Why can't I enjoy men looking at me??

2456

Replies

  • Symonep
    Symonep Posts: 181 Member
    Enjoy the comments!! It's not like any of your reasons to lose weight was because you wanted men to lust after you, it's just an added benefit.
  • Melonhead
    Melonhead Posts: 168
    Your trainer is an idiot. He's your employee. Tell him to shut up and count reps like he's supposed to! You look great by the way!
  • donrua
    donrua Posts: 11
    Find a new trainer! It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's definitely outside of their role and could be damaging to your enthusiasm for what you've accomlished. He/she is not a trained psychologist, and not your mom.

    You've done very well!. If your husband was happy with it, that's important, as you want his support.. He could get scared if you seem to want that outside attention more than his, but I didn't get any sense of that from your post. If I was him, I think I would have been very happy to be out with you, and happy for you. Whenever my wife gets fixed up and goes out with me, I'm very happy for her to look nice.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    when it happens, I'll let you know
  • CallieM15
    CallieM15 Posts: 910 Member
    I will always care that people think im hot or not. Thats a silly thing to say just cause youre married you shouldnt care. You just shouldnt act on it.

    FLAUNT IT GIRL, bask in it :)
  • Melonhead
    Melonhead Posts: 168
    not to be a joy kill-cause i do agree his comments were kind of a-holeish, but i know someone who is a trainer and i often hear how frustrating it is to train people who are obviously in it for the wrong reasons. so while i dont think he should have said anything to you or should have been that blunt about it-maybe it just hit a sore spot with him because he wants you to do it for YOU and not for other people's approval. it would be an over-reaction on his part....but it's an idea. just so you don't think it was entirely about you, perhaps it just comes with the trainer territory.

    What are the "wrong" reasons? My reason may be different from yours, but that doesn't make it wrong.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    From a guys perspective he may be jealous.

    From a former fatty perspective he may have came across wrong but he may have been trying to say "dont let comments like those stop you from continueing". After I lost a hundred pounds alot of people told me I looked great and for about a week I considered stopping, but I havent reached my goal so I put my head down and got back in it. Ive learned to appreciate those comments but be humble, once I reach my goal then I will brag and strut :)

    just sayin :)

    Yeah I have to agree with this to some extent. While it might seem like your trainer was being harsh I kind of agree with not putting too much thought into these comments. I'm glad you (and your husband) got a rush out of it that's great. But overall if the main reason we work out is for compliments then I think it is a losing game in the end. Sorry if that sort of kills the buzz, but as your trainer (and the person I quoted above seems to be saying) I do think it is important to work out for health before vanity. We all grow old, get wrinkles, etc. so it is important to chase the right things~they will carry us through those tough times when no one is looking at us. :)
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
    I think your trainer was out of line in saying that. He should have just agreed with you or been happy for you and not lecture. Thats not his place to decide why the person he trains wants to look better.
    And I think it is perfectly fine. Plus your husband is fine with it! Sometimes we all just need to the extra attention to get a good confidence boost. Nothing wrong with that.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    The only thing I could guess is that maybe didn't want you to get complacent or think you were done. I'm sure he's seen a lot of people put weight back on.

    I like the attention too. I don't think it's wrong!
  • MustBeTheRows
    MustBeTheRows Posts: 377 Member
    I don't see where it's any of his business.
  • knk1553
    knk1553 Posts: 438 Member
    So I can see both sides, I can see why he said what he said, but at the same time he didn't say it in the best manner possible. However, I know when I had my trainer (super nice guy, but he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing and the gym was highly disappointing so I got rid of him) and we discussed why I wanted to get training, I told him my motivation to get in shape is to turn heads, its that simple, I'm healthy and a normal weight without much effort, but I want to turn heads and cause jaws to drop, so thats why I needed a trainer, but he did know that from the start. I may be a shallow person, but thats every time I don't want to work out what I think about and it motivates me, so I say whatever works for you, if its turning heads, then take the compliments and use them to better yourself
  • chapparra27
    chapparra27 Posts: 115 Member
    So I went out last Friday with my husband and I wore a sexy little dress that 30lbs ago I never would have DREAMED of wearing. My husband was loving how sexy I was looking and apparently some other men in the bars and clubs were too :)

    I got some comments that I LOVED because I never got that attention before in my life....and my husband liked how his HOT wife was getting all those appreciative stares.

    Today I was talking to my trainer about it and how it made me feel good and he said it was wrong that I was excited and happy about those remarks and stares and that he doesn't want me to get too full of myself and that I shouldn't be working out so that I get attention from men...I'm married and shouldn't care.

    I was quite PEED! I was excited because I was getting attention that I had always felt jealous of in college. I'm not acting on anything...I am just feeling good about myself for ONCE in my life.

    I had to vent this...but has anyone else received any negative comments about how good you feel about yourself and how you are ENJOYING attention?....aren't we supposed to take pride in what we've worked so hard for??
    Maybe your trainer is jealous! Hmm just a thought........
  • stacie48
    stacie48 Posts: 63 Member
    So what did you do first....1. Walk away and not give him/her anymore money OR 2. Use the muscle you gained and sock-um one? :noway:
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    It's none of your trainers business. Furthermore, he shouldn't be making comments like that unless he knows you very personally. As far as a strict trainer/client relationship he really has no authority to say stuff like that.

    I think you should consider wearing pointy shoes to the gym and give him a donkeykick to the scrotal area.
  • Flyer615
    Flyer615 Posts: 173 Member

    Your trainer is a dumbass.

    ^This^
  • GrAlVt
    GrAlVt Posts: 42
    By all means, enjoy the comments. I'm sure it's wonderful to feel a sense of integration and inclusion you didn't have before.

    Just remember that 30 some odd pounds ago, those same people probably wouldn't have given you a second thought. What they're complimenting you on is mostly due to your newfound physical beauty. Don't get too caught up in the praise from people with such hollow sentiments.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    I have been getting some nice attention from both men and women since joining MFP 3 months ago...i have never had so many people tell me how great Im looking, and it feels kinda good i must say.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    I have been getting some nice attention from both men and women since joining MFP 3 months ago...i have never had so many people tell me how great Im looking, and it feels kinda good i must say.

    how U doin?
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    I have been getting some nice attention from both men and women since joining MFP 3 months ago...i have never had so many people tell me how great Im looking, and it feels kinda good i must say.

    how U doin?

    :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • heagler870
    heagler870 Posts: 280 Member
    Wow, for a trainer to say you shouldn't work out because of the comments you get is pretty low. That's really crappy of him/her.
  • babbgirl1975
    babbgirl1975 Posts: 36 Member
    Sounds to me like the trainer may be experiencing some jealousy??
  • luhluhlaura
    luhluhlaura Posts: 278 Member
    Giving your trainer the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just meant that you shouldn't care what others think of you, and that you need to care about training not just to look better, but to be stronger and healthier.

    That said, he can suck it.:laugh:
    Enjoy that new body and that new confidence, you sexy thang, you! :flowerforyou:
  • Ellas_Time_4_Change
    Ellas_Time_4_Change Posts: 171
    sounds like you hit a sore spot with him. He probably had a girlfriend who was hot and she left him for someone else.

    ^^This!
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
    You're looking too much into it.

    Your trainer has simply said you shouldn't be working out with the INTENT of getting attention from men, as you're married and shouldn't care - which I agree with.
    But feel free to appreciate the PERK as a result of your hard work.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
    Maybe he wants some of that. ;) No, I'm just kidding.

    Maybe he's married himself and would feel uncomfortable if his wife openly admitted to liking the attention she got from other guys? Maybe he has a huge amount of respect for women and he thinks it's degrading? I dunno, everyone's situation is different. He's got his own reasons for feeling the way he feels that don't have anything to do with you personally at all. I'd just forgive and not quite forget that it's not a good subject to touch on with him.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    The trainer has issues. You deserve to revel in that happiness and be confident in yourself. Yes, absolutely. Ignore his advice to not be PROUD of yourself... what nonsense coming from someone who's apparently been employed to contribute his knowledge and expertise to your physical fitness success. Makes zero sense.

    Ignore the trainer. You deserve and have every right to feel good about the attention you received. As long as you are developing confidence from within, you're fine.
  • romoli
    romoli Posts: 43 Member
    Your "trainer" is an idiot. Feel good! Take the compliments, reject the negative crap! Keep up the good work!
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    You hired him to train you for strength or whatever form of physical training you wanted help with. He's not a relationship coach or therapist nor is he even an expert in that area. If you're happy with his training then use him for that and nix the conversations on marriage, self esteem etc with him in the future.
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    I think your trainer was kind of out of bounds telling you how you should feel. Sure, you shouldn't base your fitness goals alone on that, but you can feel good about yourself!
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
    Work it because you own it! :bigsmile:

    Great job!:drinker:
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