Judging other people's diaries

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Replies

  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I would not add someone that I can tell is going to judge my diary all the time. I do not eat "clean." I eat "as well as I can for the budget I'm on" which means stockpiling a lot of frozen foods. All my friends on here are "normal" people who are doing the best they can, like me.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I dislike seeing people write "Good job, except for that soda" or "You could have gone without those fries."

    Who says that? If someone commented that on my diary I would LMFAO.

    I know! I can't tell you how quickly I would unfriend someone who said stuff like that.
  • e46dude
    e46dude Posts: 15 Member
    I don't judge people. I mostly look at food diaries for ideas I could incorporate into my own diet.
    It wouldn't bother me though if someone critiqued my diet diary, as long as they weren't rude about it.
  • loztredders
    loztredders Posts: 142
    My diary is closed currently, as I couldn't take any criticism on what I eat. I know most of my days are healthy and I keep to my goals but sometimes I get junk food hungry and have a day of purely eating just junky crap and I know that's no good, and don't need to be told.lol.
    Luckily those days are now few and far between, so maybe I'll open up my diary soon!
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

    But conflict is how things get talked about and how things change. Being nice should not be equated with doing someone a favor, in fact that could hinder them more. If you're so worried, please close your diary. I have horrible days as well, I support my food judgments with an open diary, and my pals can aim, fire, shoot at will. constructive criticism is healthy.
  • umer76
    umer76 Posts: 1,272 Member
    I think the positive criticism is good for us to keep on track. I dont usually comment on diaries of others unless asked by the friends for any advice. I would be happy if someone points out something wrong in my diary.
  • beansprouts
    beansprouts Posts: 410 Member
    So what kind of friends do you people have in real life? If you can't expect your "friend" to tell you when you are heading off a cliff...Who will tell you? If you don't like criticism or verbal encouragement...then unfriend the offending culprits and go find someone who is less serious about this whole weight loss thing. I think that to have a friend...you have to be a friend too! PS....I would run like hell away from the folks on this forum who have tons of "friends" who have stopped logging in for weeks!
  • umer76
    umer76 Posts: 1,272 Member
    So what kind of friends do you people have in real life? If you can't expect your "friend" to tell you when you are heading off a cliff...Who will tell you? If you don't like criticism or verbal encouragement...then unfriend the offending culprits and go find someone who is less serious about this whole weight loss thing. I think that to have a friend...you have to be a friend too! PS....I would run like hell away from the folks on this forum who have tons of "friends" who have stopped logging in for weeks!
    Bump
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    I could not agree with you more. I would love to be your non-judgemental friend. I just posted something about people passing judgement on this page http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/643281-don-t-request-me . It's not right.

    Whats funny is that post was pretty judgemental:laugh:
  • kalynn06
    kalynn06 Posts: 368 Member
    My diary is closed currently, as I couldn't take any criticism on what I eat. I know most of my days are healthy and I keep to my goals but sometimes I get junk food hungry and have a day of purely eating just junky crap and I know that's no good, and don't need to be told.lol.
    Luckily those days are now few and far between, so maybe I'll open up my diary soon!

    Mine was closed for a long time for the same reason. Now it's open to friends, and I haven't had an issue. It was hard for me to open it at all, and I don't think I'll ever open it generally. I want to be honest there, and if I had judgy comment coming, I know I wouldn't be.
  • Boingo1
    Boingo1 Posts: 205 Member
    I think if you add a note to explain your choices ("so hard for me to drink water! 2 glasses today!"), then your friends can understand your style more. I just don't get commenting "good job" when choices are crappy and numbers are through the roof. I agree with those who say if you're very sensitive about your journal and don't want to hear any other options, then don't make it public.
  • Cgirlish
    Cgirlish Posts: 263 Member
    I had someone unfriend me because I was under on my calories, I ate 1300 calories just did not eat back all my exercise calories... I was busy that day and refused to mindlessly eat back calories at the end of the night when I went to explain this to
    that person after a comment she wrote is when I found she unfriended me....
  • vltaylor35
    vltaylor35 Posts: 72
    i take all comments as advice, not criticism. perhaps i am lucky to have a good group of MFP friends but i never worry that people will think badly of me for what i eat. we are all doing what we need to do to improve ourselves. but if someone looks at my diary and comments that i could have substituted something with a healthier option, im just grateful for a new idea to try!
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    I agree completely....in fact I just wrote a blog about a similar topic yesterday....some days I eat a dinner that's almost 1300 cals, and other days, I spread my cals out among the whole day. It's up to all of us individually how we "spend" our cals. Good luck! :)
  • delonda1
    delonda1 Posts: 525 Member
    So what kind of friends do you people have in real life? If you can't expect your "friend" to tell you when you are heading off a cliff...Who will tell you? If you don't like criticism or verbal encouragement...then unfriend the offending culprits and go find someone who is less serious about this whole weight loss thing. I think that to have a friend...you have to be a friend too! PS....I would run like hell away from the folks on this forum who have tons of "friends" who have stopped logging in for weeks!

    MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!! I want my friends on here and in real life to tell me the truth. I wont take offense but it is my business whether or not to take their advice but atleast they are giving it out of concern instead of lying
  • Lovely135
    Lovely135 Posts: 161
    I thank you a lot for posting this. I have some friends who are asking me "am I eating enough, or be healthy, or I am not eating enough calories and on........ When I was gaining 10lbs a week, was that healthy? I would rather lose 5lbs a week instead. Although I tried to understand that it's coming from good heart, but after telling them so many times that I am fine, that my body is not asking me for more, they should stop. I believe this friends are part of the eat more to lose more group. That method did not work for me. I had tried it way before MFP. It does not work for eveyone. I only know how to lose and how to gain. Now that I am losing, I want to do what works for me. After I reach my goal wt. with the help of MFP and my doctor we will work out something for me to maintain the wt. loss. I wish they would stop asking me if I am eating enough, seriously. I wt. 250lbs now, It is a long road before eating too little will make me sick. This journey is a lifetime change. Yes somedays I going to have fries, or fired chicken, ice cream, cookies, rice. If you see that I made bad choices 2-3 dyas in a row, I can understand you comment and I will very much appreciated it. If you see that I made good choices the whole week, only one day I have something in the "bad choice group" and I am still under my calorie you are pointing it out. I have to feed my cravings in moderation.
  • GodsGirl37
    GodsGirl37 Posts: 348
    likewise agree with you as well:) I will be glad to be another non judgemental friend for you. my friends have been great. but on my old one I had a lady tell me I was starving myself when I was getting my calories figured out for my body and to give me a break.
  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
    I'd rather be told the truth than slowly killed with kindness by a chorus of "yes-people"

    Ditto!
  • sculptandtone
    sculptandtone Posts: 300 Member
    I would never criticize someone's diary. However, I also will not give any encouragement to someone whose diary is completely and consistently filled with junk (and I've seen LOTS of people who eat up their calories with McDonalds and Jimmy Dean consistently without a fruit or vegetable to be found). So, I don't think it's my place to say anything about it (unless asked), but I also will not be an enabler and congratulate someone on consistently bad food choices just because they are lower than 1200 calories. I'm not talking about the occasional fast food stop either. I'm talking about people who eat nothing but.
  • Jmorgan0909
    Jmorgan0909 Posts: 35
    Hmm... I agree with you for the most part. BUT, when I see a friend with some unhealthier choices in their diary, I'll typically check in with them (message or comment depending on who they are) asking about their choice. Was there some stressful event that led them to having a latte and a muffin at lunch? Did they go out with friends for fast food at dinner? I guess I think of it as being supportive because while I am technically judging their choice, I'm not attaching a negative connotation to it. Just opening the line of communication, or trying to. I want them to know that I actually look at their diary, I care what they eat, what they're putting in their body, and I support their decision to change their habits and eat healthier food.

    Seriously? That would creep me out.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Hmm... I agree with you for the most part. BUT, when I see a friend with some unhealthier choices in their diary, I'll typically check in with them (message or comment depending on who they are) asking about their choice. Was there some stressful event that led them to having a latte and a muffin at lunch? Did they go out with friends for fast food at dinner? I guess I think of it as being supportive because while I am technically judging their choice, I'm not attaching a negative connotation to it. Just opening the line of communication, or trying to. I want them to know that I actually look at their diary, I care what they eat, what they're putting in their body, and I support their decision to change their habits and eat healthier food.

    I'm curious--how do people usually react to that? To be honest, that wouldn't open communication for me, that would lead to me not wanting to log publicly how I really did. If I want to discuss my reasons for eating a certain meal, I post it.

    (And a latte and a muffin isn't a terrible lunch to have. In fact, now I want a latte and a muffin. And I can't eat muffins. :sad: )
  • sharlowbrla
    sharlowbrla Posts: 54
    For many of us, eating has been a life long addiction. Whether it's emotional eating, stress eating, insecurity eating, etc. we became overweight for a reason. I think that each person has a way that they are motivated. I have to keep a very rigid path. Keeping my diary open and logging EVERYTHING I put in my mouth daily helps ME to keep MYSELF accountable. I like looking at other diarys to get food ideas and see what the successful losers are eating.
    Personally, at 55 yrs old, silly as it may seem to others, I love seeing a "way to go, well done, high 5" etc. on my entry. They took the time to do it. I love a pat on the back. But at the same, as a career dieter, I know what I did wrong. They are just tryng to be encouraging.
    I see people on here that have lost hundreds of pounds so i know MFP works. I also see right away the ones that are going to fail because I have been there. It's like any program. You have the most success when you do ALL the components.
    Bottom line, do what works for you. We are all here for the same reason. To lose weight. I am not going to get offended because I truly believe that any comments, pro's and con's are to help me.
    Curious, how do you feel about someone messaging you when you havent logged in for a few days? Do you find that offensive as well? I need all the support i can get. Thank you to all that have encouraged me. It's a long road for me and so far MFP has been great!
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    I would not keep a friend around that did that more than once.

    I am basically at or close to my goal weight, and I'm not willing to change my diet completely. I love wine. I love potatoes. (Oh do I love potatoes.... especially fried potato objects of any sort), I eat Taco Bell once a week. I love Fun Dip. I'm NEVER going to cut out any specific food. I have no desire to. I love my food. That's how I ended up here in the first place. It was not an easy journey, but I discovered that eating less of what I love is a lot more fun than eating nothing that I love.
  • L00py_T0ucan
    L00py_T0ucan Posts: 1,378 Member
    And because I'm so scared of people judging, I've been trying to put off eating even when I'm hungry.

    ^ Oh no, I'm really sad to hear this. :embarassed:

    I think the reason some people give very specific comments is that other people complain about all the 'Way to Gos' and feel like people have not looked at their diaries carefully.

    I am a self-professed food creeper. I love food, and I am nosy by nature, so I look at people's diaries for ideas, etc.
    But I am also the first to point out that I am not one of the success stories here; I don't know what other people should or should not be eating, so I try not to make judgements.

    That said, if someone told me to stop the useless, idiotic comments (mine tend to be very generic, safely non-judgemental: mmm...beeeer.) or to be more critical, I would try to provide the kind of criticism or commentary they are asking for.
    My point is that they would need to tell me what ruler I am measuring their performance against though - everyone has different goals and restrictions, etc.

    Good luck w/ everything! Don't ever let the judgey mc judgersons prevent you from eating! :flowerforyou:
  • melisabee
    melisabee Posts: 19
    I keep my diary private, it was private when I started and I didn't even know you could make them open, until I noticed one day that it said "view diary" next to someone's ending day post. I really don't think it's anyone's business what I eat and it is not my business what they eat. I enjoy the feedback that my friends and I give each other, it is all encouragement, as it should be.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    I don't see anything wrong with some healthy and constructive criticism of my food diary from my friends. Part of being supportive is the occasional nudge to help us keep each other on the right track. There may be things that I don't agree with, but I try to at least give those thoughts consideration.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    So what kind of friends do you people have in real life? If you can't expect your "friend" to tell you when you are heading off a cliff...Who will tell you? If you don't like criticism or verbal encouragement...then unfriend the offending culprits and go find someone who is less serious about this whole weight loss thing. I think that to have a friend...you have to be a friend too! PS....I would run like hell away from the folks on this forum who have tons of "friends" who have stopped logging in for weeks!

    Don't you think most of us know that diet soda, potato chips or cupcakes aren't *healthy* foods?!

    I don't always log my food, but I turned off the "has completed her diary" status update because I don't need praise nor condemnation on what I eat. I know if I ate healthy or not so healthy. I know if I hit my macros. I know when my sodium is through the roof, and I'm going to know it even more the next day when I retain two or three pounds of fluid... I don't need someone telling me my sodium was high.

    If I specifically ASKED for suggestions, then, sure... go right ahead and tell me what's wrong with my food. For now, I'm pleased with my results and if someone wants to see how I ate and exercised to achieve those results, they cant take a peep at my diary. (But there will be a lot of blank days lately.)
  • jenniferadouglas
    jenniferadouglas Posts: 8 Member
    I PURPOSELY have bad days... I would go crazy without them! I eat healthy the majority of the time just so I can have Five Guys (and Smashburger!!)... with the bun.. and the french fries! Yummmmy. :)
  • TRISTAR
    TRISTAR Posts: 105 Member
    I agree strongly with this post. If people need constructive crtiticism, or guidance, they will ask for it (or look at other posts for help). I had to ask for help today. I can't speak for everyone, but there are probably alot of people on here, who have really had to pluck up the courage to open themselves up on here in the first place, so knocking people down, could be detramental to their overall sucess and confidence.
  • KristyStuebe
    KristyStuebe Posts: 42 Member
    I like to use others diaries and my share my own for different food ideas and eating ideas. But never to judge
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