I hate to sound mean but......

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  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    This may sound mean but here it goes I HAVE to get this off my chest. There is a woman that sits in the cubicle next to mine. She is severely overweight maybe about 350 lbs and 5'3. Now I would never say mean things about people that are over weight but I cant help but be bothered by her eating habits. Im with her from 9-5 and here is something like how her time her might go:

    Breakfast: Soda and McDonalds or burger king
    Snack: Chips and another soda
    Lunch: McDonalds, burger king, Wendy’s, or other fast foods
    Snack: soda, donuts, candy, chocolate, chips

    Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits but I find it very discouraging being around this. I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly. Another thing is that she is always out sick, which I can attribute to her weight. I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?

    Are you the official food police? Why would what someone else eats be any of your business? You have no idea why she's "out sick" and what you "attribute" it to is irrelevant. News flash! You saying something will not "help out." It would be out of line. MYOB.
  • blueraven1971
    blueraven1971 Posts: 5
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    I just find it very odd that someone that knows they have a problem to continue on the path thats leading them to an early grave.


    I went down the road of quitting smoking 6 years ago, but for 20 years before that I was "continuing down the path..." even tho people told me to quit and I knew how bad it was. I did it when I was ready.
    Over eating is a hard thing to stop doing and for some, the more you have to lose the harder it is to get started, not feel defeated before you even begin etc.
    Let her come to her own decisions and you do your own thing.
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    Also,

    I simply asked what you guys would do. And guess what you all did STARTED JUDGING ME!!! hahahahahaha. Im sure you all know what that makes you all!

    I have learned that for a site where we are all here to get healthy and support each other, there are a lot of mean people on here that will call you out on the smallest things. You really didn't mean to be mean, you were just being human. I love how everyone that is giving you such a hard time is acting so 'high and mighty' like they've NEVER done the same thing.

    So, I'm assuming that all of you who are calling her out have NEVER looked at another human being, and formed some type of opinion? Whether it be that they're overweight? Too skinny? You don't like what they're wearing? Their hairstyle? Wow...you all must be saints! Amazing!

    agreed...

    Forming opinions/judgements is one thing - declaring them over the internet, or worse to the actual person you are judging without them seeking your opinion is inappropriate - and in a workplace, likely actionable.
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
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    here is a couple of ideas!

    *YOU BE HERE GOOD EXAMPLE! Be the leader that she can follow by eating healthy! :)

    *If you feel like you need to say something you could always leave her a note saying you understand how hard the struggle of losing weight is but the benefits are worth it. leave this website's address on the note, but don't sign it.


    *If you are close enough to talk about it, approach her when it's just you two.

    Until they are ready tho, a lot of people don't realize what they are doing to their body. They don't realize how they are killing themselves.
  • michaelgilstrap
    michaelgilstrap Posts: 74 Member
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    Sorry your feelings are hurt, truly I am. For me, I just tried to share my own experiences, give you some solicited advice, and share how I felt about some of the attitudes I felt from your post in some specific phrases or words, that came off very harshly and inflammatory to many of us.

    For most of us, this is a very personal, emotional, and hard journey, and it's about so much more than junk food, etc... So, any post like this is going to be met with some strong opinions, and some inflammatory words back. If this is not who you are, than just recognize that I maybe you could have phrased things differently, or ignore those altogether. There has however been plenty of people on here that have not been mean to you, or that you might have taken as such, but were just trying to answer your question.

    Take what you need from this thread, and leave the rest behind, don't let it ruin your day. I hope you find a way to get through to this person, and that you both grow in the process.
  • lovemykids58
    lovemykids58 Posts: 195 Member
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    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.
    [/quote]

    With it being work she could get very offended and involve HR- i would leave it alone so you dont cause more problems for yourself
  • mdsjmom98
    mdsjmom98 Posts: 333 Member
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    I would say do nothing. People are going to do what they want to do. If someone suggested to me to change my eating habits before I was ready to, I would not have listened and I would have been very pissed off. It is up to her to change, not up to you to change her. At one point, people would have looked at my food choices and been repulsed as well. Thankfully no one said anything. People have to want to change.

    ^^^THIS^^^
    Like all of us, she has a choice on her lifestyle. Sadly it might take a life altering medical issue that will wake her up. And if it doesn't then she will continue to live an unhealthy life.
  • SarahBrown1979
    SarahBrown1979 Posts: 229 Member
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    I myself was at 307lbs before and I eat not to that extent but I ate McD's alot of the time for lunch, I was unhappy, depressed, life sucked for me so I didn't care what I ate. Alot of it was b/c I was lonely and until I met my Now husband I did WANT to care about my weight. So like others have said, she has to want to do it! I also sit by people 8 hrs of the day where they eat whatever they want and then complain about losing weight. I suggest to them MFP, explaining how it has helped me....If you want to help her, IF she mentions her weight or you ask her hows she's doing after medical/sick days and she mentions this being her prob, then and only then should you suggest things to her to help. Be supportive and if she doesn't do what you suggest then you've done what you could and given her a tool...its up to her to make the lifestyle change.
  • LMP1979
    LMP1979 Posts: 54 Member
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    Wow, lots of responses. It kinda bugs me by the number of people who just say "Nope, none of your business, don't help." I hope these are not the same type of people who look the other way and don't even bother to call 911 when someone's getting beaten in front of them.

    And no, noticing someone's personal habits when you work in an office cubicle setting is not keeping track of them! I work in an office setting and I know where you're coming from!

    While it may be inappropriate/hurtful to her to confront her or ask her directly about it, there are many subtle ways to help, and that's remaining friendly to her. (hey, she might think you are goodie-two shoes for your eating habits and feel intimidated!) People change on their own time. Be there when some day she decides to make a change!

    If you truly care, become her friend!
  • soul_sista88
    soul_sista88 Posts: 57 Member
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    I have found that after starting my new lifestyle, I am appalled at what I used to eat. All of those calories. Just drinking water can really fill me and since I have my body on a meal schedule, everything is consistent. When I see others eating a lot of junk food now, I'm like ewww Come on!
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
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    Wow, lots of responses. It kinda bugs me by the number of people who just say "Nope, none of your business, don't help." I hope these are not the same type of people who look the other way and don't even bother to call 911 when someone's getting beaten in front of them.
    Oh, yes. Excellent comparison. :ohwell:
  • ck1416
    ck1416 Posts: 154 Member
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    I, too, would not say anything to her. Just set a good example, and she will start asking you questions.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    Wow, lots of responses. It kinda bugs me by the number of people who just say "Nope, none of your business, don't help." I hope these are not the same type of people who look the other way and don't even bother to call 911 when someone's getting beaten in front of them.

    And no, noticing someone's personal habits when you work in an office cubicle setting is not keeping track of them! I work in an office setting and I know where you're coming from!

    While it may be inappropriate/hurtful to her to confront her or ask her directly about it, there are many subtle ways to help, and that's remaining friendly to her. (hey, she might think you are goodie-two shoes for your eating habits and feel intimidated!) People change on their own time. Be there when some day she decides to make a change!

    If you truly care, become her friend!

    In the case of someone being beaten, someone ELSE is harming someone. That isn't even kinda-sorta like someone doing something harmful to him/herself. If someone else is harming someone, I'd defend that person WITH MY LIFE. If anyone, including you, is harming only him/herself, that isn't my business.

    I am really sick to death of people who make comparisons that are in no way applicable to shame other people into agreeing with them.
  • cheesy_blasters
    cheesy_blasters Posts: 283 Member
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    I like how the OP actually got a lot of great suggestions but didn't comment once saying if she had tried some of the ideas attempted to clarify their relationship which might change of affect the advice people are giving.

    Aways a good sign when someone would rather argue with a few people about how good of a person they are, then actually having a constructive conversation about how to help someone without hurting them.
  • Laurej
    Laurej Posts: 227
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    I deal with the same situation. I have one friend who is almost 300 pounds and makes fun of me for trying to become healthier, and sends me pictures of her eating ribs for breakfast, It only helps motivate me more.

    I have another friend who refuses to change her eating habits even tho they have made her boyfriend sick. I have tried to gently encourage them with little suggestions, but it falls on deaf ears. soooooo. I just bite my tongue.

    You can offer her little samples of healthy foods "like omg I made this awesome thing, wanna try?" and if she bites great, if not, there isn't really anything you can do except wait for her to discover her bad choices and be there for her when she does :)
    :flowerforyou:
  • thepanttherlady
    thepanttherlady Posts: 258 Member
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    Wow, lots of responses. It kinda bugs me by the number of people who just say "Nope, none of your business, don't help." I hope these are not the same type of people who look the other way and don't even bother to call 911 when someone's getting beaten in front of them.

    Because a person getting beaten is the same as someone else choosing to eat fast food several times a day.......really?!!?
    And no, noticing personal habits when you work in an office cubicle setting is not keeping track of them! I work in an office setting and I know where you're coming from!

    Noticing a co-workers personal habits is quite different from being able to list what they eat on a daily basis (by meal) in a different cubicle.

    Just because the OP has decided to change herself for the better doesn't mean she has the right to shove her choices down anyone elses throat. It isn't her place to say anything to a co-worker about needing to change her eating habits and lose weight. Being a positive influence (leading by example as other mentioned) is one thing. Being nosey and intrusive is another.
  • Josh
    Josh Posts: 123 Member
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    Howdy folks,

    I wanted to offer a brief explanation for the locking of this thread.

    The forum guidelines include this item:
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    Topics which are started with the intent to belittle others, either directly named or through enough descriptive commentary to be possibly identified, are prohibited. This includes stalking a poster through the forums, posting about past events gone sour, divulging personal information, or spreading gossip or rumors. At our discretion, any post referring to the behavior or posts of other users of the site will be removed.

    If you would like to review the forum guidelines, please visit the following link:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/welcome/guidelines

    At our discretion, this locked thread may be deleted entirely in the near future.


    With respect,
    Joshua
    MyFitnessPal Forum Staff
This discussion has been closed.

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