Corn used my man-parts as a speedbag.

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  • alp1990
    alp1990 Posts: 56
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    Haha great post.

    I'm sick of people who have been using Mfp a month or longer suddenly believing they are fitness experts and coming out with all these grand claims about what you should and shouldn't do.

    I eat what I want within my calories (1400), and I exercise HARD when I can (600 calories, at least 3 times a week + "manly" weights). Overall, i'm losing weight much quicker than a lot of people I see on here, who are fussing about their carb intake, trying to "eat clean", eating like 1 calorie per day, and not doing weights as they are afraid they are suddenly going to go from 200 pounds to looking like worlds strongest man in a week.
  • AliceKlaar
    AliceKlaar Posts: 275 Member
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    OP, the sheer awesomeness of your post has just brought a tear to my eye. Thank you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Like like like!!!
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
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    Nice one....
  • genzo1980
    genzo1980 Posts: 4
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    THIS IS SIMPLY THE BEST AND MOST ACCURATE POST IVE READ ON HERE IN AGES....... (and trust me, in a Nurse).

    Very well said!!!!

    Now that I have your attention -

    Every so often I'll make one of these random bits of info. How about now.


    You don't need to eat clean.
    You don't need to avoid white bread or potatoes or beans or rice or _____________ (insert food here) unless you've got an intolerance/allergy/medical condition.
    You don't need to eat breakfast to get your metabolism started.
    You probably don't need to pay any attention to GI.
    Your metabolism doesn't get kick-started and you don't rev it up.
    Eating frequently is fine but it doesn't "boost your metabolism".
    Don't waste your money on Raspberry Keytones and you should probably turn off Dr. Oz.
    You are not toning.
    You will not bulk up, ladies.
    You also don't "gain muscle really easily". Yes, YOU.
    Low carbing is not dangerous.
    Low carbing is not metabolically superior.
    You can eat food before bed.
    You can eat food IN bed.
    There is no specific time at which eating will cause you to gain fat.
    The little pink dumbbells do not constitute "lifting weights".
    That glass of blended up "juice" that you're replacing your meals with, probably isn't "cleansing" any "toxins".
    "Hot Pants" don't make you lose fat, although they may make your wallet lighter.
    You don't need to burn off that bowl of cereal or piece of chicken.
    You don't need to worry about whether you're burning carbs or fat.
    You don't need to worry about how much fat you burned during your workout, or how much muscle you gained during that set of bosu-ball dumbbell flies.
    You don't "shock your body"
    You don't "confuse your mucles"
    Stop switching up your lifting program. How about stick to something and add weight to the bar.
    Just because you saw it in a documentary doesn't mean it's a good idea or even remotely research-based.
    You don't need to zig-zag or carb cycle or do the 17 day butt wash or the cabbage donkey stew diet.
    2 weeks is not a plateau.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Start here:
    1) Eat within a reasonable caloric intake for your goals.
    2) Consume adequate protein and fat.
    3) Consume at least enough carbs to allow you to train with intensity.

    (And can you just use some common sense with food selection?)

    4) Lift weights
    5) Get rest.
    6) Repeat
    7) And quit worrying about all the other crap.



    Be patient.
  • BostonMatt
    BostonMatt Posts: 258
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    Damn you. I was looking forward to a funny *kitten* story.

    Great post!
  • kais79
    kais79 Posts: 41 Member
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    Many things in your post are what I finally concluded on my own after years of failed dieting attempts, and I believe that is why this one is finally working! It's cool to see others found this to be true as well! :)
  • Cambrendle
    Cambrendle Posts: 104 Member
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    :heart:

    my weights are what's in my cupboard (i.e. empty milk jugs refilled with water)... so they have flashy colors and labels ;p
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Wow. I have to argue. This could not be more wrong.

    You can eat food IN bed.

    I'm still getting flack from my girl for a piece of fried chicken in a HOTEL BED 3 years ago. You wanna go clear that up with her for me SideSteal??



    (perfect list that is 100% spot on by the way)
  • Suziq1023
    Suziq1023 Posts: 46 Member
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    Lmfao. Clean eating confuses me - man, I wash everything -- don't you? that's how I process it! I work for a living, I can't grow crops year round - it gets too cold and not enough sun and I don't have the time or energy - but i do wash the rat pee off the tops of the cans so by the standards to which I was raised, that's clean. Oh, and I clean my plate because children are (were?) starving in asia. Does that count?

    Bummer about the breakfast though - I really thought that was helping :(
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 450 Member
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    When most of you have cancer, Alzheimers, and heart disease when you are 58 years old, don't say we didn't tell you so.

    Yeah, you may weigh a good weight, but that doesn't mean you are healthy on the cellular level.
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 450 Member
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    Thank you! I'd like to add... You are not suddenly allergic to gluten.

    You actually can become suddenly allergic to gluten. Celiac's can be "activated" by an environmental stress or trigger.

    http://www.csaceliacs.info/

    http://www.celiac.com/articles/1107/1/Celiac-Disease-CausesRisk-Factors/Page1.html

    http://www.gooddayglutenfree.com/pages/celiacdiseaseinfo.html

    It's pretty clear everyone here wants to justify their conveniences instead of accepting facts. I didn't realize I was allergic to avocado until this year. Been allergic my whole life but never knew it. It got so bad, suddenly, doctor said I need to carry an epi pen. Our bodies do change throughout our lives and allergies can better and worsen.
  • JColeby
    JColeby Posts: 2
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    Great post...Thanks for the advice :smile:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Wow. I have to argue. This could not be more wrong.

    You can eat food IN bed.

    I'm still getting flack from my girl for a piece of fried chicken in a HOTEL BED 3 years ago. You wanna go clear that up with her for me SideSteal??



    (perfect list that is 100% spot on by the way)

    Consume whipped cream in bed. Off each other. All will be forgotten. Especially if you use this: http://givemecream.com/whipped/
  • LeellenMack
    LeellenMack Posts: 141 Member
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    Consume whipped cream in bed. Off each other. All will be forgotten. Especially if you use this: http://givemecream.com/whipped/
    [/quote]


    How many calories in that???? LOL :bigsmile:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Consume whipped cream in bed. Off each other. All will be forgotten. Especially if you use this: http://givemecream.com/whipped/

    How many calories in that???? LOL :bigsmile:

    Doesn't matter. You'll burn it off. :happy:
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
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    Wow. I have to argue. This could not be more wrong.

    You can eat food IN bed.

    I'm still getting flack from my girl for a piece of fried chicken in a HOTEL BED 3 years ago. You wanna go clear that up with her for me SideSteal??



    (perfect list that is 100% spot on by the way)

    Consume whipped cream in bed. Off each other. All will be forgotten. Especially if you use this: http://givemecream.com/whipped/

    I see no flaws in this advice!
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
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    Just because you saw it in a documentary doesn't mean it's a good idea or even remotely research-based.

    And... just because someone posts it on MFP and a bunch of people agree doesn't make it true, either. Just sayin'. :)
  • pigote
    pigote Posts: 615 Member
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    Yes! Need to read this every day, especially the patience part :-)
  • morninglilli
    morninglilli Posts: 194
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    YAY!!!!! I am voting for you in the presidential election!!!!!!!!

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