Not attracted to overweight women = "shallow"?

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  • camiah
    camiah Posts: 146
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    I don't think it is shallow. I understand not being attracted to heavier women. I'm not sure if I would be if I were a man either. All the women I think are hot have fit, tight bodies, so I can't imagine it would be different if I were a guy. Apart from the pure looks aspect, weight is a proxy, for good or bad, as to the lifestyle one lives. Being overweight or obese has certain stereotypes associated with them, and a healthy lifestyle certainly isn't one of them. For some men it may speak to a perceived difference in values related to health and self-worth. It may or may not be the case for a given individual, but that is what stereotypes are all about. It also speaks to perceived interests--if you are looking for someone to be with if you are an active individual, you may believe that someone who is overweight won't be able to keep up with you, or won't share your interests. Not being attracted to someone because their overweight is considered shallow, I think, because of the perception that the lack of attraction relies solely on stereotypes about overweight and obese people and making judgements about seemingly superficial characteristics without taking the whole person into account. My two cents.
  • Jenvan78
    Jenvan78 Posts: 50 Member
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    Some guys are total *kitten* to girls that are heavy...those guys are shallow. You know the type, the guys that are very vocal about that preference etc. I agree though, a preference is just that..a preference...just don't be a prick about it...then you come across as a shallow *kitten*. There are plenty of guys that like heavy or 'thick' girls out there...and there are guys that will go with personality..the same goes for women. I personally prefer guys with a little meat on their bones...and I do not like the buff types..they seem to self obsessed IMO. To each is own LOL. Oh and FTR...women love gay men...I had a gay roommate in college and hung out with him and his friends a lot...best time of my life :). You can totally be yourself and it's all good.
  • Scandinavia
    Scandinavia Posts: 291 Member
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    Yeah, I fully support someone having their preferences, but the "if you're overweight, you're lazy, don't care or aren't healthy" is a bullsh*t excuse. I've known plenty of thin people who were lazy, didn't care and weren't healthy... because I've been one. And on the flip side, I've known plenty of bigger folks who were active, strong and healthy.

    This. I hate when people think "Fat people are all lazy", because that's generally exactly what is placed upon overweight/obese people. What if that 180ib 'overweight' woman had come down from 290 'obese' woman? How do we have any way to know that this person is in bad health or is actually perfectly healthy? Short version - most people don't. Blaming it on health isn't relevant, we just say that so we can convince ourselves that we're not as judgmental as we really are.
  • sarah3333
    sarah3333 Posts: 222 Member
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    I think it's about ruling people out based on a principal. It's better to say I'm not attracted to THAT PERSON, not overweight people. Because who knows they could be attracted to an overweight woman they just haven't met yet. It's like me saying I'm not attracted to blond guys... I think it sounds shallow to rule someone out based on a feature. I never know who I'm going to be attracted to. They have all been very different looking.
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
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    I think it's all a preference thing. Some men like obese women, some like anorexic looking women, and then there is everything in between. I prefer something more in the middle honestly, probably on the thick side. This preference also changes with age (or maturity) as you quickly find out just because someone is attractive on the outside, doesn't mean they are a good person. I know the older I got the more personality came into the equation, but attractiveness still plays a part,
  • eidnahenri
    eidnahenri Posts: 16
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    Not being attracted to overweight people is no more shallow than only being attracted to overweight people.
  • thatjulesgirl
    thatjulesgirl Posts: 200 Member
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    I think the difference is when you refuse to date someone that you might otherwise date BECAUSE they are overweight is shallow.

    Totally.

    I've experienced that situation first hand and knowing that you're lovable (or at least, that someone would love to date you) but won't, purely because of your weight and how that will reflect on their image can be crushing, especially if they handle it like a dingbat :) That said, it's still their right to think that way.

    It's still very socially unacceptable to date 'fat'. It's baffling to me, also, that it seems more socially unacceptable for a thin/average guy to date a large lady than it is for a hefty guy to date a thin girl, but I guess it's still a man's world...

    In any case, as long as people are respectful, and not dismissive of the entire person based solely on their weight (how much does that overweight-therefore-invisible thing drive you nuts?!), then everyone is entitled to their preferences. It takes all types, as they say :)
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
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    Too lazy to read other responses before I respond.

    Just because you don't find someone attractive because they're overweight doesn't mean you're shallow. I don't find someone attractive if they have poor dental hygiene.. Does that make me shallow?

    Short answer: No, not shallow.
  • laus_8882
    laus_8882 Posts: 217 Member
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    What's the problem? I don't like short men or fat men. I'm definitely not interested in someone with low professional expectations.

    To me shallow is expecting to punch far above your weight or being ready to abandon a partner who's going through a temporary setback.
  • l0zz0
    l0zz0 Posts: 4 Member
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    I don't think this is shallow ! , we are all formed in different many ways and if it wasn't overweight it can be too thin , not an attractive face ( to you but somebody finds that face attractive) the list goes on ! I think the only time somebody is shallow is when they are rude to the person and do not reject them in a polite way.
  • laus_8882
    laus_8882 Posts: 217 Member
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    Wait, maybe I am shallow. I hate hearing 'classy' as a compliment. It's vulgar. I've cut off guys who've used the word in my presence and do not feel bad about my actions.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    As an over weight woman who hates my weight I can understand why men wouldn't find it attractive... I don't find myself attractive! Fair play. Having said that recently I've been getting a lot more attention off men. I'm still 230lbs but I must be getting a more acceptable weight! X
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
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    It's not shallow, you want to be attracted to the person you're with just as long as it's not only for the looks.
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
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    I know what you mean!! I am gay too, many of my friends are very slim women though. They get plenty of attention from guys, so I know lots of guys like small women and there is nothing wrong with that at all of course. But few guys would admit to liking very slim women because people act like they are horrible if they do!!

    I think in general life people should not discriminate on weight or anything else. But sexual attraction is special case. People have different tastes, it is just a natural thing, you can't control it or rationalise it, it just is what it is. And you shouldn't apologise for that. People who like very slim people, or aren't into big people, nothing wrong in it. From the other view, some people are into very big people, and they too are made to feel like they are bad- either because they are considered weird by the mainstream, or even by bigger people themselves, who say they feel they are being seen as a weird fetish object... you can't win!!

    I think the whole idea is insiduously anti fat still; because if you think about it, it is saying that if a guy likes bigger people, he is really NICE, like he is being charitable, or that he is UNSHALLOW; so it is basically saying, if he likes bigger people, it must be because he doesn't care about looks much, because overweight people can't look good. So for all its pretensions of being right on, that sort of talk is still saying fat equals ugly.

    The facts are, people have various tastes. Everyone will be totally sexual attractive to someone, and not to others. I think the way is to be how makes you happy, you shouldn't just be to please others, and it would be impossible to please everyone anyways!
    xxx
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
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    Skipping to the end, because I really need to be getting back to bed instead of lurking on MFP -- but a lot of folks are pissed when people who never acknowledged them while fat suddenly hit on them while thin. That prompts a tirade of "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best", which is usually responded to with a smattering of "you go girl" and "people are allowed to not be attracted to fat people."
    I think, for me, the issue is less about a person who isn't attracted to overweight people, and more about the person who doesn't even SEE the overweight person as a human being. They just get filed away into that "other than" category and dismissed as people. That *kitten* is RUDE. And those people tick me off. There is a place between "hottie" and "non-human."
  • thebaconbeast
    thebaconbeast Posts: 560 Member
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    Nope but a lot of people will hate on you for it.
  • lorgrayson
    lorgrayson Posts: 54 Member
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    I am grateful that my husband started dating me when I was normal weight and now that I am 79 lbs heavier; he still has his hands all over me. (21 years later). I personally would see that person as shallow. (wasn't that the entire premise of "Shallow Hal"?) I don't like being overweight, but in no way do I feel unattractive, I still get hit on by guys in their 20's (at 44 years old and heavier) If you date a guy who is even on the line of finding heavy people unattractive, why would you want him? He will only torture you. I was a size 7/8 when I was 20 and I dated a guy who wanted me to lose weight because he thought I was fat! I dropped his *kitten* but quick.

    I must say though, no matter what my weight, I wouldn't ask a guy out, so maybe that's why, I know the attraction is there on their end from the beginning. So as a heavy woman, I would see that man as too shallow, and I wouldn't want him.
  • velsbree
    velsbree Posts: 69
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    How about if the person you are marrried to/ in a relationship with gains 50 lbs? I gained 35 my husband was fine with it but likes that I have lost 27 of those lbs???
  • PlushHyena
    PlushHyena Posts: 28
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    I think the whole idea is insiduously anti fat still; because if you think about it, it is saying that if a guy likes bigger people, he is really NICE, like he is being charitable, or that he is UNSHALLOW; so it is basically saying, if he likes bigger people, it must be because he doesn't care about looks much, because overweight people can't look good. So for all its pretensions of being right on, that sort of talk is still saying fat equals ugly.
    You really have a point. I guess it has to do with what's considered normal (what the media serve us!), and to love anything that's not "normal", you need to be a "nice guy".

    However, as great as my boyfriend is, I don't think he would have looked at me in the first place if I was his weight! And I hate this double standard. There seem to be just too many slim girls to choose from.

    I think people shouldn't be too harsh when deciding what type of body is "not their type", because it's not all about the body and they can definitely miss out on a great person if they go for looks only. I'll always think it's shallow when one wants only a girlfriend/boyfriend who looks like a supermodel. My ultra cute and funny female friend can't find a boyfriend because she only likes some weird, jerky pretty boys. In the meantime, some good guys would die to have her. Is she right to settle for no less than what she imagines in her head? I don't really know.

    But if someone's looks disgust you, it's not fair to be with them. I wouldn't want to be with someone who disliked my body and wished that I looked like some other girl. (This insecurity is one of the reasons why I'm trying to lose weight.)
  • lkmisztela
    lkmisztela Posts: 23
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    I don`t consider it shallow per se. If we`re talking about pictures in a magazine or random people walking along in my gym, then yes, I have a type. Mostly, it`s men over 40 with a little gray around the temples, good skin, nice eyes, a great smile, tall, a bit of chest definition, but not too muscle-y.. yum, lol.

    However, I`ve been attracted to men of varying ages and body types. In my case, it`s related to the way the person IS. There have been men who I`ve loved at first sight and then grown to loathe - the horrible personality and behavior, a sense of entitlement, misogynist behaviour.. it outweighs any physical atraction that was there. And then the opposite - an overweight or older person whose personality makes them the MOST attractive person in the room.

    I think you eliminate a lot of potential partners if you don`t get to know the person. I`m attached, but if I weren`t, I`d want to keep my options and mind open.

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