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My boyfriend likes me heavier :(

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Replies

  • brittany17love
    brittany17love Posts: 66 Member
    It's really your choice honestly. He shouldn't want to make you feel bad for losing weight. The guys I have been with prefered me heavier because I had bigger breasts. They are all exes. I wanted to be alone and single so that I could really focus on losing weight without distractions.

    I've been down this road before but I always gained back. This is my 4th day on a new routine and I am not going to screw this up.
  • ytfelmi
    ytfelmi Posts: 47
    Oh man.. I can relate to this for sure!

    Back in '07, I lost 60lbs on Jenny Craig. My boyfriend at the time was a skinner guy. 6'1, maybe 150-160? I'm bad with guys weights.. But he was defnitely on the scrawnier side. When I hit my halfway point, he told me to stop. Asking why I thought I needed to lose more when I had already done so much, and looked great. All the while, saying he liked "thicker girls", referring to me. Not what I wanted to hear when I already felt bad about my weight. He was always supportive, but little comments like that we're definitely frustrating.

    Once I got down to my smallest, 127, he became insanely jealous.. And TOLD me it was because I was thin and confident, and that he didn't think I would want to be with HIM anymore..

    Eventually we broke up, but he still remains one of my best guy friends. I crawled back up to 160 (down 8lbs now though! Yay).. But he still tells me that this is where he thinks my body looks best. It's funny.. His current girlfriend lost a ton of weight dating him this past year, and he says the same thing about her. Not sure why his girlfriends keep dropping the lbs around him. Haha

    Anyway.. I've been with my current bf for over 2yrs now, and he's been such a motivator. I was never at my smallest with him, but about 15lbs lighter when we first started dating. When I get excited over a pound, he's right there to tell me how proud he is. The major difference is that instead of saying "I'll always love you, but I like you at this weight more" (like my ex), he's there supporting my mental health. Whatever makes ME happy.

    I totally went off on a rant there.. I guess my point was just that if you explain to your boyfriend that those comments are bringing you down, he might adjust his attitude. Like other posters have said; he might think its a way to explain that he likes you at any weight. He just isn't saying it in a supportive way, and needs to know.

    I wouldn't "drop" him over that. Even with my ex, it was frustrating,but I DID speak up at let him know my weight loss was for me, not to be HIS ideal weight.. Over time, he stepped back with the comments.

    Good luck! Sorry for the long post!
  • lady_in_weighting
    lady_in_weighting Posts: 196 Member
    my bf really wants me to put on weight too, i love being a uk size 8 and im a healthy weight for my height even if i do look skinny when im naked. he says he likes women with curves and something to 'hold onto' as it were. LOL. :P

    i think you should do what makes you happy, its your body and at the end of the day if he loved you for who you are then your body shouldnt be an issue.

    keep up the good work <333
  • rjcelmer
    rjcelmer Posts: 431 Member
    Your boyfriend is insecure. He's afraid that if you lose weight you'll look for someone "better" than him. I've seen this type of thing happen many times. Just reassure him that you're not going anywhere.

    As a man, I agree with this. I was going to post the exact same thing. He can give you as many stories as he wants but it will boil down to this.
  • girlonfire15
    girlonfire15 Posts: 77 Member
    Whether he wants you skinnier or heavier, never change yourself for a man. Change your body for YOUR happiness, not anyone else's.

    Just a thought - this could also be his way of showing concern for you. Maybe he thinks you have body image issue/anorexia/any other myriad weight-centric issues.
  • choppie70
    choppie70 Posts: 544 Member
    My initial thought is that maybe he is just worried that if you lose too much weight you will either leave him or other guys will be after you!

    You do need to do what is right and what makes you happy.

    My husband likes bigger women. He constantly tells me he likes me the way I am. I am not happy with the way I am, so I have been working hard to lose the weight. He is beginning to understand that when I am more happy with myself, I am more willing to do things for him :blushing:

    Yesterday he called me at work and said he bought me a gift. I came home to a new scale and a sports bra! I was a little taken back at first but he bought them to help!
  • ChrisRS87
    ChrisRS87 Posts: 781 Member
    You want to be thinner, but he likes the bigger cup size?

    Boob job.

    Win-win for everyone
  • crybil
    crybil Posts: 13
    r u kidding me thats just crazy its so not good for your health dont let him discourage your keep it up!:heart:
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    So MFP community,

    I've been losing weight with the help of MFP for about 3 months now and have been met with great success. The support from this community has been overwhelming, and has motivated me to really go for my goals! I love how I fit in pants now and I feel better about myself, feel good about what I see in the mirror.

    However, my boyfriend is not as happy. He likes me with a bigger cup size, and prefers me heavier. When he sees my pants are loose now, he says things like, "We'll get you some lasagna and help you get those 5-10 lbs back."

    I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I LOVE how I look and feel now - I feel so beautiful b/c everything I'm doing for my body is healthy, and my workouts make me feel great. But I also want to please him and make him happy. I feel like I can't do the right thing.

    What is your perspective on this? Do you have a spouse that likes you heavier? Really need some opinions and feedback, I'm so confused. . . :(

    You need to do what is good for you, makes you happy and healthy. You also need a partner that supports your goals. The two are not mutually exclusive. Don't go through life trying to please someone else. Find someone else that is pleased with you and supports you. If he can't do it, believe me, there are many out there that want to.
  • margo36
    margo36 Posts: 222 Member
    Most men like curvy women and not a bag of bones. The is world of difference between slim, toned and curvy and being fat. He maybe thinks you are going to over do and turn into a bag of bones.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    My husband likes me a bit squishy, but we both know there's too much of it right now. :laugh: He says it's no fun to hug a jackknife, and I'd have to agree. I am getting to my healthy body fat% by decreasing fat and hopefully increasing muscle. I want to feel powerful...powerfully feminine. My husband is happy that I'm making healthy changes and that I feel more confident. There are good rewards with a woman who feels better about herself.
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
    Its about health and fitness. He should be happy you are getting your health in order, which is the best success you can have. Ask him if he would like you in a casket sooner...Talk about eye opening....

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