fifty shades of dieting

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Replies

  • pregmeg119
    pregmeg119 Posts: 151 Member
    Thanks for the laugh!
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
    :smokin: bump
  • apehl
    apehl Posts: 13
    lol, hilarious!
  • freezerburn2012
    freezerburn2012 Posts: 273 Member

    Anticipation hangs heavy and portentous over my head like a dark tropical
    storm cloud. Butterflies flood my belly – as well as a darker, carnal, captivating ache as I try to imagine what she will do to me ....after my date comes back from the bathroom and figures out i nom nom nomm all her cheese cake.

    nom nom nomm :laugh:
  • kerriberry74
    kerriberry74 Posts: 62 Member
    I've got a few more i've been mulling over, but here's one that is ready:

    I was reaching for it, but it managed to stay just out of my grasp. I tried again... my body stretching, bouncing to a rhythm all its own. He's towering over me, arm raised, his gray eyes feeling like they're penetrating into my soul itself. My face flushes, my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. He raises his arm even higher. Finally , I broke "I don't care if i'm on a diet," I yelled "I bought the stinking Ho Ho's and i'm darn well going to eat them, so GIVE THEM BACK!"
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    thank you .... love catching up with this post daily
  • george29223
    george29223 Posts: 556 Member
    lollllllllllllllll yall did better than me ha ha ha good jobs!
  • linnyannmarie
    linnyannmarie Posts: 7
    ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha omg funniest thing ever! i love the book but this way way to funny! great job! i would fully support a 50 shades darker dieting, and 50 shades freed from dieting :)
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
    Good morning everyone...have lots of work today but had to post at least SOMETHING :wink: :flowerforyou:


    Temptation. Such a simple word to mean so many contradicting effects on me. Exhilaration and fear, love and hate, adventure and apprehension, excitement and shame. Temptation is one of those powerful words that can make your mouth go dry or water...I guess it depends on the situation.

    I sat there quietly, men darting in and out of the room. They were tempting me, teasing me, smiling knowingly at me. My heart was racing, my palms sweaty, my legs shaking with nervous anticipation. Would I dare to resist, or would I succumb to that all-powerful word? I crossed and uncrossed my legs, played with my hair, bit my lip – all in a failed effort to calm myself and “hide” my fear. When the men’s grins widened on looking at me and seeing my discomfort, my want, my desire, I knew I’d failed miserably.

    The men headed away from me, and He had spoken to one of them. He always knew what I wanted before I did, always knew how to tease and tempt and satisfy yet leave me wanting for more. Always more. Always.

    After what seemed like an eternity I could hear their voices, the sound of their heavy steps on the floor getting louder as they got closer. I knew they were coming for me. I knew they were coming at His behest. I glanced at Him. He knew better – this was a public place...not the place to be tempted so. But He always did as He wanted and I was only His all-too-willing pupil.

    The men stopped in front of me in a crisp line, like a small military unit awaiting inspection. Their leader bent towards me, his face close to mine, his breath hot near my face. He glanced into my eyes, smiled wider and then stood. What I saw made my mouth water, my heart quicken. I could never fit it in me. It was too big...too wide...I couldn’t. But His eyes allowed no argument, and I could not deny His wishes or orders. Ever. I knew I’d feel the shame and pain afterwards, but did not care. I only wanted to please Him...and in doing so, please myself.

    In front of me was the largest, tallest, widest, creamiest thing I’d ever seen. It was something called a “Volcano” – 3 slabs of double chocolate brownie, a triple-size ball of vanilla ice cream, a triple-size ball of whipped cream and chocolate syrup all over it. It was about 2 feet tall and about a foot wide. And, God forgive me, it was freaking delicious.
  • mommy2AR
    mommy2AR Posts: 2,796 Member
    Brilliant :flowerforyou: too funny!!
  • rachey_v
    rachey_v Posts: 127 Member
    He tilted back my head and gently brushed his lips against mine.
    "I have a surprise for you" he murmered in a husky voice. He ran his finger down the side of my face to my chin and it was so tingly delicious it made me shiver.

    Holy cow I couldn't wait to see what this was.

    He left me on the bed and I heard movement in the kitchen, I moistened my lip with the tip of my tongue in readiness and tried to slow down my heart which was trying to thump it's way out of my chest.

    The door opened and I held my breath, in his hand was a silk scarf and a bag. He stalked towards me, smirking, and tied the soft silk tie around my eyes.

    He took something out of the bed and I knew he was about to make my night. "Open your mouth" he said, "Yes Sir" I whispered back complying.
    I caught a scent of something sweet and the juices in my mouth started flowing. I tentatively licked and nibbled the offering. Hot Chocolate sauce covered Brownies with vanilla ice cream.

    "No, Wait" I protested.... He pulled the scarf off and I looked deep into his smoky eyes... and asked in a seductive voice "how many calories?"
  • rachey_v
    rachey_v Posts: 127 Member
    Good morning everyone...have lots of work today but had to post at least SOMETHING :wink: :flowerforyou:


    Temptation. Such a simple word to mean so many contradicting effects on me. Exhilaration and fear, love and hate, adventure and apprehension, excitement and shame. Temptation is one of those powerful words that can make your mouth go dry or water...I guess it depends on the situation.

    I sat there quietly, men darting in and out of the room. They were tempting me, teasing me, smiling knowingly at me. My heart was racing, my palms sweaty, my legs shaking with nervous anticipation. Would I dare to resist, or would I succumb to that all-powerful word? I crossed and uncrossed my legs, played with my hair, bit my lip – all in a failed effort to calm myself and “hide” my fear. When the men’s grins widened on looking at me and seeing my discomfort, my want, my desire, I knew I’d failed miserably.

    The men headed away from me, and He had spoken to one of them. He always knew what I wanted before I did, always knew how to tease and tempt and satisfy yet leave me wanting for more. Always more. Always.

    After what seemed like an eternity I could hear their voices, the sound of their heavy steps on the floor getting louder as they got closer. I knew they were coming for me. I knew they were coming at His behest. I glanced at Him. He knew better – this was a public place...not the place to be tempted so. But He always did as He wanted and I was only His all-too-willing pupil.

    The men stopped in front of me in a crisp line, like a small military unit awaiting inspection. Their leader bent towards me, his face close to mine, his breath hot near my face. He glanced into my eyes, smiled wider and then stood. What I saw made my mouth water, my heart quicken. I could never fit it in me. It was too big...too wide...I couldn’t. But His eyes allowed no argument, and I could not deny His wishes or orders. Ever. I knew I’d feel the shame and pain afterwards, but did not care. I only wanted to please Him...and in doing so, please myself.

    In front of me was the largest, tallest, widest, creamiest thing I’d ever seen. It was something called a “Volcano” – 3 slabs of double chocolate brownie, a triple-size ball of vanilla ice cream, a triple-size ball of whipped cream and chocolate syrup all over it. It was about 2 feet tall and about a foot wide. And, God forgive me, it was freaking delicious.





    Fantastic... I just finished mine, posted and saw this... we both have chocolate brownie on the brain this morning! Haha. Great minds!
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
    :laugh: actually I was just uploading some of my vacation pics and there was a pic of the Volcano we ordered and it just was fresh in my mind...

    but great minds think alike, right? :flowerforyou:
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
    Bump - I want to read the entire post - so, so funny! Thanks. x
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    9 1/2 Weeks gave me another idea... I think I'll be watching it this weekend! No kids til next Friday. :bigsmile:

    I walk into the apartment, a flood of relief washing over me because I'm finally alone. I come to a dead stop when I realize I'm not alone. He's sitting in the dark far corner of the room. He gets up from his seat and starts walking toward me. I feel my heart quicken as he gets closer. "Turn around and face the wall...and lift your skirt," he says. "You've been a bad girl." I stand there defiantly, holding my ground. He puts his hands on my shoulders and spins me around to face the wall. Pressing his chest into my back, he pins me against the wall, his breath hot on the back of my neck. My heart is pounding, and a nervous excitement is building in my belly. He pulls my skirt up hard and fast, pushing himself more firmly into my back. Then he reaches down and whips it out. The small bag of dark chocolate mint M&Ms I had hidden in the band of my thigh high.
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
    9 1/2 Weeks gave me another idea... I think I'll be watching it this weekend! No kids til next Friday. :bigsmile:

    I walk into the apartment, a flood of relief washing over me because I'm finally alone. I come to a dead stop when I realize I'm not alone. He's sitting in the dark far corner of the room. He gets up from his seat and starts walking toward me. I feel my heart quicken as he gets closer. "Turn around and face the wall...and lift your skirt," he says. "You've been a bad girl." I stand there defiantly, holding my ground. He puts his hands on my shoulders and spins me around to face the wall. Pressing his chest into my back, he pins me against the wall, his breath hot on the back of my neck. My heart is pounding, and a nervous excitement is building in my belly. He pulls my skirt up hard and fast, pushing himself more firmly into my back. Then he reaches down and whips it out. The small bag of dark chocolate mint M&Ms I had hidden in the band of my thigh high.

    Awesome awesome!!! I need to watch that movie. I actually have never seen that movie :glasses:
  • Time2LoseWeightNOW
    Time2LoseWeightNOW Posts: 1,730 Member
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    Awesome awesome!!! I need to watch that movie. I actually have never seen that movie :glasses:

    Thanks! There are actually 2 different versions. The edited version is better than the extended, I think. There were scenes that just weren't necessary. I've seen it more times than I can count, but it's been years since I saw it last!
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    :laugh: So much funny in this thread! But you all ought to call it 50 Shades of Starvation, because now I'm starved for chocolate cake, doughnuts, and brownies! :sad:
  • kerriberry74
    kerriberry74 Posts: 62 Member
    My heart was beating frantically. Why, oh why did I agree to do this?

    I could feel Him behind be, the warmth of his body radiating heat against my back,. I gasped when I felt his arms coming around my sides; he pressed the cruel looking little instrument into my hand. His breath tickled my ear as he whispered to me "All you need to do is drag it along the skin..."

    How did I end up in this position? I'd always been so attuned to the richer things in life. How had I gotten seduced into something of this nature? How is it that he was able to get me to do something so deviant? It's just plain wrong. This was absolute insanity, my senses were overwhelmed, and yet I could feel a little tinge of excitement; butterflies in my stomach as I knew it was something that he desperately wanted. This would be my first time though, I hoped i would get it right.

    I let out an audible gulp as I took it in my left hand, the little tool in my right. I started going back and forth. Slowly at first, then picking up speed- back and forth, over and over, turning it in my hand, delighting in the rhythm of the motion. I could hear noises of approval emanating from Him.

    I had lived a life of decadent desserts; slow churned ice cream, dense chocolaty cake, the wonderful tang of lemon bars.... Now, I was going to be making Him his pickled cucumbers for dessert instead. I held up the peeled vegetable triumphantly. The first hurdle was crossed. He turned me around and pulled me into a crushing hug and whispered "Now, it's time for you to learn to use the mandolin slicer."
  • NAcetoLang
    NAcetoLang Posts: 517 Member
    ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha omg funniest thing ever! i love the book but this way way to funny! great job! i would fully support a 50 shades darker dieting, and 50 shades freed from dieting :)

    LOVE it!!!
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    gosh you guys make it a reason to log in every morning :)
  • couponfun
    couponfun Posts: 714 Member
    bump for later :smile:
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    LMAO!! Far more interesting than the original!!
  • tbetts23
    tbetts23 Posts: 303 Member
    Love this post:smile:
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    "Now, it's time for you to learn to use the mandolin slicer."

    :laugh:
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    yobhcir needs to get back in here and do his thing!
  • FitnFabMichelle
    FitnFabMichelle Posts: 161 Member
    LOL - loved it!! :)
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    (peeks in for update see there isn't any) :cry:
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