Respecting men
Replies
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Why not just ask your SO what they feel is respectful?
For my hubby he just wants me to support and trust him. I do, completely. I show it by giving up all control over finances. He takes care of ALL of it. Ever since we started doing it this way we save a lot more money and yet get to spend on more "fun" things.
I also make sure to compliment him at least once a day. Men love hearing it just as much as we do.
My husband also expects me to basically treat him the way I want him to treat me. The golden rule, right?
Excellent point. My husband works very hard to support all of us, and likes to hear how much we appreciate it, every once in a while. At times where it fits into the conversation without feeling forced, I tell him how very much his efforts mean to me.0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
Again, different angles of approach.
Allowing a person the space they need to walk their own path and learn the way they need to isn't patronizing. It's trust and confidence in where their heart lies.
A 50/50 share of things is more akin to what you're speaking of. Men and women are equal in a relationship. I don't believe that one is anymore worthy or important that the other but it's never 50/50 around here. 90\10, 20\80, his role and mine...whatever the day calls for.
There's something to be said for getting out of the way and allowing another person to find out what they don't know. I appreciate when that's been done for me.
I prefer honesty. To me, honesty is respectful. Quietly sitting waiting for your partner to find out they're wrong and you're right... well that just sounds kind of smug to me.0 -
I prefer honesty. To me, honesty is respectful. Quietly sitting waiting for your partner to find out they're wrong and you're right... well that just sounds kind of smug to me.
That's kind of what I was thinking. If I did that to my partner, he'd probably feel pretty undermined, and would wonder why I didn't give him a "heads-up" or advice on how to properly handle a situation I knew wouldn't work.0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
yes, i'm serious. for every one i've had, this is how they were treated until ____ happened. for one, it was because he was abusive. another, because he decided i existed ONLY to serve these purposes. etc.
on the flip side, i expect just as much from my man. which is probably why i don't technically have one anymore. they're too much work.0 -
Meerkat, it absolutely could be. I hadn't thought about it being used as a tool for righteous indignation and playing the innocent victim. Both of which I abhor deeply.
You made a good point. If you're going to take a step back and do the more traditional gender role thing then it will FAIL if it's used a means of manipulation. That and it's just plain wrong.0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
yes, i'm serious. for every one i've had, this is how they were treated until ____ happened. for one, it was because he was abusive. another, because he decided i existed ONLY to serve these purposes. etc.
on the flip side, i expect just as much from my man. which is probably why i don't technically have one anymore. they're too much work.
Very well stated. :flowerforyou:
It's rather simple (in my opinion)
- don't be condescending.
- show a genuine interest in his hobbies/ interests.
- have his back when you are taking on the world together.
- never argue in front of your or his friends. Save it for another time and place.
- remind him that he feels important (as hopefully he is if you are in a committed relationship with him).
- you like to be thanked for making dinner, cleaning the house, and the other things you put into the relationship... take a little time to Thank him for fixing things, building things, doing outdoor chores, changing the oil in your car, etc.
And yes ladies, I know this goes both ways.
Notice I didn't say a thing about "obeying" or "servitude". You get back what you put into it.0 -
Here's my take on it. Respect and HUMILITY/being humble are twins. it's takes being humble to respect a man. being Meek and humble DOES NOT MEAN weak and vunerable AT ALL. Being "meek and humble" actually is to be super strong and totally brave--but it takes a wise woman to recognize and live that way--IT is TRULY rare (especially these days) that many women understand and/or take advantage of these two powerful ways of living, thinking and being--it's not that you HAVE to be meek and humble to be respectful to your man always, it's that YOU GET TO BE THAT WAY . Everyone wants respect, everyone...but IMHO, Men NEED respect (from their wives and children)...at least mine does and every man that I know or have ever known absolutely need/thrive on respect. Respect for your husband and sons (treat your sons like young MEN and MALES) That does not mean being a door mat, but instead it means being a helpmate. Someone who looks at their man like he's the best looking, strongest, bravest man on the face of the earth and constantly (everyday and night) talking to him and treating him thusly AND training your children to do the same. Being meek and humble can also involve being independent (having a life of your own--hobbies, interests...not being needy and a PITA) and sassy/confident/$exy...most men LOVE that, I know mine does
Constantly affirming that your man is a big strong handsome rescue hero and you're GLAD he's yours and your his. constantly thanking your husband for who he is and what he is and does and openly being grateful for him taking care of you in every way. another way of respecting your husband is by cooking for him and/or making SURE he is well fed and REALLY taking "CARE" of him EVERYDAY
In other words, treating your husband like he's a king, a hero, a superstar...like he's your boyfriend (no matter how long you've been married)/your first and only love--ALWAYS! Do this, and the respect will naturally flow and it's not ANYTHING that man won't do for you and with you ALWAYS, including walking thru fire and everything in between--I'm living proof of it.
I asked my husband this question and he said:
"Well, wives can start by listening." Respect is shown to a man by his wive honoring his ideas, opinions, following his guidance and suggestions, especially if they are what they are suggesting is for their wives well being and to better themselves. They have to trust him and believe that when God says the man is the "head" of the wife and the head of the household, the responsibility falls on the man to be a good provider, a constant companion, someone to be looked up to and admired and to care and protect and honor and love his wife and family above his own good or to his own hurt. If he's being put down by his wife, talked down to, nagged and bossed by his wife, he's not going to be the "man" of the house at all and not act like the man nor handle his business like the man of house at all, ever...the man will simply not be the man of the house and instead will be like a careless child and give his wife grief and a whole lot of leaving alone. Unless and until a wife respects her husband, he will never be the man she wants. It's all about respect and most women don't know anything about respecting a man because they are too busy trying to be "the man" and it a vicious circle. "
That's what my "boyfriend" says and I agree with him 100%
Here's some cool quotes I found on respect that's deep to me
Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?
Confucius
Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.
Bruce Lee
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
Albert Camus
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
Tecumseh0 -
*wishing I could post under an incognito name for this one.
but.
i have always been a believer that men should feel needed, feel smart, feel "pretty", (even if they aren't any of these things) and be kept fed and sexed well. Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
Nice!!
Would also appreciate a home cooked meal!!!
Seriously a real man earns respect from a woman!!
Don't give up!! Remember a real man will find you!!!0 -
Trust his judgement - sometimes even if you know he's wrong.
So.... being deceitful and disingenuous is the foundation for a good relationship?
I feel quite confident that no man I've ever had a relationship with wanted to be patronised in this way.
It's not about patronizing him, it's more about not arguing with him, submitting and letting him find out on his own he wasn't right. We don't always have to point our fingers and say "I told you so, you were wrong." or argue something to death. And when he realizes he was wrong, don't gloat. That was what I meant.
:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :smooched: 0 -
If you pick and man and instantly make a list of things to fix about him, you arent respecting him as a person. If he makes all the changes, he isnt respecting himself. You can have love without respect but it is weak.
One day you will look up and wonder where the manly man you fell in love with went. He probably went to the Container Store to buy closet organizers.0 -
If you pick and man and instantly make a list of things to fix about him, you arent respecting him as a person. If he makes all the changes, he isnt respecting himself. You can have love without respect but it is weak.
One day you will look up and wonder where the manly man you fell in love with went. He probably went to the Container Store to buy closet organizers.
Oh no! Help around the house! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Haha, seriously though, I agree with what you say in the beginning....0 -
My husband and I have discussed this quite a bit. We have complete and total respect for eachother, but many of the people we know seem to lack in this area. I respect my husband by listening to his argument when we disagree, taking an active interest in his hobbies ( I do everything from shooting to fishing to working on cars and drag racing), thanking him for being a great father and husband, and when it comes to an impasse- I let him have the final say. Its a two way street and in return he treats me like a queen.
Some folks in relationships (notice I didn't say women or men), need to remember that its not all about YOU. The best relationships have respect and love, but I think that is something that we all work at.:happy:0 -
I'm sorry, I'm busy making my guy a sammich. :grumble:
Good Girl !!
Boys this one here is a keeper (at least until we get the sammiches) lol0 -
If you pick and man and instantly make a list of things to fix about him, you arent respecting him as a person. If he makes all the changes, he isnt respecting himself. You can have love without respect but it is weak.
One day you will look up and wonder where the manly man you fell in love with went. He probably went to the Container Store to buy closet organizers.
Haha! Or picking out drapes, too, maybe? I like your point.
I think we are sometimes attracted to opposites, but the traits which attract us initially are the things we sometimes try to change. For instance, guys who at first are decisive can be later perceived as too 'controlling' and 'opinionated.'
Interesting thing though, after 21 years of marriage, I notice that neither of us are the same people we were when we first met. In some ways, I think I've become more direct, and he's become more compassionate in his style of communication. Maybe we are meant to meet more in the middle in time.0 -
it's rather simple (in my opinion)
- don't be condescending.
- show a genuine interest in his hobbies/ interests.
- have his back when you are taking on the world together.
- never argue in front of your or his friends. Save it for another time and place.
- remind him that he feels important (as hopefully he is if you are in a committed relationship with him).
- you like to be thanked for making dinner, cleaning the house, and the other things you put into the relationship... take a little time to Thank him for fixing things, building things, doing outdoor chores, changing the oil in your car, etc.
You mentioned a couple of things that i forgot ----
about being condescending - you have no idea what a difference this will make. so you're right and he's wrong, um... is it REALLY necessary to brag and peacock around about it? not usually...
arguing in public. HUGE no-no. I didn't even fight with the abusive ex in public. we were always complimented on how "in sync" we were and how we were "the model couple". One thing we agreed on was to never, ever, ever fight publicly. Consequently, when I left him, it took pictures and medical records to prove the abuse was happening, even to my own family.0 -
I'm sorry, I'm busy making my guy a sammich. :grumble:
what? You're not bringing a beer as well?!?!?!?0 -
This is not a new idea. It's been around for a very long, long time.
In a historical context, it's even in the Bible. I am not here to argue the Bible, so please don't start...but from a historical context, it is very interesting.
In the New Testament, there is a passage in Ephesians. (Chapter 5 to be exact). There is a very long list of things that men should do so that their wives feel loved. There is one thing that Paul tells women that they should do - and guess what it is? Respect her husband.
I do believe that respect comes naturally for a woman when she is feeling loved by her husband/partner. Men crave respect...I know for my husband, he needs to know that I respect him - it would kill his spirit if he thought I didn't. It comes easy to me, because he is an amazing husband, father, and man. How do I show him respect? I listen to him. I don't try to be his mother. I try to anticipate what it is that he needs, and give that to him with my whole heart. It doesn't mean that I am a doormat, or that I let him step all over me - but I can be honest with him, I am not a b&tch to him, either. Sure, I get cranky (oh, boy - can I get cranky!), but I never take it out on him. I do NOT belittle him, or tear him down. I disagree with him - at times, I disagree with him a LOT - but I also have learned the art of compromise, and that there are times when I don't have to "win."
Both sides requires something. To the men, it is that they have to show their wives that they love them. For the wife, they have to show their husbands that they respect them. If each party is doing this, it's an amazing thing. If it gets off balance, the consequence on the relationship can be awful. Just my thoughts on the subject. :flowerforyou:0 -
We should just respect each other as people. Gender has nothing to do with it.
How men and women perceive respect is definitely two different things.0 -
Thats because men associate respect with love!!!!!0
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Can you love someone you don't respect?
Yes.
no0 -
Can you love someone you don't respect?
Yes.
no. I think respect is a part of real love0 -
Can you love someone you don't respect?
Yes.
no. I think respect is a part of real love
I couldn't. I'm 25, and have been with my fiance for 13 years..over half of my life, since I was 12! Love AND respect had a major role in keeping us together0 -
Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
I'm curious--what's the longest you've ever lived with someone? I don't ask to flame you or pick at you, but once you've been with someone for a while, a lot of this is old hat. What will happen the first time you are both late for work and one of you has to pee while the other brushes their teeth? Or one of you realizes that you have an urgent potty need and the other one is in the shower and you have one bathroom? Or the first time one of you is so sick that they need the other to stay with them while they are throwing up in the bathroom? Or needs to be fed because the other is too weak? Or throws up in front of you on the floor because they can't get to the bathroom? And on those days, you'll thank yourself for keeping that stuff you wouldn't want to be photographed in around. I haven't even TOUCHED the embarrassing stuff that can happen during intimacy.
I work as many hours as my husband, and we can't afford air conditioning. Both of us don't look our cutest after a long day of work or in the summer or when we are all bundled up in the winter because we keep the heat as low as we can stand it to save money. I like that we can each feel comfortable enough to eat comfort food together after a crappy week or go through spells where we aren't "going to the gym" (we don't) and get out of shape. Those times also help to renew a little spark when the other one does clean up for a date night or for any random reason or when the other gets back into shape. Even perfection becomes normal and less noticeable and appreciated after a while.
In my perfect world, both my husband and I would adhere to your rules and live our lives without a hiccup. But since neither of us is perfect, I love not having to be.
I'm ok with both of us being human beings who do human functions.
:flowerforyou:0 -
And women associate Love with respectThats because men associate respect with love!!!!!
0 -
theres a book thats perfect for this! "love and respect" by Emerson Eggerichs0
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Here's my take on it. Respect and HUMILITY/being humble are twins. it's takes being humble to respect a man. being Meek and humble DOES NOT MEAN weak and vunerable AT ALL. Being "meek and humble" actually is to be super strong and totally brave--but it takes a wise woman to recognize and live that way--IT is TRULY rare (especially these days) that many women understand and/or take advantage of these two powerful ways of living, thinking and being--it's not that you HAVE to be meek and humble to be respectful to your man always, it's that YOU GET TO BE THAT WAY . Everyone wants respect, everyone...but IMHO, Men NEED respect (from their wives and children)...at least mine does and every man that I know or have ever known absolutely need/thrive on respect. Respect for your husband and sons (treat your sons like young MEN and MALES) That does not mean being a door mat, but instead it means being a helpmate. Someone who looks at their man like he's the best looking, strongest, bravest man on the face of the earth and constantly (everyday and night) talking to him and treating him thusly AND training your children to do the same. Being meek and humble can also involve being independent (having a life of your own--hobbies, interests...not being needy and a PITA) and sassy/confident/$exy...most men LOVE that, I know mine does
Constantly affirming that your man is a big strong handsome rescue hero and you're GLAD he's yours and your his. constantly thanking your husband for who he is and what he is and does and openly being grateful for him taking care of you in every way. another way of respecting your husband is by cooking for him and/or making SURE he is well fed and REALLY taking "CARE" of him EVERYDAY
In other words, treating your husband like he's a king, a hero, a superstar...like he's your boyfriend (no matter how long you've been married)/your first and only love--ALWAYS! Do this, and the respect will naturally flow and it's not ANYTHING that man won't do for you and with you ALWAYS, including walking thru fire and everything in between--I'm living proof of it.
I asked my husband this question and he said:
"Well, wives can start by listening." Respect is shown to a man by his wive honoring his ideas, opinions, following his guidance and suggestions, especially if they are what they are suggesting is for their wives well being and to better themselves. They have to trust him and believe that when God says the man is the "head" of the wife and the head of the household, the responsibility falls on the man to be a good provider, a constant companion, someone to be looked up to and admired and to care and protect and honor and love his wife and family above his own good or to his own hurt. If he's being put down by his wife, talked down to, nagged and bossed by his wife, he's not going to be the "man" of the house at all and not act like the man nor handle his business like the man of house at all, ever...the man will simply not be the man of the house and instead will be like a careless child and give his wife grief and a whole lot of leaving alone. Unless and until a wife respects her husband, he will never be the man she wants. It's all about respect and most women don't know anything about respecting a man because they are too busy trying to be "the man" and it a vicious circle. "
That's what my "boyfriend" says and I agree with him 100%
Here's some cool quotes I found on respect that's deep to me
Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?
Confucius
Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.
Bruce Lee
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
Albert Camus
Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.
Tecumseh
TL;DR
Sparknotes anyone?0 -
Don't let him see you pee, don't let him catch you in your ratty "period panties", and as far as he knows, you NEVER emit odious gasses or defecate.
And come ON, what's wrong with getting up and at least putting on real clothes before he gets home or comes over? If you're sleeping over, or living together, why are you bringing or keeping things you wouldn't want to be photographed in? i don't care if you have his last name or 3 months of his paycheck wrapped around your finger, if you plan on keeping him around - you should also continue to be the person that attracted him in the first place (within reason). and yes, that IS a jab at those women who stop visiting the gym on their wedding day.
I'm curious--what's the longest you've ever lived with someone? I don't ask to flame you or pick at you, but once you've been with someone for a while, a lot of this is old hat. What will happen the first time you are both late for work and one of you has to pee while the other brushes their teeth? Or one of you realizes that you have an urgent potty need and the other one is in the shower and you have one bathroom? Or the first time one of you is so sick that they need the other to stay with them while they are throwing up in the bathroom? Or needs to be fed because the other is too weak? Or throws up in front of you on the floor because they can't get to the bathroom? And on those days, you'll thank yourself for keeping that stuff you wouldn't want to be photographed in around. I haven't even TOUCHED the embarrassing stuff that can happen during intimacy.
I work as many hours as my husband, and we can't afford air conditioning. Both of us don't look our cutest after a long day of work or in the summer or when we are all bundled up in the winter because we keep the heat as low as we can stand it to save money. I like that we can each feel comfortable enough to eat comfort food together after a crappy week or go through spells where we aren't "going to the gym" (we don't) and get out of shape. Those times also help to renew a little spark when the other one does clean up for a date night or for any random reason or when the other gets back into shape. Even perfection becomes normal and less noticeable and appreciated after a while.
In my perfect world, both my husband and I would adhere to your rules and live our lives without a hiccup. But since neither of us is perfect, I love not having to be.
I'm ok with both of us being human beings who do human functions.
:flowerforyou:
Beautiful! 0 -
that was a big issue in my last relationship, the love was there the respect was not. she had no respect for my time (being late, cancelling last minute), no respect for my space (could never be left alone to play a video game, surf online, because it wasnt "more important" than her) and no respect for my privacy (checking phones, social media etc)0
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It's very true.......and very simple. Men have a need to be shown respect that is every bit as strong as a woman's need to be oved. Unfortunately, we tend to show each other respect and love the way that we ourselves want to be shown and not the way our SO's need us to show them.0
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agreed, one word responses are accepted by all men.Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.0
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