my high school years!) So I think it's good for a mother to set boundaries and then enforce them, even if I disagree with where that boundary is set. That's her business, not mine.
Side note: Along with the super-high heel trend nowadays, I've noticed that many manufacturers do not MARK the heel height any more. Maybe you could have a fun mother-daughter shopping experience where you point out what you feel is an appropriate height, or teach her how to measure/estimate the height herself? (She might already know, but I thought I'd make the suggestion. As a tomboy, I knew jack about heels at 16.)0 -
I wouldn't have ever dressed like some teenage girls do these days and if that was my kid I would not them most of them out of the house.
I have seen too many young girls butt cheeks (literally half the cheek) on days that aren't even warm.
Other than the fact that they will literally be freezing their butts off, it's not appropriate.
Short shorts such as those shouldn't even be out in public on women never mind teenagers.0 -
See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!
When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You are treating her like a second class citizen. They are shoes. I am a step-daughter, and my step mother treated me like I was garbage because she hated my biological mother. Please don't do this to her just because you didn't give birth to her. Sorry, sore subject with me.
This is so far off base, but I know you have no way of knowing that. First of all, I loved her mother, very much, she was a dear dear friend of mine for many years, who just changed when she picked up a drug habit. I can't tell you how many times I sat at her bedside taking care of her when she was sick, and how many times they lived with me, before things got really bad, and I took care of them. I loved her, and miss her everyday, but the old her, before the drugs.
Because I loved her so much, it was natural of me to love her daughter. And her family. That is why I fought for her when she needed me. I love her so much, and desperately wanted her to be part of my family, and do everything I can for her. However, there are some things, like I have said before, that we do not see eye to eye on, and because of that, I feel like I have to really watch her, as I am fearful of her making a mistake that will cost her more than she can afford. She is brilliant and beautiful, and she is going to be something, maybe for the first time in her mother's side of her family. I want her to be all she can be, and that is why I am strict with both my kids. When she came to live with me, her entire family on her mom's side, including three aunts, two uncles and a grandmother, came to court to support me gaining custody. We all have a close relationship, I am sure if she felt like that, someone would have heard about it. I would be shocked. It is not like I just kinda ended up with her like a step parent sometimes does, I fought to get her, I would not have done that if I did not want to......0 -
See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!
When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You are treating her like a second class citizen. They are shoes. I am a step-daughter, and my step mother treated me like I was garbage because she hated my biological mother. Please don't do this to her just because you didn't give birth to her. Sorry, sore subject with me.
A second class citizen? Are you serious?! Ha.....
"Second-class citizen is an informal term used to describe a person who is systematically discriminated against within a state or other political jurisdiction, despite their nominal status as a citizen or legal resident there."
GG0 -
See, I think you are being way too harsh. She is 16, not 12. I think you need to have a little faith in your daughter, why don't you want her wearing shoes that are an inch higher then allowed?!
When I was a teenager, I made my own decisions about my clothes, my mother wouldn't even dream of asking me to send her a picture before I bought it. In saying that, I was brought up to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I am assuming that you have brought your daughter up this way too, so I think a little bit of freedom here would help.
The second part of that is actually were the problem lays, I think.....I did not adopt her until she was 10 years old, and her birth mother had questionable morals at best....so there are many times when I think something is just insane, or wrong, or just plain ridiculous and she cannot understand for the life of her what the problem is.....my son, whom I gave birth to, and was raised from day one by me, has my morals, so I do not need to police him nearly as much.....I have to say, that is the most challenging thing about having a child you did not raise from day one.....
You are treating her like a second class citizen. They are shoes. I am a step-daughter, and my step mother treated me like I was garbage because she hated my biological mother. Please don't do this to her just because you didn't give birth to her. Sorry, sore subject with me.
A second class citizen? Are you serious?! Ha.....
"Second-class citizen is an informal term used to describe a person who is systematically discriminated against within a state or other political jurisdiction, despite their nominal status as a citizen or legal resident there."
GG
Congratulations, you've learned to work the Google button on the internet machine.
To the OP: I only meant that it's wrong to treat the child you did not give birth to differently than you treat the one you did. Again, this is a sore subject for me because I was the 'child not given birth to' in my home and was told many times that it wasn't possible to love me like she loved her own even though she had custody of me since 12 months old. Even if this is true, I never should have had to grow up hearing it. So clearly, I am more sensitive about this. I'm glad you love your daughter. Sounds like she's been through a lot, and it's good that she is loved. I am also sorry about your friend. I can only imagine. Best wishes.0 -
Had some first hand experience with this situation tonight. My daughter and a friend attended their 8th grade end of school dance. My daughter's friend was allowed to wear 5 inch heels (not wedges) that her mother bought for her (the girls got ready at our house). She did not last long in them at the dance, and had huge blisters on her feet when I picked them up. She could barely walk, and I don't think she will be wearing them again anytime soon.0
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If that is what you can call it.....
Ok, here is the story....
My 16 year old daughter went out to buy a dress and shoes for an event. She wanted to go shopping with her friend, instead of with me, so I told her to text me photos of anything she would want to buy, that I might think it not appropriate. She texted me a photo of her in a dress, but of course, it was a full length photo, on a small screen, so I could not fully see. I told her it looked like too much skin on top, she said it did not have cleavage, and I had her buy a small little half sweater thing to cover up her back and arms etc.
Then she went shopping for shoes. I told her, like I have before, nothing too high. She has one pair of wedge style shoes that are about 4 inches in height, but they are full wedges, not high heels. She was sleeping at her friends house that night (this all happened on Saturday).....that evening, she sent me a photo over facebook, of her in her dress and shoes. The first thing that caught my eye were that the shoes were WAY too high. I called her, and she kept insisting they were not that high. After some talking, I told her I would keep an open mind, and wait until I saw the shoes in person. At one point, she said something along the lines of "I do not think I can return them, so I might have to wear them anyway."
Last night, she put her outfit on and came out. Right away, I saw the shoes, they ARE WAY TOO HIGH. I told her there is no way she is wearing those shoes, they are NOT appropriate. A heated discussion followed, which I am sure any of you with teenaged daughters can hold in your head. She said she is not five, and I agreed, or she would not own the wedges either, but she is also not 25 and those shoes are NOT ok for a 16 year old girl. I actually took out the measuring tape, and they are five inch heels. I also told her that the fact that she did not think they were questionable enough to text me about them first, made me even wonder more.
What some girls wear that age, should make their parents ashamed. My daughter has a very clear cut set of rules for dressing. No cleavage, no mid-drift, shorts have to be only a few fingers above the knee or longer, same goes for dresses and skirts. I think it is disgusting when I see a 16 year old dressed like a stripper. My daughter's best friend seems to be able to wear whatever she likes, and is often NOT dressed properly. I also find that her best friend has way too much freedom for a child that age. I will not write a novel here about it, but often I am having to explain to her that is not alright with me, for her to do what her friend is doing.
Anyway, I got off topic a bit, but here is my question......for those of you that have daughters, would you let your 16 year old wear five inch high heeled shoes? She seems to think I am the only one that feels the way I do, and was very upset that I am making her return them, I told her 3 inch MAX.....I posted on facebook and asked my friends, and did get a few opinions, but not many, as I am assuming most people that know you in person do not want to give their opinion on such things.....so, I came here.....I am not changing my mind, I am just wondering what others thing and why, on both sides.....thanks
I posted previously on page 10, but after reading more of the comments I thought I would reread yours to be sure I fully understood.
I think its strange that you would allow her to "sleep at a friend's" if you already found her shoes inappropriate. She's 16, I wouldn't be surprised if she was hooking up with guys.. it happens.
Also, you were fine with the dress with a sweater cover up.. but sweaters cab easily be taken off.
Sometimes you just need to back down. I'm sure she is doing A LOT of things you are unaware of, but I think the more you make a big deal about things the more she will be sneaky and rebel.
You can't be with her 24/7, sometimes its good to step back and let her make decisions on her own.
And FYI, I'm 26, I'm a mom, I'm the oldest of 3 girls. I was an honor student in high school and went to university.
My dad was very strict and I still managed to experiment with drugs/alcohol, have sex with my boyfriend, bare my cleavage(I would bring a change of clothes to school) and wear make-up... all by the time I turned 16.
It wasn't until I moved out for university at 18 that I lost interest in drugs, alcohol and promiscuity.... Maybe its because I no longer had my dad breathing down my neck constantly trying to dictate my every move.0 -
My mom gave me total freedom as well when it came to clothing. She never had to many rules. I never wore anything bad at all. I wore t's and jeans with my older brother's sweat shirts. I wanted to be different then the other girls. Now that i am a mom i am going to let them wear what they want unless the are lacking common since then ill step on. For example short skirts , belly shirts and that sort of stuff.0
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I know i have already posted. But i feel i have to say something again.
In the UK at 16 she is legally old enough to have a baby, and to shoot someone dead in the army.
She is legally old enough to do these things, yet not old enough to wear high heels and a clubby dress?????
Please realize how ridiculous you are being! Otherwise she will only reach say 18 and start wearing whatever she wants then. With love lost between you too.0
This discussion has been closed.
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