Petpeeves, what does YOUR partner do?

My boyfriend is great and does very little to annoy me. In fact, I find I get on his nerves more than he gets on mine....

One thing that does bother me is that he will never discuss politics with me. I'm pretty passionite and love to debate and discuss politics, but he gets so angry at the things I bring up he'd just rather never discuss them since he thinks they don't affect him. Never trying to start an argument with him, just openly share my ideas/opinions. Hate that he makes it impossible to discuss something with him that really interests me!

Also I hate that he is such a light sleeper than he can't deal with my snoring... How dare he!

Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!

YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!

Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.

*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:

Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.

He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.

Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.

Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.

I never said they can't or don't want to. I'm just saying a constant hideous tugging of "talk to me, tell me what's on your mind, tell me what you're thinking, I want to BOND with you" is enough to piss anyone off, man or woman. It's not sexist to realize that men and women--and individuals--are different. It's called respecting someone's comfort zone. If you're trying to force a man to open up so *you* can feel closer, only *your* needs are being met.

Who said that we are constantly nagging? How is it unreasonable to want my husband's opinion on the PURCHASE OF OUR HOME? And it *is* sexist to tell a woman to "wait and be ready until her husband is ready to talk to her." That's not respecting each other's differences. Did you read what I said? I said that the key was to understand each other's needs. That means I understanding my husband's needs and he understanding mine, and then trying to meet those needs for each other. *That's* respecting each other.

I didn't say nagging. I said 'tugging'.
How is it unreasonable that he doesn't have an opinion?
How is it sexist to let someone alone when they're upset?
Why do you NEED to know what your husband is thinking? What if it's nothing? What if it's about yogurt? Or his left testicle?

And why are you so defensive?

Oh man, where to start:

He takes his clothes off right in the doorway of our bedroom and leaves them there. He then continues to stomp all over them until I pick them up. Did I mention he works with semi's all day? His clothes leave grease stains in the carpet.

He can never make a decision about anything! Where we're going to eat, what movie we're going to see... He always wants me to pick. But then everything I choose is wrong. Ugh, drives me crazy.

He also blows his nose in the shower. Ew.

He is so picky! I swear, I can't get him to eat anything.

He won't feed our baby. Says she doesn't like it when he holds the bottle. Mhm.

He always leaves empty boxes in the cupboard. Ugh!

But I can't complain too much. He's so sweet, and means well with everything that he does. And he's the hardest worker I've ever met. He may irritate me sometimes, but there's no one else in the world I would rather be irritated with. He's the best.

Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!

YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!

Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.

*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:

Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.

He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.

Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.

Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.

I never said they can't or don't want to. I'm just saying a constant hideous tugging of "talk to me, tell me what's on your mind, tell me what you're thinking, I want to BOND with you" is enough to piss anyone off, man or woman. It's not sexist to realize that men and women--and individuals--are different. It's called respecting someone's comfort zone. If you're trying to force a man to open up so *you* can feel closer, only *your* needs are being met.

Who said that we are constantly nagging? How is it unreasonable to want my husband's opinion on the PURCHASE OF OUR HOME? And it *is* sexist to tell a woman to "wait and be ready until her husband is ready to talk to her." That's not respecting each other's differences. Did you read what I said? I said that the key was to understand each other's needs. That means I understanding my husband's needs and he understanding mine, and then trying to meet those needs for each other. *That's* respecting each other.

I didn't say nagging. I said 'tugging'.
How is it unreasonable that he doesn't have an opinion?
How is it sexist to let someone alone when they're upset?
Why do you NEED to know what your husband is thinking? What if it's nothing? What if it's about yogurt? Or his left testicle?

And why are you so defensive?

"I didn't say nagging, I said tugging" - okay, semantics.

"how is it unreasonable that he doesn't have an opinion?" Buying a house is a big deal. It is something that will affect our lives in a major way. This is something he needs to have an opinion on. Very different from something trivial like chunky v. smooth peanut butter.

"how is it sexist to leave someone alone when they're upset" Uhm, I think you're misinterpreting what I am saying. In no way shape or form was I discussing giving someone space during an argument. It is, however, sexist to expect a woman be quiet and wait for her husband to come to her when he's good and ready. I was never talking about an argument. This is general, everyday life I'm talking about.

"Why do you NEED to know what your husband is thinking? What if it's nothing? What if it's about yogurt? Or his left testicle? " I don't need to know what he's thinking at all times. I do, however, need to know what he's thinking when it comes to major life decisions that impact the both of us. Again, I think you are generalizing and misinterpreting what I am saying.

"And why are you so defensive?" Not sure where you're getting that from. I'm not defensive because I don't feel that I am attacked here. I will however grant you that I am very passionate about this, it's near and dear to my heart and I feel there's a lot of people that are going through similar situations. Scratch that, *I know* that there are very many people that go through this, from what our therapist has told us.

Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!

YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!

Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.

*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:

Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.

He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.

Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.

Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.

I never said they can't or don't want to. I'm just saying a constant hideous tugging of "talk to me, tell me what's on your mind, tell me what you're thinking, I want to BOND with you" is enough to piss anyone off, man or woman. It's not sexist to realize that men and women--and individuals--are different. It's called respecting someone's comfort zone. If you're trying to force a man to open up so *you* can feel closer, only *your* needs are being met.

Who said that we are constantly nagging? How is it unreasonable to want my husband's opinion on the PURCHASE OF OUR HOME? And it *is* sexist to tell a woman to "wait and be ready until her husband is ready to talk to her." That's not respecting each other's differences. Did you read what I said? I said that the key was to understand each other's needs. That means I understanding my husband's needs and he understanding mine, and then trying to meet those needs for each other. *That's* respecting each other.

I didn't say nagging. I said 'tugging'.
How is it unreasonable that he doesn't have an opinion?
How is it sexist to let someone alone when they're upset?
Why do you NEED to know what your husband is thinking? What if it's nothing? What if it's about yogurt? Or his left testicle?

And why are you so defensive?

"I didn't say nagging, I said tugging" - okay, semantics.

"how is it unreasonable that he doesn't have an opinion?" Buying a house is a big deal. It is something that will affect our lives in a major way. This is something he needs to have an opinion on. Very different from something trivial like chunky v. smooth peanut butter.

"how is it sexist to leave someone alone when they're upset" Uhm, I think you're misinterpreting what I am saying. In no way shape or form was I discussing giving someone space during an argument. It is, however, sexist to expect a woman be quiet and wait for her husband to come to her when he's good and ready. I was never talking about an argument. This is general, everyday life I'm talking about.

"Why do you NEED to know what your husband is thinking? What if it's nothing? What if it's about yogurt? Or his left testicle? " I don't need to know what he's thinking at all times. I do, however, need to know what he's thinking when it comes to major life decisions that impact the both of us. Again, I think you are generalizing and misinterpreting what I am saying.

"And why are you so defensive?" Not sure where you're getting that from. I'm not defensive because I don't feel that I am attacked here. I will however grant you that I am very passionate about this, it's near and dear to my heart and I feel there's a lot of people that are going through similar situations. Scratch that, *I know* that there are very many people that go through this, from what our therapist has told us.

I meant tugging as a feeling. It's a feeling of being pulled at, physically or emotionally, when you consider your partner to be needy.

It might be a big deal to you and not him. He may just be content wherever he is with you.

I think you're taking the difference between how men and women process and communicate and making it a 'sexism' issue. It's really not. Men and women are different. Get over it and maybe you'll be happier with your man.

My biggest pet peeve with my partner is the fact that she doesn't exist.

Poor muffin!

OMG I'm stealing this adorable pet name.

Men and young boys have short attention spans if it doesn't directly affect us then most like we don't care. But on that note something that my wife does that boils my blood is. My son is so focused on watching whatever it is that he is watching that she will tell him to do something then he doesn't and she starts yelling at him. He of course has no Idea why his mother is yelling cause even though she thinks he heard every word she said he doesn't even remember her being in the same room let alone talking to him. Now my solution to this is when i want him to do something i go grab the remote and I pause his show(dvr is a wonderful tool) which breaks his concentration and then he is focused on what i am telling him. But she always complains that he listens better to me than to her. But she refuses to use my suggestion when dealing with him.

I watched a documentary one time about parenting children done by child pshycologists. Some of the useful information that I held onto, was getting their attention. Eye contact is suppose to be a must, and speaking at a face to face level with a small child at a monotone voice. I am currently trying this as my son is 14 1/2 mths old. I know his attention span is all over the place. But never too young to try and teach him to listen to me. (Your situation is the opposite at my house I think) but I try sharing my information, and everything I am trying (EX: the face to face confrontation and monotone voice ect.). We'll see how it goes!

I think this also relates to how the male brain is wired. Men are programmed to think serially -- one task, after the next, after the next. They focus on one thing at a time and do it well. Women think in parallel. We multitask and can focus on many things at once. Byproduct of evolution I guess. Pausing the DVD is a great way to direct attention -- now how to do that in a grown man? lol

WHAT THE HELL.

How is it that I'm the only one being sexist when I point out that men and women communicate differently, and then you say exactly the same thing and you're like, a professional?

Here is mine

1) Toilet seat up
2) If I don't want to cook or want a salad there must be take out for dinner
3) He turns into a little boy when he gets sick
4) He does not answer his mother so I have to
5) Doesn't let me clean when I want to then gets mad because something isn't done

besides that and working late (out of his control) he's pretty awesome! and I love him of course lol