Requesting a message with a FR = self-importance

I AM important.


I like to know what kind of person I am in for. If you send me a message with your FR that says "Hey, you are really hot, I wanna bump uglies with you", I need to know that I don't want you on my FL and to warn the other girls on my list. Or "God loves you and I want to be your friend, I have 47 cats", yeah, I don't want you on there either, I WILL offend you. I like to avoid the drama, and it is like the equivalent of an introduction. If someone just walks up in a bar and doesn't speak, I doubt I will be inviting them to my next cookout.......

This seems like a fair point

Nah that point sucked tbh... ;D

See, Person who I will not be adding............

I limit my friends list to a manageable number of people I actually like. But I guess if you rarely get a friend request, it's feasible to accept all of them without having any standards.

And yeah, my self is pretty important. What's wrong with that?

I like you, OP. Friend request sent!

It really makes me no difference. I tend to accept friend requests whether there is a message or not. Sometimes a message doesn't help, I've gotten a few and they were creepers! LOL denied.

I friend request people, sometimes with a message sometimes not. If they have that long list of requirements to friend request (and yes I have seen those) I don't even bother; that gives me the impression that they find 'friendships' on MFP problematic. I think a lot of this has to do with the level of interaction one expects to have with one's friends on MFP. I have friends who feel the need to comment on each and every workout and all the food their friends eat as well as send lots of private messages...and they expect the same from their friends. Personally I just like to drop a comment or two every day or every other day on my friends' walls, and like it/appreciate a comment or two on mine, but I do recognize that everyone is operating under different time constraints. For some it's all they can do to log their meals and exercise, they really don't have time to interact much with their friends.

went off on a little tangent there...

See, Person who I will not be adding............

You're missing out.

I've been thinking I have been. FR sent! (:

I am wondering if OP means the difference between:

"Please send a quick note with friend requests to introduce yourself"

and

"FRIEND REQUESTS WITH NO MESSAGES WILL BE DENIED"

For myself, I don't mind no messages--it just makes me curious about how they found me and what we have in common. I also don't think it's a sign of laziness or friend collecting--some people are shy and maybe they didn't read my profile, but maybe they had a similar view on my forum posts. That's how I friended my first MFP pal--I liked her forum post.

****PLEASE INCLUDE A MESSAGE WITH ALL FRIEND REQUESTS. ALL REQUESTS WITHOUT A MESSAGE WILL BE DENIED, SINCE THE CLEARLY MEANS YOU DID NOT READ MY PROFILE AND ARE JUST COLLECTING FRIENDS. I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED. IF WE INTERACTED ON THE MESSAGE BOARDS, AN EXCEPTION MAY BE MADE.****

---

I just used the above as an example...

Why all capitals and so shouty? I have to be honest there is something kind of aggressive and excessively authoritarian about the tone. Like I said before I always send a note and I think it's nice to do so, but I think the only thing the OP was questioning was why does it have to come across so unpleasant? :ohwell:

There has to be a nice way of saying "hey there are a lot of people on this forum and I like to keep things manageable but if you think we have things in common I'd appreciate if you dropped me a line" or something like that?? :flowerforyou:

--> This. Exactly.

In defence of the OP, I don't think she's suggesting people should accept all and any blank friend requests, she even indicated she usually does send a message. I think the point, which seems to have been lost a bit, is that it seems odd for people to leave specifics of what they want in a message (and I have seen profiles that state they want a message detailing why you think you'd be a good match etc - like you have to sell yourself to them, which could be off putting for some) as a little bit of overkill. If you think the message someone has sent is inadequate, surely you can then just deny the friend request. Even just a "it would be nice if you could leave a note saying where you found me :-)" would be more palatable than the list of rules.

I always send a message with any friend requests, but have to admit I would be put off adding someone whose profile had an overly aggressive tone to it. Just my two cents :-D

Thank you - I should pay you to write what I actually mean on here - everyone seems to have taken it the wrong way!

Hey hon, whatever you write, however you explain it, however nice you try and be there's always some mfp's that will come on to rant and rave and accuse you of all manner of things. :ohwell:

I have noticed on about 80% of people's profiles on here, there is a section which says:

'If you are going to Friend Request me - make sure you add a few sentences saying why you are adding me otherwise you will be DENIED'

Is it just me or does this seem a bit self important? It makes me want to unfriend people who have this message as it feels like they want you to suck up to them and kiss their *kitten* in order to get into their friend list.

What are you supposed to write in the friend request - 'Hey I really love ___ about you and thought ___ was really good so I thought we could be friends *brown nose*'. I hate sucking up to people. It's like fishing for compliments.

Thoughts?

EDIT: I do most of the time include some small sentence when I FR people and I'm not disputing that it is nice to add a little something - but my gripe is more with the 'demands' on peoples profiles of who can and cant request their friendship and under what conditions they should do it. it makes them look like they take themselves very seriously.

When you become friends with people in person there is some common ground right? Most people that write this in their profile just want to know what you think that common ground is. Do you like their point of view on things? Do you live close to each other? Do you both like the color purple? It's a common courtesy, you don't just become friends with someone in person by standing next to them correct? There must be a conversation.

Is it just me or does this seem a bit self important? It makes me want to unfriend people who have this message as it feels like they want you to suck up to them and kiss their *kitten* in order to get into their friend list.

No, it's not self important... I like to know where people have seen me... I don't like to just add random people, but if they were involved in a forum thread that I was involved in then I don't find that person to be random... or if they saw something I said on the forums and are adding me because of that, then I would like to know that too... It's kinda like the businesses that post the "how did you find out about us" question on their webpage as you are checking out...

And I'm with rml, when people don't leave a message, to me that also says they aren't all that vested in having me as a friend, as they didn't even bother to read my profile.

See, Person who I will not be adding............

You're missing out.

I've been thinking I have been. FR sent! (:

Accepted. Note not necessary..My ego isn't that inflated. ;]

The first line in my profile politely asks for a friend request with a message, and I stated why. I don't want to be a random person added to someone's list and get lost in a sea of random people. I did not state it rudely, its just a simple request. I would like to know how someone found me and why they would like to connect. When I first joined MFP, a bunch of random people requested me and I accepted. Some of them would send me tons of messages with nothing to do about MFP or being healthy. One of them started asking for my number and asked what kind of underwear I wear. Yeah, no thanks. A few others wanted to meet up and asked where I live. Ever since then, I deleted all those random people who did not offer support and treated MFP like a dating website or a myspace account. I am on here to find friends to connect with and offer help and guidance and who will do the same for me. I ask for a simple message with a friend request so I can weed out the bad people like I had in the beginning. I am not asking for a paragraph, just a simple hi. It's not that hard.