Relationship advice

Couple of things.

First, lets not tell the OP what in her mind the importance of that piece of paper should be. Its important to her. That should be the end of discussion right there...some people like having that piece of paper.

You're still going on about changing yourself. I donot understand that. I mean I understand that a person can and should change and evolve in or out of a relationship but...can you change your personality for this guy? Are you going to "stop nagging" for the rest of your live because if not then you're just putting up a fake front which (1) he will easily be able to tell and (2) if he's dumb enough to not detect the fakeness and endsup proposing it'll make one or both of your lives miserable.

Third and this is a big one for me. I, at the young age of 28, have been with enough women, heard enough crap to realize that at the end of the day, I want a woman who is, for a lack of a better word, not a b!tch. But you keep bringing up again and again about this "not nice" thing which is showing that either he's manipulating you to think that you're a rude/mean person or that you genuinely are not a nice person (sorry, its the internet, I don't know you so I don't know your personality and am goign by what you've mentioned). In either case, you might wanna think about the fact that him manipulating or you being mean isn't just something that you can change easily and should think about going from there

It has been brought to my attention by a co worker as well. That I'm a little selfish. As far as him he says I used to be nice, before we lived together..I'm not sure. I guess because i complain to him, nag. Bottom line is before we only saw each other on weekends only, so he never saw some of my bad points. So, in his mind we moved in together and I became mean. When in reality he just never saw all of me.! The good, the bad and the ugly...

? I know i have a llittle anxiety, and slight OCD, but thought I had it pretty under control without relying on some pill or whatever. All these posts are just bringing me down now.

have you considered that perhaps you should get some therapy? having meantal/emotional issues isn't a case of 'trying to be nicer', it's a big deal that usually needs a little professional help. and this isn't just about your man, because your child is seeing how you treat your partner and building a skewed idea of what a relationship should be.

thinking the answer is simply trying not to act on the resentment is foolish. you need help to dig deep, find the root cause of resentment and deal with it. do you want to spend your life pretending to be happy with a situation or do you want to learn how to relax and be happy?

the rude people are making some very good points. don't ignore them just because the wording offends.

Therapy? I mean, I guess everyone could use a therapist at times, but no I have never been. Not ignoring any advice, if I didn't want to hear anything negative, wouldnt have asked, just saying there's a way to say things, without the rudeness, but I guess some can't help it...

As you say, most people could benefit from therapy at some point in their life. It's not an insult to suggest that you may benefit from an assessment to find out if you are one of them. You sound like a nice person. It's quite possible from what you have written to infer that not having everything in it's place causes you a high degree of anxiety, to the degree that makes it difficult for people to live with you. There is a possibility that you may have OCD which is under-diagnosed. Many, many people have it to a mild/moderate degree and lead perfectly ordinary lives but struggle a great deal with problems like this. There is effective treatment which for mild cases can take as little as 10 weeks. If this is what is behind your problem, you may struggle to change your current behaviour on your own.

If you decide to check this out then look for a national register of qualified cognitive behavioural therapists or ask your doctor to recommend someone. The way I see it, if you go and find out your not affected, you have lost little, whereas if you don't and you are, you may lose your chance at happiness with someone you love. That's a very unequal equation, please don't let the stigma of mental illness prevent you from taking every opportunity to be happy. Good luck :flowerforyou:

? I know i have a llittle anxiety, and slight OCD, but thought I had it pretty under control without relying on some pill or whatever. All these posts are just bringing me down now.

Lol! Love these replies. We have had the talk, he wants to marry, but wants me to be nicer. So I guess I really need to work on my attitude and maybe not be so uptight with the house. I can't blame him, but something's about yourself are hard to change....

You dont get it do you.

You are asking him to change but you arent willing and sort of blowing off why you should change because its too hard. Double standard much.

I'd say he just caved to shut you up... Is getting married by nagging someone really good way to start a marriage?

Im not trying to sound mean, just some unjaded hard truths perhaps from an outsider that is chocolate coating anything for you.